“THANK GOODNESS,” the man said. “I’m Warren Fisher. I was your sister’s attorney, or at least I drew up her will a few years ago.” He paused and took a deep breath. “I hate to tell you, but she passed away last night.”
“Oh God. How?” Robin caught his breath as his head began to spin. Then Dwayne was there, arms around him as his knees gave out from under him.
“I’m not sure at this point. I know it was sudden and happened while she was on her way home from work. It could have been a heart attack behind the wheel or something like that. She went off the road and struck a tree.” Warren cleared his throat. “I can help you with the arrangements and things like that, believe me. But there is a more urgent need.”
“Charlie?” Robin managed to ask.
“Yes. He was at a friend of your sister’s last night and can stay there tonight as well. But your sister named you as guardian for Charlie if anything should happen to her. Child Services hasn’t been notified yet because he’s with a regular caregiver. But the faster you can get down here and take him with you, the better. Once he enters the child protection system in Baltimore County, things will get messy.”
“Okay. Let me see what I can do, and I’ll call you back. Give me a few hours to make arrangements.” Robin’s hand shook as he ended the call. His sister was dead, just like that. They hadn’t been particularly close in the last few years, but Robin loved her and was going to miss her. Losing Gretchen was just another nail in the coffin that contained the death of his family.
“What is it?” Dwayne asked, still holding him.
Robin wasn’t sure he could talk but forced the words out. “My sister died.” He stood still as blessed numbness washed over him. “She died driving home from—” He turned to Dwayne as another wave of overwhelming fear washed over him. “The lawyer said that Gretchen indicated in her will that she wanted me to take care of Charlie.” His throat went dry, and he shook once again. “I… how am I supposed to raise her son for her? I can’t even….”
“Where is Charlie now?”
“With a friend of my sister’s. The lawyer said that I need to get him or Child Services would step in. She lives in Baltimore, and apparently the system is really messy there. He said it would be best if I came to get him, but where do I take him? I’m living on your couch or….” His head felt like it was going to explode at any minute from the pressure.
“Okay. I’ll contact my friend Donald. He might be able to help with some advice. He’s a social worker, so it’s what he does.”
Dwayne made a call right away as Robin sank into one of the chairs. He heard Dwayne talking, but it was hard for him to pay attention.
“Robin.” Dwayne’s voice cut through the haze, and he lifted his gaze from the tile floor. “Donald says he’ll meet you here after your shift and ride with you to pick up Charlie.”
“Where is he going to stay?” Robin asked plaintively. He was trying to get his mind around all this, and it wasn’t happening.
“Leave that to me. I’ll work something out. Just go get your nephew and talk to the lawyer to find out the details. Donald can be there when you meet with him, and that should help. I could try to go with you….”
Robin shook his head. “You have to be to work in a few hours, and….” He scrubbed his hands over his face. “This is too much.”
“Take things one step at a time. I’ll be here to help, and so will Donald and Carter.”
Terry returned, interrupting them. Dwayne explained what had happened, and Terry immediately expressed his sympathy for his loss.
Dwayne took Robin’s hand and squeezed it. “There are people who can help. Just go back to work for now. Donald will meet you, and I’ll talk to the captain and see what I can work out.”
“Do you think you can work?” Terry eyed Robin with concern. “You need to be alert.”
Robin nodded. He needed something normal and a chance to think for a while. “I’m okay,” he said, taking a deep breath and pushing down the butterflies that had taken up residence in his stomach. He was an adult and had responsibilities now, especially if he was going to somehow care for Charlie. “Donald will meet me, and….” He didn’t need to go over everything again. He had control of things at the moment, and he needed it to stay that way. “I’m going to be okay.” Robin hugged Dwayne and thanked him for his support. Then he left the office and returned to the pool, where he took deep breaths and did his best to clear his head.
As he climbed into the chair, a peace settled over him. This was something he’d done many times before. It had been a while, but the same seriousness he’d felt when he’d lifeguarded in high school settled over him. Familiar. Known. Calming.
A group of retirees came in, talking as they headed to the locker room, and Robin went to work.
AT HIS lunch break, he called the lawyer and agreed to meet him that afternoon. He explained the time he’d be there, and Mr. Fisher agreed to meet him and said he’d have Charlie and his sister’s friend with him. Robin explained who Donald was and why he was coming with him as well. He also talked to Donald, who confirmed he’d be there. Then he called Dwayne just to hear his voice.
“How are you holding up?” Dwayne asked.
“I’m okay.”
“I talked to the captain and took a personal day, so I’m going to go with you. I’ll meet you at work, with Donald, and we’ll go from there.”
Robin nodded even though there was no one there to see it. “Where is he going to stay?”
“There’s a room that’s technically for storage, so I’m cleaning it out, and for now Charlie can have that room.” Dwayne grunted softly.
“What are you doing?”
“Moving boxes to clear it out. Donald still has a small bed that Alex, his son, used, and he’s going to bring it over. It won’t be palatial, but it will be a bed and a room for him. Also, we can probably go by your sister’s and pick up some of his things. So I was thinking that we’d take two cars in order to bring stuff back. Donald thought that was a good idea too.”
