Kay half-regretted telling Dave so much the night they drove to the sea. In cooler moments she was appalled at herself for spilling her heart out to him like she had. What must he have thought of her! She blushed in embarrassment. Still, it had been a great relief to unburden herself and she had felt heartened by his kindliness and complete lack of censure.
Kay was slowly coming to a realisation of Dave’s worth. His was a very strong disciplined character and she was beginning to recognise that the slight tension existing always between them was the result of a frequent clash of wills. She was strong-willed herself and from early on, had confused his strong-minded reticence with selfish disinterest. When he didn’t immediately conform to her way of thinking, she had proudly retaliated by subjecting him to a spell of the cool treatment.
Now permitted this gentler glimpse of him, she was reminded of all his earlier acts of kindness to her aunt and his quickness to oblige whenever called upon. She couldn’t but compare him to the shallow company she mixed in these days, and was forced to acknowledge that aircrews, in the main, were a lot of pleasure-seeking young men and women only out for a good time on overnights.
But who was she to talk? Hadn’t she thrown herself as energetically as any of them into the life? It was only to help her get over Graham, she excused herself. Nevertheless, Kay was aware of a vague dissatisfaction with her life and was struck by what an empty meaningless kind of existence it was turning out to be.
Sally was planning to return to Spain in March and wanted her to go with her, but Kay couldn’t make up her mind. Then Florrie told her she was thinking of going to New Zealand with some of her group.
‘Oh Florrie,’ was all Kay could say. ‘When?’
‘Not till April,’ Florrie gave her a guilty look knowing how low she was these days over Captain Pender.
‘What does Jimmy say?’
Florrie shrugged. ‘I’m not seeing much of him these days.’
In a way Jimmy was the reason that Florrie was going away. Since her father’s death, she had conceived an irrational dislike for her boyfriend, blaming him for so entrancing her as to make her miss her last chance of seeing her father alive.
‘I’ll miss you,’ Kay said hopelessly.
‘You could come too,’ Florrie suggested.
Kay shook her head. New Zealand didn’t appeal to her. Nowhere did. She felt as if she could never again work up enthusiasm for anything so long as she lived.
‘There’s something else,’ Florrie looked conscience-stricken. ‘They want me to move into the flat with them. I haven’t said I’ll go,’ she added hastily. ‘Not yet. I wanted to talk to you first.’
Kay was only surprised that Florrie had stuck it so long in Carrick Road. Not that the standard had even been great, she honestly admitted, but in her aunt’s absence it had gone steadily downhill.
‘Look I don’t have to share with them,’ Florrie protested when Kay said some of this. ‘Why don’t you and I go into a flat,’ she suggested eagerly, ‘We could always take in some else later on to help with the rent.’
‘I’d like nothing better, Florrie, but it’s out of the question,’ Kay said regretfully. There was no way she could leave her aunt, especially now that she was in such poor health.
‘Pity... it would have been nice.’ Florrie squeezed Kay’s hand, ‘I feel awful going,’ she admitted unhappily, ‘I can’t forget how you took me in when that scourge Millicent was plaguing me. It’s downright ungrateful now to be deserting you.’
‘Don’t be silly,’ Kay tried to smile and make the best of it. But when Florrie moved out a few days later she missed her friend even more than she had expected. The house seemed bleaker than ever and she had to steel herself to enter it.
Passing through the restroom shortly afterwards she heard the latest news. Maura Kane had upped and left Celtic Airways for a marvellous job with a new British airline. In her place, Eva Hendricks had been permanently appointed Chief Hostess over the European hostess section. And most interesting of all, work was to begin at last on their long-awaited hostess quarters. According to the grapevine, it promised to be the last word in luxurious elegance with washroom facilities for six showers (if Ma Curtis did not veto them) as well as an abundance of hair dryers, towels, soaps and perfumes. Although now that she was on the Atlantic Kay spent the minimal time at the airport, she rejoiced with the rest of them.
When her new roster came out, she found that she was down for the long stopover in Chicago, flying out on Monday and returning Friday. It would be a relief, she thought, to be away a whole week from the gloom of Carrick Road.
The evening before she left Dave called round. It was her first time meeting him since the night they drove to the sea and, conscious of all she had confided in him on that occasion, colour tinged her cheeks as she invited him in.
‘I’m just ironing my blouses,’ she told him, leading the way to the kitchen. ‘I’ll make you a cup of tea in a moment.
‘No rush.’ Dave tossed his jacket on a chair and relaxed back to lazily watch her as she lifted the iron and brought it skimming lightly over the pearly silk.
Kay was conscious of his grey eyes calmly regarding her and felt strangely shy. She was relieved when he kept to general topics - evidently he did not intend referring to her private concerns - and she gradually relaxed. Over tea, she told him that Florrie had gone into a flat.
‘Oh that was rather sudden, wasn’t it?’ ‘Yes, it was a bit.’
She waited for him to ask where Florrie had gone but he just went on stirring his tea with a rather pre-occupied expression.
It was true that Dave was distracted. Earlier in the day he had told his boss that he would be taking up the Frankfurt option. Having made the decision he had supposed he would feel calm and resigned to going away. But it had not been like that. He was unable to rid himself of the conviction that he had somehow taken a wrong step. Now he was surprised to find himself still so unsettled. Becoming aware of Kay’s puzzled glance he bestirred himself to ask after Molly.
‘She’s not too well,’ Kay told him. She had intended visiting Kilshaughlin before going to Chicago but Molly was in bed with a chill and in no form to see anyone. Changing the subject, she told Dave about the strange way Peg was behaving. The previous night she had knocked on the old woman’s door with tea and sandwiches only to be turned away.
‘It’s none of it safe, Kay,’ Peg had cried. ‘I’m not to be touching any of it St. Jude says.’ ‘It’s probably just hunger,’ Kay concluded. ‘but she’s acting most peculiarly.’ ‘Definitely not the healthiest,’ Dave agreed. ‘Waiting for the all clear from St. Jude.’
Kay laughed. Somehow with Dave dispelling the gloom it had begun to seem rather funny. He left soon afterwards. As she saw him out, Kay told herself a little sadly, now that Florrie was gone she would see less and less of him.
The next day she flew out to Chicago. She knew none of the hostesses on her flight and sitting with them in the crew car on the way to the airport, her natural excitement at going to a new part of America was tempered by doubts as to how she would fill her time there. Beside her a blonde hostess with an incredible sun-tan, was chattering away to the others about her holiday in the Bahamas, not ignoring Kay but not including her in the conversation either. It made Kay feel even lonelier.
She sighed and looked out the window. Four days in the Windy City, she mused wistfully. An age to be away, but how blissful in the right company. She couldn’t help thinking how marvellous it would be if only Graham were with her, and sighed for the tragic waste of love, the terrible sorrowing emotion she still felt.