People underestimate the power in the cliché, “Behind every successful man, there is a woman”. You know the useful variations of that cliché, like “behind every successful man is a sensible woman”. Sensible because there are women behind and in front who are never seen. We all know how men are. They can’t make up their minds as to what they want, whether it is the wife, the wife’s friend, the girlfriends, or the housemaid. It is your job to make sure he keeps you in your proper place: by his side, as First Lady.
You do not confront him about the other women you and half the world know he has. In fact, officially, your husband is a kind, God-fearing man incapable of carnal knowledge against the order of marriage (or of nature). You say this as often as you can.
You showed early interest in politics. This is what separated you from the other women — the ability to support his career. You didn’t need plenty of degrees for this. You didn’t even need to know how to speak English well. Wisdom saved you— you got into the field, attended party rallies and didn’t show signs of sleep deprivation or irritation. It was clear to you that during election campaigns, primaries and elections proper, you would be expected to show stamina, stay up all night campaigning, counting votes, manufacturing votes, or waiting for results. You did. You won.
Now that you have crossed the preliminary hurdles, it is time to think of your public image. This is where I come in. Listen.
The pet project is a blessing in disguise. People underestimate it, ignore it, misunderstand it, even mock it. It is not their fault. Leave them. They don’t understand the potential. Nobody asks questions or checks your budgets. Nobody asks how much you make or spend. It is just like your husband’s security vote. Do something for the less privileged, orphans, widows… that kind of thing. Show you are not afraid of poor or disabled children. Let the cameras capture you smiling while you touch a cripple, hug a poor person, pick up an orphan or push someone’s wheelchair. This will prove that you really love and care for them. Have NTA show you dancing with them on Children’s Day. But don’t sweat it. You also need time for other aspects of national politics. The days when first ladies were all about pet projects are over.
Remember that no matter who the Party appoints as women leader, you ARE the de facto women leader, the mummy of the federation. Act like it. Host parties and gala nights for wives of governors, ministers and Party men. Sit at the head of the table.
Be innovative. Take the initiative to touch base with your husband’s supporters. Go and thank them for voting him in. It doesn’t matter if you cause massive hold-ups while you are at it. That way they know you are in town.
Consolidate your position by supporting one or two people to get appointments in Oga’s government. You need an eye there. Flex your muscles once in a while by making someone who has annoyed you in the presidency lose his job. People need to know you are not just a pet project first lady.
However, be careful when you are collecting kickbacks from contractors and those who badly need to see the President for favours. You don’t want your husband to leave his serious job of being President to clean up your scandals. Use reliable people to do your money laundering, not people who will blurt out your name the moment they are caught with huge sums of foreign currency.
You are getting older. Take care of yourself. Do complete makeovers if you have to (I hear Dubai is great for makeovers). But be careful. With the exception of harmless Botox injections, avoid needles. Avoid knives and tubes and suction pipes. You don’t want to leave your exalted position for some small girl to inherit.
There are people in the media, half-baked journalists and idle bloggers, who will look at everything you do, your head tie, your children, your grammar, your toenails, the texture of your voice. Unfortunately, this is a democracy and you must endure them. But rest assured that God will judge evil journalists, bloggers and Twitter people.
To boost your international image, you need to be seen in glossy magazines with wives of leaders of good countries. Aim high; the American First Lady. My prayer for you is that the Americans don’t elect a woman or gay man as president when it is time for your photo.
Finally, don’t get carried away. Those men who kneel at your feet today do it only because your husband is alive and in power. If that changes, they will disappear faster than the money in our treasury. People will no longer print wrappers with your photo or use your name to sing local songs. Nobody will even call you to events as ex-First Lady. That future might appear grim, but that is why you must face the serious business of enjoying the present. God bless your hustle, ma.