“But what about long-term? He’s going to need a home and place where he can play, with a yard and—”
“Take it one step at a time. You and he will have a place to stay. That will work for now. There’s going to be a lot to deal with, so relax and we’ll figure some things out. Terry said you were done at two, so Donald and I will be there waiting for you.”
“Okay.” The pounding in his chest settled down, and Robin calmed himself. He would see how things went and then make some decisions. There was no need to try to do everything all at once. “One step at a time” was going to have to become his mantra.
The rest of the early afternoon, he kept his mind centered on the task at hand, but as soon as his shift was over, he changed into regular clothes and was out the door like a shot. Both Dwayne and Donald were there waiting. As he hurried into Dwayne’s arms, his resolve and the façade of strength faded quickly.
Dwayne held him tightly. “Go ahead and ride with Donald in the van. He has a lot of questions that I can’t answer, and he knows how these kinds of things work.”
“Okay.” Though Robin didn’t want to be separated from Dwayne, it was probably best.
“We’ll get going right away. You’ll need to call and get directions from the lawyer.” Dwayne still held him, and Robin didn’t want to let go. This was safe and secure. Nothing could hurt him or touch him when he was in Dwayne’s strong arms. But then an image of his nephew alone flashed into his mind, and he backed away. He had to be strong and take care of whatever came his way, for Charlie’s sake.
“Let’s get going.” Robin stood up straight and walked to where Donald waited, then shook his hand. “Thank you for doing this.”
Donald chuckled. “It’s funny, but I swear I’ve done something like this for nearly all my friends. I helped Kip and Josten, then Brock and Vinny. My skills also came in handy when Carter rescued Alex. I guess it’s inevitable that I’d help someone else.” He pulled Robin into a hug. “It’s going to be okay. I can promise you that. We have a couple hours’ drive and I’ll answer any questions I can.” He released him and motioned to the passenger side. “Let’s go pick up Charlie.”
Robin nodded and went around to the other side, got in, and fastened his seat belt. While Donald started the engine, Robin looked in the back seat, which had a car seat and booster chair.
“I wasn’t sure how big he was, so I brought both just in case.” Donald pulled out, and Robin squirmed in his seat.
“Are they really just going to let me have Charlie? Just like that? I mean, you know I was homeless just a few weeks ago and I’m living with Dwayne….”
“You have a job, and I’ll have you know that Dwayne cleaned out the other room and I helped him get it set up, in a rudimentary way. There’s a bed and a dresser, and we can bring some of Charlie’s things so he feels more at home.” Donald turned onto Hanover Street and headed toward the freeway. “The biggest thing with children is that you love them and show it. Charlie is going to be confused and scared… very scared. Things like beds and dressers are less important than patience, love, and care. My guess is that he’s going to need a lot of it.”
“I know. I don’t know if I can give it to him. I want to, but I’m twenty-one and… he’s four and… to think of him being alone rips at my heart.” Robin’s thoughts came just as disjointedly as his speech. “I don’t want him ever to feel abandoned or that there isn’t someone who will love him forever.” Robin wiped his eyes.
“Do you wonder why your sister named you?”
“Nope. I know why. She and I were all the family we had. She hated my stepfather, and she’d never name my mother as guardian because then Charlie would end up living in the same house as that bastard, and I know she’d never allow that. Though I suspect she named me as guardian and then never expected it would actually be needed.”
“Of course not.” Donald checked his mirror, and Robin looked to make sure Dwayne was right behind them.
“I keep wondering how I’m going to raise a kid.”
Donald nodded. “The first step is to decide if you want to or not. Because your sister named you as guardian does not tie a chain of parenthood around your neck. This is something you have to decide. I’ve dealt with plenty of families who had children left to them, and some are wonderful. Those are generally the ones who view the addition of a child as a blessing. Then there are the ones where the situation is terrible, and mostly those are the families who took in the child or children out of obligation. They resent the kids for interrupting their lives, and they never let it go. It festers and grows until the relationship is poisoned.” Donald looked at him, as serious as anything. “I mean it. You have to decide what you want, because Charlie is better off being adopted by a family who will care for him than he is being raised by a relative who resents him.”
“But I need to decide right away, and I don’t have a chance to think about it.” Robin turned to look out the window, biting his fingernails with nervous energy.
“Time isn’t the issue. All you need to do is look inside and you’ll know the answer. It’s that simple. This isn’t about your head, but what’s in your heart.” He patted Robin’s shoulder. “Just look there and you’ll know what to do.”
Robin closed his eyes and did his best to look past his fear and all the questions he had about the future. He recalled an image of Charlie, last Christmas when he’d made a special trip to visit—blond hair, blue eyes, a slight gap between his two front teeth—smiling at him and pointing to his shirt, telling Uncle Robin that it had a train on it. Robin had smiled to himself as he was pulled into the other room to watch a video with cartoon trains and buses. It had been too long since he’d visited. How could he possibly turn his back on him? Charlie was all he had left of his sister, and he wasn’t about to give him up.
As the resolve settled in, he lowered his finger from his lips and leaned back in the seat, a calm washing over him. “Let’s bring Charlie home.”
Donald nodded and smiled at him. “Now we need to make sure you and Charlie have what you need.”
