THE CLINIC was small. Derwent had offered to drive them, but Gray knew Marietta like the back of his hand. He had been startled when Derwent showed him a choice of car from a limo in the garage to the smart Hummer parked next to it. Seb followed him out the door, ignoring Derwent.
“Do you mind if we go in mine?” Seb’s eyes lit up briefly, and he tossed Gray the keys. He walked to the passenger side of the black Mustang in front of the house, and Gray was thankful he hadn’t blurted out anything about Seb driving. He knew Seb didn’t have a license, because it would have been included in his original file, and he assumed the vertigo attacks prevented Seb from driving.
“I’m not allowed. Doctors.” Seb shrugged, his enthusiasm obviously dimmed.
That answers that.
Seb hadn’t talked much on the drive over. In fact, apart from thanking Gray for the smoothie—he’d drunk it all—he hadn’t really said anything. He’d gotten on his computer straight after breakfast and then translated some documents. Gray spent some time reading. Derwent had taken Armitage out, and the house had been quiet.
Seb had absolutely refused any lunch, and Gray hadn’t pushed him.
The address wasn’t near any hospitals or medical buildings, though. If anything, it seemed to be in a warehouse area, which seemed odd.
Or maybe not. Enhanced. Even though there was a mandatory order of care, it didn’t mean people had to like it, and there was no way Seb would want to walk through the front entrance.
“How long have you been coming here?” Gray stared at the plain office block. They were only one of four cars parked in front of the large building.
“Two and a half years.” Seb’s answer was automatic. He’d briefly looked at Gray when Gray had tapped his shoulder for attention but turned back to the window and opened the door, preventing further discussion. Gray studied Seb’s blank face. It was as if he was on autopilot. Gray didn’t like anything about what was happening so far. He snagged Seb’s arm just as they got to the door.
“I want to be present in there with you at all times. Insist upon it.”
Seb’s eyebrows rose. “Are you sure?” He looked down at his feet. “It will be boring. Arron used to go get a coffee. There’s a Starbucks around the corner.”
Gray pressed his arm again so Seb looked up. “I stay with you. No question.”
Seb looked like he was going to smile, but he didn’t. He pressed a button on the side of the door. It was opened after a minute by a young woman in scrubs. She smiled. “Hi, Sebastian.”
Seb smiled back, but Gray knew it was forced. The woman glanced at Gray. “You can leave him with us. We’ll call you when he’s ready to be picked up.”
“Actually,” Seb interrupted before Gray could do so, “Gray will be staying.”
The woman blinked but pointed to a small waiting area with four hard-backed chairs, a coffee machine, and some magazines on a small table. “He will be at least two hours,” she said warningly.
“No.” This time Gray spoke. “You misunderstand. I am to accompany Mr. Armitage at all times today.”
“I don’t think—” She started, bristling in indignation.
“Either that or we leave,” Gray said and smiled politely.
“Well….” She paused. “Then both of you please take a seat.” She turned and disappeared through the end door.
“I think you upset her,” Seb sniggered.
“I guess you don’t normally get relegated to the waiting room?” Gray replied and looked around, noticing the two other closed doors, then stood up and pushed open the third that was slightly ajar. He whistled. It looked to his limited knowledge like a fully kitted-out operating room.
“Just to be clear, Seb; they’re not doing any invasive procedures?”
Seb shook his head, puzzled.
“It would be their only other objection to my presence,” Gray explained.
“No, I just sit in a chair with some headphones on, and the doctor blasts my eardrums with different frequencies.”
“Headphones?” Like his ones at home? But Seb didn’t get the chance to reply as the woman came back.
“Dr. McKay is ready for you, Sebastian.”
Gray noted Seb didn’t correct the use of his name. They both followed her into a small treatment room. Similar to the sort of rooms Gray had been in a hundred times over the years. The same man Gray had seen with Armitage in his office stood up and put his hand out to Seb. “Sebastian, how are you?”
Gray had done a little research this morning. Dr. McKay, fifty-nine, otolaryngologist—the doctor who had performed Seb’s second cochlear implant surgery—mainly worked in pediatrics up to five years ago until scaling down his practice, and now did consulting work and research for A.T. Holdings. Danny was digging around to see who his other patients were. McKay turned to look at Gray. “You can wait outside.”
Gray ignored the instruction, feeling like he’d been relegated to hired-help status with some amusement. He simply stood his ground.
“This is highly unorthodox, and I really feel Sebastian needs his privacy—”
“Thank you,” Seb interrupted, “but Gray is my bodyguard. He goes everywhere I do now.”
