19

The Parents’ Dinner

The lovers woke up at 11 a.m. Sarah wondered what she’d gotten herself into when Simon jumped out of bed, screaming, “Shit! I forgot to ask William for your hand!”

Clutching the silk sheets around her shoulders, she said, “We can call him in a little while. William is up really early. Besides, there’s not much he can do about it now.”

After a few hours spent snuggling, reliving the details of the night before, and relishing in the awakening of the power of their relationship, Simon geared up for his phone call. He perched on the couch in the living room with the phone. “Well, here we go!” His genuine nervousness touched and delighted Sarah. I have really gotten myself a good one. He’s worried about not asking my father first. This is how I want it. I don’t give a damn what Daddy has to say about it. I have found the best husband in the world, and Daddy already knows it.

“William?” Simon began in a deep and serious tone of voice. “This is Simon calling from Rome. Is this a good time to speak with you?” Hearing a grunting assent, he proceeded nervously. “Sir, I would like to marry your daughter. Will you give me her hand?”

There was a short pause, and then William said, “I have to talk to her mother about that. I will call you back in about an hour. I am honored you’ve asked me, and as always it’s good to speak with you.”

Simon and Sarah exchanged glances. They’d just have to wait. To pass the time, Simon disappeared into the kitchen to make a very late breakfast, and Sarah sat back on the couch in delicious anticipation. What a cook she’d be living with! He popped homemade cinnamon buns into the oven, and then he brought her a plate of raspberries, strawberries, and sliced bananas with a dollop of cream. As they sat together on the couch waiting for the phone to ring, she said, “If it’s over an hour, he’s going to give us a hard time.” It was not; the phone rang in exactly twenty minutes.

“Hello, Simon, this is William,” he said with a hint of pride in his voice. “I assume Sarah is not with you in your apartment this morning?” Since Sarah could hear his loud Irish voice, Simon looked at her. She shook her head. He replied, “No, sir, of course not.”

“Well, good,” William bellowed into the phone, enjoying his big moment. “Well, have you already asked her yet?” Again Sarah heard what her father said and shook her head. Simon replied in a crisp voice, “I am asking you first, sir, as is proper.”

There was a pause. “Well, good. Her mother likes you very much, Simon, and she is happy you want to marry Sarah. As you know I’m very impressed by you. That’s great and all, but what about the basics? Do you think you can make her happy? And what about the inconsistency of your profession? Do you think you can provide for a family?”

“To be honest, William, I haven’t thought that far because I’m so hopelessly in love with her, have been since I first laid eyes on her. I just want to marry her right away if she will have me. I assume you may wish to help her finish her education, but if you don’t I can support us fully. I have plenty of money from my family as well as from my work. Money is not a factor in this proposal.”

Remembering the risk Simon had taken in setting up their first meeting at Alfredo’s and the way Simon had looked at Sarah when he visited them in Boston, William trumpeted, “Well then, young man, I’ll honor you. As your generation says, just go for it! Why not? I wish you success with Sarah, as does Mary. Call us as soon as you’ve gotten up the nerve to propose. I was going to call her this morning but now I won’t. It’s still early here, so maybe we’ll hear from both of you later today?” I know Sarah. I bet she’s sitting right there with him in his apartment.

Sarah called her parents later that day to tell them she’d agreed to marry Simon. When Simon called his parents, they received the news joyously.

But as Sarah began to think about their wedding, complexities soon came up, such as how to do the service and whether to be married in the Church or not. Sarah began the conversation, knowing she might have the biggest problem with her staunch Catholic parents. “Simon, do you have any desire for religious elements in our ceremony?”

“Since you are not Jewish, there is nothing to worry about on my side,” he replied. “A Jewish man who marries a non-Jewish woman rarely has a Jewish wedding, and I don’t want one anyway. What about you with the Church? I’m okay with marrying you in a Catholic ceremony; however, I am not okay with raising our kids Catholic. I’ve heard I would have to agree to that if we were married in the Catholic Church. Is that true?”

