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The bishop leaned forward. “Abram, you committed a violation of the Ordnung for Peace Valley. We are here to lift you up and ask you to express your remorse for what you did. If you do, you’ll be forgiven, but if you don’t...”
Abram nodded. Wiping his face, he sighed. “I know. I am very sorry for what I did. As soon as I saw her face... I felt like I wanted to be sick right there.”
Bishop Kurtz sighed. While he was so grateful for the existence and work of the Peer Council, he dearly wished it wasn’t necessary. Sighing again, he spoke. “Abram, clearly, you are sorry for what you did. But, are you sorry that you did it? That you acted on an angry impulse? Or are you sorry you were caught today?”
“Sir, I’m sorry that I did it at all. I never wanted to hurt her.”
“Why did you do it?” Eli spoke.
“She was sassing me, telling me that we had—”
“Nee, son. Speaking up is never sassing. If she felt she had something to say, then she should have the right to speak up. Always.” The bishop’s tone was implacable.
“But bishop, I’m head of the home. I should be making decisions. All of them.”
Eli had an idea of what was happening in the Beiler’s marriage now. “Abram, do you allow Hannah to share responsibility for decision making?”
“Nee. She makes decisions about the areas of our home and marriage that...well, are traditional. I make the big, major ones.”
“One more question. What drew you to her?”
“Her spirit, gut heart, love of God, independence and intelligence. Also, her beauty.”
“So, you see the whole woman—at least you did then, ya?”
“Ya.” Abram drew his response out, not sure where the discussion was going.
“Okay, I apologize. I have another question and possibly more after that. On the day you married Hannah, did she lose all of those qualities?”
“Nee!” Abram laughed. “She still has them!”
“Gut. You had me worried there.” Eli stared into Abram’s eyes. “Now, was she really sassing you, or did she just speak up?”
Abram looked down, feeling horrible. “She just spoke up—felt she had something to say.”
The bishop leaned toward Abram, sipping his coffee. “Abram, our Peer Council wants to offer you the opportunity to work with volunteer counselors. They are members of our community and have worked with others.”
“Is this a part of my repentance? Would they work with us like they worked with Wayne and Lizzie Lapp?”
“Ya and ya. But understand, Wayne has other issues that made their situation more challenging. I can’t say who the Council has worked with, due to confidentiality agreements. But the Lapps are fairly commonly known.”
“As I remember it, he was also reminded that if he didn’t stop striking Lizzie, he would be banned.”
“Ya. He is in therapy away from Peace Valley right now. And doing better, though he still has setbacks.”
“Is he still at risk of being banned?”
“Only if he slips back to the point where he abuses Lizzie again, even after our intervention and his stay in the Mennonite-Amish counseling center. But he has repented of his actions.”
Abram shivered, remembering that terrible day. He had been one of the men trying to pull Wayne away from Lizzie. “Ya, I repent. Fully. I don’t ever want to hurt Hannah. I will start working on including her in bigger decisions, and I will participate in the Peer Council’s work.”
All the men sighed. “Denki. Our next meeting is this Thursday, at seven in the evening. At the Millers.’”
“We will be there.”
After the elders and Eli Yoder had left, Abram simply sat thinking for a while longer. When he felt the sharpening cold of the late afternoon, he jogged back into the house.
Hannah was also thinking. “Abram, what did you tell the elders?”
Abram stiffened before remembering his promise. Deliberately loosening his back, arms and hands, he spoke. “I repent of everything. Hannah, I don’t want to hurt you. I love you. I fell in love with a woman who had spirit, intelligence and even independence. I did violate the Ordnung. They made that clear to me. But they gave me an opportunity to right my wrongs by participating in the next Peer Council meeting—”
“Thursday, at the Millers’. Are we going?”
Abram nearly said yes, and then remembered he needed to involve Hannah in the decision. “Do you want to?”
