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Emmett shifted Kate slightly so she was off his bladder and then closed his eyes and sighed. He was pretty happy that she had fallen asleep on him. It gave him an excuse to just sit on the couch and do nothing and shake his head silently and point to her whenever somebody tried to talk to him.
The couch was a cream-colored linen with overstuffed, turquoise throw pillows that reminded him of the wax-coated Dixie cups of the ‘90s. Around him overflowed gifts for Kate, mostly plastic toys that made lots of noise, a few outfits, and some books. Rhonda had given Kate a Step2 slide and set it up in the living room, and Kate had pulled up and taken her first step from it to the coffee table. It had generated much applause from the onlookers and lots of unsolicited comments about how they wished Megan could have seen her.
They all wanted to talk about Megan and how unfair it was that she was dead, how much she had loved life, what a good mom she was, how surprised she would be at how tall Benny had gotten. Which was a lie, because Benny had gotten all of Emmett’s mom’s genes and was going to barely surpass five feet.
But maybe talking about Megan like this was better than not talking about her at all. So many people avoided talking about her, like he would forget she was dead if they didn’t mention her.
Jane White had been the worst. She sat down and talked about Megan’s “unfortunate condition” like her death was contagious, as if it were an infection that Kate had given her and could spread to others. As if a baby should be blamed for what had happened! Jane thought she was Megan’s best friend because they had been the only two altos in church choir and thus had to sit next to each other twice a week for four years. Jane’s birthday gift had been a slim book, more like a pamphlet, on how to navigate the toddler years. “Because I know you wouldn’t have time to read anything more in depth,” she had said, patting Emmett’s hand with faux comfort. She was a stay-at-home blogger to three kids, and her husband was owner of the town newspaper. The readership of the blog and her husband’s newspaper was about the same size: less than half this small town’s population.
Emmett stopped going to church after Megan died. He didn’t see the point. He had forgotten how annoying Jane was until this party.
Emmett was thinking about telling Rhonda to just leave all the gifts here. There wasn’t room in the Tran house, and Kate would be spending many of her hours here, anyway, while Emmett was at work.
Rhonda moved over a xylophone and a nursery rhyme book and sat down gently next to Emmett. “I think most of them have cleared out,” she said quietly. “Jane White is insisting that she help clean up the kitchen, though.”
“I can’t help, sorry,” Emmett said, running a finger through Kate’s hair. It was sticky with icing. “I’m stuck here.”
He hadn’t had much of a chance to talk to Megan’s mom the whole afternoon. Even with only a dozen adult guests and fewer children, Emmett had felt overwhelmed with conversation, and Rhonda had been in the kitchen for most of it. She was a large presence, buxom and with a loud laugh. Her gray hair still had dirty blonde streaks in it, and she wore it long enough to braid. Ever since she had divorced Greg seven years ago, she had taken to speaking her mind and feeding an army of friends every Sunday. Emmett liked her a lot.
“Do you like my skirt?” she said now, adjusting the flowing silk wrap, a bright turquoise almost the exact hue of the couch cushions. “I got it in Port Au Prince.”
“It’s lovely, and it suits you,” Emmett said. “Tell me more about your cruise.”
“Oh, it was so refreshing, Emmett,” Rhonda said. “There was dancing every night, and a few nice gentlemen bought me drinks. Finally, a group of people who don’t expect me to sit around acting like an old lady crocheting granny squares.”
“You do crochet granny squares.”
“Sure, but that’s not the point,” Rhonda said, chuckling. “And if I’m being brutally honest—“
“Please do,” Emmett said.
“It was so nice not to be known as Megan’s mother.”
“Yeah, I understand,” Emmett said. And he did. Everybody at this party still expected him to grieve for her, but he was ready to move on. He had been ready for a while now, he realized. The day after Tobey had come, he had pulled out those pictures from their life together and thought, This is enough. I’m done. He put some of the photos out, even one from their trip to Disney World on the fridge, so Benny could look at them, but they didn’t make him sad anymore. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for us, Rhonda.”
