PENN STATE UNIVERSITY HOUSING OFFICE: ROOMMATE AGREEMENT
EXAMINING YOUR DIFFERENCES
You have probably identified some areas in which you and your roommate have different living preferences.
Take some time to discuss these areas and develop strategies that you are both comfortable with to address these differences. Be specific and clear in detailing your thoughts below. Your RA will follow up on the things that you have listed.
Identify different preference(s):
Possible compromise(s):
Discussion-starters for difficult conversations:
When I am doing something that is bothering you, this is how I prefer to be approached...
If problems arise between us, we should approach them by...
Of the items we’ve discussed today, the most important to me is...
If I am feeling frustrated, this is how you’ll know...
I find it easy/difficult to talk about these things because...
AGREEMENT
I have examined my living preferences with my roommate. We have developed comfortable solutions to address areas in which we have different preferences. I understand that we will not always agree and that we will need to address issues as they arise. I also understand and agree that the strategies detailed here will be the guidelines for living in our room.
Hall: ________________________ Room: ____________
Name (print): _______________________ Name
(print):______________________
Signature: _________________________ Signature:_____________________
Date: _____________ Date: _____________
Identifying your priorities for comfortable living
The purpose of this contract is to give individuals sharing a room the opportunity to examine each other’s personal styles and preferences for living.
We encourage you to set aside some time to discuss the following questions with your roommate(s). By dedicating adequate time to these questions now, you may avoid conflicts in the future.
Take the time together to complete this contract and explain each of your responses. Be as honest and specific as possible.
Remember…communication is the key to the success of your living experience at Penn State.
Roommate name _________________________
I have shared a room before I have never shared a room before
I am:
an early bird a late riser
When I am asleep it is okay for my roommate to:
have music on have the TV on use a desk light have guests over
talk on the phone use the computer have the overhead light on
Is this true for both morning and night?
yes no
I prefer living in a room that is:
quiet has some noise has constant noise
I prefer to study:
in my room in the library other
in the morning in the afternoon in the evening in the late evening
When studying in my room, I prefer:
complete quiet low music loud music television
I prefer our room be kept:
neat in between messy no preference
Borrowing personal belongings is: (including computer)
okay not okay depends no preference
If the answer is “depends,” please elaborate on desired conditions:
When it comes to privacy, I need:
a lot some very little
Roommate name _________________________
I have shared a room before I have never shared a room before
I am: an early bird a late riser
When I am asleep it is okay for my roommate to:
have music on have the TV on use a desk light have guests over
talk on the phone use the computer have the overhead light on
Is this true for both morning and night?
yes no
I prefer living in a room that is:
quiet has some noise has constant noise
I prefer to study:
in my room in the library other
in the morning in the afternoon in the evening in the late evening
When studying in my room, I prefer:
complete quiet low music loud music television
I prefer our room be kept:
neat in between messy no preference
Borrowing personal belongings is: (including computer)
okay not okay depends no preference
If your answer is “depends,” please elaborate on desired conditions:
When it comes to privacy, I need:
a lot some very little
(To be agreed upon by all roommates)
We will clean our room … Cleaning products purchased … Have designated cleaning tasks?
daily weekly separately jointly yes no
monthly as needed
Name ________________________________________
Arrangements for overnight guests should be made:
_________ days / _______ weeks in advance
When it comes to having overnight guests/friends:
I would mind male guests I would not mind male guests
I would mind female guests I would not mind female guests
Significant other
I would mind I would not mind
My roommate’s guests using my bed to sit on or sleep in is:
okay not okay
Overnight guests are allowed (to be agreed upon):
every weekend every other weekend once a month
2-3 times per semester
I usually go to bed:
before 11 p.m. between 11 p.m. & midnight
between midnight and 1 a.m. after 1 a.m.
I expect to receive phone calls after 11 p.m. or before 8 a.m:
frequently sometimes never
I have concerns about receiving calls after 11 p.m. or before 8 a.m:
yes no
I prefer the room temperature to be:
cool warm very warm
I prefer the windows to be:
open closed depends on the weather no preference
If the answer is “depends,” please elaborate on desired conditions:
Can your roommate eat your food? yes no
Do you prefer an alcohol-free room?
yes no no preference
by Bill Warters
From: Conflict Management in Higher Education Report
Vol. 6, Number 1, November 2005
Campus Conflict Resolution Resources Project
Department of Communication
Wayne State University
585 Manoogian Hall, Detroit, MI 48201
An October 16, 2005 article in The (Baltimore) Sun titled “Uneasy relations: Blogs, Web sites and instant messaging offer more ways for college roommates to be dysfunctional” explored roommate-conflict patterns among our “net-gen” students.