She nodded in assent while she turned things over in her mind. I never thought about my kids not being brought up Catholic. Yet how could I raise them in the Church? In fact, I think I may soon leave it myself. She replied, “I do not want to be married in the Church; it would betray my beliefs. I cannot raise my children in the Church—I couldn’t even leave them alone with a priest! I can’t believe I just said that, but other Catholic women must be saying the same thing; the Church has betrayed us. It’s going to be very hard for my parents, though. I know they have looked forward to my wedding in our church.”

He cleared their breakfast plates while thinking about what she’d just said. I’m amazed she’s come this far in such a short time. She will have to handle William on this one. Sitting back down, he said, “So what do we do? I want my parents to meet yours because they will like each other, and we need their support. We need to come up with a viable solution of our own and present it to them. I think if we know what we want, then it will be easier for them.”

“I think you’re right,” Sarah replied, shifting closer to him on the couch.

“I have a good friend at Harvard who is a Quaker and a justice of the peace, and now he’s a dean in the theological school. He is a great guy, you will love him, and I’m sure he’d marry us if I ask. That way our wedding could be spiritual, but on our own terms. Maybe we can be married at this great old meeting house in Boston on the Charles?” Simon suggested.

Sarah liked the idea, and together they worked out the details of the ceremony, deciding they would combine the silence and community participation of a Quaker ceremony with some elements of a more traditional ceremony for the sake of their relatives. They both only wanted close relatives and friends. And they set the wedding date for the weekend after Thanksgiving—only two months away.

The opening overture between the parents came from David, who called William immediately after Simon announced his engagement. “Hello, William. I am Simon’s father, David Appel.”

“Hi, David. Nice to hear from you so soon!” a surprised William replied.

“We are utterly delighted with your daughter Sarah and thrilled they have decided to marry. It is rather sudden and I think they will rush their engagement, but you know how things are when people are in love!” David said.

“Yes, I know Mary and I couldn’t wait to be married once I had proposed, and we were younger than Simon and Sarah. So I can’t blame them for wanting to move things along.”

“Since we may have very little time before the wedding, my wife Rose and I would like to invite you to dinner as soon as possible at our home in New York. Can you join us on September 21, this coming Friday night?”

William and Mary climbed out of a cab at 35 Pierrepont Street, Brooklyn Heights, and climbed up worn brick steps to the front door of a very elegant brownstone with a shiny dark green door. William lifted the heavy brass knocker, making a loud thump. As they waited, he said, “Whoa, Mary, I think Simon’s family may be better off than I thought.”

Mary stood on the top step, feeling very happy that she’d worn her favorite beige suit and good pearls. She replied, “This certainly is a lovely home, very elegant.”

The heavy paneled door swung wide open, and David greeted them with a friendly smile as he ushered them through the door and took their coats. Mary was delighted by the soft light, warm wallpaper with touches of gilt, and highly polished dark wood. She especially liked the spiritual feeling of the staircase rising up to the open second floor hallway. Taking David’s proffered hand, she noted he was debonair and handsome like Simon.

She spoke up, since the opulence of the Appel home had temporarily silenced William. “David and Rose, it’s a delight to meet you. What an exquisite home, the very best of the late 1800s when people still celebrated beauty. It feels like time stopped in this foyer. If only it had stopped then!” Her eyes twinkled, and David could see Sarah’s beauty and charm in her face.

She’s delightful! he thought, already picturing Simon’s and Sarah’s beautiful children.

Rose had stood slightly back by the entry and was pleased to hear what Mary said about her house. She walked up to William and took his hand. “Welcome, and thank you, Mary. I am so happy to meet you finally. I can’t even begin to express how much we like Sarah, and I know we will grow to love her as Simon does. We’re so happy to have you visit us.”

“This is an amazing house,” William exclaimed. “You’d never know the ugly modern world is out there. What is the story with this place? Did you buy it like this? It is totally old world, yet so comfortable.”

Rose led him into the parlor, responding warmly, “As you can see in the photos, we have lived here for over thirty years. I did the restoration when Simon was a little toddler before his sister Jennifer arrived. She lives in Paris right now, but you will meet her at the wedding.”

Mary followed closely behind them because she knew William would not know what to say. Mary understood that William felt diminished by the thought of Sarah marrying into a rich family, genuine old New York aristocracy. At heart, William was a simple construction foreman who’d become a very successful builder. Mary’s family had been very prominent in Boston banking for a century, however, so she was totally at ease.