“Ya, badly!” Hannah stood and faced Abram, just out of the reach of his arms. Gripping her hands together, she squeezed them nervously. “We both have to learn how to interact lovingly with each other. I’m sure I’ve made mistakes as well. Let’s go to the meeting. Please?”
“We will, then. After supper.” Abram turned to leave the kitchen.
“Abram, wait!” Hannah stood her ground with her heart pounding. “I see today as a new start for us. I don’t ever want to be hit again. Or yelled at. My parents encouraged me to make my own decisions. They pushed me to make decisions about my baking business and to take responsibility for mistakes. I can help you, and I want to. I want to have a large family with you, if Gott wills it. And that means we’re going to have to rely on each other. But if you ever hit me or yell at me again, I will report it.”
Abram looked at the ground. He kept in mind the desolation of not having Hannah in his life, contrasting that with the full life and hullabaloo of a large and growing family. Nodding once, he spoke. “Denki. I needed to hear that.”
“I need to make something for supper. It’ll be ready soon.” Hannah dismissed Abram, needing to think about her brave words.
***
AFTER RETURNING FROM their two-day trip to Philadelphia, Abram and Hannah resumed their quiet life. She saw him making efforts to include her in decisions and was aware that he was thinking of his words before speaking them. She was grateful for the changes, yet apprehensive about any future episodes. I hope he understands that I was serious about reporting any yelling or attempts at violence.
Abram had spoken honestly to the elders and to Eli Yoder about his repentance and feelings of shame for hurting Hannah. But he knew he would struggle with the two differing beliefs he had grown up with. After making several sets of horseshoes one day, he stopped for a break. Drinking deeply from the thermos of hot coffee, he realized he would need to use his own parents’ marriage as his own guide for living in his marriage. But how do I forget what my uncle and cousin did? How do I separate myself from their beliefs? In the house, as he and Hannah ate supper, he brought up the question. “I want to live our marriage like my parents and yours have. At the same time, how do I forget what I saw at my uncle’s house so long ago?”
“Would you really like my suggestions?” Hannah was, understandably, cautious.
“Ya, I do.”
Hannah sighed, praying she wasn’t making a mistake. “Ya, your parents and mine both have loving, strong marriages. I remember Daed seeking out my mamm’s opinions on different matters, such as whether they should buy a plot of land. He also expected to take part in decisions about us kinder. Discipline, rumspringa, things like that. So, their marriage is truly a fifty-fifty arrangement. And from what I’ve seen with your parents, it’s the same. What made you believe that wives can’t be a part of the process in big family decisions?”
Abram swallowed his coffee. “I spent one summer at my uncle and auntie’s house when I was thirteen or fourteen. They do live in a more conservative community, and I don’t think I took that into consideration. I’ve been thinking about this. A lot. Uncle doesn’t allow my auntie to take part in any decisions that have to do with money or anything. She tried to speak up one day and he clobbered her. I mean, he just slapped her as hard as he could.”
Hannah gasped. “Mei Gott! What about your cousins? What do they do in their own marriages?
Abram let out a short, sharp laugh. “Just like my uncle and auntie. I know my cousin abuses his own wife and his sisters are in abusive marriages as well.”
“Does it violate their Ordnung?”
“I’m sure it does.”
***
PULLING UP TO THE MILLER’S house, Abram and Hannah looked nervously at each other. Abram, not knowing what to expect, let out a deep huff of air. “Well, I hope they don’t yell at me.”
Hannah smiled. “I don’t think they will. I think they’ll just teach us different ways of thinking and approaching situations.”
“I pray you’re right, wife. Let’s go.” Abram helped Hannah out of the buggy. As he did, he was being watched.
Deacon Hannes King was watching as Abram carefully helped Hannah disembark from the buggy. Nodding in approval, he knew they stood a gut chance of succeeding with this couple. Turning to the bishop, he smiled. “I agree with you. I think, in time, he’ll be able to change how he interacts with her. He loves her. That’s clear.”
