Chapter Four

 

 

 

Dhani’s mind stirred at the feel of luxurious heat surrounding him. It was everywhere all at once, enveloping him in a cocoon that was all too real to be an illusion. He reached within himself for the source and felt his spirit respond with joy. His leopard purred in happiness, telling him he had missed the communion of their souls as much as Dhani had.

Dhani felt his cat stretch within, urging him to do the same. He tried to extend his arms only to pause when a heavy weight restricted his movement. Tight bands were tethered around his arms and legs, caging him in.

A rush of terror seized him and he sought out the security of his spirit. Bones reknit themselves and skin transformed to a thick white pelt with reddish-brown spots. A sliver of hesitancy sparked from his leopard, but he ignored it in favor of the strength his animal form gave him.

He twisted out of the bands holding him down and flipped over to take on the unknown threat. Bloodlust sang in his veins as he pinned the alien body beneath his substantial weight and clamped his jaws around vulnerable flesh.

Flashbacks of the pain and violation he’d been subjected to in the vast realm of his prison crowded into his thoughts, taking over.

Never again, he told himself. Never again will I be that weak.

He had the power of his leopard now, and he would kill anyone who dared take it away from him again.

He bit down harder and growled his dominance when the sweet tang of blood spilled onto his tongue. Triumph reeled through him, urging him to take more—to demand his vengeance.

Then his spirit yowled ferociously within, clawing at his soul to force him to back off.

Dhani’s thoughts glazed over in confusion. Why was his leopard challenging him now?

He unclamped his jaws with effort then drew back. Tailor’s handsome face came into view, his blue eyes staring up at Dhani with an unfathomable expression. There was no fear or even the slightest trace of apprehension in the man’s gaze. Only utter patience and a disturbing amount of acceptance.

Small bite wounds marked both sides of his neck where Dhani’s canines had punctured his skin. They wept twin trails of blood over bruises that were already starting to form. If Dhani had applied any more pressure, his canines would’ve broken his mate’s jugular and possibly ended his life. Yet, Tailor hadn’t made a single move to defend himself.

That was when Dhani recognized what lay beneath the patience in his mate’s gaze. It was trust, blind and terrifying.

Tailor had been willing to give his life just to prove that trust.

The realization made Dhani rear back in bewilderment. At the same time, Tailor bolted upright with a sharp gasp, yelling, “Wait!”

Too late, Dhani felt his hind claws dig into his mate’s groin as he scrambled backwards. Tailor sprang forward in a failed attempt to protect himself and rolled with Dhani off the foot of the bed. More accidentally than out of intention, Dhani reverted back to his human form just as his back hit the floor. Tailor landed on top of him with a grunt, his head bent and face screwed up in a rictus of pain.

“I’m sorry!” Dhani exclaimed. “I didn’t know it was you. Are you okay?”

After several shallow breaths, Tailor raised his head and gave him a sardonic half-grin. “I guess I deserved that. Just don’t expect me to function properly for the next week.”

Despite Tailor’s obvious pain, or perhaps because of it, Dhani lips curved up in a smile. He temporarily forgot about the reasons for his fear and cocked his head to the side. “Have you ever functioned properly?”

Tailor’s grin widened and his chest rumbled with deep laughter. “Keep it up and I’ll show you just how well I can function.”

The teasing humor in Tailor’s eyes slowly changed then, becoming something else. Something more. His irises lightened and took on the golden hue of his eagle spirit, signifying his arousal. The enticing smells of fresh earth and musk enveloped Dhani in a seductive embrace.

Dhani felt a sudden urge to pull his mate close. To sink back into the heat of Tailor’s body and lose himself there. It would be so easy, and in that moment, he had no doubt Tailor would let him.

The temptation to crawl into his mate’s arms and stay there until nothing else existed was nearly overwhelming. The way Tailor looked at him now, like he was the only person on earth that mattered, was an aphrodisiac. Tailor’s energy was so strong and confident.

In the back of Dhani’s mind, an alarm went off, telling him he should be afraid. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to take heed. There was a gentle edge to Tailor’s stark arousal that let Dhani know the man wouldn’t hurt him.

