There is one simple thing you can do as a parent that will take care of ninety percent of parenting mistakes: Offer your child your unconditional love.
It sounds simple when I say it, but most people are simply incapable of unconditional love. That is why I have no shortage of guests in my abode.
In contrast, conditional love is just about the easiest thing a parent can offer a child. We love anything that makes us happy or satisfies some inner need. It is effortless to love a child when he is obedient or when she draws you a beautiful picture.
But, what about the child who screams at you, who disappoints you, who tells you in no uncertain terms that he hates you? It was your choice to create a life and bring it into the world. Your obligation to that life is unending allegiance and unconditional love. No. Matter. What.
Why?
Humans have a need for security. Without security, they develop all manner of neuroses and violent behaviors. They lash out at the world that seeks to hurt or destroy them. They suspect enemies where there are none. They become deformed in all possible ways and are incapable of reaching even ten percent of their potential.
Unconditional love gives your child a place of security. It allows your child to experience the world knowing that he can always return to you for support and regeneration. The world is a harsh place, filled with predators, violence and foolishness. Your child will get hurt – emotionally more often than physically – over and over again, but if he can come to you and receive love, he will survive the injury and recover even stronger.
This means that you will have to love your child in circumstances where the rest of the world finds your child to be unlovable.
When you become a parent, you understand what a truly difficult job God has. Is it really possible to love humanity when it does such awful things?
The true test of a parent is that moment when a little voice inside your head says, “Why did I have this child?” You can succumb to that voice, remain disappointed with your child, and let her know how much you despise her. Or, you can answer the question, “Because I love this child, and I must let her know that now and always.”
You will have to answer this question many times as a parent. There will be times when your child rejects you outright, and still you must love your child.
Get this right, or else!