effectively deal with messing up
At one point or another, everyone makes mistakes, uses poor judgment, or simply messes up. You can strive to never mess up, but expecting that you will never blunder is unrealistic. Don’t let one error snowball into an avalanche of trouble or come to define your character. Before you do something risky, illegal, inconsiderate, inappropriate, or wrong, think about the negative consequences that could follow.
Still, sometimes, despite your best efforts, you might make the wrong choice. When you do mess up, you can learn to effectively deal with the problem by: taking responsibility for your action; clearly communicating why you understand it was an error; gaining experience by learning from it; and becoming clear that, moving forward, you won’t make the same mistake again.
Omar
The soccer and football coaches turned a blind eye when boys urinated in the fields before a game. So Omar thought nothing of using the same field to urinate during an activity period in class. At some level, he knew it was wrong, but he also thought it was no big deal to the school. A teacher spotted him and before he knew it, he was sitting in front of the vice principal getting reprimanded. Omar made a joke out of it and halfheartedly apologized. When asked to give a reason why he shouldn’t be suspended for this behavior, Omar simply shrugged his shoulders. This escalated the vice principal’s anger, and Omar left his office with a three-day suspension.
There are two paths to take when you mess up. The first is to get defiant, defensive, or apathetic. The second is to effectively take charge of the situation in order to maximize your recovery from it. Read through this example, thinking about which of the options you would normally favor—and where that option might lead.
During a test, you are caught looking at another student’s answers and sent to the vice principal’s office. He threatens to suspend you.
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Your response is to…
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Stay calm and use a soft, clear voice
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Get angry and use a loud voice or mumble
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Acknowledge what you did
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Get defensive, make excuses, or deny that you messed up
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Apologize for your behavior
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Halfheartedly apologize or don’t apologize at all
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Assure him that you will not make this mistake again
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Don’t assure him of anything and say nothing
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Plead for mercy and try to negotiate a reasonable punishment that is less severe
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Shrug your shoulders, or smirk
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While it’s true that both sets of options may lead to the same result, the path outlined in the left column has more potential for a better outcome. The path on the left shows the person you wronged that the problem is as important to you as it is to him or her. Even when you think the mistake isn’t a big deal, it is essential to acknowledge the other person’s viewpoint as a sign of respect. Assuring the person that you will not make the same mistake again and that you will try your best next time lets him or her know you are taking this seriously. The mature path requires you to be willing to take responsibility for what happens and not let your mistakes compromise your future.
Think of a time you got yourself into trouble. For example, you may have lost your temper with your parents, broken a school rule, gotten into a fight, posted something mean on social media, cheated on a test, or neglected to do something important.
Describe the way you messed up: __________________
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Once you were in trouble for messing up, did you stay calm and speak in a soft, clear voice?
Circle one answer: YES NO
Did you acknowledge what you did and that you messed up? Circle one answer: YES NO
If not, what did you do instead?
___________________________________________________________________
Did you apologize for your behavior? Circle one answer: YES NO
If not, what did you do instead?
___________________________________________________________________
Did you assure an authority figure or the person you wronged that you would not make the same mistake again?
Circle one answer: YES NO
If not, what did you do instead?
___________________________________________________________________
Did you plead for mercy and try to negotiate a reasonable punishment that was less severe?
Circle one answer: YES NO
If not, what did you do instead?
___________________________________________________________________
What can you conclude about the way you handled getting into trouble?
___________________________________________________________________
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Did you effectively deal with messing up? Circle one answer: YES NO
Are you now aware of how you could have dealt with the situation more effectively?
Circle one answer: YES NO
The next time you face a situation in which you get yourself into trouble, remember these strategies so you can effectively deal with it.
The Bottom Line: Don’t make more of a mess when you mess up.