Although it is long established that brevity is the soul of wit, I am afraid that in this case, I am simply unable to oblige, for there are far too many good souls to whom I am indebted.
This book started out as a thought on the beaches of Dubai in the months before William arrived, and evolved through conversations over coffee, hummus, and wine, through fits and starts, as the days turned into years. It was nurtured at the beginning and again at the end, both personally and professionally, by my good friend (very conveniently a book editor) Liza Darnton, who insisted from the beginning that I needed to write a Big Book, not just a memoir. Conceivability may never have emerged beyond my dreams, however, if I hadn’t been introduced to my very talented agent, Gillian MacKenzie, who saw the potential in this project and helped me to develop and refine my vision for the book. Thank you, Gillian.
I am so very grateful for Marysue Rucci, who took a bet on me, sharing my enthusiasm for bringing this information into the world, and helping me to shape an enormous, disparate mass of material into a relatable, digestible whole. Her intelligent questions and thoughtful reads pushed me to dig deeper. Many thanks as well to the marvelous team at Simon & Schuster, who all played key roles in launching Conceivability: Zachary Knoll, Christine Masters, Erica Ferguson, Amanda Lang, Lauren Carsley, and Dana Trocker.
Of course, there would be no book if there were no babies, and for that, I must thank my impressive, and extensive, medical team. First and foremost, Dr. Joel Batzofin, a wonderful doctor and now friend, treated us with so much care and respect, explaining every treatment each step of the way, and was never rushed for time. Without him, and Teresa and Kayee and the rest of his team, we would not have Alexandra. On the other side of the world, Dr. Oxana Bykovskaya and her team at AltraVita opened my eyes to the possibility of a second child, and delivered on that promise, bringing William into our lives. Mr. Jeffrey Braithwaite, assisted by his wife and practice manager, Jane, and nurse Maria, treated us with tender, loving, and thoughtful care every step of the way, through uncountable exams and ultrasounds in support of our attempts, numerous miscarriages, and ultimately, two births.
And we had so much additional help from caring medical professionals along the way: Dr. Preston Sacks in DC; Drs. Yau Thum and Marie Wren at the Lister in London; Dr. Rachel Ashby at Brigham and Women’s in Massachusetts; Dr. Nataliya Petrova at the Cooper Health Clinic in Dubai; Dr. George Lewin at Southampton Medical Centre; the dedicated and caring nurses and midwives at the Maternity Unit at Ormskirk and District General Hospital who cared for all of us at the births of both Alexandra and William; and Dr. Victoria Muir of Belgrave Medical Centre and the kind staff of her baby clinic, who were always there for our family, before, during, and after the arrival of our beloved children. Special thanks as well to my outstanding acupuncturists and practitioners of traditional Chinese medicine: Dr. Mengda Shu in DC, who made me believe; Dr. Xiao-Ping Zhai of the Zhai Clinic in London; and the ever-ebullient Louisa Gordon, who saw me through, well, a lot. We are also eternally grateful to the amazing Ann Haigh, who skillfully and cheerfully steered us not only through the British parental order system but also through the unexpected complexity of obtaining William’s US passport.
I am also convinced that there would be neither book nor babies without the massive, unending support of my incredible family and friends who sustained me through years of infertility and miscarriage. While our network of friends spans several countries, I was fortunate to have a core group of amazing women in London who, with love, brainpower, care, and humor, saw me through my darkest days: Julie Lasso, Susan Namkung, Irene Chang, Kathryn Peterson, Sharon Benning, Trisha Johnson, Trish Thomas, Aleksandra Dochnal. How can I ever thank you? My dear friend Kathy Economy, from the beaches of Koh Samui to the hospital halls of the Brigham, has always had my back, and for this I am very grateful. Rod Baker, my friend and colleague, kindly led us through the English legal system, while other members of my Hogan “family”—Steve Robinson, Jeff Hurlburt, John Basnage, Mike Cheroutes, George Hagerty, Sean Harrison, Sharon Gray Edwards, Danielle Wood—somehow kept me together at work. Rustam Aksenenko and Svetlana Cheshinskaya supported our attempts and explorations from IVF to immunology to Russian adoption, from London to Geneva to Frankfurt to Moscow; no favor was too big or small. Jeffrey Costello and Olga Skorik counseled, housed, fed, translated for, transported, and ultimately celebrated with us; it’s a joy to see our Sashas and their younger brothers play together.