The article cites a 2004 survey of 31,000 freshmen across the country conducted by the Higher Education Research Institute at the University of California Los Angeles. The survey found that 29 percent of freshman reported having problems with their roommates. Female students were slightly more likely than their male counterparts to have conflicts.
While learning to live with a roommate has long been one of the challenges of college, housing officials cited in the article indicate that now 80 to 90 percent of incoming freshmen have never shared a room before they get to campus. This compares to about 50 percent a generation ago.
These students also tend to have active parents whose involvement may extend into their college lives, and these students are used to having many of their problems solved for them.
Of particular interest is the finding that students are used to talking online and in text messages, and are often more comfortable communicating complaints (directly or indirectly) via online methods instead of by face-to-face communication. Students in the same room will often use instant messaging to communicate rather than turning and talking to each other. They may complain about their roommate on a blog or in a chat session or by using text messaging on phones, creating new ways for students to become alienated from each other.
In related research not reported in The Sun article, the 2004 Higher Education Research Institute’s “The American Freshman” report noted an increasing polarization in student political orientations. A record number of students label themselves as politically “far left” (3.4 percent) and “far right” (2.2 percent). While still small, these numbers indicate a significant increase over time in the proportion of students who define themselves at the political extremes. Also, identification as either “liberal” (26.1 percent) or “conservative” (21.9 percent) increased from 2003 to 2004. The political shift away from the center, concurrent with the presidential election year, is the largest one-year shift in the thirty-five years that the item has been measured. This polarization can lead to significant tensions on campus.
Certainly these results suggest a continued need for campus mediation work. And while the Internet may be contributing to communication problems, it can also be employed to support constructive conflict resolution. Recent reports of high schools using instant messaging “help lines” to resolve student conflicts and colleges that are using Web-based mediation-intake forms are a few examples of where we may be headed in the future.
As channels of communication increase, so do the opportunities for conflict. Hopefully the “digital-native” mediators among us will help lead the way by developing new forms of conflict management that suit the needs and styles of today’s students. I’ll certainly be watching with interest.
Department of University Housing
The University of Georgia
1. Get to know each other.
You’re going to be spending much time with your roommate and he or she is your first opportunity to make a new friend at UGA. Take the time to ask and answer questions — about family, hobbies, academic interests, etc. Who is this person? Some questions you can ask:
• My nickname is…
• My birthday is…
• The kinds of grades I want to earn this semester are…
• The kinds of food I like to eat are…
• The things I do for fun are…
• What I like to do for exercise is…
• Some things I spend my money on…
• Some things about my family are…
• Why I came to UGA is….
• My major is (or may be)…
• Some things about my hometown/high school are…
2. Communicate.
Open and honest communication is key in building a positive and successful relationship. Take some time and talk to each other and let your roommate know what is important to you. Talk about how you would like for the two of you to communicate with each other and how you talk to others when there is a problem or conflict. Living together can be stressful and knowing how the other person operates means that you can resolve conflicts before they grow too large. Healthy relationships take work. Some issues you may wish to discuss include:
• The way I feel about loaning things is…
• The way I would like to decorate our room is…
• If something I do upsets you, you would…
• When I am unhappy or mad, I…
3. Be open and friendly.
Both of you may be anxious and concerned about living with another person. Your roommate may be experiencing the same issues and concerns that you are and may be under the same pressures. Talk to each other about what is important to you and things that may affect your relationship as roommates.
• The way I feel about dating is…
• My favorite movie is…
• My favorite food is…
• My ideal vacation would be to go to…
4. Define “neat.”
Whether you’re a neat freak or a slob, you have someone else’s feelings to consider. With a little give and take, you can each adjust accordingly and make your environment comfortable. You need to make sure that you both (1) agree to how you are going to keep the room, and (2) what you are going to do if one of you is not living up to your agreement.
5. Discuss visitation hours.
Talk about when it is okay and when it is not okay to have visitors in the room. Also discuss how often you both plan to have people over. Do you want your room to be a social center or a refuge from the crowds? How about opposite-gender guests? When are they allowed in the room? Do you think you might have overnight guests? What are the rules for them?
• I would like to avoid having guests over at these times…
• If I feel that a visitor(s) overstays his/her welcome, we would handle it by…
• The way I feel about your friends using my things is…
• The way I feel about having people in the room when I am trying to study is…
• The way I feel about getting dressed with members of the opposite sex in the room is…
• The way I feel about getting dressed with members of the same sex in the room is…
6. Find an activity you can share.
Nothing compares to having something in common to care and talk about. Do you both plan to go to Ramsey Student Center? Maybe you can be workout partners. Perhaps you both enjoy a particular type of film, music, art, or hobby. Do you plan to join any clubs or student organizations? While you will not be spending all your time with your roommate, it does not mean you can’t do some things together.
