SIR – I am perplexed by the constant moaning about the number of potholes on our roads. In my own case it has led to me stepping up my concentration levels to avoid them and thus other road users.
I think the government is to be congratulated on this latest road safety initiative.
Worcester
SIR – As chewing gum so effectively adheres to road surfaces and pavements, could it not be utilised in the repair of potholes?
St Albans, Hertfordshire
SIR – Great news that Dyson is producing an electric car. Presumably this will come with various attachments for cleaning?
Cheltenham, Gloucestershire
SIR – In the future, when two driverless electric cars meet, headlamp to headlamp, on a single-track road, will the one with the higher-charged battery resort to road rage?
Meltham, West Yorkshire
SIR – If electric car charging points are to be installed on our lamp posts, have the authorities considered how many dogs may be electrocuted?
Eversley Cross, Hampshire
SIR – Driverless lorries? I am sure there are thousands of commuters on Southern Rail who would much prefer to see the introduction of driverless trains.
Goring-by-Sea, West Sussex
SIR – I read that Sir Richard Branson is preparing to blast off into space. Will he be returning? These are tremulous moments for the beleaguered passengers on Virgin Trains.
Slapton, Devon
SIR – Vodafone is to install a mobile network on the moon. A signal in my garden would be nice.
Falcutt, Northamptonshire
SIR – A few years ago, on the whispery commuter train from Salisbury to London, a boorish young man entered the quiet carriage. Manspreading on a corner in the centre of the carriage, he proceeded to make a series of loud and brash business calls.
Telegraphs rustled and glances were exchanged with heavy sighs, but nothing happened until the young man received a loud ringing call and the caller was obviously his wife.
At this point a gloriously elegant woman rose from her seat and walked down the aisle, leant over his shoulder and said in a ringing throaty voice: “Darling, why don’t you put that silly thing down and come back to bed?”
London SW4
SIR – Packed like sardines on a train from Woking to Waterloo forced me to stand next to a young woman applying makeup. Brushes, lotions and potions were in use, as was what looked like a Dulux colour chart.
The final stage involved something that might have been used during the Spanish Inquisition applied firmly to each eye.
Was it worth it? Not so much. Her face had gone from white-ish to magnolia-ish. And she nearly poked her eye out. But it made the journey more interesting.
Pyrford, Surrey
SIR – If the gentleman who pushed past me at Waterloo Station on Wednesday is reading this, I would like to inform him that, having tripped over his case on wheels, the pain is now easing and I have managed to get an appointment with the chiropractor.
Knowle, West Midlands
SIR – A farming friend told me of going on a pre-war school visit to London as a child.
There were no hi-vis jackets available but his mother stitched a milk churn label into his jacket, which said: “Return empty to Hazelwood station”.
Etwall, Derbyshire
SIR – Your article suggests checking under the seats before taking your car into the garage.
Perhaps you should also check the boot, as my daughter’s boyfriend failed to do when his car was towed to a garage following a crash in the Welsh lanes.
He’d left a gross of new condoms littered across the floor of the car boot.
Not only did he fail to mention to the mechanics that he worked in sexual health, he also failed to count the condoms on the car’s return.
London W4
SIR – I was amused to read about the Daimler that had been buried in a reader’s back garden.
This sort of thing was common practice in the 1950s and 1960s when I grew up because people had difficulty in getting rid of unwanted items.
I remember telling my husband that my father had buried a bed, including the mattress, in our back garden.
He replied that his father had buried a grand piano in his grandparents’ back garden.
Cotgrave, Nottinghamshire
SIR – Perhaps the Manchester police, while endeavouring to catch motorists with mispositioned satnavs, could spare some time to prosecute those who dare to dangle furry dice, mini football boots and other paraphernalia from their rear-view mirrors.
Hildenborough, Kent
SIR – The trouble with people who drive flashy cars is that they all seem to be driving behind sneering wheels.
Thames Ditton, Surrey
SIR – Autumn is officially here. It’s only half-past October and I’ve just seen my first car with its rear fog light illuminated in bright sunlight in the middle of the day. I’m assuming that it will stay on until April.
Watton-at-Stone, Hertfordshire
SIR – When it comes to fake news and misinformation, I would like to nominate the computer which controls the overhead gantries on the M25. It is wrong at least 90 per cent of the time.
Epping, Essex
SIR – Twice this week I have driven along the A303 past Stonehenge without being delayed by people slowing down to take selfies with the stones – once in the dark and once in thick fog.
This suggests that, instead of replacing the stretch of road with an expensive tunnel, the traffic flow could be improved by erecting a blackout curtain.
Castle Cary, Somerset
SIR – As an optometrist, I ask my patients if they wear their spectacles for driving. A common answer is: “Only if I’m going somewhere I don’t know.”
Hessle, East Yorkshire
SIR – Yesterday my wife used the satnav system in our car and, as a result, we now measure in kilometres; the settings and language are all in German; and our home has moved from Eastbourne to Crawley.
I would congratulate her if I had any idea where she was.
Eastbourne, East Sussex
SIR – When I was in South America, an old hand explained the local etiquette at traffic lights: Green means “go” and red means “have a go”.
Limpsfield, Surrey
SIR – There’s little we should borrow from the French, but alongside better weather and proper wine, their habit of turning traffic lights to flashing amber when traffic is light seems an admirable idea.
Woolpit, Suffolk
SIR – There is an increasing road hazard on our roads. It was once the occasional cyclist, but on weekend mornings, it’s now a group of middle-aged people, three riders wide and 20 metres long, all trying to pedal slowly in the most expensive bikes and gear.
I have been trying to work out a plural phrase for this hazard and the best I have thought of so far is “A litter of Lycra”.
Walsall, Staffordshire
SIR – My wife arrived home yesterday from her regular Friday shop in an unusually happy frame of mind.
It transpired that she had not encountered a single cyclist on the 12-mile round trip.
East Horsley, Surrey
SIR – Isn’t it about time that we started prosecuting pedestrians?
After all, they make the lives of cyclists a misery by constantly walking on the pavements and getting in their way.
Crosby, Lancashire
SIR – I once stayed at a bed and breakfast whose address was Court Cocking in St Ives. The landlady was rather pleased with the name but annoyed at the number of times the sign had been stolen.
Whitchurch, Shropshire
SIR – I worked for several years next to a company building that surely had one of the worst addresses in the country: Hide, Skin and Fat Ltd, Gas Street, Mumps, Oldham.
Ashton-under-Lyne, Lancashire
SIR – Living in Essex, near Chelmsford, I regularly drove past a village called “Howe Green”. Its name was proudly displayed on a prominent board. Each time I wanted to stop and add the words: “… was my valley”.
Fortunately, I resisted the temptation.
Cley-next-the-Sea, Norfolk
SIR – Walking along the cliffs at Scarborough I noticed one bench facing out to sea, whereas its neighbours all faced inland.
I bent down to read the dedication: “Excuse me, you’re blocking the view of my yacht.”
I found myself apologising to it, before moving on.
Harpenden, Hertfordshire
SIR – The Welsh are demanding to choose the name for the second Severn crossing. When the public are allowed to choose new names, something unsuitable is apt to emerge: what’s Welsh for Bridgey McBridgeface?
Cheltenham, Gloucestershire
SIR – With the rejection of The Prince of Wales as the name for the New Severn Bridge in favour of a person who has done something for Wales, may I suggest Sir Tom Jones.
Alton, Hampshire