Robin wasn’t even sure what those things were, but now that he’d made up his mind to raise Charlie as best he could, he’d figure it out, and was looking forward to seeing his nephew. He called the lawyer to explain where they were and to get directions to his office. Then he sat back, his mind making a long list of the things he was going to need to do.
“Do you know anything about the arrangements your sister made?” Donald asked. “We know she has a will, but did she have life insurance or anything like that?”
Robin shook his head slowly. “I don’t know. Gretchen was very responsible. Well, she became that way after Charlie was born. Growing up, she was the wild one. She did what she wanted and drove my mom and dad crazy. At least that’s what I thought. But I suppose she was a typical girl, and I was a snotty younger brother who didn’t understand anything.”
Donald smiled. “You indicated she changed.”
“Yeah. She got pregnant with Charlie and decided to have the baby and keep him. The father was a boyfriend of hers, and he ran for the hills, or tried to, when she told him she was pregnant. He pays her child support part of the time. His record for that is pretty lousy. A year ago he tried suing for custody and ended up with no visitation rights, still having to pay child support, and the judge awarded Gretchen full custody.”
“Where is he now? With her dead, he could try again.” Donald glanced toward him, his eyes filled with concern.
“Gretchen told me he’s in jail for drug charges. He actually called her and wanted to speak to Charlie from prison or something. But I think he’s out of the picture for good.” Robin was grateful for that. The fewer complications, the better for him and for Charlie.
“Okay. That’s him. Is there anyone else that could fight you for custody? You need to be prepared.”
“I suppose my mother could try. But Gretchen made it pretty clear to me that she was never to have Charlie as long as she was married to or living with Stan. Gretchen was adamant that Stan never be allowed to raise or influence her child. She hated him with a passion that burned like the fires of hell.” Which Robin fully understood. “When we talked, she’d ask if Mom had left the Demon Bastard of Satan. I hope the lawyer will know more.”
“He should, and if not, there are ways to find out. If she has insurance policies, we can try to find them or see if she had a safe-deposit box at the bank that she put them in. There are also Social Security benefits that Charlie could qualify for because he lost his mother. I can help you look into all of that. It’s what I do.”
“Thank you.” Part of the worries had been what he was going to do for money to support Charlie.
“And since he’s four, I can help you get him into a preschool program. Carlisle has some good ones through the elementary schools. I know most of the principals and administrators, so there are things I can do to help there as well.”
Robin checked that Dwayne was still behind them and tried not to think about what he’d do if he hadn’t had Dwayne’s support and Donald’s help with this. The thought of being a parent was nearly overwhelming, but doing this completely on his own with no help frightened him. Granted, eventually it would be just him and Charlie. He really didn’t expect Donald would be able to help him for years to come, and while Dwayne had been more than helpful and kind, Robin really figured he was going to have to find a place of his own for himself and Charlie. It was going to hurt when Dwayne had him leave, but he figured it was only a matter of time now. Who could expect anyone to stay around for something like this? Dwayne was an amazing man, and Robin was grateful for all his help, but thinking that Dwayne was going to be ready for something like him and a four-year-old was not realistic.
“What are you thinking about now?” Donald asked, and Robin turned to check on Dwayne’s car subconsciously. “I see.”
“What can I expect? Really? Dwayne’s the best guy I’ve ever met, but how can I…. He didn’t sign up for a kid taking care of a kid.” Robin turned back around and groaned.
“You need to stop thinking of yourself as a kid. You’re twenty-one years old. That means that legally you’re an adult, and in a few hours, you’ll have a four-year-old to take care of. Childhood and kid things are over. You’re the adult, the one responsible for everything. And as for Dwayne, my suggestion is that you let him make up his own mind.” Donald smirked. “He’s very good at doing that sort of thing.”
“But….”
“When he found out, he cleared a room he uses for storage and as an office so that Charlie would have a space of his own. He called me and asked what I had and how fast he could get furniture. Heck, he even asked if there was time to have the room painted. Dwayne jumped in with both feet to try to help, so don’t second-guess him. Give Dwayne the chance to tell you what he wants before you decide for him.” He paused. “You know that Carter and I have a son. He was rescued. Carter found him locked in an attic, where he’d been staying for a while.”
Donald wiped his eyes. “It gets me every time I think about it.” He sniffed, took a deep breath, and wiped his eyes again. “I guess you need to know that Carter and I had dated briefly, but it didn’t go anywhere. Mostly because I wasn’t ready, though Carter will say it was because I was a dick. Both are probably true. Anyway, when he found Alex, he called Child Services. I got sent, and Carter pretty much shamed me into taking Alex home because there weren’t any foster placements available, and the kid was hanging on to Carter for dear life. I did, and Carter stayed to help take care of him. I didn’t expect him to, but he wasn’t going to leave Alex alone. He slept on my sofa until, as he puts it, his hotness overcame my reticence. I like to think that Alex played matchmaker for us. We both fell in love with him and each other, and for me it became a case of not wanting to do without either one of them.”
“Alex was in an attic?” Robin clenched his hands into fists.