Dr. McKay scowled. “There is hardly a threat in here.” He deigned to look at Gray. “You can wait outside the room. I’m sure you will make certain no one can get past you,” he drawled somewhat sarcastically.
Gray remained impassive, acting as if the doctor hadn’t spoken at all.
“As I said,” Seb put in, “I can always cancel the procedure if you are not comfortable with Gray’s presence until Detective Carter has finished investigating Arron’s death. It was the detective who recommended Gray stay with me at all times.”
Gray was impressed at the calm maturity Seb displayed in the face of obvious bullying. He acknowledged uncomfortably that he had equated Seb often being sick for weakness, and he wouldn’t make that mistake again.
“Now, now. I really feel that’s unnecessary. You don’t want to disappoint your father, hmm?” Gray also kept his face straight at the doctor’s sudden about-face Dr. McKay waved Seb to the chair, and Gray fumed at the slice of guilt pie that had just been served to Seb. One more mention of money, and Gray would drag Seb out of there himself.
Gray sat on the chair next to the wall, moving it slightly so he wasn’t behind the large reclining treatment chair Seb sat down in. He wanted to be able to see Seb’s face and have Seb be able to see him. The woman—nurse, tech?—bustled about taking Seb’s blood pressure while McKay asked Seb about his recent vertigo episodes. He never mentioned being at his home a few days ago, which seemed odd to Gray.
The nurse uncovered a tray with three syringes on it and two clear glass bottles. Seb immediately shook his head. “I don’t want it.”
Want what?
“Sebastian, you know what side-effects you are likely to suffer. This is a very mild sedative—”
“No, thank you,” Seb gritted out. Gray’s eyes narrowed. Sedatives? Side-effects?
“Very well.” McKay sighed and picked up a pair of large headphones. He stood up and fitted them over Seb’s head. “As before, I am going to play different sounds.” He placed a simple-looking handset in Seb’s hand. “Top button if you think you hear it, bottom button if you feel it.”
Seb closed his eyes. McKay turned to a large instrument panel that the lead from the headphones was plugged into. He flicked a few switches and turned a dial at the same time as he watched Seb’s face. Seb certainly wasn’t giving any indication of being able to hear anything, and Gray cursed. He’d intended to look at the type of headphones Seb had, but he couldn’t see the make.
Thirty minutes passed. McKay didn’t engage Seb in any way, just kept altering the dial and checking Seb to see if he reacted. He didn’t, and then Gray looked down at Seb’s left hand. The one that wasn’t holding the control.
The one hidden from McKay’s sight but presently fisted so tight all the blood had bled from his knuckles.
“Seb needs a break,” Gray said into the silent room, and McKay jumped slightly, frowning.
“What do you mean? I have to finish the procedure.”
“He has a new nutritionist, and he has said as part of Seb’s new migraine prevention, he needs to take water every hour. I’m sure you are aware of Seb’s particular hydration needs.” He laid a hand lightly on Seb’s arm, and Seb opened his eyes.
“Are we done?” he said hesitantly.
“No,” McKay said in open annoyance as he got to his feet. Seb looked at Gray, and Gray rolled his eyes for Seb’s benefit. The doctor hadn’t attempted to ensure Seb could see his lips before he spoke. “I’ll give you five minutes,” McKay said and left the room.
Seb groaned and leaned back, gazing at Gray. Gray gently took the headphones off him. He was ashen. “Can you hear it or feel it?”
“Both, but he doesn’t know.”
“And it’s loud?” Was it that simple? Was that why Seb was in pain? Because of the noise level?
Seb nodded weakly. “Yes.” Gray reached into his pocket quickly and pulled out his phone, then snapped pictures of the machine McKay was using. He pushed his phone back into his pocket and unscrewed the bottle of water he’d brought from the car.
“Did you hear me with the headphones on?”
“No, it kind of drowned everything else out.” Seb accepted the water. “Thank you.”
When Gray was sure Seb had the bottle securely, he turned his attention back to the headphones and quickly put them on. He turned the dial in exactly the same way McKay had done and frowned. Absolutely nothing. He couldn’t hear anything. He checked the switches to see they were in the same position and turned the dial up again. Still nothing. He took them off and looked at the stamp inside the leather headband. AT? He set everything back as McKay had left it.
“Did you take any migraine medication?”
“Not allowed before therapy,” Seb murmured.
“What was the injection?”
