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When Tobey woke up the next morning, his new mattress too firm under his tired muscles, the new sheets scratchy against his dry skin, he didn’t want to get up. This slight discomfort was preferable to a day where the phone call with Emmett was ringing in his head. He thought back to the broken, smelly couch that he had spent dozens of nights on before he had moved to Emmett’s bed, to the mattress that caved in toward the middle and the sheets that were so threadbare he had almost poked his toes through them two or three times. He retraced his steps that had gotten him to this point and wondered what he could have done differently, so he wouldn’t have to feel this knot in the bottom of his stomach this morning.
He checked his phone. No texts.
But Tobey had made it through a lot of tough times, and he couldn’t let this one keep him down either. He stretched and looked around at his new room. It was almost twice as big as Emmett’s built-in garage, twice as bright with an east-facing window, and more than twice as empty. Kelsey had picked out a rug to cover a large portion of the wooden floor, blue and beige geometric shapes with streaks of orange. She had also picked out an antique wardrobe that was supposed to have a mirror in the door but instead had a missing lock and drawer and didn’t close quite all the way and splashes of purple oil-based paint on the left side that Tobey had assured her he could varnish out. But that was on the very bottom of the to-do list.
He threw on a paint-stained muscle shirt and jeans and shuffled across the landing to Cosmo’s room. Cosmo’s room wasn’t finished: the window sashes let in a breeze, the walls had chunks of plaster missing, and the flooring was halfway torn up—it had been warped on the side that was closest to the bathroom, which had at one point apparently leaked under the wall. It had a pattern on the ceiling that Tobey had thought at first was more water damage, but Cosmo insisted it was purposeful stenciling of birds and flowers. Tobey tapped on the door.
Cosmo grunted from the other side.
“We have to leave fifteen minutes earlier to get to school on time from here.”
“I know, Tobey, you told me like twenty times yesterday.”
“Okay, so get up, please,” Tobey said. “Do you want hot breakfast or cold breakfast?”
“Which makes you go away faster?” Cosmo asked.
“Cold, like your attitude, got it,” Tobey said.
He went down the back stairwell, which had been newly carpeted to hopefully cushion a face’s fall after they inevitably tripped over steep the steps. The kitchen didn’t magically feel homey yet, but he started the coffee and set out a box of cereal for Cosmo and sat down to write down his list of things to tackle that day.
There wasn’t a table, so he sat on the floor.
If things were normal, he would have texted Emmett a picture of him sitting on the floor, his bare feet tucked under him, adding some cute comment like “First Post-it: get Post-its to write on that I need to buy Post-its.” But he had hung up on Emmett yesterday, and they just couldn’t go back to normal. He felt like he needed to apologize, but what had he done? Emmett had been the one who said he wanted to break up, that he had been lying the whole time about their relationship.
“Tobey?”
“Huh?” Tobey looked up. Cosmo was standing in front of him, backpack slung over his shoulder, bowl of cereal in hand. How long had he been in the kitchen? “Sorry. Ready to go?”
“Are we picking up Benny and Kate?”
“I...don’t know.”
“You don’t know? That’s unlike you. You cover all the bases multiple days beforehand,” Cosmo observed.
“I’ve been a little preoccupied this weekend,” Tobey said, a little snappier than usual. “Just text Benny yourself and see if she and Kate need a ride. We can swing by if they do.”
Cosmo wrinkled his forehead. “Oooookay,” he said slowly. God, he looked just like Timmy when he did that. Tobey wanted to throat punch him.
But Cosmo wasn’t Timmy, and even as an obnoxious teenager he seemed to know better than to ask Tobey what was wrong. He crawled in the truck with his thumbs dancing across his phone screen.
“Don’t need a ride,” Cosmo said about five minutes later.
Tobey just nodded and didn’t turn onto the road that went to Emmett’s house, though it hurt him even more not to do so.
When they pulled into the drop-off line at school, Cosmo pointed out the car in front of them, a minivan probably older than Emmett’s. “That’s Eli’s mom’s car.” Then he said, “Oh, Eli’s getting out, I’m going to walk in with him.”
