13 your doubt journey

idea

The beliefs that you have about yourself today are the result of your personal interpretations of your yesterdays. Events, social interactions, and messages—internal and external—are seeds for both your self-doubt and your confidence. Even as a baby, you faced the external world with your own temperament and genetic makeup. Were you the baby who needed to fall asleep on someone’s chest or the one who easily went to sleep alone in a crib? Did you venture off to explore and push boundaries or did you sit and contentedly observe your environment? As life experiences accumulate, your perceptions of those experiences and the way others interpret them for you shape the lens you see yourself through. Identifying those experiences, examining them, and questioning your old conclusions can help you remove obstructive self-doubt and build your confidence. Confidence results from learning to look at life experiences accurately so that you can view yourself in a positive and realistic way.

Paul

Paul’s mom told him that he was trouble before he was even born. She had to take medication to prevent an early delivery and an arduous birth left him with a dislocated shoulder. Paul cried all the time and never wanted to be put down. He has been a night owl from day one, which makes functioning in the morning tough. All of this has led the family to label Paul “the difficult one.” In class and on the football field, he finds it hard to pay attention. His teachers are always complaining about his lack of focus, and his coach yells at him for it. All of this has convinced Paul that he is difficult.

your turn

Fill out this life timeline. For each time period, identify significant and insignificant memories that contribute to your self-image. You might know the information already, or you might have to ask other people.

Here’s an example, from Natalie’s life:

In Mom’s Belly: Mom says her pregnancy was horrible. She was sick all the time and was prescribed bed rest with limited activity. Mom complains about this, even to this day.

My Birth: Mom says her recovery from the C-section caused her to be stuck at home for even longer.

Infant: Mom says I was very demanding and wanted to be held all the time.

Toddler: Mom says I had a lot of ear infections, which often compromised playdates and activities.

Ages 3–6: Mom says I always seemed to need her when she was busy trying to do her own thing.

Ages 7–10: Mom worried that I didn’t have enough friends because I spent a lot of time alone in my own world.

Ages 11–13: Mom was always harassing me to join an activity.

Ages 14–17: Mom and I fight all the time. She regularly says she is disappointed in me.

Ages 18 and Up: Not there yet, but I know Mom will pressure me to join a sorority.

Now it’s your turn to record data on your timeline.

In Mom’s Belly: __________________

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My Birth: __________________

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Infant: __________________

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Toddler: __________________

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Ages 3–6: __________________

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Ages 7–10: __________________

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Ages 11–13: __________________

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Ages 14–17: __________________

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Ages 18 and Up: __________________

___________________________________________________________________

more practice

Look at your timeline. For each time period, ask yourself if you let something contribute to your doubt label. If so, what nasty name did you call yourself as a result? Try to see if there is one or possibly more nasty doubt labels connecting all of these events. It may be the same one, or you may have a lot of different names.

In Natalie’s example, what are the doubt labels she might call herself?

__________________ __________________ __________________

Did you consider any of these labels: unlikable, undesirable, insignificant, shy, unimportant, unlovable, unwanted? Her doubt label could be any one of these, or many others.

Here is a list of the doubt labels you might call yourself. In Activity 8, these were called “nasty names.” They are also sources of self-doubt and it is helpful to consider where they might come from. Use your timeline to reflect on your life memories, and then circle the doubt labels you created based on your life experiences.