And then there are the friends that saw me through my “new” baby project: this book. Brandt Goldstein, a writer and lifelong friend, initiated me into the world of nonfiction writing, providing all-important guidance and feedback. John Pollack was at the ready with humor, advice, and a helping hand. Brad Meltzer and Cori Flam were a source of constant support and enthusiasm, not only willing but also seeking out ways to assist me. Ulcca Joshi Hansen brainstormed and commiserated with me. Noelle Salmi has shared her great ideas with me for more than twenty-five years. The members of my now sadly defunct writing group—Carrie Bach, Diana Dresser, Liz and Sue Tencate—got me started on the daunting task. Merry Logan assisted in shaping my very first proposal, while my walks and talks with Rachel Moskovich helped me find my way when I was lost. Nicole Jacques always had a glass of wine and good cheer when I needed it most. And the wonderful talent of Emily Rapp Black and the members of her Lighthouse Writers Workshop Lit Fest gave me a boost when I needed it most, their critical feedback and creative stimulation rallying me toward the finish line.
I owe an enormous debt of gratitude to the many patients I met and interviewed for this project. Your stories moved me, awed me, and inspired me to write a book that might help others avoid some of your—our—pain. For privacy reasons, I won’t name you, but you all know who you are. I am honored that you chose to share your very personal journeys with me.
Many heartfelt thanks as well to the experts who contributed to my understanding of a very complex field. Jane Gregorie of Acupuncture Denver is a Renaissance woman—writer, practitioner, patient, connector, editor, mother—who provided invaluable aid. Dr. Neil Box generously helped me understand some of the underlying genetics concepts. Dr. Lori Bernstein shared her personal journey and groundbreaking research with me. Dr. Joan Manheimer helped illuminate the many painful feelings men and women confronting infertility experience. I am extremely grateful to the organizers of the 2016 ART World Congress in New York (Dr. John Zhang, Dr. Yanping Kuang, and Dr. Keiichi Kato) and the 24th World Congress on Controversies in Obstetrics, Gynecology & Infertility in Amsterdam (Dr. Zion Ben Rafael, Dr. Bart C.J.M. Fauser, and Dr. Rene Frydman) for allowing me access as an observer. The knowledge I gained was invaluable, and I would particularly like to thank the generous specialists who helped me to expand my understanding: Dr. Mark Hughes, Dr. Santiago Munné, Dr. Jacques Cohen, and Dr. Simon Fishel.
As for Catherine Hardy, there are no words. With style, grace, humility, kindness, and compassion, Catherine gave us the most extraordinary gift a person can give. How does one thank someone for, literally, the gift of life? I am forever not only grateful but also genuinely happy that Catherine entered our lives, and brought along her beautiful family: her daughter, Eden; mother, Denise; grandmother, Jess; and sisters, Jac and Nic. It has been the greatest pleasure watching Catherine and Eden blossom as they achieve their own dreams.
And finally, of course, last only in paragraph order, is my family. If I must trace the origins of my stubborn, relentless quest to have children, I must go back to the very beginning. I was blessed to grow up bathed in the unconditional love of a truly wonderful family. Not only my fantastic parents and brother, Ken, but also our grandparents, aunts and uncles, so many wonderful cousins; my cousin Beth, like a sister to me, has been my greatest cheerleader. And then the next generation arrived—my niece and nephew, and cousins’ children—and watching them grow up, I knew I wanted that too. My devoted parents, Wendy and Edward, who have supported me wholeheartedly in all of my adventures, truly outdid themselves here. My mother tirelessly read every draft, served as an unpaid research assistant, connected me with women with stories to tell, entertained her grandchildren when I had deadlines, and throughout it all, prodded me to take care of myself, reminding me that I was her baby.
Richard is my rock, my soul mate, my partner. Little did he know when we said those vows many moons ago what “for better or worse” would encompass. Yet through years of failed attempts, heartbreaking miscarriages, unyielding schedules, he never wavered. He just loved me; propped me up when I was down; helped me navigate our path toward our children. I am so grateful that our challenges drew us ever closer together, and that our success allowed me to add fantastic father to his job description. Alexandra and William, our two modern miracles, I thank for their joy, love, and patience with Mommy’s seemingly never-ending work. Kids, it’s really done this time.