examine all possible options
The way you think about something may not be the only viewpoint and it probably isn’t absolute truth. Just going with your immediate thought can land you in hot water because you’re running with the inaccurate, unassessed, not checked-out thought. This can significantly affect how you handle any given situation. A better strategy than following a snap judgment is to open your mind to consider all possible options.
Ben
The math teacher called Ben into her office to discuss the D on his test. Ben’s muscles tensed, his heart started to race and he automatically thought that the teacher was going to tell him that she and his guidance counselor had decided he would be better off in the lower-level math class. As a result, Ben walked into her office on the defensive, demanding that she give him another chance rather than force him into a less advanced class. The teacher looked at him, baffled, and replied that she only wanted to review his mistakes with him. But after his verbal tirade, she was feeling taken aback.
Over the course of the next several days, pay attention to when you notice a shift in your mood or body, record it, and then write down each captured thought on a separate line. Then, to broaden your sense of all the possible interpretations and viewpoints, complete this exercise. Use the downloadable worksheet available at http://www.newharbinger.com/34831 if you need to.
Write out a recent situation that upset you:
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What feelings or body sensations did you notice? Make note of them here:
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Next, write out your captured thoughts:
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Now, respond to these questions in the space provided:
- If you were a fly on the wall, what would your understanding of the situation be?
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- Pick a family member who you think typically has a good point of view on things. What do you think that person would say?
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- If someone you cared about was in the exact same situation, what would you say to that person?
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- What are some other possible explanations for what happened?
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- If you could transport yourself a day into the future, what would you think about the situation?
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- If you could transport yourself many years into the future, what might you think about the situation?
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Write out the new perspective you have gained:
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Think about another current upsetting situation and once again list those upsetting thoughts.
Write out a recent situation that upset you:
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What feelings or body sensations did you notice? Make note of them here:
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
Next, write out your captured thoughts:
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
Now, respond to these questions in the space provided:
- If you were a fly on the wall, what would your understanding of the situation be?
__________________
__________________
- Pick a family member who you think typically has a good point of view on things. What do you think that person would say?
__________________
__________________
- If someone you cared about was in the exact same situation, what would you say to that person?
__________________
__________________
- What are some other possible explanations for what happened?
__________________
__________________
- If you could transport yourself a day into the future, what would you think about the situation?
__________________
__________________
- If you could transport yourself many years into the future, what might you think about the situation?
__________________
__________________
Write out the new perspective you have gained:
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Were your original thoughts about the situation untrue or even partially untrue?
Circle one answer: YES NO
Is your original view of the situation still valid?
Circle one answer: YES NO
Have you gained a new perspective?
Circle one answer: YES NO
The next time your thoughts upset you, try looking at the evidence and seeing the situation from different perspectives. Remember the new perspectives you have gained through this exercise and use them in the future.
The Bottom Line: It’s helpful to check out your thinking by looking at it from as many angles as possible.