“It’s nothing,” Rhonda said. She looked up. “Hey, there, Banee!”
Benny blushed and pushed her glasses up her face. “Call me Benny, Grandma, everybody else does.”
“But Banee is precious because it means something,” Rhonda said. “And if I don’t use it, who will?”
“It’s fine, Rhonda, really. Nobody can pronounce it quite right since my mom died,” Emmett said. “Not even me.” He and Megan had almost instantly regretted giving their daughter a Tran family name, but it had seemed like a great idea before they actually had to use it. “What have you been up to, Benny?”
Benny shrugged. “Nothing. Idris said I couldn’t watch him play on his DS, and Birch and Verbena just wants to talk about boys. All the other kids left.”
“Those White kids. Just as pretentious as their names and as rude as their mother,” Rhonda said, shaking her head. She held out her hand and pulled Benny closer to her. “Never mind them. Are you excited to spend the rest of the summer with me? Do you want to learn more crochet, or move on to sewing? Or both?”
“I’m spending the summer with you? Did Tobey do something wrong? I like hanging out with him,” Benny said, looking to her father.
Emmett cocked his head. “Benny, sweetie, you can’t expect Tobey to watch you every day. He’s not in town for you. You know that.”
“What’s this? Who’s Tobey?” Rhonda asked.
“Just a guy we know,” Emmett said quickly. “He has a son a little older than Benny. They get along well.”
“Well I don’t see why you can’t see your new friend this summer, even while you stay with me. We could take him to the pool sometime,” Rhonda said.
“Really? That’d be great, Grandma! He was just saying this morning that he wanted to go there. They’re new in town.”
“Oh? Where’d you meet him?”
“At our house,” Benny said. “They came by asking for directions and never left.”
Rhonda frowned at Emmett. “Emmett? Care to elaborate?”
“Not really,” Emmett said, suddenly uncomfortable. He shook Kate. “Oh, look, Kate’s waking up. We should probably go.”
“No, Emmett, please don’t leave me here with Jane White and her children,” Rhonda said, clutching at his arm.
Emmett gave her a sorry-not-sorry smile as he carefully lifted himself and Kate off the couch. “Say bye to Grandma,” Emmett said to Benny.
“Bye, Grandma,” Benny said.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Banee,” Rhonda said, releasing her grip from Emmett with reluctance.
“Is there any cake left? Can we take it home for To—ow!” Benny stopped as Emmett stepped heavily on her foot.
“For, uh, tomorrow. Can we have the leftover cake for tomorrow?” Emmett said.
“Of course.” Rhonda smiled. “Jane, dear, could you bring Emmett that cake?”
While they waited for Jane to box up the cake, Benny put on her shoes, and Emmett waited by the front door. They probably should leave anyway. It was getting dark. He wondered what Tobey was doing right now. He and Cosmo had gone to the motel the night before, and Emmett hadn’t seen them at all today. Maybe they weren’t coming back. Sleeping on the couch had to be getting old, no matter how many times Tobey talked about sleeping on dirt in the middle east. And there were way more negative spreadsheet pages than positive ones for the Death Trap. Tobey had probably finished looking at it all and finally thrown the idea into the bin. Like he should have done a week ago, before they had both put in so much effort into it.
Jane carried a stack of Tupperware into the living room. Rhonda had made the cake, an almond pound cake drizzled with lemon icing. It was both Megan and Emmett’s favorite. Most of the guests had politely complained that they didn’t need that much sugar and barely eaten any, so there was a lot left. “Here you go, Emmett,” Jane said. “I packed up some hummus and veggies too. It’ll make a nice change from all the pizza you’re probably eating out at your house.”
Emmett miraculously refrained from saying something tacky. “Thank you, Jane. Rhonda, thank you for the great party you put on for Kate.”
“Any time, Emmett,” Rhonda said, pecking him on the cheek. She opened the front door for them.