Then Dhani’s stomach growled loudly, breaking the tension.

Tailor dropped his head to Dhani’s neck and chuckled softly. When he looked back up, his irises had returned to their original sky blue. “I’ll get you some food. There’s a bathroom through that door,” he said, tilting his head to a corner of the room. “Take a shower and relax. And whatever you do, don’t shift again until I’m prepared for it.”

Dhani smiled in embarrassment as he watched his mate leave. It was only then that he became aware of his nakedness under the blanket tangled around him. Tailor had been fully clothed, which meant he hadn’t tried anything while Dhani had been asleep.

While Dhani was grateful for that, he recalled the stories he’d heard of Tailor’s promiscuity among women. How the man had bedded any willing female he could find. At the time, that hadn’t bothered Dhani. He’d been positive he could show his mate how to truly love again.

Now, he wasn’t so sure about anything anymore. Tailor was dangerous, attractive and larger than life. He’d also had an entire year to forget about the complications of another mate and return to his single life. In that year, all Dhani had become was damaged goods. Did he really have any right to hope Tailor would accept him now when he hadn’t before?

Dhani shook his head and pushed aside the blanket to stand. A wave of dizziness hit him and he immediately leaned on the bed for support. His body felt sluggish and hollow and his stomach cramped painfully.

He walked carefully to the bathroom then grimaced when he saw his reflection in the wide mirror above the sink. His lips matched the color of his pale skin and his hair was unkempt. He peered closer and touched the wing of white hair at his left temple among his red locks. Dread coursed through him when he noticed there was more white than there had been before.

The shackle was tightening.

As if in response, the darkness that infected his soul rose up like a putrid current, reminding him of the reason Roh Se Kahn had released him from the alternate realm. As bad as it had been in his prison, he hadn’t wanted freedom at the price Roh Se Kahn had demanded of him. He would’ve stayed and suffered for an eternity rather than give in to the dark God, but Roh Se Kahn hadn’t given him a choice.

The dark God had forced a sliver of his soul into Dhani to ensure Dhani carried out his plans in the human realm. To make room for his soul, he had taken a part of Dhani in exchange. Dhani felt the absence of what Roh Se Kahn had taken from him keenly, but he closed those thoughts from his mind. Although Roh Se Kahn’s power was growing stronger within him, he was still in control. He still had some time before the darkness took over completely.

When that happened, he swore to himself he would be as far from his mate as possible.

For a second, he was tempted to try suicide again. He’d already tried it as soon as he’d been thrust back into the human realm by the dark God. Roh Se Kahn had just given him the orders he was to carry out and the thought of completing them had filled every ounce of him with the desire to die rather than follow through.

The darkness in him hadn’t allowed it, however. It had blazed him, inside and out, with a burning so intense, his very will had been taken from him. In the countless minutes of agony he’d endured, the darkness hadn’t relented until he’d given up his thoughts of suicide. Dhani had known right then it was only a matter of time before the sliver of Roh Se Kahn’s soul would dominate his every move.

For now, though, he still had time.

He found a new toothbrush, brush and everything else he needed stored neatly in the drawers by the sink. After taking a shower, he deliberately combed his hair to one side to hide the streak of white then went in search of clothing. It came as no surprise to find the closet in the room filled with clothes his size.

He smiled, rifling through the expensive collection he could never have afforded in several lifetimes. It reminded him of the day his best friend had been treated to such luxuries by his own mate. Dhani and Keenan had lived together for years, scraping by on just enough money to keep them off the streets. Then when Keenan’s mate, Rowan, had found them, Rowan had showered Keenan with gifts most would take for granted. Like food, a car and clothes that didn’t come from a second-hand store.

A pang entered Dhani’s chest at the thought of his friend. He wanted to see Keenan badly, but knew he couldn’t. Not while he still had some control over the darkness within.

He chose casual jeans and a shirt and was dressed just as his mate came in with a tray of food.

Tailor paused in setting the tray on the dresser to stare at Dhani. “You look good. Really good.”

