deal effectively with outside pressures
Unrealistic expectations add pressure to your already busy life. There is a lot required of you on a daily basis. Your days are super full with school classes, homework, studying, clubs, leadership activities, fine arts, athletics, socializing, home responsibilities, and perhaps a job. Realistic expectations are appropriate in everyday activities that you routinely perform to help you stay current. Adding on unrealistic expectations—which are the demands you put on yourself or others or that others put on you—drives your stress level all the way up.
Ben and Amanda
Ben heard on the news that some kid got into every Ivy League school in the country, and he feels he should be able to do the same. His teachers told him that if he only did more work, his grades would be stronger. And a school committee Ben is on pressured him to do more as well. Ben thinks the world is telling him he is falling short and should be doing more.
Amanda scanned the magazines in the pharmacy and couldn’t imagine herself looking good in any of the latest fashions. Her lacrosse coach expects her to be captain in the spring season and her guidance counselor is pushing her to stay in honors French. Amanda feels the pressure to do more but is too overwhelmed by it all to keep up.
What are the outside pressures you experience? Where do they come from?
Example
You feel pressure to: Join more clubs
Pressure comes from: Friends and guidance counselor
This pressure makes you…
Think: I can’t handle it all. I’ll never have time to get my homework done.
Feel: Stressed
Behave: Go to club meetings and stay up extra late doing work
Believe: I’m a stressed-out basket case.
You feel pressure to: __________________
Pressure comes from: __________________
This pressure makes you…
Think: __________________
___________________________________________________________________
Feel: __________________
Behave: __________________
Believe: __________________
For each outside pressure you listed, think about whether what you imagine, or know, others are asking from you is what you want for yourself. Notice if you think any of the following: I have to live up to this pressure, I would like to live up to this pressure, or I prefer not to take on this pressure, as it is their agenda and not mine. Then add your comments to that column. (If you need more space, download a worksheet version of this chart from http://www.newharbinger.com/34831.)
| State the Pressure |
I Have to Live Up to This Pressure |
I Would Like to Live Up to This Pressure |
I Prefer Not to Take on This Pressure |
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Join the business club
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I’m not joining this club just because my friends are. I’d rather spend the time doing the Model UN and Spanish Club. I don’t have time to do all three.
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Look back at what you wrote in the chart. If you demand that you live up to outside pressure, be sure to acknowledge that the outside pressure and your own are in sync. If not, state that. Be in charge of the actions you take.
The Bottom Line: Don’t give in to outside pressure. Make your own choices.