“He says it’s a mild sedative, but the first time I came here, he gave me it, and I didn’t remember anything else until I woke up in my own bed the next morning. He says I reacted badly to the one he was using and he’s changed it, but I’ve refused ever since, even though he says it would alleviate the side-effects.”
Gray was beginning to see how Seb protected himself. The locked doors. He guarded fiercely what little control he had over his life.
The door opened, and McKay came back in. Seb handed Gray the water, and Gray was annoyed he didn’t think to see if Seb could hear him speak with the headphones on to check whether it was limited to the ones he had at home.
“Let’s continue, Sebastian, shall we? I do have other patients to see.” McKay busied himself with the headphones, and Seb closed his eyes. Gray watched him like a hawk. When beads of sweat broke out on Seb’s forehead, Gray opened his mouth to end the session, but McKay beat him to it and turned everything off. Seb nearly dragged the headphones off.
Seb’s eyes remained closed, so McKay looked at Gray. “You are free to wait in the waiting room while he is in the bathroom. My nurse has the aftercare pack at the door.”
Gray turned in confusion just as Seb’s eyes opened in alarm and he shot out of the chair and nearly ran to the other door in the corner. Gray was on his feet instantly, following Seb. McKay simply left the room.
Seb was so sick Gray ended up nearly carrying him to the car. Gray had no intention of having him spend any time on the uncomfortable chairs that were at the other end of the corridor from the bathroom. The “care package” was a small bottle of water, various hand wipes, and the sort of sick bags you found on airplanes. Gray was disgusted with the whole setup. No one made any attempt to care for Seb. The woman just gave the package to Gray and said they were welcome to stay until Sebastian was ready to travel.
Gray arranged the two blankets in the back of the car so Seb could lie down, but Seb croaked a no when he saw them. “I’m better in the front.”
Gray quickly arranged what looked like a nest in the front seat and tucked Seb into it, then buckled his seat belt. He crouched down by the open door and tried to get Seb to take some sips of water. Another few minutes and Seb was nearly asleep, so Gray closed the door quietly and ran around and got back in the other side.
It took the best part of an hour to get back, and Gray was sure Seb was asleep when they finally pulled in. The gates opened, and he drove in and parked the Mustang where it had been before. Seb never stirred when the car was turned off but did when Gray opened his door. Gray went to help him out, but Seb’s face was so white Gray wasn’t sure he could walk.
“Let me help,” Gray said, glancing up at his face, and put his arm around him.
“I can manage,” Seb said gruffly and climbed out. Gray had been wrong. Seb did have a little color until he stood up, and Gray had to catch him when he pitched forward.
Without pausing, Gray simply swung Seb up and strode to the door. Mrs. Pickering already had it open, a worried look on her face. Derwent stood behind her.
“Take him up,” Mrs. Pickering said. “I’m going to make him some ginger tea from your list.”
Gray nodded approvingly and hurried up to Seb’s room. Derwent ran ahead and opened the door for him.
“Let me know if you want anything,” he said gruffly and left. Gray huffed in irritation, even though he was perfectly capable of caring for Seb himself; it seemed no one could get away fast enough. And where the fuck was Seb’s father? Didn’t he want to see how his son was? Gray walked straight into Seb’s bedroom and gently laid him down on the bed. Someone—Mrs. Pickering, he assumed—had been in and changed the sheets, turning it back. Seb pushed his eyes open.
“Might be better on the floor.”
“The floor?” Gray asked in confusion.
Seb glanced at the bathroom, and Gray understood. He meant if he was sick and too dizzy to make it out of bed. Gray shook his head. “You’re staying here. In a minute you’re going to try some ginger tea, which is excellent for nausea and headaches. When you’ve drunk that, you’re going to sleep.” Seb looked like he was going to protest, so Gray squeezed his fingers. “I’m not going anywhere. You need help, just tell me.”
Gray watched the swallow travel down the length of Seb’s throat, and Seb dipped his eyes. Not quite quickly enough for Gray to miss the moisture in them, though.
Gray watched as Seb huddled miserably while he was waiting for the tea. He had been willing to let Seb arrive at his own conclusion regarding his father and his obsession without the risk of Seb resenting Gray for pointing it out.
But it stopped right here and now. He couldn’t let Seb go through any more of this, and when Seb felt better, they were going to have to sit down and talk. He just hoped Seb trusted him enough to give him the right answers.
SEB WOKE up very slowly. Very cautiously. Remembering the multiple trips to the bathroom, he was sure—much to his complete mortification—that at one point he’d begged Gray just to shoot him and put him out of his misery.