Dhani felt heat rise in his cheeks and looked away. “Thanks.” When Tailor didn’t stop staring for several more seconds, he tugged at his clothes self-consciously then pointed at the tray. “Is that for me?”

“Yeah,” Tailor said abruptly. “Yeah, I, uh…may have gotten a little too much. Doc said you probably wouldn’t be able to eat a whole lot at first. I want you to eat as much as you can, though. And I brought some vitamins you need to take. Drink all of your milk and call me when you’re done.” He pulled a cell phone from his pocket and placed it next to the tray. “I don’t want you walking around too much. You need to rebuild your energy.”

Dhani smirked in slight irritation. “Anything else, Dad?”

Tailor smiled uneasily. “Guess I am going a little overboard. I’m just worried about you.”

“You didn’t worry about me a year ago when you were sleeping with all those women.” The words were out before he could stop them, and instantly, he wanted to take them back. What the hell am I doing? he castigated himself inwardly. I didn’t care about that before. Why the hell is it bothering me now?

Guilt speared him when Tailor’s face became a stone mask. Even the calming feel of Tailor’s energy seemed to disappear, which should’ve been impossible. The energy of any Ba’Kal or Vam’kir was akin to the heat generated by any living being.

In a tone lacking all inflection, Tailor replied, “Since the first time I saw you, there’s been no one else. Even when I thought I’d lost you forever, you were still all that mattered.”

Dhani bowed his head, unable to meet his mate’s emotionless gaze.

A loud stretch of silence passed, then Tailor walked to the door. He paused to turn back to Dhani. “By the way, I spoke with Keenan. He’s anxious to see you. I’ve arranged to pick him up from the airport tomorrow. He’s going to take the first flight he can find out of France.”

“No!” Dhani exclaimed, then tamped down the fear spiking through him. “I mean, not yet. It’s too soon.” He couldn’t risk contact with Keenan. If their meeting accelerated the control Roh Se Kahn’s power had over him, it would be game over.

Tailor frowned. “Whatever happened to you in the past year, whatever Roh Se Kahn might’ve done, none of us think you’ve been corrupted by him. Keenan loves you. That’ll never change.”

Despair gripped Dhani as his mate’s words hit too close to home. If only they knew the truth… “I just can’t do it right now. Please don’t make me.”

Concern flickered in Tailor’s gaze before he nodded solemnly and left.

Dhani took a deep breath then turned to glare at the food on the tray, his appetite gone. He covered his face with one hand and snarled angrily. The darkness in him was like a cancerous growth that would win in the end. It was inevitable. Why, then, couldn’t he forget about his resentment and make the best out of the time he had left?

Tailor would probably always consider him as a replacement for his first mate, but it was getting harder and harder to think of that as a bad thing. When you only had weeks to live, it wasn’t so easy to live on pride alone.

He forced himself to eat as much as he could, put the cell phone in his pocket, then left the room with the tray in hand. The thought of calling Tailor as he’d asked him to came and went just as quickly. Dhani knew he was in his mate’s house. Tailor’s masculine scent clung to everything, faint yet undeniable. He wanted to explore the place his mate called home without being looked after like a child.

He found a staircase leading to the ground floor and, despite the lethargy that still dragged him, couldn’t help but become mesmerized by the beauty of the expansive house. Or rather, cabin. There was not a single sheet of drywall or plastic panels in sight. Every wall and floor in each room he passed consisted of hard-wood logs polished to perfection. Most of the furniture was also made of wood and appeared to be antique.

All of it, from the intricate rugs on the floors to the old-fashioned fireplaces and tapestries hanging on the walls, was like a picturesque scene from a wealthy person’s villa constructed two centuries ago.

Everything seemed so incongruous with the playboy attitude he knew his mate was known for. It made Dhani wonder whether Tailor had inherited the cabin from his parents.

When he eventually found the kitchen, he almost changed his mind about washing his own dishes. The sink was gold-inlaid porcelain mounted by granite countertops. A wood-fueled stove restored to mint condition sat opposite it and cast-iron lanterns were affixed to the walls, filled with oil and wicks. It was all so old-fashioned, he was afraid he might break something.

