Had the circumstances of Graham’s death not been so tragic, Kay would have recovered more quickly, but the shock of the headlines remained vivid. The healing process, already begun when she believed herself unloved, was halted. Kay was filled with sorrow and pity, besieged by images that would not go away. Her mind would return again and again to the terrible fact that Graham was dead, that Graham would never come back.
Then there was the conviction that he had never loved her, he who had gone away without even a note of farewell. Terrible to think she was left with nothing. The thought made her want to moan and cry. In moments she even found herself regretting that she had not become pregnant by him that one time they had made love. It would have given her something of him that no one could take from her. There would never be another chance.
Her distress flared again when their bodies were flown back. The co-pilot was from County Down. Kay did not attend the funeral. She preferred to remember Graham alive. But she could not avoid hearing the rumours, or close her ears to the grisly speculations that went on in the restroom about the badly burned remains of the pilots, some even said the coffins were empty or as good as.
That was the worst of all, visualising that beautiful body disintegrated, burned and maimed. The horror of it would not go away.
And just when time was beginning to blunt the anguish, his letter arrived like a portent from the grave.
Checking the noticeboard before going out on her flight Kay found the thin airmail envelope addressed to her in Captain Pender’s distinctive hand, and was gripped by a superstitious fear. It was a moment before she could bring herself to take it down. Then as her unsteady fingers ripped the flimsy envelope, a photograph fell out and she stared uncomprehendingly at the picture of herself, the one she had given Graham at the start of their affair. He had kept it all this time.
Why then had he suddenly decided to return it? Slowly her eyes turned to the letter itself.
‘My Kitty,’ wrote Graham,
‘Something has to be very wrong that in all these weeks you haven’t answered my letter. Knowing you as I do, I can’t believe you deliberately mean to be unkind. Anyway I’ve decided to cut short my stint here in Karachi by two months and will be back home in time for Easter.
I realise now I was wrong to think I could possibly forget you. These past weeks have been a hell of loneliness and I have had ample time to think things over. What has become very clear to me is the fact that I love you and do not want to spend my life without you.
My dearest, I think I loved you from the first moment of setting eyes on you, only in my blindness I refused to see it. I’m afraid I don’t have a lot to offer you and I am so much older than you besides but whatever the future holds, I will gladly face it so long as you are with me. All I hope is that you can find it in your heart to forgive me and that together we can try and put these miserable months behind us as if they never happened.
Perhaps when I come back we might go down to Portugal for a few days. It can be magical this time of year. Or Paris, if you prefer. I can’t wait to hold you in my arms again and be reassured as to the affection of my own sweetest Kitty.’
Regret! Kay felt her heart swamped with it. That there had been a letter she had never received, that here now, too late, was offered everything to which she had ever aspired. Portugal! Paris! Her head whirled at the prospect of just the two of them away together, nights as well as days. Oh God! How wonderful it would have been!
Trembling, she sank down and read the letter again. But why the photograph, she wondered, a pained look in her eyes. Why send it back if he was returning to her like he said? She turned it over in her hand and for the first time became aware of its brown faded appearance, the curling edges. Suddenly she understood. It was enclosed afterwards.
The knowledge devastated her. But the assurance that he had loved her and was coming back to her, carried her through into the light. Graham had loved her, had always loved her.
The tragedy of it was he had not discovered it sooner.
As she folded away the letter there was an ache in her heart for all that had been and could never be again. Sadly, she mourned the final act in the romance which had begun that October day eighteen months earlier and the love which blossomed between them, colouring her whole existence. With a pang, she acknowledged that it had not been over when she had read the terrible headlines, not even then. But it was now. At last it was finished.
It would have helped Kay if she could have shared her sorrow with her friends but when she met Sally or Florrie, she deliberately kept to lighter topics, not wanting to burden them with her problems. She was afraid that if she began to talk about Graham, she would never be able to stop and was relieved when neither girl mentioned him. It was not disinterest on their part she knew. Florrie had been terribly supportive when her affair had ended but these days she was in the new flat, and Sally was all taken up with her Spanish romance.
She had decided to go back with Sally to Spain. With its lovely warm climate, it was just what she needed to cheer her up and besides, Carlos was writing all the time, urging her to come. She was not in love with him but he would be a distraction from her sad thoughts. Molly would not be coming back from Kilshaughlin until May, when the weather grew warmer, so Kay bought her ticket and made the necessary arrangements.
In the days that followed, Dave called twice but did not stay long. It was obvious he was only doing it out of kindness. Probably he pitied her all alone in the house and felt a certain responsibility towards her. He had always been fond of Molly and maybe he kept up the visits because he felt it was what she would want. Certainly he was no longer enamoured of her, Kay was convinced, if he ever had been. After all she had told him about Graham any attraction she had possessed for him must have quickly died. Anyway he was clearly keen on Florrie.
She didn’t realise that Dave was deliberately holding back to give her time to get over the trauma of Graham’s death. But there was a limit to how long he could wait, could afford to wait. This he recognised the last evening he called, the night Peg went missing.