Gray had chuckled and carried him back from the bathroom for what had probably been the third time, or maybe fourth. He moved a little, and the arm that wasn’t his tightened across his waist.
Seb went completely still. A body. A very large, very warm body was plastered to his back. He knew who it was—obviously—there was no one else in the entire world who would have lain where Gray was, and Seb’s wonder was mixed with a strange sense of almost loss. He barely remembered his mom, and he wasn’t sure the memories he had of the piano weren’t simply his brain filling in blanks. His dad had stayed around once, but seeing Seb in this state made them both miserable, and thereafter he had kept away. Mrs. P was the only one who brought him the drinks he needed, but she respected his privacy and understood his embarrassment and always left them outside the bathroom door.
Gray had just about blown that door right off. They had clothes between them, though. At one point Seb had been so cold despite all his covers that Gray had gotten in with him and pulled him back against his warmth. “Go to sleep,” he’d instructed, and Seb had done just that.
Seb took a deep breath and relaxed. Gray was obviously asleep and would probably be embarrassed they lay so close. Seb didn’t care. He’d been so sick last night he felt like it was some sort of cosmic reward. In fact, he wasn’t too sure it wasn’t worth all the agony to wake up in this position. Seb bit down on his bottom lip when he became more aware of where Gray’s arm was. Within inches of Seb’s rapidly hardening cock.
But that was normal, wasn’t it? It was completely normal. One of the few very normal things about Seb. Would Gray freak out? No, Seb told himself. Gray had looked after him last night. Held his hair when it had slipped its tie. Wiped his mouth and hands. Carried him. Actually carried him to and from the bathroom. Refused to listen when Seb had just told him to leave him on the floor to die.
Okay, so he might have been a little melodramatic. He also might have accused Mrs. P of trying to poison him with whatever that fuck-awful stuff she had made him drink. Gray had ignored everything and just made him drink it. And gallons of water. The last few trips to the bathroom hadn’t been because he was sick, but because his bladder was going to burst.
Ughh. Gray had refused to leave him alone for that either. In fact, for a straight guy, he hadn’t objected to the number of times he’d seen Seb’s dick. And Gray was lying close to him. Seb breathed out slowly and closed his eyes. He could dream, right?
The next time Seb woke, he was on his own. He registered that fact even before he opened his eyes and considered trying to go back to sleep, but he was thirsty. His mouth tasted like a sewer, and he needed the bathroom. He warily cracked open an eye and looked around.
“Hey?” Gray sat in Seb’s office chair; he’d been reading but was currently gazing at Seb.
“Hey,” he replied, somewhat unoriginally. Seb sat up, and a bottle of water was nearly thrust at him. He shook his head. “Give me a minute.” He lifted his chin toward the bathroom. Gray reached out and clasped his arm as Seb stood. He took a breath. “I’m good, thank you.” Gray’s hand tightened for Seb’s attention.
“I’m just out here if you need me.” He let Seb go.
Seb tried and failed miserably not to miss the contact, but he made it to the bathroom on his own. He needed a piss, then to brush his teeth, wash his hair, and shave. He started the shower, emptied his bladder in relief, and then brushed his teeth very thoroughly.
The shower was wonderful, but by the time he’d washed his hair, his arms were shaking. He finished quickly and wrapped his hair in a towel and dried himself. He bundled up in another towel, as he had no clean clothes in the bathroom, then cautiously opened the bathroom door.
Gray stood by one of the full-length windows in the corner and turned as he came out. “How are you feeling?”
Seb did his quick mental check. “Tired but okay, which is a hundred percent improvement on my usual state after therapy.” He was often out of action for the whole weekend. Gray ran his gaze over Seb’s body as if checking for himself. Seb heated a little under the intense stare.
“I’m willing to bet you don’t drink enough water and spend the night on the bathroom floor,” Gray pointed out, and Seb flushed at his accuracy. “You also don’t fuel your body beforehand correctly. No,” Gray interrupted when Seb would have protested, “I’m not suggesting a three-course meal, but you’re not looking after yourself. Your recovery will be slower, and the damage this is doing can be long-term. I would guess your electrolytes are for shit, and that can affect your hair, skin, nails, teeth.” Gray took a breath. “We’ll go see my nutritionist friend when he’s back in Atlanta.”
Seb smiled. It had been an order, no room to back out, and for some reason Seb didn’t mind when Gray got heavy-handed. If it had been anyone else, he would have had something to say, but for some weird reason Gray made him feel safe. And it wasn’t the guns, or even the muscle power. He was about the same size as Derwent. It was more. Seb didn’t think Derwent had ever set foot in his rooms before, and within two hours of his arrival, Gray had been all over them.