“Rose, your home makes me feel so happy. It is such a joy to see everything done exactly right,” she said as she walked into the library with Rose.

William decided to let the women discuss the restoration as he joined David, who led him back through the house to hit the bar. William’s eyes rolled when he saw dark paneling, gleaming antiques, and gorgeous oriental rugs. Hell, this joint reminds me of the archbishop’s house!

Back in the library Rose said to Mary, “Thank you so much. It was a wreck when we bought it and required research to restore it correctly. We found some tinted drawings of these rooms in the American Room archives at the Metropolitan Museum, and these new tiles are exactly the same as the original ones.”

“My favorite place in the world is the American Wing!” Mary exclaimed to Rose’s delight. “I’ve never had the opportunity to do a restoration because we have a wonderful well-preserved old house in Boston.” Rose showed her a few more special features before they were seated at the dining room table, which was elegantly set with china, silver, and crystal.

Mary was having a great time, but William didn’t know what to say when a cook wearing a white apron presented the meal. Before William retreated into total shyness, David took a champagne bottle and lavishly poured bubbly into William’s glass. “A toast to the happiest couple in the world, Simon and Sarah. We are honored to have you here tonight! We never imagined that our son would find such a lovely partner!”

William sucked down champagne while casting furtive glances around the room, and then he sprang to life. “David and Rose, I begin with you! Congratulations for raising such a fine son, the ideal husband for our special daughter! This is the night to celebrate our good luck, the night parents hope for. A toast to Simon and Sarah! They have found each other at last, and may they be blessed with children and a good life together!”

The dinner was excellent; they concluded it with very warm feelings toward each other and genuine joy for the new couple. The complexities would come later.

The fall equinox was the day after the parents’ dinner in New York. Sarah loved the equinoxes because they made her feel harmonic and balanced. As the sun rose, she relaxed in her window seat with her legs crossed and eyes closed. She still hadn’t told her parents about their plans to marry in only two months, or that the wedding wouldn’t happen in the Church. She knew the news would shock and devastate them. As Sarah asked for divine guidance, her consciousness moved into her heart and her mind fell into a quieter place to receive ideas. What I must tell them will not make sense unless I tell them the truth about my faith. I have to tell them that I am leaving the Church when I begin my life with Simon. Sitting quietly with the idea for a long time, she resolved to call them as soon as they were back from New York. I have to face it; I have to do it.

The next day was Sunday, so she called her father when she knew he would be home from Mass. “Daddy, I am calling you to share some painful things. This is hard for me, but I have to tell you now. Simon and I don’t want to waste any time. Taking the time to get married is difficult for him because of his responsibilities at the various papers, and I need to write my thesis this winter. We want to get married right away, at Thanksgiving.”

“Well, yeah, your mother will go ballistic, but I don’t care,” William said. “What the hell is so painful about that? Hey, we like his parents a lot, and you hooked a big fish. Sure you can handle all that money? His family has the big buckaroos! Some house too!”

“I don’t care, Daddy. Since we both want to write, it is great not to worry about money. Simon showed me his apartment after he gave me the ring. It’s cozy and perfect for two, so we will be happy there.”

“Well, why are you in such a hurry, Sarah? You hot for love?”

She giggled into the phone at the suggestion sex might be the reason they were hurrying. If she could just keep him in this silly frame of mind, maybe he wouldn’t get so mad when he heard about the Church. So she said, “Well, it is because of love. I’m twenty-five and he’s thirty-five, and you can’t expect a guy to wait forever. Certainly the Irish guys never could.”

Chuckling William said, “So answer me, what’s painful?” Then a light bulb lit up in his brain as he put together the big hurry and something painful. “Damned, Sarah!” he howled. “You can’t be . . . you’re not pregnant! You didn’t do that!”

This is perfect. For him, my getting pregnant before marriage would be even worse than my leaving the Church! She replied in a huffy voice, “Of course not! But, what I have to say may be just as bad. We do not want to be married in the Church. We’ve asked a Quaker theologian to marry us at a meeting house on the Charles.” I can feel shock waves coming through the telephone lines. How am I going to keep him from having a heart attack?

