This time when I knock on Alice’s door, I wait for a reply. The saving of one’s life does elicit a strange sort of politeness, no matter the things that have come before it.

“Come in.” Alice’s voice sounds small behind the giant door, like it did when we were children.

I open the door slowly. I have avoided this conversation, the last true goodbye I must make. And by far the most difficult for the finality it brings.

“Alice.” I stand formally at the end of her bed while she maintains her own position by the bureau.

“Lia. Are you well?” Her eyes are kind, her voice sincere.

I shake my head as her eyes grow large with new concern.

“What… what is it? Have you spoken to the doctor?”

My throat hurts when I swallow, and for a moment I wonder if I shall begin to weep, if the tears I thought I had used to extinction can be back so soon.

“No. There is nothing the doctor can do for me. He cannot bring back Henry, can he?” In my voice I hear the plaintive question. Not a question at all, really. And yet my voice allows for an answer other than the one we both know to be true.

Alice shakes her head. “No.”

I grab on to her bedpost, rubbing my thumb across the warm wood if only for something to do with my restless hands. “I’m leaving early tomorrow.”

“Aunt Virginia told me. You’ll be in London, then?”

I nod. Aunt Virginia and I discussed the merits of keeping my destination a secret, but the truth is, I fear Alice far more in the Otherworlds than I do in my own. And then there is the matter of my position as Gate. Alice is most certainly in a quandary, for though she might like to see me out of the way, she also must acknowledge, if only to herself, that she is better off hoping to change my mind than doing away with me altogether.

At least, this is what I tell myself in my darkest moments. In the moments when I force myself to acknowledge that my life is in jeopardy at the hands of my own sister.

She takes a deep breath before continuing. “Lia. I did not mean… that is, I don’t know why I… why I did what I did. It all happened so quickly, did it not?”

I should be angry. I should be beside myself with rage. And yet I find a strange numbness in my heart. My anger is as helpless and weak as my cold limbs after I was pulled from the river.

“Yes. It happened very quickly.” It is a whisper, the memory of those moments a ghost that will not let me rest. “But you have placed yourself firmly on one side of the prophecy. The other side.”

“We have been on opposite sides since the beginning of time, Lia. We never had a single chance to be anything but adversaries. Don’t you see it, even now? Do you seek to blame one or the other of us still? Can we not simply accept that this is our destiny? That no fault lies with either one of us?”

I lean my head against the bed, staring at the reeded carving in the slender post. “It is true that our names were written in the prophecy long ago, Alice. But there was a choice. For us both. There is always a choice. You have made yours. And I have made mine as well. It is only too bad they are not one and the same.”

She walks toward me, smiling her real Alice smile, and I know I shall remember it always when I think of my sister. That shining smile that makes one willing to do almost anything to feel its warmth. When she reaches me she puts her hand on the post near mine, leaning in until we are touching foreheads as we did when we were girls.

“I will miss you, Lia. Whatever happens.”

Her skin is cool on mine. “And I as well.” I straighten up, afraid that if I stay close to my sister for too long I shall forget who she is. I shall forget what she wants, what she has done. “But we will meet again.”

She takes a step back, reaching for my hand before dropping it just as quickly. “Yes.”

I look into the bottomless green of her eyes, a mirror to my own. “You will not reconsider your position, then? Even now?”

She shakes her head. “Especially now. Abandoning our cause for one destined to fail would be foolish.” Her gaze, unwavering, turns as icy and empty as the lake in winter. “And I am anything but foolish, Lia.”

I can only nod. With her words, the battle lines are more deeply etched. The next time we meet, we will not look so kindly upon one another.

There is nothing left to say. I turn quickly, filled to overflowing with such regret, such sadness, and finally, such anger. I leave her room without a backward glance, closing the door behind me. Closing the door on the sister I once knew.

I return to my room to find the door ajar, but it is not this alone that stops me. It is that singular sensation of empty space that is difficult to define but that so often follows the leaving of one from a room.

I look around, trying to determine if anything is amiss, but the windows are closed, and everything is as I left it.

Except for the piece of paper lying on my writing desk.

I cross the room warily. Though I’m quite sure I am alone, it is disconcerting to know that someone has been among my private things. When I come to the desk, I reach down and lift the paper from its surface. The room is dim, lit only by the soft glow of the fire. I must hold the paper very close to my face in order to make out the words, and even then it takes me a moment to focus on the curving script, though the message is simple and short.

To find the book’s end,

cross the ancient wood to the mystic isle.

Until then, prepare yourself for the coming battle….

And trust no one.

I drop to the desk chair, still holding the piece of paper in my hand. The hopelessness that has been my familiar companion in the days since Henry’s death lifts just a little. In its place is a sense of purpose.

I look back down at the note. It bears no signature, but it doesn’t matter. It is a clear sign of how very much my life has changed that I know well the meaning behind the cryptic words, if not those responsible for its delivery.

The missing pages of the book are still out there.

I must find them and use them to bring an end to the prophecy.

And then try to begin again.

I pause with the quill over paper for some time, trying to find the words. Despite our conversation in the bookshop, it would be unfair to leave without telling James some measure of the truth, for is not James my oldest friend, my dearest ally, my truest heart?

And yet, there is no place in the prophecy for love. Not now.

Involving him would be nothing but selfishness, but neither do I want to hurt him. I must try to explain without telling him too much. I must try to make him understand the time I require. Time away from him, from Birchwood, from Alice. From all the things that only keep me from the answers that will bring an end to the prophecy once and for all.

I don’t know if it will be enough—my small words, my meaningless platitudes, my empty apologies. But it is all that my mother left to me and all I can manage under the weight of my grief and with the knowledge of the fight ahead.

Dearest James,

I will not say goodbye. For this is not the end of our love. How can it be, when your heart has beat next to mine almost since our hearts began beating at all?

No, we are two sides to the same coin. We belong to one another, have always belonged to one another.

I think of your warm lips on mine, of your words on Thanksgiving, and I tell you “yes.” Yes, I will be yours. Yes, I wish to spend my life with you. Yes, I long to feel my hand in yours for all of eternity.

But these things cannot come to pass until I find the answers to a question I have only just been asked. A question both dangerous and dark, and as I search for its answer, I do not wish to involve you, though I know you would argue this decision if you could.

I write this letter instead of speaking to your beloved face because I know you will try to stop me. I know you will demand answers. I know you will not let me leave without your help, your counsel. And the truth is, I do not trust in my own strength to resist.

And yet I shall. You must trust me if you have ever trusted me, if you have ever loved me. You must trust that I would never leave you if there were another way. And you must trust me to come back to you. For I will, James. I will. You have the promise of my love, and you must carry it close to your heart until I can bring to an end the things that would keep us from one another.

You have always kept me safe. And now you must believe that it is my task to do the same. To keep us both safe so that someday we might be together as one.

I endeavor to be true to you, James. And I pray you will wait. If you will wait, I will return. You have my word and my love.

Yours,

Lia