Chapter 34

The Roundup

The euphoric haze from the pain medication lifted all too abruptly. The intense burning in the pit of his stomach felt like hot coals. Afraid to move, he moaned, fighting each stabbing pain that danced though his body. Nothing Buck could have imagined compared to the hurt he felt.

Brenda stood at the foot of his hospital bed in shock. The horrible sounds coming from him frightened her. Watching his legs fold and flatten against the mattress was proof that he was alive, but the moans he made stole her resolve to be strong for him.

Finally Buck’s eyes fluttered rapidly against his closed lids, and Brenda knew it was just a matter of time before he opened them wide enough to see her face. The thought to run was priority number one for her. She had accepted that she couldn’t stand by and suffer loss. She quietly prayed he’d open his eyes and she would be able to stay.

Just as quickly, she hoped he’d keep them closed, so he wouldn’t have to watch her leave. She believed she could just walk away from the love they’d shared and never look back, but first she had to be certain he would be all right.

The pain was unbearable, but Buck concentrated until his eyes popped open. The blinding light forced him to close them again. More slowly this time, he opened his eyes, willing them to focus on the things around him. Almost immediately he saw the sadness in Brenda’s face. He’d been suffering, but seeing her standing there made his pain seem trivial. He tried to smile with his eyes, but another wave of pain ripped though his body, and it was too much to hide.

Brenda suddenly became aware of the fact that she’d been holding her breath. She’d been so worried about her own emotional pain, she still hadn’t acknowledged the depth of Buck’s pain.

Quickly she pulled herself together and walked to the nurse’s station to advise them about Buck’s condition.

The nurse rose from her seat with a big smile on her face.

“Well, it’s good to meet you, Mr. Holden,” the nurse announced as she entered his room. The nurse chuckled as she methodically began checking Buck’s condition.

Brenda, paralyzed by fear, didn’t go any closer to Buck.

Buck didn’t bother pretending that everything was OK. He knew something was wrong by Brenda’s distance, and it hurt.

Soon a group of doctors stood at his bedside. He carefully watched as they each put on plastic gloves and talked about him as though he were a corpse.

Only one doctor, Dr. Halibash, introduced herself before she actually began her work. She explained what she was going to do, and informed him that she’d been monitoring his progress all along, and he was doing exceptionally well.

“Don’t worry, Mr. Holden, you’re going to be fine. I’ve been here with you all along. I won’t let you down.”

She wasn’t annoyingly chipper, but she was efficient at making Buck feel that he was in capable hands.

By the time the curtains were rolled back, Buck was still taped up and attached to more beeping machines than he could count, but he was free of his breathing tube.

Dr. Halibash leaned him forward and pounded softly on his chest, asking him to cough. “Come on, Mr. Holden, you’ve got to do better than that.”

Buck smiled because he knew his attempts were lame, but he feared the pain if he tried anything close to the roar she wanted.

“I know you’re worried about the pain, but I’ll take care of that in a minute. Trust me, I want you to give me something with some heart and soul behind it.”

Buck didn’t hold back this time. He coughed until she happily announced he’d done a good job.

Brenda had been feeling panicky since finding out Buck was alive. It was a feeling she didn’t want to get accustomed to, but somehow she knew staying with Buck would probably mean living on the edge.

Losing her father had made Brenda believe there wasn’t any good left to live for. Meeting Buck changed that empty pit, but when he got shot, she started to believe again that there was nothing good in the world. Good things only lasted as long as a good feeling. That feeling wasn’t nearly enough to last through the pain when it was over. She was going home.

Brenda struggled with her emotions while she packed. She even considered everything she’d be losing. The truth was, she had to leave before she lost the courage to go. She thought about her pregnancy, which she had to keep a secret. If Buck knew she was having his baby, he would never stop looking for her.

While the doctors were working on Buck, she slipped out of the room, and then left the hospital. Her fears got the better of her, and she decided walking away was easier than saying good-bye.

In the parking lot she cried like a lost child. She knew leaving Buck would kill a part of who she was, but she had to leave. She didn’t have the staying power Anissa possessed. She accepted that some women understood the words “stand by your man,” and they didn’t hesitate to do whatever was called for, but she certainly wasn’t that woman, and she wouldn’t pretend.