The long silence was horrible. I can’t attack her. I never have, I won’t now. But the news was devastating. Sitting rigid in his study surrounded by tributes from Opus Dei, William gazed up at his simple crucifix from the old family chapel in Ireland. Once he got over the wrath of God, a wave of sadness that closed his heart moved through his body: I will be alone. His stomach churned, tears filled his eyes, and his throat closed, making it hard to speak. Finally he uttered in a choked and resigned voice, “I have to talk to your mother; that is all I can say. I never thought you would do anything like this.” He hung up the phone.

The receiver clicked off and Sarah felt tears prick at her eyes. She had always hoped she’d never have to do anything to hurt her father, since she knew him better than anyone except her mother. The Church was her father’s passion, literally his life. He was nothing without his faith. William’s great-grandparents had watched three children die during the Potato Famine in 1849, and they nearly died themselves on the passage from County Armagh to Nova Scotia. Eventually they made it to Boston to start another family and thrived. These horrible memories were written into their genes and passed down to their children. Sarah understood that for William, going to church literally warded off starvation. He stuffed his fears of starvation and death by serving the hierarchy. I am his beloved daughter—educated by him so that I can serve in Opus Dei—and now I am leaving the Church! His grandchildren will not be Catholic, which to him is anathema. I feel like a heretic. I hope my mother can help him get through this.

Mary called her that evening. “Thanks for calling, Mom.”

“Are you sure you will not be married in the Church? Are you going to leave the Church?”

“It wasn’t an easy decision. I’ve been thinking of leaving the Church for a while, and this marriage forces the issue,” Sarah said.

“Tell me what is going on, Sarah, because William is listless, swilling Scotch, and muttering to himself in his study while walking back and forth and crossing himself. Even the dog won’t go into the room. Can you tell me more so I can make this easier for him?”

“Now that I have deeply examined events in the early Church, I have to leave. You will see why when you read my thesis, which I’m about to start writing. It’s a long story, but maybe you can help Daddy now. The real reason I can’t stay in the Church is not just because of priestly abuse or Simon or anything else like that. I am leaving to save my communion with Christ. I continue to have profound feelings for Christ as always, but Church dogma separates me from Him. The last place I can find Him is in the Church, so I have to leave. We could argue about it ad infinitum. Maybe if Daddy realizes I have not lost my faith in Christ, only the Church, then maybe he can accept my choice?”

After hanging up with Sarah, Mary walked into William’s study, taking note of an empty Scotch glass on his desk. His feet were propped on the desk while he leaned back in his office chair looking completely disheveled. “Well?”

Mary sat down in a nearby rocking chair and said softly, “She says she has to leave the Church because her studies make her feel like Christ is not in the Church. Since she has such a profound communion with our Lord, she cannot marry in it because, for her, the Church is devoid of our Lord.”

William was quite tipsy. “She would look at things that way, wouldn’t she? She was always a damned idealist and thinker, and now she had found an intellectual guy. There they will be, the smarty pants. I would rather have my faith than my reason. The Church comforts me in my hour of need. Just wait till she loses one of her children like we did when Patrick died. Then she’ll find out what it is like to have no God to pray to.”

“William,” Mary retorted pleadingly. “I think she will always be able to pray to our Lord. For me, Christ is in the Church as He is for you. But if that is what she feels, I think we have to respect her. I think we are going to have to tolerate the way they want to plan their wedding.”

William gave himself a week to adjust. He consulted with several spiritual advisors, who mostly said the same thing: most people lose their faith when they investigate the heresies that stained the early Church. That’s why the heretics were condemned! People often lose their faith when they consider different ideas.

There was something about this that didn’t sit quite right with William. To one priest he commented maybe the Church would drive everybody out eventually if they couldn’t handle more points of view. That priest shrugged. “Well, so what? This is our faith, which is open to anyone. We intend to keep it the way we want it.”

When William finally called Sarah he was resigned. “As your father, I hope you will never lose your faith in Christ. If you do, you will be alone in this world. No one should be alone in the world. I will give you away in the chapel at Harvard.”