RULE TWELVE: TWO HOURS IS DEFINITELY BETTER TO GET TO KNOW SOMEONE THAN TWO MINUTES. ESPECIALLY IF YOU’VE ALREADY MADE OUT.
“Do you want to go for a walk?”
I looked down at my feet. “Uh, I’m not sure walking is the best idea. My toes are already pretty numb.”
Chuckling, Ollie guided me to the car. “I have some flip-flops in the boot.”
“Why would you have flip-flops in your boots?”
“The boot, London.”
I blinked at him.
“The back of the car. You know, the trunk?”
“Oh. Why didn’t you say so?”
“I did,” he said dryly. “It’s the boot to me.”
“You’re weird.” I glanced down at his feet. “And you have huge feet compared to me. I’ll just trip over them or you’ll have to carry me.”
“You can jump on my back?”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” I opened my purse and pulled out a pair of rolled-up flats. “I’m no amateur. Here, help me balance.”
Ollie took my purse with one hand and offered me his other arm. I unrolled the shoes and kicked off my heels one by one, replacing them with the much more comfortable ballet flats.
“Wow,” Ollie said when I put the heels in the backseat of his car. “You seem shorter than I remember.”
“Excuse you, Mr. Six-Foot-Thousand,” I muttered.
With a laugh, he rested his arm over my shoulders, and we turned in the direction of the park. It was still relatively light out, and there was a gentle glow of orange as the sun lowered beyond the horizon.
“Do you ever hike?” Ollie asked, looking at the trails that disappeared into the mountainous terrain behind the park.
“I haven’t in a while, and I’m not doing it in this dress before you ask.”
He chuckled. “It was a general question. Does Leo like it?”
“I think he went with Seb and Kai a few weeks ago. Either that or they pretended to hike and just ate ice-cream.”
“Bit of both, I think. Do you want to go? Either tomorrow morning or when Chris has gone home and Leo can come?”
I peered over at him. “Like another date?”
“I guess. Is it a date if Leo is there?”
“Untraditional date, I’d imagine,” I mused. “But I suppose it would be one all the same.”
“Shall we go, then?”
“I know where we can go.” I diverted him to the ice-cream stall with a quick tug on his arm. “I’m buying.”
“If I argue, will I lose?”
“One hundred percent,” I confirmed. “So choose your ice-cream.”
We both ordered, with Ollie choosing a chocolate cone while I went for strawberry in a little tub. The tiny plastic spoon they gave me was utterly useless, and Ollie ended up passing me a little bit of his cone to scoop it up with. It soon went soggy, and I used it to smudge ice-cream on his nose for my own amusement.
He side-eyed me as he used his napkin to wipe it off. “You’ve been dying to do that, haven’t you?”
I nodded. “Ever since I got that stupid little spoon.”
We walked to edge of a small lake. The water had a gorgeous clear surface, and it sparkled under the light as the moon over from the sun.
“You never answered about the hike,” Ollie said hesitantly. “Was that too much?”
“No, I—” I paused.
I needed to be so careful about how I said this. I liked Ollie. I liked him more than I’d thought I did, and I was so incredibly attracted to him, both his looks and his personality.
“You might still leave,” I said softly, looking out at the lake. “If you go back to England, Leo will be heartbroken anyway, even without there being a personal relationship there. I don’t know if I can take this any further with that uncertainty hanging over you, Ollie. I don’t want… a fling.” I turned to face him, but he was focused on the water. “I’m not a fling kind of woman. If I’m going to have a relationship, it has to be a real one that could last and… be… something special.”
He didn’t say anything.
“It’s not that I don’t like you. I do. A lot.” I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “Probably more than I should right now. I love spending time with you, and I love seeing you with Leo, seeing how you care about my son… But I can’t bring someone into his life that might end up breaking his heart. And mine,” I admitted. “Equally, if you don’t want to stay here, I don’t want to be responsible for making you stay somewhere you aren’t comfortable.
“And I get it. You’re thousands of miles away from your family, and I can’t begin to imagine how difficult it is to miss out on all the things you do, not to mention how tough it is to not see them. I don’t begrudge you your feelings at all, and if I didn’t have Leo and I didn’t have to think about him, it would be a no brainer. But I do. And I have to think about Leo before me. He loves you enough as it is, and you’re just the cool soccer coach who he thinks is friends with his favorite goalkeeper and can’t toss pizza dough.”
His lips twitched at that.
“I can’t… imagine… how much it would hurt him if he saw you as a part of his family,” I finished quietly, dropping my gaze to the floor. “So as much as I would love to go on that hike with you, I just don’t think that’s an option right now.”
