Dear Mei —
I saw you yesterday.
It’s been six months since we saw each other last. Six months since we had to clean out our house so it could be staged to sell. Six months since I helped your dad load up that U-Haul with your last few boxes.
But I saw you yesterday.
You’re probably not shocked to hear that I’ve been avoiding Chinatown since we broke up for obvious reasons. But I had a lunch meeting nearby. When it was done, I got lost getting back to where I parked — I know, I know, you don’t have to say it. Anyway, I didn’t even realize how close I was to that bakery your mom likes until I smelled it.
Immediately, I remembered that first Lunar New Year I spent with you and your parents just before we made it OFFICIAL. Your mom sent us to the bakery last minute for those sugar rings. I’d ask if you remember that, but you probably don’t ‘cause it wasn’t really that important in the grand scheme of things. You’d probably been to that bakery thousands of times in your life, our one-year anniversary was coming up. How could I forget?
I remember looking at you and thinking, “Yeah, this is the girl I’m gonna marry,” and also “I wonder if we can make out a little bit before we go back to her parents’ apartment.” I remember that your nose was so red and your eyes were so big and a little watery because it was cold and you were about to get sick. I still wanted to make out with you, though, even if I caught the flu.
I was standing on the corner, staring at that bakery, thinking about that day, and then there you were. I thought I was imagining you, but I still opened my mouth to call your name with a smile on my face.
Someone honked a horn, and you turned, smiled, and waved at someone who wasn’t me, before turning the corner and disappearing.
It was just a few seconds, but I remember every moment of it and the way it felt for my heart to break all over again. Because we aren’t those kids anymore, we aren’t married anymore, and life just goes on.
I don’t know why I’m writing this to you when this is my journal, except for the same reason I stopped and watched you for the best five seconds of my day. I can’t keep all I’m feeling inside myself, and I can’t share this with anyone in my life because the only person I ever want to share all my thoughts and feelings with is you.
Okay, sometimes Ezra, but mostly you.
This isn’t the same, but it’ll have to do.
I miss you.
Always,
Miles