***

Later that day Buck heard Quinton’s voice then he saw his face.

Quinton stood beside his friend, trying to mask the regret he felt for not being there to protect him.

Danny and Dave came into view only seconds after Quinton.

Dave immediately began clowning on Buck. “If you needed some time off, you didn’t have to go get shot. All you had to do was take a vacation,” he said.

Buck struggled to hoist his middle finger.

Danny, however, turned deadly serious before the laughter could stop. “We all home, so that could only mean the block about to get hot. If you were expecting anything else, take your pain pills now and go to sleep until it’s over.”

Buck still hadn’t said a word. He just watched as the men before him traded places. It was a changing of the guard, so to speak. Quinton stood in the front, while Danny and Dave traded positions quite often. Dave could change his demeanor with the wind, but Danny was always lethal.

Buck was worried. For years they’d stayed under the radar. Ms. Sadie had taught them how to do it so well before her passing. She had prepared them for the times when they couldn’t stand each other. She even taught them the meaning of falling apart so they could come back stronger. Buck knew these were now the times she had prepared them for, the kind of times that changed friends into enemies, if there wasn’t a real bond.

Quinton had tested that bond when he’d run away from everything. He’d left behind Anissa, their new baby, and three men who depended on his friendship. None of that mattered now because when Buck needed him, he was there to stand beside him.

Quinton couldn’t let Baldy continue to think Buck was dead. He knew a man like Baldy, with his reputation, was an asset to their team.

As the brothers caught up, Baldy walked through the door. He immediately flanked Buck’s left side.

Buck knew that the sinister grin on Baldy’s face meant death was imminent for any man dumb enough to cross his path. Earl was going to die. It was just a matter of where and how.

Each member of Buck’s family promised to return the next day, but it was Baldy who stayed longer.

Over the years, Baldy had become Buck’s partner in many wars, and Buck had given him true friendship, something he’d never really understood until Buck came along. The two had built a friendship stronger than life or death.

The meds were beginning to pull Buck into an abyss, but he wanted to ask Baldy about Brenda. He needed to know why she hadn’t stayed, especially now when he needed her strength the most.

Struggling against the fog, he found the words to ask, but Baldy didn’t have the right answers, and he wasn’t gonna lie intentionally to his friend. Instead he stayed silent long enough to hear Buck’s heavy snores.

Before he entered the elevator, he promised himself he would find Brenda, if only to talk with her.

***

Brenda wasn’t ready for the angry man standing in Buck’s doorway, ready to put her and her clothing on the sidewalk. Baldy’s head was glistening, his eyes glowed with purpose, and he was ready to confront her best excuse.

Stepping back into the house, she offered him a seat.

“Brenda,” he called softly, “why aren’t you at the hospital with Buck?”

She understood the question, even respected his candor, but her guilt made her angry. “It’s none of your business,” she answered, surprised at her own anger.

Baldy nodded, and the snarl on his face suddenly frightened Brenda. If running was an option, she might have tried, but her own foolish pride made her stare back at the imposing figure before her.

“I’ve known Buck practically his entire life,” Baldy began. “I’ve been friends with him about as long as you’ve been alive. He was my responsibility, until he made you part of his life. As his friend, I’ve asked you the same question he asked me today—Why aren’t you at the hospital?”

Maybe it was the tone he used when asking the question, followed by the in-your-face glare, but Brenda couldn’t compete with him. She dropped herself into a chair and bowed her head, ashamed of her behavior. “I can’t do this,” she answered truthfully. “I can’t sit by and watch Buck’s suffering, only for him to get up and go back out into those streets, and eventually not come back.”

Baldy waited patiently for Brenda to work though her emotions. He sat quietly, watching her intently, searching for any untruth in her words, but he found none. That alone endeared her more to his heart. He immediately recognized the quality that attracted Buck to Brenda. She wore her heart and emotions visibly for anyone to see.

“You’ve got every right to your fears, but he needs you, and if you walk away now, you may not be able to come back when you realize the mistake you’ve made.”

Without further input or fanfare, he left her with her thoughts. The next step was hers, and he prayed she made the right decision.

Brenda had heard every word Baldy said, but she was determined to protect herself.