“Ya, I agree. I think that remembering what Wayne tried to do to Lizzie and Leora gave him a gut scare as well.”
During the gathering, Hannah and Abram drank beverages as they worked on the evening’s topic, which was, “Sharing Decisions, or Seeing Your Partner as an Equal.” Hannah felt her heart breaking again as Abram shared the story of what he had witnessed as a young adolescent.
“So, to put it plainly, you’re confused, ya?” The bishop’s kind eyes took in every aspect of Abram’s expression.
“Ya, I am. I mean, I know what I saw in my parents’ marriage and how they approached different kinds of decisions. Then, when I saw how my uncle treated my aunt, I wondered who was wrong. Or were they wrong?”
“Not to make you even more confused, but I think that depends on your aunt and uncle’s community. Is it more conservative?”
“Ya, it is.”
“Then, that’s one part of the answer. Women there aren’t given the same kind of responsibility. Now, whether I agree with that or not...” The bishop’s shrug was eloquent. “On the other hand, I am positive that your uncle and male cousins are violating their Ordnung every time they act out violently against their wives.”
“And I’m sure they aren’t thinking of that, either.” Abram began to catch on.
“Nee.”
The discussion was taken up by the group at large. Abram contributed when he could. When he didn’t have anything he felt would add to the discussion, he just listened.
Hannah, on the other hand, did speak up. In the women’s group, she recounted the times when Abram had yelled at her, and the one time when he had struck her.
“Hannah, in those events, if you can safely do so, just walk away and tell him you’re tabling the discussion until both of you can approach it calmly. There’s no shame in doing so. Go do something else. After a while, when you’re calm, peek in on Abram and see if he looks calmer, but don’t ask him anything. Allow him to approach you. Make it a cardinal rule that he has to approach you, but only once he knows he can discuss the issue, whatever it is, rationally without raising his voice or feeling like hitting you.”
“Okay. Is Abram going to be given the same instruction?”
“Oh, ya. I spoke to Eli about that and we decided that Abram needs to start that now. Tonight. You see, I believe his confusion comes from the two different ways he has witnessed married couples approaching those decisions that you should have a part in. And he is going to have to remind himself, probably frequently, to allow you to take part in the decisions. He may slip and forget. If he does, let one of us know as soon as you can so we can remind him.”
Hannah sighed. “Gut. He hasn’t slipped this week. And we had a big talk about this. I could tell that the subject was bothering him, but he stayed calm. And I did tell him that, if he yelled at me or tried to hit me again, I would report it.”
“Excellent!” Linda was happy. Hannah was a high-spirited, yet kind young woman. “Have you made any decisions about your business once the baby arrives?”
“Nee. Not yet. I know the first few months will be challenging, as we get the baby used to our family routines. I think I’ll allow him to have a part in that decision. It may surprise him.”
“Ya, it will. It’s also a gut idea, so he knows that the time is coming when you won’t have income coming in. If you can, try to bake and sell more now so you can save the money for that time.”
“That’s what I’m doing now. In fact, Abram and I talked about his decision from a few months ago. He had decided that I didn’t need more baking supplies and I tried to tell him I did, just for this reason. Well, we talked and decided together that we would go to the Englisch baking-supplies store and buy what I needed. And it is making life a little easier.”
“That is wunderbaar!” Annie Miller clapped her hands together.
***
A FEW WEEKS AFTER THE meeting, Abram scratched his head, wondering if Hannah should be involved in the decision they were discussing. “Hannah, I don’t think this one should involve you. I’ll make the decision.” His voice was sharp.
Hannah, hearing the tone of Abram’s voice, moved out of his way so she could run if need be. “Nee, Abram. I do need to be involved. Remember, I involved you in the decision to stop baking until the baby is used to our routine?”
“Ya, but I don’t think this is on the same level!” Abram’s voice began to rise. “Here, I’m looking at whether I need to expand my barn! It’s my work! My business!”
