do away with perfectionism
Defining “perfect” is impossible, since there is no such thing as perfection. Whether something is perfect depends on your point of view. Perfectionism forces you to always have to be the best, rather than to work at your personal, realistic best. Perfectionists hold themselves to unrealistically high standards for everything they care about. Logically, it’s impossible to be perfect in all situations, all the time. Emotionally, perfectionists struggle to believe that, so they are critical of themselves and others.
Andy, Callie, and Jason
Andy gets his English test back and sees a score of 92 at the top. Immediately, he raises his hand and asks, “Did anyone in the class get a grade higher than 92?” Even though no one answers, internally Andy beats himself up for not doing better.
Callie is doing her floor routine during the gymnastics competition. But she can’t enjoy being in the moment, doing what she loves. She is too busy focusing on each tiny detail of her routine, internally taking off points for every microscopic misstep.
Jason is doing a group project for his business class and doesn’t allow anyone else in his group to do any of the work. He worries that they will make a mistake and it will cost him an A grade.
Do an Internet search for the names of several famous people you admire. Write down their strengths and successes, as well as their weaknesses, flaws, and failings.
| Things You Admire About This Person |
Things You See As Weaknesses Or Flaws |
|
Led the Chicago Bulls to six NBA championships
|
Tried out for the varsity basketball team his sophomore year and didn’t make the cut
|
|
Won MVP five times
|
Missed baskets
|
|
One of the best basketball players ever
|
Lost many games
|
|
Donates to charity
|
Had gambling difficulties
|
|
Involved in business
|
Divorced his first wife
|
Person 1: __________________
| Things You Admire About This Person |
Things You See As Weaknesses Or Flaws |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Person 2: __________________
| Things You Admire About This Person |
Things You See As Weaknesses Or Flaws |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Look at all the tables you filled in with descriptions of famous people. Consider what you wrote in the columns on the right-hand side. What does this say about each person’s perfection?
Example: Michael Jordan excelled in many areas of his life, but he also made plenty of mistakes and lost many games. But rather than beating himself up and getting in his own way, he loved competing and pushed himself to always perform better.
What can you say about the perfection of the people you chose to research?
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
Does the information on the right-hand side of the tables completely change the amount of respect and admiration you have for these people?
Circle one answer: YES NO
Can you see them as humans who have both strengths and weaknesses, who have experienced successes as well as difficulties?
Circle one answer: YES NO
Do you have more respect and admiration for them now that you can see them this way?
Circle one answer: YES NO
During the next week, intentionally make one minor mistake each day. Use the chart to record your initial prediction (what you think will happen) and then record the actual outcome (what did happen). For example, on Monday Joe pretended he had forgotten a new friend’s name. He said to her, “I’ve forgotten your name, can you tell it to me again? She responded, “It’s Meghan. No worries, I do that all the time.” On Tuesday, Joe left a typo in the e-mail he sent to a friend about a group project. On Wednesday, Joe purposefully gave a cashier the wrong amount of money and when she let him know he overpaid, he kindly thanked her for correcting him. On Thursday, as the team was about to head to the field Joe grabbed his friend’s jersey rather than his own. On Friday, he texted a friend to say he was running ten minutes late because he lost track of time.
|
Prediction(What You Think Will Happen) |
Outcome (What Did Happen) |
|
Monday
|
|
|
|
Tuesday
|
|
|
|
Wednesday
|
|
|
|
Thursday
|
|
|
|
Friday
|
|
|
|
Saturday
|
|
|
|
Sunday
|
|
|
Based on your experiences this week, what conclusions can you make about how your predictions compare with the actual outcomes?
Example: I imagined worst-case scenarios rather than staying realistic.
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
Is it possible to not be perfect and still be a success? Circle one answer: YES NO
The Bottom Line: Mistakes are part of being human. Give up needing to be perfect.