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“I was buying work supplies at the hardware store. I had just finished paying when that man came up and asked me if I’d beaten you lately. I did everything I could to stay calm.”—He turned to coo at the baby—“Ya, Eleanor, those are fingers!” And then he continued, “And I just told him to leave me alone. Hurried out with my stuff and jumped into my wagon. I was about to take off when he grabbed my leg. I wasn’t too sure of my ability to stay calm by then.
“Deacon King and Eli hurried out and told him to leave me alone. He wouldn’t and asked the question again. I think Eli knows this man because after the man said I belonged in jail, Eli just asked him, ‘Like you?’ Well, that stopped him. Eli and Deacon King jumped into my wagon so I could take them to the deacon’s wagon and he—the deacon—told me to take off. Well, that forced the man to run alongside my wagon. If he didn’t want to go under the wheels, he had to let go of my leg. I dropped Eli and Deacon King at his wagon, they jumped off and I took off. They followed me here and Eli checked my emotions and reactions. If I had been unable to get them under control, I would have had to send you to your parents yet again.”
Hannah lowered her head and rested her cheek lightly on the top of Eleanor’s head. “Thank Gott for their presence! Because I want to stay here with you. We belong here, with you. You know, I couldn’t even tell that you had been upset earlier.”
“Upset. That’s a gut word for it. I wasn’t mad or even enraged. I was just...my feathers were ruffled, as if I were a bird.”
Wrinkling her tiny face, Eleanor began to cry piteously. The corners of her mouth turned down and her lower lip pooched out, forming the perfect pout.
“Is she teething? In pain?”
“Ya. Would you get the teething gel? It’s on the kitchen counter, please.”
Abram hurried into the kitchen and found the tiny tube of gel. Washing his hands, he came back out with a paper napkin in one hand. Twisting the tube off, he squirted a tiny amount of the numbing gel onto his forefinger, then gently stuck his finger onto Eleanor’s upper and lower gums. “Open, little one! You’ll feel better soon.” Removing his finger, he chuckled at the face the baby made.
Eleanor, not liking the taste of the gel, closed her eyes, frowned and shook her head. But her crying stopped and she stuck a hand in her mouth so she could bite down.
Hannah, not wanting her to get too used to the idea of fingers in her mouth, only allowed her to chew for a few minutes. Soon, she substituted the wet hand, replacing it with a cooled teething ring. The baby happily gripped the ring and chewed to her heart’s content.
***
A FEW WEEKS LATER, Hannah answered the door, seeing Wayne Lapp standing on the opposite side of the door. “Wayne! How are you?”
Wayne smiled. “Gut, denki. I was wondering how Abram is doing.”
“Come in. He’s just sitting down to study.”
“Study, huh? If he has time, I’d love to compare notes with him.”
Abram, hearing Wayne’s voice, came into the living room. “Wayne! Come in! Coffee? It’s finally cooling down a tad bit.”
“That would be wunderbaar, denki. So, what are you studying?”
“Right now, how abusers try to fool those around them.”
“Ach, I could have written the chapter on that! Let’s see what you have.” Wayne and Abram began reading the chapter together, discussing different passages as they did so.
“I find it much easier to be honest and direct with Hannah if I’m having a bad day.”
“What do you do?”
“I try to walk it off or I smack a pillow out in the barn. If that doesn’t work, I write a note and hold it up to the window for Hannah to read. I tell her my efforts aren’t working and she should get herself and the baby to her parents’ house.”
“Gut. When was the last time you hit her?”
Abram could barely remember. “Months ago. I remember having a bad day in town and coming home. She didn’t want to stay here, but I didn’t realize how far gone I was. I thought she was arguing with me and I lit into her. By the time I was done, she had cuts and bruises all over her face.”
“That’s when you ended up in jail, ya?”
“Ya. Ever since then...we are very careful to stick to the skills we’ve both learned.”
“Gut. And your monster?”
“You heard Zeb died, right? I still struggle with hearing his voice telling me to hit her. But I’ve learned that if I ridicule that voice, it goes away faster. But I do that in the barn, just in case.”
“Didn’t you go to see him?”
