THE SURPRISING knowledge that they must have both fallen asleep was the first thought that struck Seb, oddly before he was awake enough to realize the position they were in. He had reacted to Gray like a heat-seeking missile. Seb had woken twice in the night. Once when Gray got out of bed and padded to the bathroom, and the second time to obey the urgent call of his own bladder. Both times he went back to sleep with Gray studiously rolled away from him, and for the third time now, he had woken up a breathless tangle of limbs. It definitely wasn’t his arm that was curved protectively across his back. Gray also seemed completely unaware Seb was using him as a pillow.
His lips twitched at the incongruity, and just for a second he allowed himself the dream of waking every morning like this. Seb’s breath hitched as his fingers moved through the black hair on Gray’s chest. With barely another thought, he continued to leisurely trail his hand down until he felt the dip where Gray’s rib cage ended and his abdomen began. The hair wasn’t wiry as Seb had imagined, but baby soft as he let it brush over his fingers. His fingers grew daring in their exploration and—
Seb jumped as Gray’s hand clamped over his and forced his fingers to still.
He didn’t want to lift his gaze to see Gray tell him to stop, tell him he was stupid, tell him he was a client, tell him he was too young or Gray was too old, or it was the Chinese year of the fox and people couldn’t fall in love with their bodyguards for another full moon cycle.
Seb jerked a fraction of a second too late as Gray’s imagined words settled to explain the reaction on Gray’s hand trapping his own. He didn’t breathe. Didn’t want to breathe, and mostly when he felt the questing touch of Gray’s palm on his chin to lift it, didn’t want to see the rejection—kind as he knew it would be—in the deep colorful eyes that would be staring knowingly into his soul. Reading a reaction and a ridiculous admission that Seb had no business making, because he knew it would send Gray further away from him faster than any warped sense of responsibility or overprotective decision of what was right and what was wrong according to the almighty Gray. He also needed to keep the admission to himself for a few self-indulgent minutes before he let the thought go. For precious moments he could pretend.
“Seb.” He didn’t hear the word but felt the breath that made it, the lift and rumble of Gray’s chest as oxygen from his lungs helped to produce the sound it created or watch the unique way Gray’s full lips moved to form the letters. But it was a demand all the same, and reluctantly and with a certain finality, he lifted his gaze.
He waited as his eyes settled on Gray’s. He’d been right, he thought with no sense of satisfaction, that he would see kindness there. As he searched the brown and amber-green hue that stared back at him, he blinked and checked again because the one thing he expected to see was missing. Caution, wonder, and guilt were all present.
But not regret.
There was no regret for something Seb wanted. That Gray couldn’t give Seb what he wanted, at least, and that more than anything gave him a little hope and a whole lot of determination. He stretched his neck until they were breathing the same air, and still Gray didn’t move or, more importantly, didn’t move him. Seb just waited, silently, for Gray to get closer, and when he did, when the featherlight lips settled over his before he made the final move, he relaxed. All his life he had felt wrong. Wrong in his body. His home wasn’t the safe space he needed. His own body let him down time and time again. But here, with Gray, he didn’t need anything else, and he could just be.
He must have made a noise as Gray’s tongue slid between his lips, because he felt it. The tremors in his hands and arms as they clutched at the hard body he was lying on. The kiss that seemed to go on and on. The hurried puffs of breath that told him Gray was whispering something to him. He imagined the small sounds of need echoing from Gray as he pressed his hard length into Seb’s thigh, and Seb widened his legs a little as Gray pulled him up his chest so his cock was scraping on Gray’s hard groin. His fingers fumbled at Gray’s shorts, desperation and giddy excitement making him clumsy until larger fingers took over and Gray pushed them down. His own shorts followed barely moments later, and then he blinked and he was on his back. Gray leaned over him. He lifted his head, chasing Gray’s lips, but Gray put his finger across Seb’s.
Seb whined and ground his hips a little in a silent begging motion. Gray chuckled. “Listen to me first.”
Seb nodded quickly. Anything. So long as everything else followed, he was good.
“I have nothing to offer you. I’m not a good person or boyfriend material or any other thought probably racing around your head. All I can offer you is the protection of my body for a short time.”
Seb was proud he didn’t flinch, but it was only because Gray was saying exactly what he had expected him to that he wasn’t surprised. “I know.” And he did. It didn’t change how he felt, though, and he wouldn’t swap what he intended to happen for the world. No matter how much it might hurt after.
“I will have to move on to protecting someone else as soon as you are safe.”
“I know,” Seb repeated, keeping his eyes fixed on him. He knew any hesitation and it would be all over. He had one shot at convincing Gray he understood. He didn’t want Gray to be his bodyguard. He wanted so much more.
“I haven’t got any supplies.”
Seb blinked. What? Gray’s lips quirked, and Seb chuckled. “My wallet.” He pointed to where his jeans were, draped over the chair, and Seb caught the raised brow before Gray jumped off him and retrieved the packets from his wallet.