Ollie nodded slowly, then leaned forward and, resting his elbows on his knees, clasped his hands in front of him. “Have you ever thought that the reason I considered going back to England is because I had no reason to stay here? I hated New York. It was too busy. There were too many people. It sucked. And there are no—”
“There are no stars,” I said, staring at the ones that were coming into view in front of us.
“Stars,” Ollie finished, turning to look at me.
I cleared my throat. “Sorry.”
His lips pulled to one side. “Then I had a chance to come here, but there still wasn’t a massive reason to stay. I love my job, don’t get me wrong, but bloody hell. Kids are hard work. Wrangling them every single day sometimes makes me wonder if I’m cut out for this on this scale, but then I see kids like Tom desperately trying to score. Leo, giving it everything he has and then some to be a better keeper. Lewis told me this morning that he was going to try so hard he might break someone’s leg.”
I covered my mouth with my hand. “Oh.”
“I told him that wasn’t necessary, but that was the spirit.” He coughed to hide a laugh. “Ultimately, he just really wanted to make me proud of him and the team. There’s something special about the kids I teach that makes me want to stay here and really try. Now that the teams are coming… And I know Seb did that deliberately because he knew I wouldn’t say no…”
“What are you saying?”
“The chance of me leaving is slim, London. Really slim. I don’t know if I will ever truly feel completely at home in America, but maybe it’s just because I’m not ready to accept that home could be somewhere other than England yet.” He turned his head and met my eyes. “I like you, too, London. I really do like you a lot. If where I am right now is not enough for you, I understand. I would never ask you to do something that would hurt you or Leo. All I can do is be honest with you about how I’m feeling right now so you can make that decision for yourself.”
I looked down, fiddling with the hem of my dress.
Ollie reached over and took my hand, winding his fingers through mine. “And you don’t have to do that right now. I know how hard it is for you, and one of the things I respect about you is that you put Leo at the front of everything you do and think about how your decisions will impact him, even if it’s at the expense of yourself.”
“I’m his mom. That’s my job,” I said quietly, my gaze fixed on our hands.
He cupped my face with his other hand and raised it to look at me. “Just… think about it, okay? Promise me you’ll think about it.”
I nodded. “I promise I’ll think about it. You might have to wait a while, though.”
“That’s fine. You’re worth waiting for.”
I glanced down, blushing. Why did he have to be so sweet? Why did he have to be so thoughtful and kind and understanding? Why couldn’t he be a jerk about this?
If he was a jerk, it’d be easier to ignore how much I loved feeling his thumb brushing the back of my hand. How good it felt to be sitting right next to him with his palm against my cheek and his breath fluttering against my hair.
I’d never wanted to throw caution to the wind and disregard all the consequences so much in my life.
I leaned into him and pressed my face into his shoulder. Being a parent was so hard. I wanted to tell Ollie yes, that we could date, that we do everything we wanted to and all the consequences be damned, but it wasn’t that simple.
“Are you okay?” he whispered.
“Yeah, just thinking it’d be so much easier if you could be a total dick about this.” I sat up with a smile and shrugged. “Damn you.”
His eyes twinkled with laughter. “I’ve never had to apologize for not being an asshole before, but… I’m sorry?”
I nudged him with my shoulder, laughed, then sighed.
“Shall we go?”
I nodded. It was probably the best choice to make.
I mean, I needed to crawl into bed and overthink this until three in the morning, didn’t I?
We got up, and I slid my hand from his so I could quickly check my phone. No messages and Leo should have been asleep by now, so I closed my purse and held it under my arm.
“London.” Ollie grabbed my hand, stopping me, and pulled me against him.
My heart thumped in my chest as my body flattened against his and I looked up at him, swallowing. Goddamn my dry mouth. “What?”
“Can I kiss you?”
I glanced down, smiling. “You remember what you said about it ruining the moment if you asked permission every time you spanked someone?”
“A total joke, for what it’s worth.”
I laughed, then leaned in and pressed my lips to his. I slid my hand up his arm to rest at the side of his neck, and he wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me flush against him.
It was the best kind of kiss. He still tasted like the chocolate ice-cream he’d eaten, and I found myself getting completely and utterly lost in him. Like I could kiss him forever, even if the apocalypse was to rain down upon us.
Slightly dramatic, that option.
But I couldn’t help it. I just wanted to keep kissing him and kissing him and kissing him, knowing that it went against everything we’d just spoken about. It was a compete contradiction to every single thing I’d just said to him, but I was happy to be a hypocrite for a moment.
If I decided to give him up, I wanted to know that I’d at least kissed him properly one last time.
If I did one thing only for me, I wanted it to be kissing Ollie.
So just for a moment, for the first time in a very long time, I allowed myself to be selfish, to do something that was entirely for myself.
And I just let him kiss me.