“Nee, not so much see him. I went to speak up in the meeting where banning was discussed and decided on. That night, at Bishop Stone’s house, we were outside, drinking cold drinks and just trying to make each other feel better. Zeb drove up and started to hit me. Both bishops and Eli grabbed him. While all that was happening, the bishop’s wife was calling the sheriff, whose deputies came out and arrested Zeb.”
Wayne remembered the outcome of that. “And he hung himself.”
“He hung himself, ya. At the funeral, I learned...nee, I confirmed for myself that he didn’t feel gut about working with Auntie Emily. So he forced her to give all the decision-making to him, even for household questions. And now? She is struggling to learn everything about their finances so she won’t lose their home. She’s learning how to be a breadwinner.”
“I hope she has help.” Wayne grimaced, remembering how he had very nearly taken that away from Lizzie.
“Ya. A wunderbaar neighbor, who took her in the last time Zeb abused her.”
“Are you still in therapy?”
“Ya. I’m eager to be done.”
“Nee, Abram. Don’t rush that. You never know when the monster will attack you or your mind. Stay with Joshua for as long as he feels you should receive counseling.”
Abram was now well clued in to how insidious domestic violence was. “Ya.” He told Wayne what had happened at the hardware store. “That guy was just persistent! He was going to make me lose my temper so he could get the satisfaction of not being the only abuser who’d ended up in jail.”
“I wonder if I’ve seen him. Tall and sort of chunky? Dark-brown hair and a mustache? Rude?”
“It could be.”
“The next time you go to town for supplies, let me know. If I’m going to town, I’ll go with you or meet you.”
Abram liked the idea, but had a question. “Does he know that you abused Lizzie and Leora?”
“Oh, ya. But he doesn’t know that I spent several months receiving inpatient mental health treatment. I’m thinking that if he finds that piece of information out and we are together, buying supplies, he’s much more likely to leave you alone.”
Abram like the idea, but wanted to be cautious. “That sounds gut. But I want to think about it for a day or so.”
“Do so. We just need to make sure that people like that aren’t not able to harass us to the point that we blow up.”
“Wayne, how long has it been since your last blowup?” Abram was genuinely curious.
Wayne sat back and thought. “Well...nearly two years since I lost my temper and went after Lizzie or Leora. You know when I had my breakdown and tried to kill Lizzie. You were there. Since I was in the middle of a situation that triggered me? I’d have to say...maybe seven or eight months.”
“What happened?”
“To trigger me? I was shopping with Lizzie and I heard a daed yelling at his son. Lizzie saw it immediately and got me out of there. We called my therapist and he was able to help me get out of that flashback.”
“Did you lose your temper then or shortly after?” Abram wasn’t sure he wanted to hear the answer.
“Then. Linda and Eli were close by and they helped Lizzie out.”
“Do you still take your medications?”
“Ya. I will for some time to come. Are you taking something?”
“An anti-anxiety medication. It really helps. But Joshua doesn’t want me to be on it for a long time. As soon as I’m able to deal with my memories of my uncle and his abuse of my aunt and cousins, he wants to wean me off.”
“That’s gut. I may be on my medications long-term. I’m not sure. It may be life long.” Wayne was matter-of-fact about that. He knew that his PTSD was severe and would always be a problem for him, no matter how long it had been since his hospitalization.
Finally, Abram decided it could be a gut thing for him to go to the store with Wayne when he needed new supplies. Thus, a few weeks after encountering the rude Englisch man, he and Wayne rode into town in Abram’s wagon. After buying their supplies, they were on their way out of the store when the man spotted Abram.
“Hey! You! I don’t see your rescuers anywhere! Now, answer my question. Have you whacked at your wife lately?”
Abram looked at Wayne, who gave him a slight smile.
Wayne gestured to him. “I’m going to give him the show and scare of a lifetime. Let me handle him.”
Abram nodded.
“Well? Y’haven’t answered! That’s rude!”
Wayne began to tremble. Abram, standing next to him, hadn’t expected this. Therefore, his reaction was honest. “Wayne! Are you okay?” He looped his arm around Wayne’s shoulders. “Wayne?”
Wayne, seeming to be in the grip of a psychotic episode, nudged his elbow into Abram’s side.