“Okay, have a good day,” Tobey said. He put the truck in park and jumped out too, but Cosmo didn’t notice. He was already hitching his backpack across his shoulders and calling out to Eli.
Tobey strode to the driver’s side of Eli’s mom’s minivan and tapped on the window. She sloshed her cup of coffee in surprise but rolled down the window. “Hi, can I help you?” she asked.
“Hey, I just wanted to introduce myself. I’m Tobey MacLeod. Cosmo’s dad.”
“I’m sorry, who?” She had a blank expression on her face.
“Cosmo, my son, he went to homecoming with Eli last week. I tried to catch you when you dropped him off after the dance, but I guess I missed you.”
“Oh! Cosmo! Right! Sorry, my kids have so many friends in and out, it’s hard to keep track.” She smiled. “I’m Sam. I’ve got—” She whipped her head around to the back of the minivan. “Get buckled, Jeremy! Do you want to die in a car wreck?” She smiled again at Tobey. “Sorry, I’ve got to take these three to the dentist. And I think we’re holding up the drop-off line.”
Tobey looked back and saw an annoyed parent in the car behind his truck, glaring at him. “You’re right. Sorry. I’ll just...go.”
“Bye! Nice to meet you!” Sam called after him as she rolled up her window.
Tobey quickly took his truck out of park and followed her away from the school, trying not to feel too disappointed. He should have been trying harder to make friends before now. He shouldn’t have expected to stay in Emmett’s bubble forever.
He glanced at his phone. Still no texts.
Some of Jesse’s crew had pulled up when he got back to the house. Tobey pulled up next to them and nodded in greeting. There were only four crew members today.
“Hey, is Jesse on his way out with the others?” Tobey asked them.
The four men looked at each other.
“What?” Tobey asked, more dread creeping in.
Finally, Alex spoke up. “Jesse says we can finish work up this week, but after that we’re done.”
Tobey ran his hand across his hair. “I’m going to call him to run the figures over with him again. I’m pretty sure I have enough to pay you guys for another month. And I’m going to try to get some more income before then.”
Alex visibly swallowed, his adam’s apple bobbing above his already-dirty t-shirt. “Um, he said please don’t call him. He doesn’t want to talk to you.”
“What? Why not?”
“We don’t know,” another worker said, the one with the dimpled smile. Tobey was pretty sure his name was Dylan, and Tobey would have invited him to drinks if he were single. “We thought you guys had had a disagreement about something, but you know Jesse, he doesn’t talk unless he has to.”
“Oh.” Tobey remembered now that Rhonda had mentioned Jesse and Abby yesterday, something about him and Emmett. Which meant Jesse knew that he was broken up with Emmett.
Well. Your cousin’s widower came before a displaced Chicagoan, he supposed. Apparently Jesse wasn’t professional enough to put aside something like that.
The workers were still looking at him and each other uncomfortably.
“Okay, well, I guess we better get as much work done as possible this week,” Tobey said, trying to sound upbeat. “Alex and Dylan, can you start on the window trim on the second floor? And Cameron and...”
“Topher.”
“Right, Topher, can you take a second look at the attic? I’ll join you up there in a minute.”
They all nodded and started grabbing tools. They had been over the list of work before, so they knew what he was referring to.
Tobey went inside and up to his bedroom as quickly as he could without looking like he was running away. Once there he shut the door and leaned against it, taking short shallow breaths as a wave of panic overtook him. Emmett wasn’t here, and he wasn’t coming. Emmett hadn’t texted him, wasn’t going to text him. Tobey was alone.
He was alone.
He was single.
He couldn’t do this by himself.
He missed Emmett.
He couldn’t do this.
He missed Emmett.
He couldn’t do this.
He took five deep breaths, each one burning in his chest.
He had to call Emmett.
There was a sharp knock behind him on the door.
Tobey dropped his phone.
“Hey, Tobey, do you got any extra tarps to lay down in this room? There’s furniture in here now.”
Tobey straightened up and shoved the phone back in his pocket. “Uh, yeah, I think I stashed them in the laundry room. I’ll come help you.”
He couldn’t afford to break down again, so he didn’t let himself be alone for the rest of the day. He threw himself into the work and ignored the awkward glances the other guys kept giving him.