“I’m impressed you’re prepared,” Gray said in a seeming offhand way, but Seb couldn’t be sure if he intended it in another. His face was too blank to give a clue to any nuances the words might carry. The differences between agreement and sarcasm were often only apparent in a wry twist of lips or an equally deadpan expression. He had to take words at face value when sometimes body language told you the meaning was often completely different. In a way Seb was relieved. It was hardly the time to tell Gray of his previous experience. No long-term commitment meant Seb didn’t have to explain his woeful lack of experience either.
In no time Seb was reveling in the warm hard body pressed alongside him once more, and drowning in the hot languorous kisses. He was faintly shocked. He’d have expected anything with Gray to be hot, fast, and furious. He was half amazed he wasn’t being pinned up against a wall or bent over the dresser. It was odd. His previous times had always seemed faintly forbidden, dirty even. Rushed. Secret. Hidden.
Gray was peeling back every layer on him like he had all the time in the world. He wasn’t being railroaded; he was being coaxed, gentled, lulled. Each kiss became another and another until his lips fairly danced with Gray’s and he lost track of whose hands were whose.
He emerged for a few blissful seconds as Gray fiddled with something—the condom—and he was gently eased onto his back. He opened his eyes and took a sharp breath. Gray paused as he leaned over and waited until Seb was focused on him. He smiled and ran a finger gently along Seb’s jaw. They hadn’t had any conversation about topping or otherwise. In a way it wasn’t necessary because Gray had been so slow and gentle, Seb had every chance to stop what he knew was going to happen.
“I would ask you if you want to stay on your back, but even if it might be easier if you turn around, I want you to be aware of every sound I make.”
Seb swallowed hard against the sudden burn in his throat. Aware of every sound. Gray wanted to watch him. Know he was giving him pleasure, be a part of it. Seb had gotten off before, but trapped in a silent world and facing only bed linen and pillows, he had felt almost cut off from the experience. Trust Gray to think of that.
Seb nodded. “It’s been a while.” It had. It had barely lasted a few weeks until Seb had called a halt to it when something had told him it wasn’t working for either of them.
“I’ll be careful,” Gray said, his eyes solemn as he dipped his head to seal the promise. Seb couldn’t help winding his arms around Gray’s neck and holding him tight even though it meant Gray couldn’t move, but Gray returned the kiss just as enthusiastically until Seb’s head was spinning. Delirium, lust, or just lack of fucking oxygen, he didn’t know and didn’t care. The first touch of Gray’s fingers had him jerking back and opening his eyes. Gray didn’t stop his careful exploration, but his gaze was firmly on Seb to catch every reaction.
“Fuck,” Seb swore, and his eyes rolled back in his head. Gray’s nail scraped a patch of skin and just teased his entrance. He was so sensitive there, and someone else’s finger rather than his own was a million times better. Soon—with the help of the lube—Gray was sliding his finger in and out. The smooth glide made Seb’s toes curl and his breath hitch as he became helpless to stop thrusting his groin upward into Gray’s hand until Gray inserted another finger, making Seb’s eyes sting briefly, and he was lost in the heady burn of that one as well. More lube. More stretch. More prep. Gray’s thoroughness had him ready to scream.
“Please, just do it,” he begged. He was sure the sheets were drowned in the sweat rolling off him.
Gray brushed another choppy kiss over his lips and then pulled a pillow under his ass to lift him, and quickly draped Seb’s legs over each of his inner elbows. He knelt up, staring at Seb with a hungry look. “You amaze me.”
“Well, you drive me nuts,” Seb snapped back, officially out of patience, and then gazed in awe as Gray threw his head back, laughing in delight. Seb wished he could hear the sound that put such a carefree look on his face. Gray sobered and pulled Seb closer, lining his cock up. “Look at me,” Gray ordered as he pushed.
It hurt briefly. Seb knew it would, but the look on Gray’s face when he was seated was worth every second. Gray panted and then pulled back gently, the glide touching something in Seb that widened his eyes in sensation.
“Do that again,” he rasped, prepared to beg. Gray smiled and pulled back for one second, convincing Seb he was going to ignore the plea, and then he thrust back. The movement was jerky, burning, intense, and it stole Seb’s words. Gray did it again, a long slow withdrawal that drove him mad and then the thrust that left him breathless. Urging him on, faster, harder. He wanted to feel Gray. Feel him in every inch of his skin, every moan, every gasp, every slide of their bodies, and every grunt on his lips.
Gray pounded into him. He’d said people one day would be able to hear through their skin, and Seb believed it. Every scrape of Gray’s thumbs on his hip bones to keep him anchored, every gust of Gray’s breath on his neck, every second of pressure that built in him and around him until Gray’s fingers encircled his cock and pumped hard.
And then his skin wasn’t talking; it was screaming pleasure and showering him in noise until every color left him behind closed lids and his world was white.
Gray eased out of him and collapsed at his side. Seb wanted to keep his eyes closed and just concentrate on getting oxygen into his lungs, but he didn’t want to miss anything Gray might say while he was unguarded. Gray reached for him and pulled him close. Seb was thrilled at the contact, the obvious need.
