“I would have been happy to stay at home, eat cake, and watch a movie or something,” Josh said.
“Nope. That’s never good enough for the rest of our birthdays, why would that be good enough for your birthday?” Liz asked.
“Because I’m getting older and at this point, it’s just another day. I’d almost rather not have a birthday.”
“Getting older is a privilege,” Stephanie said.
“Maybe it used to be but it doesn’t feel like a privilege these days,” Josh said.
The car rolled quietly down the interstate. A clothespin was clipped onto one of the center vents. On the end hanging out toward the car’s occupants was a piece of terry cloth, adhered to the clothespin with a bit of glue. A refreshing citrus aroma swirled around the car.
“What’s with the clothespin Mom?” Tyler asked from the backseat.
“Essential oils. Some of them are supposed to be mood enhancers. I thought I’d try it.”
“Do they work?” Stephanie asked.
“I don’t know. Do you feel enhanced today?” Liz rebutted.
Josh laughed out loud. “I don’t feel enhanced but it’s a refreshing smell.”
“I like it,” Tyler said.
“I do think I feel a little…peppier. Is peppier even a word?” Stephanie asked.
“Peppy…er, I don’t know if that’s a word, but I can Google it,” Josh said.
A few noises came from Josh’s phone as he searched for the word in question.
“Peppier is indeed a word. You are free to feel peppier in this car today,” Josh said.
“Dad feels peppier, too. I can tell,” Tyler said.
“Where are we going, anyway?” Josh asked.
“It’s a surprise,” Liz, Tyler, and Stephanie all said together.
“Oh, let me guess. It’s a surprise,” Josh mocked, then he pondered aloud, “I can’t think of anything happening in Tulsa this weekend, so it must be something that’s there all the time. Maybe somewhere to eat, although Tulsa is a bit of a drive just to eat some food.”
“Just enjoy the ride, you’ll see when we get there,” Liz said.
Liz navigated the highway effortlessly. The radio played quietly but was often and mostly drowned out by the sounds of everyone in the car talking with one another. Liz turned on her right signal and changed lanes, following the signs and exiting off the Turner Turnpike onto the Creek Turnpike.
“Why are we coming into Tulsa this way?” Josh asked.
“You’ll see,” Liz said.
After only a short time longer, Liz pulled the car into the parking lot of a large white building.
“Jenks Aquarium,” Josh said.
“Surprise!” Tyler, Stephanie, and Liz said.
“This should be fun,” Josh said.
“I was hoping you would think so,” Liz said.
They all climbed out of the car and made their way to the entrance. Liz paid for their tickets at the window and then they entered the building.
“The clerk said we came on a good day. We basically have the place to ourselves,” Liz said.
Tyler led the way toward the first exhibit. He read the plaque in front of the tank to himself and then watched the fish swimming inside.
Liz reached for Josh’s hand and tried to lace her fingers through his. He pulled his hand away and muttered something like ‘not now’ but she didn’t quite catch his words. She crossed her arms over her chest and walked mindlessly from tank to tank. She peered beyond the glass, but she didn’t really focus on the habitats or the creatures.
Josh grew moodier the further along they moved. At one point, Tyler bumped his dad with his elbow. “Look at these fish.”
Josh eyed Tyler for a minute, investigated the tank, and then told Tyler not to bump him like that again.
“You don’t seem like you’re enjoying yourself birthday boy,” Stephanie said.
“This is fine.” While his look said drop it, his little sister just couldn’t.
“We thought you would enjoy an outing,” she said.
“Look, an outing like this is for little kids. The last time we were here, the boys were little. I was missing work, just like I am today, and for what? To see some fish?” Josh said.
While Josh thought he had an audience of one, Liz overheard his words. She gently got Tyler from the jellyfish exhibit he was enamored with, and then waved Stephanie and Josh to follow her. She walked straight down the hallway without stopping to look at anything. She pushed through the doors to the outside and Tyler caught one. He held it for Stephanie and Josh. They all followed Liz to her SUV and climbed in when she did.