“Yeah. There’s a lot to it, but Alex was victimized and abused in some pretty bad ways. When we first asked him his name, he told us it was Piece of Shit. When we got him to tell us his real name, he turned around and waited to be spanked. We’ve shown him love and devotion ever since, and a lot of those terrible things have faded, but sometimes Alex still gets nightmares. He will not go into the attic of our house for any reason, and I know he has no idea why he’s so scared.”
“I hope Charlie hasn’t been through anything like that.”
“I sincerely hope no other child has to go through what he did. But my point is that love and understanding will do a lot for a kid his age.”
As they approached the Baltimore area, Robin programmed the address into Donald’s GPS, and he followed the instructions to the building in a professional office lot. Donald parked, and Dwayne pulled in next to them. Robin used Dwayne’s phone to let the attorney know they had arrived, and went inside, then up to the second floor and down the hall to the office.
Charlie was in the lobby at a table, on his knees, drawing and coloring on sheets of paper, which were strewn everywhere. He turned when they entered, saw Robin, and ran to him. Robin lifted him and hugged him tight, knowing in that instant that he’d move heaven and earth to give him the kind of home he deserved.
“You must be Robin. I’m Lisa Wilson, a close friend of your sister’s.”
Robin held out his hand to shake hers. “Thank you for taking care of him. I appreciate it so much.”
“This dear heart is never a problem.” She stroked Charlie’s hair and turned as a man in a suit joined them.
“Mr. Fisher?” Robin asked, extending his hand. “Robin Cartwright. This is Dwayne Rappaport. He’s an officer in the Carlisle Police Department.”
Dwayne and Warren shook hands. “I’m Robin’s boyfriend.” The way Dwayne said that sank into Robin’s heart. He hadn’t known how Dwayne really felt about him, but that told him quite a bit. “This is Donald Ickle. He’s a good friend, and he works with Cumberland County Child Services. Neither of us is here officially, just to help Robin any way we can.”
“Why don’t you come on back with me and we can go over the important details.” Warren held open the door and motioned down a short hallway and into a conference room with a rich mahogany table surrounded by eight chairs.
“How are you doing?” Robin asked Charlie.
Squirming in Robin’s arms, Charlie said, “My pictures!”
“I have them for you,” Lisa said, and handed them to Charlie, who held them tight.
“I made them for when Mommy comes back,” Charlie said, and Robin looked at the others. They all appeared a little sheepish, and Robin turned to carry Charlie out of the room.
“Use my office. It’s right across the hall,” Warren offered, and Robin went inside to do the hardest thing he’d ever done in his life. Somehow he had to find the words to tell Charlie that his mother was dead.
He stood Charlie in front of him, then crouched to be at eye level. Robin put his hands on Charlie’s shoulders and took a deep breath. “Sweetheart. Your mother is gone. She went to live with the angels in heaven.” Robin had never been religious, but he’d gone to Sunday school as a kid.
Charlie looked at him with watery eyes. “But when will she come back?”
“She won’t be back. Going to heaven means you stay there.”
The tears fell down Charlie’s cheeks. “Then the angels are mean. They should give her back!” He began to cry, and Robin hugged him.
“You’re going to come to live with me now. And I’m going to take care of you and love you forever.” He lifted Charlie into his arms and let him cry on his shoulder. There was nothing else he could do at this point. Trying to explain further wasn’t going to help, and he was sure they would cover this ground many times before Charlie understood what had happened. “It’s okay. I want to cry too.” He closed his eyes and rocked back and forth as his own tears forced their way forward.
They stayed that way for what seemed like forever, until Charlie’s sobs quieted. Robin let Charlie settle against him and returned to the conference room. He sat down, leaving Charlie resting on his shoulder, rubbing his back.
“What do we need to do?”
“Your sister’s will is explicit on a number of points. First, she awarded you guardianship of Charlie, and Charlie is the sole beneficiary of her estate, with you as trustee on his behalf. She had two life insurance policies. One is through her work for a hundred thousand dollars, and the other was a term life policy she bought when Charlie was born for half a million so he’d be protected. I’ve already started the process of setting up the trust for Charlie so the money from the estate can be deposited for him. And I’ll contact the insurance companies to get the money for you.”
“What about her things?”
“Your sister and Charlie….” Warren sat back. “I knew your sister pretty well. She wasn’t just my client.”
“Were you her boyfriend?”
“No. Not that I didn’t want to be more for her, but we were only friends. She said she couldn’t let people into their lives that way, not knowing if things would end and Charlie would be hurt.” Warren cleared his throat softly. “Your sister lived a fairly simple life. She had a car that she took care of and a small apartment where she and Charlie lived. I can take you over there once we’re done here.”
Robin nodded. “I have so many questions, and I’m sure I’ve missed things.”
“I’m sure you do. Let me start by saying that I’ve checked her bank accounts. She had about ten thousand dollars in savings that I’ll work with the bank to get transferred into the trust as soon as I can. She had some money in her checking account that I’ll leave there to handle any bills that come in.”
“What about a funeral?” Robin asked softly. Charlie had fallen asleep on his shoulder.
“That’s up to you.”
Robin gaped, overwhelmed.
“Sweetheart, you don’t have to make any decisions at this moment,” Dwayne told him.
