when life is hard
It’s normal to feel good about yourself when things are going well. When life is going your way, you aren’t likely to experience self-doubt or inflict nasty name-calling on yourself. However, when you’re experiencing difficulties and life isn’t going your way, you may not feel as good about yourself. You are more likely to have lots of self-doubt, which affects your confidence.
Butch
Butch had only had his driving permit for a few weeks when he was driving to school with his mother in the passenger seat. Butch thought things were going well and felt pretty confident as he picked up speed. He noticed the traffic ahead coming to a complete stop and he calmly pressed the brakes and stopped the car. Suddenly, he felt impact from the car behind them as it slammed into his car. Butch’s confidence was shattered because he automatically thought he’d done something wrong and that the accident was his fault. His negative belief that he was not competent was confirmed and he questioned whether he would ever drive well. Butch’s good mood sank and for the rest of the day he saw only his shortcomings.
Recall a recent situation when things didn’t go your way. Did doubt take over? Did you get down on yourself and end up calling yourself nasty names? In the examples below, notice how doubt operates.
Situation: Your classmate is having a party and you didn’t get an invite.
Does doubt rule? If so, you may think any of the following things. Feel free to come up with examples of your own.
- He probably doesn’t like me.
- I’m not cool enough to hang out with this group.
- I’m always on the outside.
- __________________
- __________________
You might call yourself any of the following names. If any nasty names come to mind that you actually call yourself, add them to the list.
- Loser
- Weirdo
- Awkward
- Uncool
- __________________
- __________________
Situation: You bombed a test.
Does doubt rule? If so, you may think any of the following things. Feel free to come up with examples of your own.
- I will never understand this stuff.
- Why keep trying? I’ll fail anyway.
- Everyone thinks I’m dumb.
- __________________
- __________________
You might call yourself any of the following names. If any nasty names come to mind that you actually call yourself, add them to the list.
- Stupid
- Incompetent
- Failure
- Average
- __________________
- __________________
Situation: You had a fight with your friend.
Does doubt rule? If so, you may think any of the following things. Feel free to come up with examples of your own.
- I really messed up.
- Our relationship is over for good.
- She or he will never get over this.
- __________________
- __________________
You might call yourself any of the following names. If any nasty names come to mind that you actually call yourself, add them to the list.
- Unwanted
- Loser
- Not good enough
- Moody
- __________________
- __________________
The next time you face a difficult situation, things just don’t go your way, or circumstances don’t work out the way you were hoping for, notice whether self-doubt shows up. If you notice doubt, try to catch the nasty name you call yourself and make note of it.
Situation: __________________
___________________________________________________________________
Did self-doubt show up? Circle one answer: YES NO
If yes, what were the nasty names you called yourself?
__________________
__________________
__________________
The Bottom Line: Stuff happens; I don’t have to degrade myself as a result.