“I didn’t mean to call you away from your precious work to spend today with you. We’ll head back now. I know that doesn’t salvage your day at work, but heaven forbid we do something too beneath you today.”
Liz turned the key in her ignition and started the vehicle. She headed straight for the highway.
“Do you want to get a bite to eat before we drive back to the city?” Josh asked.
“Not today,” Liz said.
“I don’t think I understand why we left so abruptly,” Tyler said.
Stephanie laid a hand on his shoulder, saying softly, “Don’t worry about it right now.”
“Yeah, why did we leave so early?” Josh turned to face Liz.
“Because I heard your remarks and I didn’t want to force you to spend another single second on an activity you weren’t enjoying, especially since we were there for your birthday.”
“It wasn’t like that exactly,” Josh said.
“Yes, it was. It’s fine,” Liz said.
“You know what it’s like to do something and all you can see or think about is Colby. The aquarium reminded me of him. Remember, we came here for his birthday once, too?”
“No, Josh. That was Tyler’s birthday. His sixth birthday, to be exact. You got here an hour after us, spent half an hour here, and then went back to the city. Back to your work.”
“Work I had to do. I couldn’t just willy-nilly leave when the fancy struck me.”
“Did you really have to be there on Tyler’s birthday?”
“I did.”
“Hey, it’s okay that we didn’t stay today. Or that Dad didn’t stay for my birthday that year,” Tyler spoke up from the backseat.
“See, Tyler gets it. I had to work. Work, I might add, that let you live the life you wanted to. Work, I might add, that let you stay home with the kids and fill your days with everything about them that you wanted to. Don’t hold my work against me, Liz. I was providing for this family.”
“Oh, right. Don’t throw your ridiculous hours, everything you missed, basically our whole lives at you. You were doing what had to be done, right?”
“I vote we get some ice cream when we get close to civilization again,” Stephanie interrupted from the backseat. “Somewhere with lots of flavors to pick through, please.”
“That would be Braums,” Tyler said.
“Yes, Braums would be perfect,” Stephanie said.
Josh held up his hand and shook his head. Stephanie fell quiet and so did Tyler. Liz gripped the steering wheel tightly, but she remained quiet. Josh stared out in front of the car, watching the road coming at them. He grumbled something but no one quite caught what he said, and no one dared to ask him. The miles crept by and the minutes seemed to stretch out endlessly before and behind them.
“I’m grouchy today,” Josh confessed after nearly forty minutes and he added, “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Liz said.
“No, it’s not okay,” Josh said. “I’ve never understood the use of that phrase. If it was okay, it wouldn’t be anything to apologize for.”
“Thank you for the apology?” Liz asked.
“That’s better. I’m sorry to all of you,” Josh said.
“We all have bad days,” Stephanie said.
“Yeah,” Tyler agreed.
“Why are you grouchy?” Liz asked.
“I don’t know exactly. My birthday coming so quickly just made me realize that time is going to keep moving no matter who we lose.”
“That’s true,” Liz said.
“I also remember being there with the boys and I remember Colby running ahead with Tyler, holding his hand so tightly. He wanted to see everything as fast as possible, but not Tyler. Tyler wanted to see everything one tank at a time and he wanted to read all the plaques. He needed help with them, which Colby refused to help with. So, you had to help him read the plaques, and I stayed with Colby, so he could hurry to see everything.”
“I remember,” Liz said.
“Me too, and it felt like I was trying to relive something I didn’t want to relive. Sometimes it’s best to not remember all the things and to just focus on one day, one step at a time.”
“And sometimes, we have to face the memories to make new ones, to grow, to figure life out now that we don’t have Colby with us.”
“I don’t want to have to be figuring that out.”
“None of us do,” Liz said.
“None of us do,” Stephanie agreed.