Shaking his head, Robin said, “Can we have her cremated and then arrange a memorial service once things are settled? She never liked the whole funeral thing. She said ‘the buffet of grief and whispers’ that went on for days after Dad died was way too much. She said she wanted something simple. Was there anything in the will?”
“Not about that. But I can make that happen once the body is released.” Warren passed over some papers. “She named me as the executor of the estate, so I can handle just about everything you need me to. I put together some information that I thought would be helpful. The rent is paid through the end of the month. I can pay one more, but then we should be out so the landlord can move on as well. I’ve included my phone numbers, as well as the account numbers that will be part of the trust. I opened it at Wells Fargo because there were branches in Pennsylvania as well. I’ll make some money available tomorrow and give you access so you can get whatever Charlie needs.” He passed Robin a sealed envelope with his name on it in his sister’s handwriting, as well as a set of keys that he assumed were for Gretchen’s apartment and car. “I can handle the title transfer once the insurance company figures out what they want to do.”
“Thank you.” At least some of the extreme worries that Robin had been plagued with seemed to be fading. Gretchen had been even more organized and prepared than he could have imagined.
“There’s one more thing.” Warren leaned back in his chair. “Gretchen was adamant when she wrote her will—”
“That Charlie never go to my mother as long as she was married to Stan,” Robin said, and Warren nodded. “She hated the Demon Bastard of Satan.”
Warren pulled out a copy of the will and arranged it before passing it over to him. “That’s exactly what she put in her will. That she felt that Stan was entirely unfit for parenthood, and because of that, her mother was never to have custody under any circumstances. I take that to mean Charlie is not allowed to stay with her overnight and he can see your mother only if your mother comes to visit you without Stan. I’m taking a broad interpretation because of how she phrased what she wanted.”
“We’re in agreement,” Robin said. “Is there anything else we need to talk about right now?” He rubbed Charlie’s back. “I want to get him some of his things and then take him home with me so I can start to get him settled.”
“I have a few questions,” Donald said, and Robin leaned back in the chair, letting Charlie get more comfortable. “We are planning to take him back to Pennsylvania with us. Will that be okay?”
“Yes. As long as Robin is accepting custody, and since it’s his sister’s wishes, there isn’t a problem. Charlie is not under the protection of Child Services, which is what I was hoping to avoid when I called Robin, so things are much easier. I will draft papers for placement and custody, but the will is explicit, so there shouldn’t be an issue.”
Donald nodded. “Good. Also we’ll need documentation so we can enroll Charlie at school.”
“You’ll have it.” Warren scribbled notes on a pad.
“Allergies?” Donald asked.
“Yes,” Lisa answered. “Charlie is allergic to bananas and anything in that family, as well as cucumbers. I can make a list for you. Other than that, he’s healthy and quite active.” She stroked his head gently, and Charlie squirmed as though waking up.
“We’d appreciate that,” Donald said, seeming to have run out of questions.
Dwayne slid his chair closer and rubbed his shoulder. “I think we have what we need for now,” he said and stood.
“I have a few papers for Robin to sign to state that he’s taking custody of Charlie and for me to be able to make some of the financial arrangements.” Warren passed them over, and Dwayne gently lifted Charlie off Robin’s shoulders. Robin tensed, waiting to see how he reacted.
Charlie looked at Dwayne and yawned.
“Hey, dude.” Dwayne bounced him a little and then lifted Charlie over his head up near the ceiling. Charlie giggled, and when Dwayne brought him down, Charlie asked him to do it again. Dwayne laughed and obliged. “I’m Dwayne, and I think we’re going to be friends.” He set Charlie on his feet, and he stood for a few seconds before racing around the table, making car noises.
“I think we better go.” Robin signed where Warren indicated, and stood, then chased after Charlie, who ran faster. Dwayne snatched him off his feet and lifted him back into the air for more giggles. For a second they tore at Robin’s heart. Gretchen should have been there to listen to that joy.
“Hey, little man, are you hungry?”
“Nuggets!” Charlie answered loudly, grinning.
“Okay. We’re going to take you home so we can pack your things. Then we’ll get you some nuggets.”
“And see Mama?” he asked, his eyes gleaming.
Dwayne lowered him, and Robin picked Charlie up and explained things to him once again. That brought him back to tears.
“Go and see to him. I have all I need for now.” Warren shook his hand as well as he could. “I’ll do my best to make some initial funds available to you tomorrow. That way you and Charlie can start getting settled.”
“I appreciate it.” It was all overwhelming, but there was the peace of mind of knowing that Charlie would have the money he needed to grow up. “I’ll look forward to your call.” Robin held Charlie closer, left the conference room, and went out through the office. He set Charlie down and held his hand to take the stairs to the first floor and then out to the van.
“Are we riding in that?” Charlie asked as though the van were covered in gold. He bounced up and down, and when Donald opened the door, he bounded inside. Donald made sure he was settled in the booster seat and buckled in. Then Donald closed the door, and Robin got in the passenger seat before giving Donald his sister’s address so he could put it in the GPS.
The drive took less than ten minutes, and they pulled up in front of the small brick apartment building. Charlie ran out as soon as Donald got him out of the seat, and he raced up the walk to the front door. Robin let them inside, and Charlie hurried down the hall to a door, which Robin unlocked. They stepped right into the small living room, which was neat as a pin. Charlie hurried down to one of the tiny bedrooms and disappeared inside.