For some time he had been concerned about Kay being on her own in the house with the senile old woman. She was becoming stranger all the time and had taken to patrolling the landings at night, singing hymns in her cracked voice. The previous day she had gone out after lunch and had not been seen since. When he heard, Dave advised Kay to ring Winifred and let her know.
‘Peg is in need of help.’ he opined, more than ever convinced that the situation was not a healthy one. ‘The sooner she gets it the better.’
He went away resolving to call round again next day and make sure Kay had followed his advice. At the same time, he planned to discuss his departure to Germany. But as usual, work intervened. An unexpected summons to the Cork office put paid to his plans and by the time he drove back to the city the following night, it was after midnight and too late to call.
Kay was disappointed but not surprised. It was as she had all along suspected. Since Florrie had left, Dave had no reason to call to the house anymore. In her loneliness she realised just how much she had come to depend on his supportive presence over the weeks and felt lonelier still.
When the new roster came out she saw from it that her last flight before going on leave was Chicago. She was just as glad to be away all week on the long stopover, except that it resurrected nightmarish memories of what awaited her that last time on her return. She shuddered and banished it firmly from her mind, knowing nothing so bad could ever happen to her again.
On Monday morning while waiting for the crew car, Kay rang Winifred to tell her that Peg was still missing and that she would be away all week in America. In Kilshaughlin, Winifred replaced the receiver with a frown. What was Kay babbling about, she wondered irritably. As if Peg Kinnane wandering off like that was of any importance.
Winifred had real problems. Just before the phone rang, her mother had confessed to having no money.
‘Not a penny,’ Molly had cried. ‘Don’t you know I’d give it to you if I had it.’
No money! Winifred felt sick. And the extension still not paid for. When he found out, Cahal would kill her. There was only one thing for it, Winifred decided in despair. She would have to put her mother’s house up for sale. It was the only way out of the problem.
At the airport Judy Mathews had problems too. An hour earlier she had gone into the Hostess Superintendent’s office to give her the details of the new Atlantic summer uniform only to find that Amy had suffered a heart attack. She was taken off shortly afterwards by ambulance.
Judy had been aware for some time that the Superintendent was overworking. Now this heart attack explained a lot of things. Amy’s bizarre suggestion that the new hostess uniform be green with matching green tights - Yuck! Judy shuddered, like a lot of leprechauns - and, even worse, that her niece Eva should succeed Maura Kane as Chief Hostess.
Judy did two things.
She made a note on her memo pad to retire Miss Patterson and engage a new secretary, then telephoned Oliver McGrattan’s office to say she was coming right over.
Her main object in seeing the Chief Executive was to get him to call a board meeting for next day. Judy was confident when Oliver learned that he would be without a Hostess Superintendent almost on the eve of the busy season, he would be only too anxious to listen to her proposals. As usual, Judy was right and by the time she returned to her office, a lot of issues were well on the way to being sorted out.
Next day Oliver called on Judy in person. It was an unprecedented occurrence in the history of the hostess section and Bernie, under the impression that he was one of the maintenance engineers, left him to shiver in the draughty corridor while she finished her coffee break. It brought home to Oliver just how Spartan conditions really were in the prefabs and by the time he was finally shown into Judy’s box of an office, he knew with certainty he was in for a heavy head cold.
The purpose of his visit was to inform Judy of the Board’s unanimous acceptance of her proposal that she not only take over the position of Hostess Superintendent but continue on with what she liked doing best - training her Atlantic girls. Officially as of this minute Judy Mathews was head of the whole section.
‘We believe you can do it.’ Oliver grudgingly admitted, more shocked than he would admit by all the disturbing changes taking place about him. He was still reeling from the set- down the Board had given him over letting Maura be inveigled away by a rival airline, as well as some of their top pilots. ‘Don’t make the same mistake with Judy Mathews,’ they had warned, ‘Give her every cooperation and leeway.’
It was why Oliver decided to come in person and not risk further angering the directors.
Judy regarded her impeccable nails with a modest smile and privately considered she could run the whole shoot single-handed, McGrattan’s job as well as her own.
‘Thank you, Oliver,’ she said graciously. ‘May I offer you coffee. Not percolated I’m afraid. Of course when we move into our new quarters...’
Another point taken.
Oliver sneezed and declined, anxious to get back to his own inner sanctum and enjoy Miss Pratt’s blend of Java roasted coffee which she kept especially for him.
When he had gone, Judy relaxed back in her own chair, her lovely violet eyes dreamy as she mapped out future strategies. No doubt about it but Celtic Airways was entering on an exciting new phase, she told herself. In time she would start lobbying for a swimming pool and leisure centre at the airport but first there were more important issues to tackle like work contracts for married hostesses and better conditions all round.
With a satisfied smile, she pulled a sheet of paper towards her and began a letter to Maura Kane, knowing how interested her former colleague would be to hear of this latest development.