When faced with an unresolved or confusing situation, it is natural for your mind to jump to the first negative, worst-case conclusion that pops into your head. But this viewpoint may be wrong and can cause you a lot of unnecessary upset. Instead, you can get into the habit of considering all the possibilities as you wait for facts to come in.
Alison
Every time Alison calls Tori, she always answers with “I can’t talk, I’ll call you back.” Alison’s first reaction is to think, She always does this to me. I’m the only one she treats this way. She must find it a burden to talk to me. The truth is that Tori treats everyone this way because she is overcommitted and pulled in too many directions. This makes it difficult for her to find the time to talk to anyone.
Get into the habit of seeing all the possible alternative viewpoints when faced with a confusing or unresolved situation. Read the situations below and see what kind of thoughts jump into your head.
Situation: You have just sent a text to your friend Dan and there is no response.
Check any of the following viewpoints that you jump to:
Situation: You are leaving town tomorrow. Your friends said they would drop by around seven o’clock and it’s now nine o’clock.
Check any of the following viewpoints you jump to:
Situation: You just gave a presentation in class.
Check any of the following viewpoints you jump to:
Were you inclined to check the last three viewpoints for each scenario? If so, you are building the negative habit of looking for the worst outcome, even before you get the facts. If you more often checked the first three viewpoints in each list, then you have a more balanced, positive viewpoint and you are on track to building helpful habits that support self-confidence.
When faced with an uncertain outcome, you can build a new habit of thinking that supports confidence by seeing all possible alternative viewpoints. Here are four situations with uncertain outcomes. List as many realistic perceptions or viewpoints as you can in the space provided. For reference, you can use the first three items on each checklist in the previous exercise and revise any that seem similar to the last three viewpoints.
Situation: You have not heard back about a job you applied for.
Viewpoints: __________________
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Situation: All of your friends received invites to the post-prom party, but you didn’t.
Viewpoints: __________________
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Situation: You spent hours on an English paper and have been waiting more than a week for your grade.
Viewpoints: __________________
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Situation: You show up for a party and it looks like no one is there.
Viewpoints: __________________
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Now use a situation from your life and come up with as many possible viewpoints as you can.
Your Situation: __________________
Viewpoints: __________________
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The Bottom Line: Don’t let your negative first conclusion get the best of you when there are many viewpoints to consider.