“Don’t get out a bunch of things,” Robin told him.
“What should we get?” Dwayne asked.
Robin went into Charlie’s bedroom, where he had pulled toys out of a box. He sat on the floor, playing with a stuffed horse and cat.
“Take the dresser,” Donald said, peeking inside. “This way we can get a lot of Charlie’s clothes in one go. Don’t empty it. We can load it full. We should also take his toy box and the shelves. Pack up his books, and we can load them too. The more things you have that Charlie is familiar with, the easier it will be for him to settle in his new place.”
“You got it,” Dwayne said, then left the apartment and returned with boxes. “I got them at the store this morning. Figured we’d need some.” He began packing books and then carried the boxes out, followed by the shelves.
Robin checked the closet, then found some black garbage bags in the kitchen and used them to cover the hung clothes. Dwayne took those out as well. Donald and Dwayne hauled out the dresser, and Robin took Charlie’s hand.
“Can you help me in the kitchen?” Robin asked, and Charlie went with him. Robin saw Dwayne carry out the toy box, and he sighed. They had most of Charlie’s things. He checked the refrigerator, grateful there was nothing that needed immediate attention. He emptied the cupboards of what seemed to be the things Gretchen had for Charlie. Then, holding Charlie’s hand, he went to his sister’s room and opened the door.
Charlie jumped onto the bed and bounced until Robin asked him not to. Then he flopped down while Robin checked around. There were pictures of her and Charlie on her dresser, and Robin groaned, willing the tears not to come.
They did anyway. Robin made it to the bathroom before breaking down. He didn’t want to upset Charlie, but he couldn’t seem to stop. Once the flow of pain began, it seemed unending. He grabbed a towel off one of the bars and pressed it to his eyes. He needed to be there for Charlie, somehow, but that wouldn’t happen if he was on the bathroom floor, going to pieces. Robin tried to get up, but his legs refused to work, and he buried his face in the towel, giving up the fight.
“Sweetheart.” Dwayne knocked quietly, then opened the door. He helped him up and then cradled him in his arms as Robin sobbed for his sister and her little boy, who’d never see his mother again.
“What am I going to do?” Robin asked as he gulped for air. “How can I make up for the mother he’s never going to have?” He buried his face in Dwayne’s shirt and held on to him with everything he had. Robin was going to explode into a million little pieces any second, he knew it.
“It’s okay to grieve. Of course you’re going to miss her. But Charlie needs you, and he’s going to need you for a long time.” Dwayne continued holding him, and slowly Robin got hold of himself. “Charlie is with Donald right now.”
“Thank God.” Robin wiped his eyes on the towel once again.
“He says he’ll get Charlie’s things from the bathroom if you want to gather anything you want of your sister’s. Then we should go get something to eat and head for home. We can come back in a few days, but I think both of you are going to need some quiet time and probably a lot of sleep.”
Robin couldn’t argue with that and nodded. But he didn’t want Dwayne to let him go. If he did, Robin was sure he was going to end up right back where he’d been.
“Give me a minute,” Robin whispered and closed his eyes, breathing in Dwayne’s scent. “I’ll be okay.” He wiped his eyes a final time, released Dwayne, and got his legs under him. “It hit me all at once that Gretchen is really gone.” He inhaled deeply, grabbed one of the large towels, went back to Gretchen’s room, laid it on the bed, and wrapped some of the pictures in it before setting the bundle aside.
“Go ahead and get the last things you want.”
Robin nodded and noticed that Dwayne stayed with him. He wasn’t comfortable looking through his sister’s things. It was invading her privacy. Yes, he’d have to do it eventually, but not today. He didn’t have it in him today.
“Spend some time with Charlie while I get the last of this loaded.” Dwayne took the towel bundle and made a few trips out to the car.
“I’m hungry,” Charlie said, running in to stand between Robin’s legs, meeting his gaze with big blue eyes. “Nuggets.”
“We promised you nuggets, and we’re going to get some just as soon as Uncle Dwayne and Donald finish loading the last of what we need.” Robin hugged Charlie as Donald came back inside.
“I packed a box of things like plastic cups and bowls that Charlie will need, and that’s in the car. I think the rest can wait until you come back. There were a few things in the refrigerator that won’t last, so I pitched them and packed what can make the trip, so we’re good there.”
Once Dwayne joined them, Robin lifted Charlie, and he handed Dwayne the keys to let him lock up.
Donald showed him how to properly buckle Charlie into the seat, and then they were on their way. They stopped at McDonald’s for Charlie’s nuggets first, and Charlie ate like a teenager. That kid could pack it away, and as soon as they were back in the van and on the road, Charlie dropped off to sleep.
Robin spent much of the drive sitting silently, watching out the window, wondering what was coming next.
CHARLIE WAS in pajamas, watching a DVD they’d brought with them. Donald had gone home after helping to bring in everything and set up Charlie’s room. It looked nice in there. Charlie sat on the floor, looking up at the television, and every so often turned to make sure Robin was still there. About an hour ago, Robin had left the room and Charlie had turned, not seen him, and started screaming for his mother, which necessitated a good deal of calming and yet another explanation that Gretchen was gone.
