dampen the judgment
Dampening judgment to effectively cope with life’s problems is a three-step process consisting of acknowledging a distressing situation, accepting it, and figuring out the effective action to take. More specifically, the first step is to acknowledge the facts of a situation. The second step, acceptance, is the most critical because acceptance allows you to remove biased, negative judgments. It helps you observe unpleasantness, problems, or difficulties without imposing meaning on situations. These meanings we impose can be conclusions we draw about others, consequences, or ourselves that are untrue or imagined. Acceptance is a clear, objective view of the facts without negative judgments, and it enables you to take the third step toward coping with life adversity, which is to take appropriate, effective action.
Julie
Julie got her first speeding ticket. She immediately hid it away, fearing that the wrath of her parents would lead them to assume she was an irresponsible driver and take her driving privilege away. She kept the speeding ticket hidden well past the due date, so a second notice arrived at her home with an additional fine imposed for late payment. Julie’s failure to acknowledge the problem, the meaning she imposed on her parents, and her ineffective action all resulted in even worse consequences.
Practice choosing the effective path by considering this situation. Imagine you missed your good friend’s party. Do you let the situation get the best of you? Or do you dampen the judgment and cope? Which path would you take?
Step 1: Acknowledge
| Ineffective Path |
Effective Path |
|
Pretend that you went to the party
|
Face your friend’s disappointment
|
|
Fail to acknowledge your absence
|
Acknowledge your absence from the party
|
Step 2: Accept Without Judgment
| Ineffective Path |
Effective Path |
|
You think:
This will be always held against me.
I will be excluded from the inner circle from now on.
I may lose friends over this.
This is one more reason for her not to like me.
|
You think:
I accept my friend may be disappointed and even upset with me, but there is no reason to think this is going to have lifelong consequences or that it will compromise my friendships.
|
Step 3: Effective Action
| Ineffective Path |
Effective Path |
|
Avoid your friend
|
Face your friend
|
|
Avoid talking about the party
|
Apologize for your absence, regardless of the reason
|
Try dampening the judgment to effectively cope with difficult situations, problems, and challenges. This week, practice acknowledging, accepting, and choosing effective action.
Describe a problematic situation: __________________
___________________________________________________________________
How did you acknowledge it?
___________________________________________________________________
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How did you accept the situation without judgment?
___________________________________________________________________
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What effective action did you take?
___________________________________________________________________
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You can download additional copies of this exercise, if you need them, at http://www.newharbinger.com/34831.
The Bottom Line: Cope by acknowledging, accepting, and choosing effective action. Don’t judge.