Benny took the Tupperware since Emmett’s hands were still full of baby. They stepped out into the cool evening air, and Emmett breathed a sigh of relief.
Kate woke up as he buckled her into her seat. “Mama?” she asked.
“That’s right, we’re leaving Grandma’s house. But don’t worry, you’ll see her tomorrow,” Emmett said.
“I know this is weird since we just met him, but I think I like Cosmo better than any of those other kids that I have known my whole life,” Benny said. “I wish he could have come to the party.”
Emmett didn’t reply.
They pulled into their gravel drive in the country about twenty minutes later. Everything was dark. The only sounds were crickets and the bug zapper on the porch. As much as he hadn’t enjoyed the party, coming home to an empty house was worse.
“Benny, can you get Kate into the bath and wash her hair? She shouldn’t show up to Rhonda’s tomorrow still sticky.”
“Why can’t you do it?” Benny asked.
Because he was tired and couldn’t deal with a happy splasher right now, that was why. “Because you need to get clean, too. When was the last time you showered?”
“Fiiiiine,” Benny said. She took Kate out of the car and into the house. “Come on, baby. You’re a mess!”
“Mamama!” Kate agreed.
Emmett closed his eyes against the darkness around him, willing himself the courage to step through it and into the lonely house. By the time he reached the front door, he could already hear the water running upstairs. He stepped through into the hall and noticed the kitchen light was on. Typical Emmett, forgetting to turn off all the lights before they left for the day.
There was a pile of cleaned and dried laundry on the kitchen table, and a shirtless Tobey MacLeod was folding it.
“You’re here,” Emmett said, freezing in the doorway.
“Sorry, sorry,” Tobey said quickly, setting down the boxers he was straightening. “The washing machines at the motel cost a buck fifty per load, and we ran out of quarters...”
Emmett’s ears filled with a rushing sound as he stepped forward, and not because of sound of the bath water. Everything around Tobey went dark, and not because there were no other lights on in the house. He put both hands on Tobey’s shoulders to steady himself, and then he kissed him.
Tobey immediately pushed back into the kiss, grabbing Emmett’s waist and pulling him closer.
Emmett ran his hand down Tobey’s chest and tangled his fingers in his curls.
Tobey moved his hand up to Emmett’s neck and kissed him harder.
They stayed like that for one perfect moment, and then Tobey pushed Emmett away and took two steps back. “No.”
Emmett wiped his damp lips with the back of his hand. “What’s wrong?”
“I shouldn’t have done that,” Tobey said, turning to his laundry. He started shoving his clothes into the basket on the floor.
“You didn’t, I did.”
“You don’t want me,” Tobey said. He looked down at himself, put on the first shirt in the pile.
“I don’t?” Emmett asked.
“No, you’re just rebounding, and I happen to be here.”
Emmett started to feel hot around his neck and face. “I don’t think that’s it. I, um, I like you, Tobey.”
“No, no, no,” Tobey said. “Jesus Christ, Em, your wife just died. And here I’ve been up in your face and in your life like I could just...what, take her place? Pretend like I belong here? You couldn’t possibly actually feel—”
“This has nothing to do with Megan, I promise,” Emmett said. “I spent all afternoon missing you and being overly irrationally anxious that I’d never see you again.”
Tobey shook his head and didn’t stop gathering his laundry.
“Dad! Can you come get Kate dressed? She keeps wiggling away from me! She’s going to pee everywhere!”
“Be right there!” Emmett yelled. To Tobey he said, “Please don’t go. Please let’s talk about this in the morning.” He reached out to touch him.
Tobey flinched away.
Emmett backed away, his heart sinking. “Okay, fine. But don’t be so vain as to think that you could ever, ever be a replacement for Megan. She was my best friend for eighteen years. You’ve got nothing on her.”
He went upstairs and wrangled Kate into her diaper and pajamas. He read her Goodnight, Moon three times. He tucked her into her crib and then made sure Benny was in bed too. When he went back down, Tobey was gone. Only a single sock that had gotten kicked under the table remained.