Dwayne sat next to Robin and put an arm around his shoulders. Robin leaned against him, wondering what he was going to do about work tomorrow. He had Charlie to look after and he needed to work. But it seemed Dwayne and Donald had already talked that over.
“Donald is going to come over in the morning to get Charlie. Alex has agreed to ‘babysit’ Charlie for five dollars.” Dwayne winked. “So just relax. Things are going to be fine. We’ll take things one day at a time.”
“I’m trying,” Robin whispered. “Charlie, once this show is over, you need to go to bed and Uncle Dwayne will read you a story. He does really good stories with voices and everything.”
“I do?” Dwayne whispered gently.
“You do now.” Robin smirked.
Charlie went back to the video, which ended fifteen minutes later. Robin helped him brush his teeth and wash his hands and face, then settled Charlie into bed. Dwayne came in and read Charlie a story, complete with amazing voices, but Charlie only heard the first half because he fell asleep. Robin turned out the light, and they left the room and half closed the door.
Robin breathed freely for the first time all day. He couldn’t believe how much they’d done. He was tired but wide-awake, and his head still spun like a top.
“Come on. We need to get you to bed so you can sleep.”
“How am I supposed to? All I can think about is my sister and what happens if I mess things up for Charlie?” He sat back on the sofa, and Dwayne turned off all the lights to sit next to him in the dark.
“You’re not going to mess anything up.” Dwayne hugged him. “Charlie is an adorable little boy. When he called me ‘Unca Dwayne’ today, I felt my heart melting right there.”
Robin groaned without meaning to as some of the tension from the day finally drained from him. He hadn’t realized just how tightly he’d been wound until some of it leached away.
“I’m going to have to try to find a place for Charlie and me to live. I can’t continue to stay here and live off you.” He turned to peer into Dwayne’s eyes. “I don’t know what I’d have done if you didn’t help me weeks ago, or how I could have managed all this without your help. But I can’t keep relying on you like this.”
“You aren’t living off me. You have a job now and can support yourself. So pay part of the rent if that makes you feel better.” Dwayne tugged him closer. “I like having you here.”
“Why?” Robin asked, hoping like hell the reason wasn’t because Robin had been sleeping with him. His heart told him that wasn’t the case. Dwayne wasn’t that kind of guy. But he prepared himself to hear it anyway.
“Did it ever occur to you that we have a lot in common? My family hasn’t been any more accepting or forgiving than yours seems to be. You and I are both on our own. The difference for me was that I had skills and some options. You didn’t, but you do now.”
“I guess.” Robin stroked Dwayne’s cheeks. “What happened before you left Topeka?”
Dwayne closed his eyes. “Not today. I think we’ve both had enough trauma and emotional turmoil for one day.” He stood and extended his hand. Robin took it, and Dwayne led him toward the bedroom.
Robin checked on Charlie, still nervous. He was sound asleep, his night-light casting just enough glow Robin could see his blond head poking out of the covers and how he held his stuffed bear right next to him as though it might try to make a run for it and Charlie was determined to stop it. Dwayne slid his arms around Robin’s waist, saying nothing, just held him and silently supported him. Robin leaned back, knowing he was okay and that if he fell, Dwayne was there for him. His mind floated, and a light-headedness came over him. Not because anything was wrong, but because it was right and he could let it all go and relax.
Dwayne guided him the last few steps to the bedroom. Robin hesitated and turned to kiss him gently. Then he tilted his head toward the bathroom, and Dwayne nodded and turned to the bedroom.
Robin brushed his teeth and washed up, taking a few seconds to clear his head and allowing himself to truly decide what he wanted. It was a lot to take in and even more to accept. His life had changed, and still was in ways he could never have imagined a few weeks ago. What concerned him wasn’t that the changes surprised him, but the fact that they might turn out to be fleeting. A teacher his senior year once told the class that change was good because one never knew what it was going to bring. Good or bad, at least it brought something that broke the status quo and made lives unique and gave them meaning. At the time Robin hadn’t understood in the slightest what he’d been trying to say, but now he understood so well.
Robin turned away from the mirror and left the bathroom to join Dwayne in the bedroom. It was a warm evening, so Dwayne had turned on the air conditioner, and the cooler air flowed gently into the room. Dwayne lay on top of the covers, and Robin did his best not to stare at him as he took off his clothes and joined him in bed. He wasn’t exactly sure if tonight was a good night for… whatever… and he was trying not to get excited.
He failed.
As soon as he touched the covers, Dwayne slid closer, tugging him against his heat and strength, and Robin was lost. He turned, and Dwayne kissed him, his weight pressing Robin into the mattress, and there was no way Robin wanted him to stop. He’d been nervous and uptight all day, worrying about Charlie and his sister and…. His breath hitched as the memories returned and he tried to control them.
Dwayne stroked his cheek and held him tighter. “I know, and it’s okay. Just let it go for a little while.”
“I’m trying.”
“Close your eyes and just breathe,” Dwayne whispered, and Robin did as he said, trying to give over control and his worries and pain to Dwayne. He had to somehow let them go so he could sleep, and hoped the grief and worry didn’t eat him alive the way they threatened at the moment. “It’s okay to feel the way you do. You’re going to miss your sister.”