Carefully, he washed his dishes then set them to dry. Through one of the windows, movement drew his attention. Three men stood at a distance from the cabin. They were all bare-chested with long swords in their hands glinting in the bright sunlight. Dhani recognized Tailor instantly from his waves of golden hair. Then the men lifted their swords and began attacking each other.

Alarm gripped Dhani and he ran back through several rooms to a back door he’d seen previously in an indoor patio. He paused at the glass door, ready to protect his mate, until the movements of the three men took on a distinctive pattern. They weren’t fighting. They were sparring, he realized.

One of the men was covered in what appeared to be Celtic tattoos. Dhani made out the multitude of piercings on his face and recognized him as Cy, the man who had threatened Tailor at the Alpha’s house. Apparently, the two had worked through their differences. The third man with short, black hair was vaguely familiar, but Dhani couldn’t focus on him. Instead, he was held mesmerized by his mate.

Tailor moved unlike any warrior Dhani had ever seen. The sword in his hands seemed to weigh nothing as he wielded it with amazing power and speed. His motions were graceful and lithe, as though he was moving in a calculated dance rather than fending off his opponents. Even from where Dhani stood, he could see the clear definition of Tailor’s muscles rippling beneath tan skin. The man’s body was a work of art, sinuous and far too tempting.

Dhani felt arousal spark in his blood as he watched his mate. Tailor was magnificent in every aspect. It was no wonder women had flocked to him at even the slightest hint of his attention.

A flicker of insecurity passed through Dhani. There was no way he could compete with his mate’s natural beauty. Tailor was the stuff fantasies were made of, and he was, well…him. Skinny and small with no traits or value that set him apart.

“I know that feeling,” a voice said from behind him.

He turned and smiled widely at the familiar face staring back at him. It was Quinn. For the first time since being forced back into the human realm, he felt the burden of his secret lift and simple joy spread through him. He reached out and hugged his friend tightly. “It’s good to see you again.”

“And you,” Quinn said with laughter in his voice. “Tailor called a little while ago to let me know you were awake.”

A year ago, when Dhani had arrived with Keenan at the Jaes’din’s community, he’d been sick with pneumonia. Quinn had kept him company during the long days of his recovery. Although they’d only known each other for a few weeks, they’d become good friends. Quinn was so much like Keenan, non-judgmental and fierce in his loyalty.

When they drew apart, Quinn tilted his head in the direction of the three men outside. “You were thinking you don’t deserve your mate, weren’t you?”

Dhani frowned. “Sort of. How did you know?”

“Because I thought the same thing when I first saw my mate half-naked with more muscles than the man had a right to,” he said, pointing to the man with short, black hair.

Dhani’s brows lifted as the identity of the man dawned on him. It was Manning, Quinn’s mate and Jaes’din of the Ba’Kal. The leader Tailor was sworn to protect as Manning’s personal guard.

He thinned his lips in cynicism. While it was apparent Quinn was trying to give him confidence, their mates weren’t entirely the same. “Did your mate also have a reputation for sleeping around?”

Quinn grinned wryly. “Point taken, but when Manning found me, he was looking for a female mate. That didn’t exactly give us the best start. He’d never been with a guy before. Hell, he didn’t even know how to date me. At least you can be sure Tailor won’t have a problem with you being male. You’ve heard about his first mate, right?”

Dhani nodded as he continued to watch Tailor. “He told me his mate died years ago before they could bond, and that’s why he’s never wanted to be with another man again.”

“Then you know how hard it must be for him to have found you.”

“I know,” he said in a hard tone. “I was there every time he rejected me because I’m not the man he loved.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about.”

Dhani tore his gaze away from Tailor. “What do you mean?”

Quinn sighed and sat down on one of the patio chairs, gesturing for Dhani to sit next to him. “I’d always thought Tailor didn’t care about anything except his position as Ketai. He always had a smart-ass comment about everything. To tell the truth, it kinda got on my nerves. The only time he wasn’t making a joke was when he was in battle. During those times, I noticed he had no emotions at all. Like he was a killing machine with no thought or feeling.”

