By the time Friday morning arrived, nothing with Lauren had been resolved and Paige hadn’t been able to talk to Josh much either. Josh had been too busy all week to talk, and maybe that was the answer Paige needed. She would be willing to wait him out if she thought they had a future together, but as the week went on, she was less sure they did. Worse, whether it was in her head or not, Paige couldn’t tell, but it sure seemed like Lauren was keeping her distance. It was starting to feel like she was holding out hope that something would work out with Josh but sacrificing Lauren in the process, and she just wasn’t sure that any of it was worth it or that any of this would work out.
As a result, she’d felt nauseous all week. The harder it was to get in touch with Josh, the more she worried about their future. And with Lauren basically avoiding her, it was hard not to feel like she was about to lose everything. And something had to give.
Midafternoon, when the café was empty, Paige finally said, “I’ll break up with him if that’s what you want.”
“What?”
“Josh. I’ll break up with Josh if that’s what you want.”
Lauren furrowed her brow. “Is that what you want? Because you’ve offered a few times.”
“No. It’s not what I want. I thought it was what you wanted. I get that this is weird for you, but you’ve been holding me at arm’s length all week, and I want things to go back to how they used to be. If you don’t approve of me going out with Josh, I’ll end it. I just… I just want things to go back to how they were.” And that was really it—she wanted her friends and her support network, and she wanted Josh, and she didn’t see how both were possible.
Lauren sighed. “You want my honest opinion?”
“Yes. Please tell me.”
But Paige wasn’t sure she wanted to hear this. And she wondered if she’d been too defensive. Perhaps she should have stood up for her relationship with Josh more instead of offering to break up, but she’d hated the tension between herself and Lauren and couldn’t help but wonder if all of this could have been avoided if she hadn’t gone out with Josh to begin with.
Lauren stared at her for a long moment with her lips pursed. “It really doesn’t have much to do with you. I mean, it does, because I love you and you’re one of my best friends and I want you to be happy. But Josh is…he’s barely over Megan. Has he talked to you about what happened?”
“He’s mentioned her but hasn’t said a lot.”
Lauren nodded. “I don’t want to betray his confidence, but the short version is that they met in law school, fell in love, and were planning a future together, but once they were facing the real world, it all fell apart, or this is how Josh tells the story. Secretly, I think she wasn’t as serious about the relationship as he was. I mean, I’m sure she cared about him, but he was law school companionship, not a long-term relationship. But Josh didn’t know that, and he was crushed when she ended it. I think she actually got the job in Chicago to put some permanent distance between them.”
“He missed your wedding because he had a job interview in Chicago. I remember you being upset about that.”
“Yup. And he still beats himself up about not being there for me. He didn’t get the job, and he didn’t get the girl, and he was really unhappy for a little while. He’s been better since he started the new job, but I assumed that was because the job was distracting him from what happened.”
“Probably it was.”
“You probably were, too. Which I don’t say because I think it’s a bad thing, but I…I couldn’t stand to see him get crushed again. Megan broke his heart. And you, well, I started picturing him falling in love with you, which of course he’d do, because you’re wonderful. And if things didn’t work out and he got crushed again… Not that I think you’d string him along or anything… Ugh, I’m not explaining this well.”
“You’re being protective.” Paige felt her heart squeeze. “I wouldn’t intentionally hurt him.”
“You say that, but you just started dating. What happens if you break up?”
What indeed? “Believe me, I’ve spent a lot of time wondering about that question.”
“And?”
“And I worried that, if we broke up, you’d choose him over me.”
“Really? You thought that?”
“Yeah, of course. He’s your brother. He’s family. So being with him is a pretty big risk. Because if things don’t work out, I lose you and I lose this job that I love. But then some days I think it’s worth the risk.” Paige took a deep breath. “But you’ve been kind of avoiding me all week, so maybe I’m wrong about that.”
“I needed time to process this. And like I said, I worry. About both of you.”
“I know. And maybe you’re right. But I… Well.” Paige ran out of things to say. “I guess I know what I have to do.”
“No, wait.” Lauren’s brow furrowed. “You know what sucks about this? I don’t want to lose you, either. Josh is family, but you are, too. You, Evan, Lindsay, you guys are my family here in New York. I know I didn’t react very well to the news that you and Josh were seeing each other, but it’s only because I want you both to be happy, and this situation could get complicated. I know your luck with romance hasn’t been the best recently, and I hate watching you go through that because I want you to find a great guy. I’m not telling you not to date him, or even how I feel about the two of you together should even matter. But just, you know.”
And Paige did know, or she thought she understood what Lauren was telling her. When Lauren offered a hug, Paige hugged her back.
Customers came in then and ended the conversation, but as Paige got the cat room ready for that evening’s book club meeting, she made some decisions. She wasn’t happy with any of it, but it was the only way she could see to keep her life together.
* * *
“The jury is going to find Bobby guilty,” Josh said as he stood with his boss in a little anteroom near the courtroom. “Jurors number five and seven, the older women? They recognize the bill of goods Bobby’s selling.”
