14 your confidence path

idea

Your history and the way you interpret it play major roles in shaping your self-doubt and your self-confidence. Positive feedback influences confidence. Listening for and embracing positive messages lays a foundation for the growth of self-confidence. Think back to positive experiences throughout your life. Use these memories as opportunities to draw objectively positive, realistic, and accurate views of yourself. Examples of positive experiences include: praise, goal attainment, and achievements in any area, whether academic, athletic, social, or artistic. Positive feedback can be loud and clear, subtle, or perceived. Being told you are the MVP of the game is a loud and clear message, while it’s subtler to receive a pat on the back or have someone whisper, “Nice game,” in your ear.

Chase

When Chase was seven years old, his parents enrolled him in a karate program. He was the smallest and one of the least experienced kids in the program, but the instructor encouraged him to compete in a major competition anyway. The instructor assured Chase that he would be competing against kids at the same level and size. To Chase’s surprise, he won the competition and went home with a trophy that was bigger than him. Plus, his picture was posted front and center on the karate program’s website. Chase walked away from this experience knowing that he had it in him to be a winner. Two years later, when Chase’s soccer coach asked him to fill in as goalie, a position he didn’t want to play, he fearlessly stepped up. Every time he blocked a goal, Chase confirmed that he had it in him to succeed.

your turn

Fill out your life timeline from a positive perspective. For each time period, identify significant and insignificant memories of events that contributed to your positive self-image. You might know the information already, or you might have to ask other people.

Here’s an example from Natalie’s life:

In Mom’s Belly: Mom says she didn’t gain too much weight with my pregnancy.

My Birth: Mom says she has fond memories of the way Dad cried when I was born.

Infant: Mom says I was a beautiful baby and that she loved dressing me in all sorts of cute outfits.

Toddler: Mom says she appreciated how she could set me in a corner and get lots of things done while I quietly played by myself.

Ages 3–6: Mom says I wasn’t a particularly active kid, so our house was less crazy then it was after my brother came along.

Ages 7–10: Mom liked that I rarely complained and was happy and willing to go to school.

Ages 11–13: Mom says I never had any academic issues in school.

Ages 14–17: Mom says she appreciates that she never has to nag me to get my homework done.

Age 18 and Up: Not there yet.

Now it’s your turn to record your data on the timeline.

In Mom’s Belly: __________________

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My Birth: __________________

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Infant: __________________

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Toddler: __________________

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Ages 3–6: __________________

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Ages 7–10: __________________

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Ages 11–13: __________________

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Ages 14–17: __________________

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Ages 18 and Up: __________________

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more practice

Look back at your timeline. For each time period, ask yourself if you let something influence a positive view of yourself. Try to see the positive view you gained from your history.

In Natalie’s case, what are examples of positive labels she might call herself?

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Did you consider lovable, likable, appealing, funny, or serene? The positive labels she might call herself could be any of these or many others.

On the next page is a list of self-confident beliefs. Reflect on your own timeline and circle all the positive labels that you heard.