Seb didn’t usually like pushy people, and Gray wasn’t just pushy; he was immovable. Seb guessed he was doing his job.
Gray glanced back to the other room and walked out. Seb followed a step just to see what he was doing and saw the light on above the door. Gray must have heard someone knock. Seb’s legs were a little wobbly, but he quickly pulled on some shorts and sweats. Gray came back in just as he was adding a T-shirt and shivering.
“Mrs. Pickering made the same smoothie as yesterday. She says just to call her when you’re ready for something else.”
Seb smiled. She would be in heaven. He usually didn’t eat for two days after an episode. He looked at the glass Gray was holding and held out a shaky hand. Gray frowned, put it down, then picked up his robe and held it open. “You need to dry your hair.”
“Yes, Mom,” Seb teased, but he was cold and felt really wobbly.
Gray looked around and noticed the hairdryer on the floor under his desk. “Sit down.”
Seb blinked. What?
Gray pulled out the chair he had sat on for the head massage. “Sit,” he ordered.
Seb sat.
Gray pulled the towel off Seb’s head and gaped at the mass of hair that fell down. “Where did all that come from?” He chuckled and picked up the wide chunky comb from the dresser.
Seb didn’t reply. He doubted if he could speak at all and wasn’t about to embarrass himself with any of the moans that wanted to escape his lips. This was as bad as the massage. No—it was a hundred times worse—because this time the pain Seb endured was in entirely a different place. Seb was just relieved his head was down. Gray hadn’t see his face, and he couldn’t see Gray’s. Not that their expressions would be the same. He knew the abject lust wouldn’t be reflected in Gray’s eyes, and he was so thankful Gray couldn’t see it in his.
Would Gray go if he did know? The thought that Gray would leave was suddenly scary, which was all kinds of messed-up. Gray had only been here a few days, and Seb had no idea how long he would stay. Rawlings specialized in short-term contracts. Usually for a few weeks rather than months.
And Seb honestly had no idea how he felt about that.
Gray glanced at Seb in the mirror and took a breath. Seb focused on him when he recognized the reaction was to steady himself for something. For a second, hope flared that Gray might feel even a tiny amount of the attraction Seb felt.
“I want to talk about your health going forward.”
Disappointment stung his eyes, and he dipped them. Gray touched his arm, but it took a couple of seconds before he trusted himself to look back up.
“Are you a hundred percent certain your dad wouldn’t stop the therapy and surgeries if you simply said you couldn’t cope with any more?”
Tears sprang to Seb’s eyes, and he closed them even as he felt Gray pull the chair out and bend down to his level. It was too soon. He hadn’t built up any defense for this type of question after being sick. Gray squeezed his arms to get him to open his eyes, and Seb tried to push him away so he could get to his feet. It was like trying to move a wall.
Then Gray thumbed the escaped moisture from his cheeks, and Seb froze. His hands slowly circled Seb’s shoulders and pulled him forward. Gray was so warm, so strong. Seb held himself together for what seemed like two gulps of air before they became sobs, and he simply lost it as he gave Gray all his weight. He seemed to cry forever. His throat was raw and his nose blocked. He was freezing, and as he shook, Gray wrapped him tighter and offered his heat.
Seb swallowed but still didn’t open his eyes because he didn’t want Gray to step away. Gray did of course, eventually, but didn’t let go. He simply steered Seb to the bed and pushed him gently down. Seb went because Gray did too. He sniffed and swallowed and felt a wad of tissues put into his hand, then reluctantly—very reluctantly—opened his eyes. It took a moment before Gray’s face stopped swimming. “Sorry.”
Gray smiled, and Seb basked in its warmth. For a second, he could almost pretend he was someone else. Someone important and not just a client.
“You have nothing to be sorry for, but I still need an answer because that’s going to determine the second question.”
“No,” Seb acknowledged sadly. He had been fooling himself. “I think my dad is too convinced he knows best.”
“Okay, then do you want me to find out if you have a choice? If the guardianship rules can be circumvented?”
Hope flared. “How?”
“Because I can get Rawlings to reach out to his contact in Florida. He knows the FBI team, and if anyone can help with the legal aspects, it would be them.”
Seb sagged against Gray. So long as Gray wasn’t objecting, Seb needed the closeness, and this wasn’t in any way because he wished for a different sort of a relationship with Gray; he knew that would never happen. This was simply because for the first time in a lot of years, maybe he trusted that someone else could make him feel safe.