what bothers you?
What is really important to you determines the types of situations and events that are likely to upset you. The achievement-oriented person is likely to stress when performance-related situations are not going as planned or efforts are thwarted in some way. Additionally, when independence, freedom, or mobility is threatened, distress is likely to follow. On the other hand, a more social-oriented person will experience more stress when situations cause rejection, arguments, or exclusion.
Yasmin
Yasmin is looking forward to a concert. She loves the band, and a couple of her friends bought tickets with her months ago; the tickets were expensive, so she had to scramble to find the money. The problem is that her new boyfriend keeps texting her, trying to get her to hang out with him instead. She can’t believe he is pressuring her not to go, and the thought of missing the concert is way more distressing to her than her boyfriend’s upset, so she’s going anyway. If Yasmin had been more social-oriented she might have missed the concert for the sake of her relationship.
Take this test to figure out what bothers you. Determine your feelings about each of the following statements and circle yes or no to indicate whether it is true for you or not.
You are bothered by…
|
|
YES
|
NO
|
|
rejection, real or imagined
|
YES
|
NO
|
|
feeling as if you have no control
|
YES
|
NO
|
|
disagreement with another person
|
YES
|
NO
|
|
a loss of independence
|
YES
|
NO
|
|
being left out or excluded
|
YES
|
NO
|
|
encountering difficulty in achieving a goal
|
YES
|
NO
|
|
someone being upset with you
|
YES
|
NO
|
|
being told, rather than asked, to do something
|
YES
|
NO
|
|
feeling awkward in a social situation
|
YES
|
NO
|
|
not living up to your own expectations
|
YES
|
NO
|
|
criticism, real or imagined, regarding social interaction
|
YES
|
NO
|
|
difficulty completing what you want to do
|
YES
|
NO
|
|
not having calls or texts returned
|
YES
|
NO
|
Look at all the odd numbers: 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11, 13
How many yeses did you circle? __________________
Look at all the even numbers: 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12, 14
How many yeses did you circle? __________________
A higher score of odd numbers means achievement-oriented situations matter to you and when they don’t go your way, you feel upset.
A higher score of even numbers means social situations matter to you and when they don’t go your way, you feel upset.
An equally high score of both even and odd numbers means that both achievement-oriented and social situations matter to you. When situations of either type don’t go your way, you feel upset.
When you feel upset, is the cause more achievement-oriented, social-oriented, or both?
What can you conclude about what bothers you during your day?
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
Make a list of things that upset you this week and note whether it was achievement- or social-oriented.
| Event |
Achievement or Social |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The Bottom Line: Be on the lookout for what kinds of situations push your buttons.