understand what you value
What you value is directly connected with the actions that make you feel good about yourself. If accomplishments, such as getting good grades, performing on the field, or getting something done, matter most to you, then you can consider yourself more achievement-oriented. On the other hand, if being social by caring about others, being a good friend, or being liked by others matters more to you, then you can consider yourself social-oriented. Are you achievement- or social-oriented or both? Let’s find out.
Nikki and Mario
Early Monday morning, sign-up sheets were posted for the required community service day off campus. Nikki was the first one to put her name on the list. Even though she was hoping her friends would pick her same choice, her achievement-oriented nature led her to pick her desired activity rather than waiting to see her friends’ choices. Mario, on the other hand, being more social-oriented, waited all day to see what his friends signed up for before adding his name to their choice—which happened to be his least favorite.
Take these quizzes to find out if you’re achievement- or social-oriented. Check all the statements that apply to you.
Are you achievement-oriented?
- __________________I set goals and strive to reach them.
- __________________My self-worth comes from my performance in school, athletics, extracurricular activities, or whatever it is I want to do.
- __________________If I have to choose between doing what I want to do or an opportunity to be social, I typically choose what I want to do.
- __________________I prefer to be considered capable or smart rather than nice or friendly.
- __________________I take my social life for granted and place more importance on working hard or doing what I want.
- __________________I define myself by what I do, not by how much people like me.
- __________________I like competition.
- __________________I perform better when I’m competing.
- __________________I enjoy doing what I like, even if no one wants to do it with me.
- __________________My biggest priority is getting things done.
- __________________I like having the freedom to do what I want.
Are you social-oriented?
- __________________I feel that being loved or accepted is better than accomplishing a task.
- __________________I believe it’s more important to be viewed as kind or caring than smart.
- __________________I care about what other people think of me.
- __________________I tend to pick what others want to do over what I want to do.
- __________________It’s more important to me to be liked than to do what seems right for me.
- __________________I find it easier to go with the flow than to step on anyone’s toes.
- __________________I don’t like competition and am likely to fall apart under pressure to compete.
- __________________I am more likely to be concerned about what others think when I choose my clothes, cut my hair, or act goofy.
- __________________My goals are easily swayed by the influence of others.
- __________________My self-worth comes from my social success.
- __________________I’d rather be with my friends than do any given activity.
- How many items did you check on the achievement-oriented quiz: __________________
- How many items did you check on the social-oriented quiz: __________________
- Are you more achievement-oriented or social-oriented? __________________
- Or are you equally high on both scales? __________________
Now that you are aware of what you value most, whether it’s achievement or being social or a mix of both, you can begin to see how it affects your day-to-day decisions. Specifically, look at the choices you make when you are pulled in different directions and see if you pick the achievement-oriented path or the social one.
Example
Situation: A bunch of your friends are hanging out together. You would like to go to the basketball game but no one else wants to go.
Dilemma: Hang with your friends and miss out on the game or go to the game and leave your friends.
Choice: Go to the game.
Achievement x or Social __________________
Now it’s your turn to identify a situation and choose how to respond.
Situation: __________________
___________________________________________________________________
Dilemma: __________________
___________________________________________________________________
Choice: __________________
Achievement __________________or Social __________________
Make note of how your achievement and/or social concerns affect your decision making:
The Bottom Line: Pay attention to the choices you make and have the courage to pick what you really want to do.