Provost frowned. “I know. Mrs. Rossi’s counsel knows it, too, because he’s still refusing to settle.”
“What if you upped the financial ante? She’s suing for damages to her house, but if Bobby will agree to double that, she might back off.”
Provost chuckled. “Well, Joshua, you are about to get a lesson in where the line is between greed and the principle of the thing.”
That line was apparently somewhere around five million dollars.
Josh walked out of the courthouse an hour later, after Bobby Giardino had agreed to fork over a substantial percentage of his assets in exchange for being spared the humiliation of a guilty verdict. The judge had even given Bobby a lecture on not lying to customers.
So now that he and Provost were actually leaving and the case was over, Provost said, “Go home, Josh.”
“Are you sure? What about the Randolph case?”
“Yes, I’m sure. It’s Friday. This week has been long enough. Go home and we’ll resume with Randolph on Monday.”
Josh glanced at his phone as he walked to the subway. It was just barely past four o’clock. So before he went underground, he called Paige to share the good news.
“That’s timing for you,” she said.
“What does that mean?”
“I need to talk to you. I’m wrapping up at the café, but I’ll be home by the time you get there.”
Josh’s stomach churned as he sat on a surprisingly empty subway train into Brooklyn. Something in Paige’s tone told him Paige had bad news. He felt a little bad for blowing her off the last couple of days, but he really hadn’t been available. He’d been putting in fifteen-hour days on this case all week. Even now, as he sat, fatigue was seeping into his muscles. It was like his whole body was finally exhaling. That infernal case was finally over.
And Paige was, in all likelihood, about to dump him.
But he was a lawyer, wasn’t he? He knew how to put forth an argument.
Paige’s doorman told him to head on up when he arrived, and he had most of his argument formed by the time he knocked on her door.
Paige let him in. Her cat was curled up on one of the stools at the kitchen island, and she gave him an intimidating sideways glance before going back to sleep.
Paige stood near the island and looked at her feet. “I could order some food, or…?”
“Am I staying?”
“Are you?”
Josh sighed and walked over to the kitchen island. He parked on one of the stools and rubbed his head.
“Rough day at work?” Paige asked.
“Rough…year. My boss’s clients are terrible people. I just spent a week in court sitting second chair to defend a man I know is guilty, and now my boss is representing an evil real estate developer who wants to kick little old ladies out of the apartments they’ve lived in for decades so that he can put up ugly modern buildings and charge premium rent. So, you know, eighty-hour weeks, uncomfortable moral crises, just another day at the office.”
“I’m sorry. You know that an evil real estate developer almost shut down the Cat Café last year.”
Josh didn’t want to add more fuel to the fight he sensed was coming, so he did not confess that it was the same developer, but he nodded. “I don’t feel great about working for him.” He rubbed his forehead. “And you? How was your week?”
“Better than yours, it sounds like. The event we did this week with the kids reading to cats went well.”
Josh felt like they were stalling. “I’m glad.” He tried to smile but found his heart wasn’t into it. He was too tired for small talk. “Not to be a dick, but we should probably cut to the chase. What did you want to talk about?”
“Well, I talked to Lauren.”
“Ah. So is she mad, or…”
“No, not exactly. She mentioned Megan.”
Of course she did. Josh shook his head. “I’ve put all that behind me.”
“I don’t want to be a rebound.”
“You aren’t! The thing with Megan ended months ago. It sucked, but I’ve moved on, and I was looking forward to a future with you.” He caught his use of the past tense too late and noted the expression on her face, one of resignation. But here came those doubts again.
If she was gonna leave him, better to have it be now rather than later when his heart was more fully engaged, right?
He groaned. “What did Lauren say?”
Paige shook her head. “It’s not important. The gist was that she’s worried we’re both making a mistake.”
“A mistake? She said that?”
“Well, not in so many words, but just…if this ends, then what?”
“What if it doesn’t end?”
“Everything ends!”
Josh sighed. He glanced at Bianca lounging on the stool beside him. “Until it doesn’t,” he muttered. He still hadn’t had his big fight with Lauren, and he cursed the timing of the trial. If he’d had time this week, he could have answered Paige’s texts or spoken to her on the phone or in person and helped quell some of her panic, and he could have talked to Lauren and gotten all this square so that Paige hadn’t come away from that conversation convinced this story had some tragic ending. But he’d been so caught up in the case and his work and so tired when he got home at night that he hadn’t talked with anyone about anything.
Paige stood near the kitchen island and wrung her hands. “What I said the first time we slept together hasn’t changed. If we keep dating and get more involved and we have a fight or we break up or something else goes wrong with us? I still think Lauren would take your side, but even if she didn’t, it would be a huge mess. And I’m sorry, but my friendship with Lauren and my job at the Cat Café are too important to me. So I think it’s better that we end things now before we get too involved emotionally.”
