confident vs. cocky
Self-confidence results from seeing yourself in a positive, accurate, and rational way while still being aware of your weaknesses. Cockiness is something completely different. It comes from a falsely elevated view of yourself that doesn’t have any objective facts to back it up. Cockiness means you have lost sight of your weaknesses and view yourself as better than everyone else. Contrarily, while with confidence you recognize when you are particularly good at something or have an exceptional talent, you also know many others share your gifts.
Jessica and Jake
Jessica is a skilled violinist and was appalled when the orchestra leader gave first chair to a student Jessica believed was not nearly as good. Jessica believes she is a superior writer and assumed her essay would be chosen for the school paper only to be shocked when it wasn’t.
Jake is the go-to man for help with math homework since he is especially talented in the subject. He is also not afraid to ask for help when he faces a particularly challenging problem. Jake scored two goals in yesterday’s soccer game and still happily cheered to support his friend when he got MVP of the game.
Take this quiz and identify whether the statements are confident or cocky. Circle the description that applies.
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Confident
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Cocky
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You brag to others and are always boasting.
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Confident
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Cocky
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You admit you have weaknesses.
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Confident
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Cocky
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You tell everyone your good grades even if they don’t ask.
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Confident
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Cocky
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You would never ask for help for fear that doing so would look bad.
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Confident
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Cocky
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You are genuinely happy for others when they succeed.
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Confident
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Cocky
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It frustrates you massively when others do better than you.
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Confident
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Cocky
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You feel good about your accomplishments.
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Confident
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Cocky
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You make excuses for your struggles.
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Confident
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Cocky
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You put others down.
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Confident
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Cocky
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You give genuine compliments to others.
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Confident
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Cocky
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You cheer for your friends.
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Confident
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Cocky
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Statements 2, 4, 5, 7, 9, and 10 reflect cockiness.
Statements 1, 3, 6, 8, 11, and 12 reflect confidence.
Do you know the difference between confident and cocky? How did you score?
Number of correct answers: __________________
It’s important to differentiate between confidence and cockiness. Confidence comes from believing in yourself and seeing your strengths and weaknesses in an accurate way. You feel good about your strengths so you don’t need reassurance or putting other people down to define you. You also see your weaknesses accurately and work on them or use others as a resource so you don’t let your weaknesses define you or get in your way. Cockiness comes from doubt, and because of this, you boast about artificially inflated abilities, compete with and criticize others to feel better about yourself, and make excuses for rather than working on your shortcomings. Practice some more with the quiz that follows. Read each story and circle the word that best describes each person’s behavior.
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SAT scores came out. John did better than he expected. Hesmiled inwardly and only revealed his good score to otherswhen pressed.
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Confident
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Cocky
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The teacher passed back the biology test. Nick raised his hand and asked the class if anyone got a higher score than the 92 he received.
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Confident
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Cocky
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Zach’s soccer team lost a close game. He sat on the sidelines, crying because he thought his team was better and that they should have won.
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Confident
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Cocky
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Carson’s high-jump was an all-time personal record, but she still lost. Her personal success filled her with pride.
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Confident
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Cocky
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The play received bad reviews, so Mandy blamed the rest of the cast for bringing her performance down.
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Confident
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Cocky
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Emily’s boyfriend went all-out when inviting her to the prom. She kept bragging and posting about how the proposal she received was better than everyone else’s.
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Confident
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Cocky
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Sam rushed home to tell his parents the guidance department picked him to participate in a leadership conference.
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Confident
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Cocky
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Julie posts lots of pictures of friends, even if she isn’t in them, rather than just sharing a bunch of selfies.
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Confident
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Cocky
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Answers:
Confident: 1, 4, 7, 8
Cocky: 2, 3, 5, 6
The Bottom Line: Being confident is healthy while being cocky is problematic.