7. What about study times and habits?
Talk about how you prepare for classes and tests. Do you study in the room or in another place such as the library, a study room, or the student learning center? If you plan on doing most of your work in your room, talk about scheduling times so that you both can fully use the room and not conflict with each other’s activities. Let your roommate know when you have a big test or assignment coming up so that he or she can give you space and quiet time.
8. Give each other space.
Togetherness is great but too much of a good thing is sometimes not so great. You and your roommate need time alone or with other friends. If that is not happening naturally, talk about it.
9. Are you okay with sharing?
Just because you share a room, it does not mean you may want to share other things, even if you suddenly have twice the wardrobe. Talk about what you want to share and what you want to keep for yourself. Can you share a TV? Phone? Refrigerator? What about clothes, CDs, appliances, food, etc.? Setting these boundaries early can avoid later conflicts.
• Sharing a computer?
• Sharing a television
• Sharing a stereo?
• Sharing a game box (Xbox, PlayStation, etc.)
10. Pet peeves and personal habits.
What are your big pet peeves? What really bothers you? How do you deal with conflict? Do you yell, get quiet, or nurse a grudge? You have the chance to talk in advance before you establish a relationship with this person — use it.
• The way I feel about loaning things is…
• The way I react when I am stressed out is…
• When I am depressed I…
• Something that cheers me up when I am down is…
• I usually let people know I am angry by…
• I become easily annoyed by….
Getting acquainted with your surroundings and adjusting to college life
By Megan O’Leary-Buda
From: www.collegeview.com
Moving to college and adjusting to college life can be an overwhelming experience, especially if you have not been acquainted with the campus before.
For those of you who are living on campus, after moving all of your belongings into the residence hall, you should try to make a personal tour of the campus. This will make for an easier transition on the first day of class. Be sure to make a list of places to find. For instance, you will want to know where and when you can eat at the various places on campus.
If applicable, find out where you need to go to put money on your ID card. Many universities offer a plan to place money on the student ID card; you can spend that money on laundry, local food places, and even the bookstore. You should also go to the bookstore to find out what books you will need for your classes.
During move-in weekend, every student is in the same predicament. They are trying to adjust to college dorm life just like you are. They do not have all of the answers, but they do have some. Compare notes with them. They may have already found the information that you were looking for.
It is also encouraged to find a new person on the floor and find ways to get to know them better. You might even want to go together to find various offices and what each office offers to the students at your university.
The best advice is to ask as many questions as you have. There is never a stupid question. If you feel uncomfortable asking questions in the offices, find an upperclassman to help you. They have been in your shoes before and usually are willing to help and give a college freshman advice.
Megan O’Leary-Buda holds a master’s degree in higher education administration from The University of Akron. She works at Quinnipiac University as a residence-hall director for off-campus properties, a position that allows her to create new programs for first-year transfer students, sophomores, and juniors. She also supervises resident assistants living in the neighborhoods surrounding the campus.
Helping you pack the essential supplies for your first year of college dorm life.
By Megan O’Leary-Buda
From: www.collegeview.com
Before running out to the nearest store to purchase items for your dorm room, it is a great idea to check out your college’s Web site (more specifically their Office of Residence Life page).
Frequently, there will be a list of items that are not permitted on campus, sometimes including air conditioners, space heaters, pets, toasters, etc.
Also, be sure to contact your college roommate to decide who is bringing what items from your dorm-room checklist. This lowers the possibility of a duplicate supply of items that may not fit in the small dorm room storage space.
Here’s a college dorm-room checklist of essential items that you will want to bring:
• Alarm clock
• Carpet/throw rug
• Chair/bean bag
• Clothes-drying rack
• Compact refrigerator
• Computer
• Cup/mug/glass/plate/bowl/silverware
• Dish soap
• Fan
• Fish
• Handi-Tak to hang posters
• Hangers
• Iron
• Laundry bag
• Laundry detergent
• Medicine
• Microwave (one cubic foot)
• Plants (real or fake)
• Radio/stereo
• Rolls of quarters for laundry
• School supplies
• Sewing kit
• Shower caddy
• Telephone
• Toiletry items/soap dish
• TV/VCR/DVD player
Megan O’Leary-Buda holds a master’s degree in higher education administration from The University of Akron. She works at Quinnipiac University as a residence-hall director for off-campus properties, a position that allows her to create new programs for first-year transfer students, sophomores, and juniors. She also supervises resident assistants living in the neighborhoods surrounding the campus.