Abram saw that Wayne was putting on an act. Yet, he continued to holler Wayne’s name out.
“Hey, what’s wrong with him? Is he mentally...you know...off?”
Abram ignored the pesky man and kept his gaze firmly on Wayne’s face.
Wayne dragged a deep breath into his chest. The next thing Abram knew, a deep groan came out of Wayne’s throat.
“Uggghhhhhh! The horror! The...memories! Blood! AGHHH! Ach! Nee, Daed, no, leave her alone!” Wayne’s voice rose to a frightening howl. “Lizzie! You betrayed meeee! You lied to me!” Seemingly of his own volition, Wayne’s hands rose and moved toward the rude Englisch man’s neck.
The man, seeing this, gasped. “No! Just...leave me alone!”
Wayne suddenly dropped all pretense of being in the midst of a flashback. Approaching the man, he spoke in a normal tone of voice. “You ever harass my friend again, and you’ll be the one in the middle of a flashback.”
Abram was uncomfortably aware that several bystanders were now gathered around them. “Uh, Wayne—”
“I know. Everyone, this guy over here has been harassing my friend, trying to make him lose his temper and wind up behind bars. I decided it was time to give him a taste of his own medicine.”
The Englisch man realized he’d been had. But, looking at Wayne’s craggy face, he also realized he didn’t want to take his chances again. “Fine. Fine! I’ll leave you two nutcases alone!”
Wayne had one final parting shot. “You’re just as much of a nutcase as we are, especially if you try to provoke him or me into losing our tempers. We’re Amish. We don’t believe in violence, so that means we have to be imaginative when it comes to people like you. I hear of you bothering him again, I’ll be contacting the sheriff. You understand?”
“Yeh, yeh.” Flapping his hand at the two friends, he scurried off, aware that he was now the focus of several scowls.
Deacon King hurried up as the wannabe provocateur ran off. “Wayne Lapp, what just happened? Do you need to go back into the center?”
“Nee, Deacon King. It seems that Abram’s harasser was at it again today. He wanted to make him blow up and Abram was very successful in managing his temper. Still, that Englischer wouldn’t leave him alone, so I faked a flashback. When I walked toward that man with my hands held out, he realized he didn’t want to fool with us. I told him that if he ever tried to hassle Abram again, I would call the sheriff myself. He left.”
Wayne turned from the deacon to his friend. “Abram, you need to let us know when you’re coming here or to other stores where that man goes. I hate to say it, but I don’t think he’s going to give up on making you blow your temper.”
“Oh, Wayne. You gave me the scare of a lifetime. But I see just why you did it. Hopefully, that man takes you seriously and leaves Abram alone,” Deacon King said. “And Abram? I agree with Wayne. Let us know when you need to buy supplies and we’ll come into town with you.”
As grateful as Abram was, he was uncomfortably aware that he would be inconveniencing several friends. “Denki, but I don’t want to put anyone out.”
“Pssh! You won’t be doing that. We can move things around in our schedules. And, just maybe, we’ll also need to buy supplies or hardware. Even lumber. I mean it, Abram. Call us or come see us. Someone can come to town with you.”
Sighing, Abram nodded. “Okay, denki, I will.” At home that night, he was calm, but quieter than normal.
“Abram? Is everything okay? You’re really quiet tonight.” Hannah poured a fresh cup of coffee for Abram, not sure if she should feel apprehension.
“Ya, I’m just fine. Something happened in town.” Abram described his and Wayne’s encounter with the Englischer. “So now, Deacon King and Wayne have told me to call them when I need to go into town. I don’t want to inconvenience them.”
“If I could, maybe I can share a different perspective.” Hannah sat down near Abram, adding more vegetables to her plate. When Abram nodded, she continued speaking. “You know a few days before you run out of iron or supplies that you’ll need to buy more, ya? Since that’s the case, call or visit them before the day you decide to go to the store. Have a couple days ready to suggest. That way, someone can go with you. Who knows? Maybe they need to buy supplies for themselves, too.”
Sipping his coffee, Abram considered Hannah’s suggestion. He liked it. Smiling, he took her hand and shook it gently on the table. “That works, ya. But what if I have an emergency and run out of something sooner than I anticipated?”
“Get your daed or mine.”
