communicate your point
Ineffective communication happens when you have not clearly expressed your message. You fail to let others know that something was a problem for you, you were unable to share how you felt about it, or you weren’t able to express what you want instead. Failing to get your point across can lead to misunderstandings, and the people involved might feel unappreciated, undervalued, overworked, dumped on, taken advantage of, or not considered. When you don’t communicate well, you miss opportunities, compromise yourself, and hurt your self-esteem. If you can learn to replace ineffective communication with effective communication, you will achieve more of your goals and improve your self-confidence.
Mattheus
Mattheus was supposed to intern for a family friend during the summer. He had received an e-mail saying that someone from the company would be in touch, but summer was approaching and no one had contacted him. He called the office, but when no one answered, he hung up without leaving a message. When he sat down to write the company an e-mail, he didn’t know what to say so he gave up. Days passed, then weeks. Summer started and Mattheus still passively waited to hear from the company, a strategy that could ruin his opportunity for a summer internship.
When faced with a difficult situation, which ineffective communication strategies do you use? Check all that apply:
- __________________Being Passive: You are unassertive and hold back rather than speaking or acting directly. You fail to clearly express what you want, feel, or need.
- __________________Manipulating: You get others to do what you want by twisting the facts or maneuvering in a way that serves your best interest. You might present partial information, omit facts and details, exaggerate insignificant details, hedge bets, pile on facts to support one side, or purposely leave some people uninformed.
- __________________Defending: You often feel attacked, so you make excuses or attack back. You tend to stop listening and start reacting.
When was the last time you used ineffective communication and it kept you from your goals?
___________________________________________________________________
Was that strategy a good choice? Why or why not?
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
What impact did the choice have on your self-confidence?
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
Instead of communicating ineffectively, take effective action by communicating clearly and saying directly what you think, feel, need, or want. Doing this means taking a stand for what is right for you. Don’t let others persuade you to do things that may put you at risk, compromise your needs, or hurt others. Instead of getting stuck in the communication style that you feel comfortable with, try replacing it with what works.
The following is a list of effective action options to use when ineffective communication is getting in your way. Mark which actions you do already and which ones you would try.
| Effective Action Option |
Do Already |
Would Try |
|
State the Facts: Be willing to tell people what they did or said that bothered you.
|
|
|
|
Speak Up: Ask for what you want. Be clear, be specific, and let others know what you want to do.
|
|
|
|
Listen to Others: Acknowledging what others think, feel, or want makes them more willing to compromise.
|
|
|
|
Compromise: Find a solution that works best for you and includes the needs of the people you care about. Be willing to be flexible.
|
|
|
|
Be Assertive: Express yourself clearly and mean what you say.
|
|
|
|
Present the Full Picture: Be accurate and straightforward.
|
|
|
|
Give the Appropriate Weight to Information: Don’t exaggerate to make a point, and don’t minimize how important something is to you.
|
|
|
| Effective Action Option |
Do Already |
Would Try |
|
Try to See Both Sides: The truth is usually a mixture of your view and someone else’s view of a situation.
|
|
|
|
Take Responsibility: Instead of making excuses, acknowledge your role.
|
|
|
|
Be Objective: Consider the facts before you react.
|
|
|
|
Don’t Blow Up: Keep your cool so you can effectively deliver your message.
|
|
|
Think about a situation in which you chose an ineffective communication strategy.
Describe the situation: __________________
___________________________________________________________________
How did you use ineffective communication?
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
What impact did that have on your self-confidence?
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
Which alternative strategies from the list could you use next time?
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
How might the new effective action option affect your self-confidence?
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
The Bottom Line: Speak up, and be willing to listen and compromise.