Josh nodded, because it was what he’d been expecting her to say. His stomach flopped as he realized that her ending things was not just theoretical. But he had a multipronged argument prepared, so he dove into it. “I hear you,” he said, “but first of all, I don’t know about you, but I’m already involved emotionally. So it’s too late for that. If I walk away from you today, I will regret it for a long time.”
Paige’s face fell. “Don’t say things like that. Don’t make this harder.”
“Breaking up is not what either of us wants, is it?”
“No, but…” Paige started to pace across her kitchen. Bianca hopped up on the counter and curled into a ball but kept an eye on Paige. Paige pet her head absently, but said, “You ever feel like, no matter what we want, the universe is trying to tell us this was not meant to be?”
“What are you talking about?” But Josh knew. He knew because he’d been through this very thing once before. It was the feeling he’d had once he’d finally gotten a plane home from Chicago and knew that everything was over.
Paige continued to pace. “I mean, you still have a demanding job. In the time that we’ve been dating, you’ve had to cancel on me several times because of work. And not only that, but you’re working all those hours at a job you don’t even seem to like very much, for the very sorts of clients who would have businesses like the one your sister and I run shut down!”
“And you worked for a bank. What’s your point?”
“I like you, I really do, but you’re too busy, and if my job and other personal relationships are also at stake, I can’t help but think that this is the universe telling us we should not be together.”
“Paige.” Josh did completely understand what Paige was saying, but he disagreed. They could find a way to make this work. Although if Paige was already looking for a way out, maybe it wasn’t worth it. If she was just going to leave the way Megan did, maybe he shouldn’t bother.
No, that didn’t feel quite right. They wouldn’t be feeling this much turmoil about this if they didn’t care about each other. They’d be able to just walk away. Something in Josh was very stubbornly refusing to walk away.
“Let me talk to Lauren,” Josh said. “She wanted to have it out with me, and I haven’t had time to let her. But I think I can bring her around.”
“She’s avoiding me. I called her on it today, and she didn’t deny it. See? It’s already starting.”
“But I think I can—”
“Josh.” Paige pinched the bridge of her nose and furrowed her brow. She looked like she was in physical pain. “I don’t know what to tell you. I hate how I feel right now. I don’t want to say goodbye to you, but I don’t see a way for this relationship to work.”
“We could also just…not break up and see where it goes.”
“I don’t think that’s an option,” said Paige.
“We give Lauren some time to come around to the idea of us together and I keep working until my schedule becomes a little easier. Or I could take the time off my boss keeps telling me I have coming, and we could spend a whole week together. Or, hell, maybe I’ll quit my job. And maybe it turns out that, when we spend more time together, we don’t like each other so much after all, but maybe we do have something really special that is worth fighting for. I don’t know. But I hate not trying.”
“No, don’t quit your job. I don’t know if I can… I mean, it’s such a big risk, and…”
Josh probably should have taken Paige at her word, but he wanted to fight for this. He wasn’t sure if this was love, but it was something, and he refused to give it up. “Let’s not make any decisions we can’t take back right now. Maybe we have dinner together tonight, and then I go home, and then we just see where things go.”
Paige shook her head. “I need some time to think.”
“All right. I can give you that. But don’t give up on us, Paige. I know this puts you in a terrible position, and I do feel bad about that, but I care about you and I want to keep caring about you, all right? And I think that you want to keep caring about me, too, but you’re afraid of the fallout. And I get that, I do.”
Then everything became quite clear to Josh. If what Lauren had told him was true, and based on things Paige herself had said, Paige had been dating a series of guys she met on apps who were all wrong for her. And this was a woman who had the rest of her life together—a job she loved, financial security, a lovely home. Why was she pushing away the one man who had come along whom she did connect with? Because she was terrified. What she was terrified of was not completely clear. Commitment? Love? There were a lot of possibilities here. But Josh felt like he finally had her pegged.
“Take some time to think,” Josh said. He moved toward the door. “I think we both know where we stand and how we feel. I don’t want to lose you. If you’re breaking up with me now, well, I refuse to accept that.”
“You refuse?”
“If I thought that you didn’t want to be with me, I’d walk away right now. But you do want to be with me. These obstacles between us? I think these are things we can overcome. But if you’re not willing to fight for it with me, then maybe this is a lost cause. Because I’ve been through that once before and I won’t put myself through it again if I can help it. So you think about what you really want. And I’ll go for now. Okay?”
“I…” Paige bit her lip and nodded. “Okay.”
“Good.” Josh walked to the door. Then he changed his mind and walked over to Paige. He leaned over and kissed her, and it quickly became something bigger, hotter, the sort of kiss that stirred something in his chest. He ran his fingers through her soft, silky hair just in case this was the last time he’d be able to do that. And he made it clear where he stood.
But he knew, too, that he could not be the only one fighting for them. If she wasn’t with him all the way, this really was over.
He pulled away, leaving her looking dazed. She gaped at him as he walked to the door.
“Something to think about. Good night,” he said. Then he made himself leave.