“Yes,” Robin said into the darkness. “She was the part of my family that didn’t completely reject me.”
“I know. But now you have a piece of her that needs you to help him grow and mature. The best part of her is right in the other room.” Dwayne stroked his belly and then downward. Robin’s cock had taken a breather, but as soon as Dwayne touched him, Robin was awake, and he groaned softly. He didn’t want to wake Charlie, but he needed to know he was alive and could still feel like he had before all this started.
“What am I doing?” Robin asked.
“Live. You’re allowing yourself to live….” Dwayne kissed the base of his throat, and his cares and grief receded slightly. “You’re allowing yourself to feel pleasure instead of pain, and excitement rather than hurt.” Dwayne sucked at one of his nipples, and Robin moaned under his breath, thrusting his chest forward into the sensation, needing the relief and escape.
“Dwayne,” he whimpered. Part of him wasn’t sure this was right, and then Dwayne gripped his cock tighter, holding him, and Robin’s protest died on his lips as clouds of achingly intense pleasure washed over his mind. When Dwayne licked him and then slid his lips over the head of his cock, Robin forgot about everything and everyone but Dwayne and how he played Robin’s body. Nothing else mattered. He knew he cared for Dwayne, but through the pleasure of that moment, one thought rushed through his mind, cutting across everything else. He was in love with Dwayne. Heat washed over him in waves as he identified the deep emotional connection he felt for him.
“How is that possible?” he asked himself and realized the words had crossed his lips, but they probably sounded like a moan. His noises increased as Dwayne took him deeper, his strong, powerful hands soothing over Robin’s heated chest. Robin was losing control of his own body and his mind. He gave up both and let whatever was going to happen take him along for the ride. Within seconds Robin realized it was more than worth it.
Dwayne sucked him hard and deep. Robin’s hips thrust upward. He wanted more and had to have it. Dwayne gave him whatever he needed, and Robin accepted it, balancing on a knife’s edge until Dwayne pulled away.
In his hazy mind, Robin wondered if he’d done something wrong, and then Dwayne was there once again, kneeling between Robin’s legs, kissing him as Robin wrapped his thighs and calves around Dwayne’s waist. He was ready to be taken away, and it seemed Dwayne was determined to help him on the journey.
Dwayne fumbled a little with the preparations since it was dark. Robin waited patiently for him to return, and then Dwayne was there once again, his lips next to Robin’s, hot breath teasing his face while Dwayne’s cock pressed at his opening but didn’t go farther.
Robin didn’t trust himself to say anything without screaming in frustration, so he kept his lips either kissing Dwayne or pressed tightly together. He wasn’t going to wake Charlie at a time like this, but oh God, he needed what he knew was coming. Robin wound his arms around Dwayne’s neck and tugged him down, kissed him hard and gasped against his lips as Dwayne pressed forward, entering him.
The stretch and burn were nearly overpowering. Robin hissed and breathed through the intensity until it eased and was replaced by warmth that bloomed from within. Robin moaned softly, doing his best to swallow the sound.
“God, you’re amazing,” Dwayne whispered into his ear and sucked lightly on the lobe as he gyrated his hips just enough for sparks to flash behind Robin’s eyes.
He tried to watch Dwayne, but the room was too dark. He closed his eyes and soon discovered that while he couldn’t look at anything, he could feel everything, and he reveled in it. Sensation built upon sensation like ripples in a pond, breath upon breath, ebbing and flowing until the sensation proved too much and broke over him in a rush that sent Robin flying through the air, full of wonder that he hoped would last forever.
“Robin?” Dwayne asked, stroking his face. “You need to say something.”
“Oh God,” he gasped and slowly relaxed.
“I thought I broke you.”
Robin shivered as Dwayne withdrew, and soon he settled on the bed next to him, wiping Robin’s skin. Robin was too floaty to care at that moment and closed his eyes once again, settling under the covers and willing this feeling of perfection to last as long as possible. Dwayne held and kissed him for a long while and then got out of bed, only to return and press soft fabric into his hands.
“I think we need to have these on just in case.”
It took Robin a second to realize it was underwear, and he somehow managed to pull them on and settled back into sleep.
“MOMMY!”
The cry rattled the walls. Robin was up and on his way to the room without thinking.
“Mommy!”
Terror crawled up Robin’s spine as he raced into the small room. Charlie lay on the bed, shivering and crying, the covers over his head.
“It’s okay. I’m here.” Robin pulled down the covers and took Charlie into his arms, comforting him as best he could, through what he wanted to think of as a nightmare, but those weren’t real. This loss was real, made even more so by the fact that it was four in the morning. Tears followed as Robin explained once again, and all he could do was try to comfort them away.
Dwayne joined him a few minutes later. He knelt next to Charlie, and thankfully he went to Unca Dwayne easily and clung to him. “It’s all right. I have him. You go to bed and get some rest. You have to work early.”
Robin nodded and stood behind Dwayne, resting his head on his shoulder. Just like that, he knew there was no doubt. He was in love, deeply, and there was no going back. Now he could only hope Dwayne felt the same way.