Dhani remembered his discussion with Tailor earlier. How Tailor’s energy had seemed to disappear when Dhani had upset him.

“I asked Manning one day why Tailor was like that,” Quinn went on. “He told me Tailor hadn’t always been carefree. Tailor’s father had been a psychopath. A man who’d lived and breathed his hatred for the Vam’kir. One day, Tailor’s mother had shown up on his doorstep when Tailor was only two weeks old and told him she didn’t want to care for a bastard child from a one night stand with him. Instead of giving Tailor up for adoption, which would’ve been merciful, the guy kept him.

“He saw Tailor as the perfect opportunity to create a soldier in his image. The art of killing was drilled into Tailor before he could walk. Manning said when they were growing up, there wasn’t a single time he saw Tailor without bruises or broken bones. When he’d ask about them, Tailor would only shrug, saying he’d made the mistake of showing emotion. Happiness, anger, it didn’t matter. Tailor’s father tried to beat it all out of him to fashion him into a living weapon.”

Dhani swallowed heavily. He thought back on his own past, of the abuse he’d suffered from his foster parents. His life had been a nightmare until he’d run away, but there had also been times of joy and kindness among the friends he’d had. Surely Tailor had some good childhood memories with Manning.

When he asked, Quinn merely shook his head. “Tailor’s version of a friend at the time was someone he didn’t want to kill. Manning had never seen him smile. He wasn’t even sure if Tailor knew how to. Then Tailor found his mate and for the first time in his life, took a break from fighting the Vam’kir. His father was furious, but he didn’t care. He fell in love with his mate immediately. Two weeks later, their community had been raided by a band of Vam’kir.”

“Is that how Tailor’s mate died?” He tried unsuccessfully to keep the sadness from his tone. He would never have guessed the violence of Tailor’s past. It seemed so unreal, that the man had been denied even the right to feel emotions. What must it have been like?

Quinn shook his head. “No. Tailor left afterward in search of the group of Vam’kir, determined to kill every last one of them, despite the fact that his mate begged him to stay. After a week with no luck, Tailor went back and inadvertently led a different group of Vam’kir to his community. They attacked and killed nearly everyone. Tailor had told his mate to run, but at the end of it, there was no sign of his mate anywhere. Tailor had to accept the fact that his mate had been murdered.

“Tailor’s father had also been killed during the second attack. Since then, Tailor hasn’t cared about anything. All he had left in the world was Manning, so he agreed to become Manning’s Ketai and swore never to love again. On the outside, he was the most laid-back, happy-go-lucky guy you could ever meet, but inside, there was nothing. Until he met you.”

Dhani frowned. “He doesn’t want to love me. He told me that a year ago.”

“He was afraid to feel emotions again,” Quinn replied gently. “He still is. All those women he slept with were just a distraction to keep him from reverting back to the unfeeling soldier his father had molded him into. When you were gone, he became that soldier again. He left to hunt down what remained of Roh Se Kahn’s followers in search of you. He refused to keep in touch with any of us. That’s why Rowan asked Cy to watch over him six months ago. We were all afraid he’d get himself killed trying to find you.”

Chills raced over Dhani’s flesh. Tailor had tried to find him? It didn’t make sense. The man had been so forceful in rejecting him before. Could what Quinn was suggesting be true, that Tailor really did want him?

As if in answer, Quinn said, “He needs you. He needs to learn how to love again.”

Dhani wanted to believe that more than anything, yet he couldn’t bring himself to trust in something he’d given up on a long time ago. More than that, he knew he had no future with Tailor. Not with the sliver of Roh Se Kahn’s soul growing stronger inside him with each passing day.

He stood up to look out on his mate, heart aching with the injustice of the situation. The memory of Tailor had been all that had kept him sane during his imprisonment. Now that Tailor was finally right there in front of him, it was he who would have to reject the man in the end. It was the only way he could keep Tailor safe. But maybe it didn’t have to be as painful as before. If he could find a way to show Tailor how to love again, maybe his mate would learn to find happiness after Dhani was gone.

Maybe…