Seb watched Gray’s lips carefully. He opened them once and closed them as if he’d either chickened out or thought better of what he was going to say. And Seb didn’t think he would need to be a mind reader to work out the probable regrets and guilt that were now going around Gray’s brain. Gray was holding him close but staring at the ceiling, just a fraction too long for letting their heartbeats and breathing return to normal.
Seb closed his eyes against the dilemma and decided to enjoy what he had right now. Maybe Gray would stay for longer if he got his own place? It wasn’t safe for him any longer at his dad’s. He didn’t trust Dr. McKay further than he could throw him, and the man seemed to have totally fooled his dad into believing his obsession.
He needed to text his dad, who was on his way home. He was going to insist on getting his own place now and not wait until next August. It was about time he grew a backbone, and his dad had to realize he was capable of sound decisions. Maybe Rawlings might have some other ideas? Maybe—Seb had a wild thought—he could contact the FBI team and offer his help? He could hear stuff he wasn’t supposed to. In his mind’s eye, he pictured himself as an agent, then shuddered. If his balance ever remained good enough to hold down a job and the traveling it would require—whatever traveling he was allowed to do—the thought of ever holding a gun sickened him. He didn’t want to. He’d never been into all the secret agent stuff like most kids. He never watched the Skyfall, and he didn’t want to Die Another Day. He was more likely to sing with his Pitch Perfect.
The thought had him smiling, and he opened his eyes as Gray moved and turned on his side to face him. His sudden humor vanished, and he regarded the solemn eyes watching him.
Here it comes.
“I WANT to say something,” Seb whispered before Gray could think of the reminders he knew had to be repeated. He slid his head up Gray’s chest and stared at him in a completely innocent movement that had Gray biting his lips.
“I want to say that I know you aren’t going to stay.”
Gray’s heart lurched as if in sudden protest.
“I know the jobs you take are only temporary. That was why I selected Rawlings Security in the first place. I only wanted protection until this situation got resolved.”
Gray froze. I selected. “What do you mean you selected?”
Seb blinked. “I don’t understand what you are asking.”
Gray sat up and focused on Seb, his pulse pounding in his ears, not sure but somehow convinced the innocent throwaway comment was significant. “We were told your father chose the company because he got a recommendation from a business acquaintance.”
Seb shook his head, puzzled. “No, when I lost Arron, my dad wanted me to manage with Andrew and Innes, of all people. I can’t stand Andrew.” Seb shuddered. “I googled bodyguards. It took me a few days, and I chose your company because you only do short-term contracts, and I told my dad it was you or no one.” He glanced down and then back up. “I’m twenty-one in August. Once I’m there, I’m moving out. I have enough saved up; between the song sales and the translations, I have easily enough for a small apartment.”
Gray was bewildered. “Enough for an apartment?” He was incredulous. “Seb, you have fourteen million dollars coming to you when you get to twenty-one.”
Seb chuckled. “Nah. I handed that over to fund the cochlear implant research at the beginning. My dad needed to use separate capital, as the board wouldn’t back something that was experimental.” He shrugged. “It was the least I could do, really.”
Gray felt sick. He’d been so wrong. If Seb didn’t have any money, then why was he a target? Or were the kidnappers either incompetent or interested in something else? “Can you do that?”
Seb expelled a shuddering breath. “Have you ever researched the guardianship rules for enhanced?”
Gray felt uncomfortable. “Not beyond the basics. I’ve been more interested in your health, to be honest.”
Seb smiled and squeezed his hand. “And I love that you did that. Not just because you’ve gone the extra mile with someone who would have made it easier for you to do your job if I’d spent the whole of last week lying on my bathroom floor, but that my mark and my enhanced status has never once been an issue for you.”
Gray took a breath. The research he had done on the enhanced had scared the living fuck out of him. Not because he felt threatened, but because he was disgusted at the things that had been done to them. Anyone who locked up fucking children wanted shooting, as far as he was concerned.
“The thing was, if my dad had wanted, he could have simply used the money without telling me. Guardianship rules trump wills every time. It wouldn’t matter how tight Mom made her will. As an enhanced child under guardianship, I have no rights.”
“So you offered?”
“I saw my dad talking to Joseph about financing the new cochlear implant and the problems they were having in securing the funding.” He rubbed his eyes. “It was before my first surgery, when I was excited about the thought of being able to hear.”
Before he’d had all the surgeries he didn’t want, thought Gray. Before his life became one huge experiment. I know you won’t stay. Why was Gray suddenly wanting to contradict something that was a foregone conclusion?
Gray gazed at Seb. The long blond hair had come free of its tie and was spread over the pillow. He’d woken up with it spread all over his chest. Smooth as silk and such a contradiction to Gray’s damaged skin. He hadn’t answered Seb. He didn’t know what to say. He should go. Go far away. But—
The light knock on Seb’s door surprised him. Surely whoever was outside would know Seb wouldn’t be able to hear him? He turned back to Seb. “There’s someone at your door.” Fuck. There was someone at Seb’s door because they’d already tried his. He jumped out of bed and pulled his shorts on and strode to the bedroom door. The sardonic smile on Rawlings’s face wasn’t amusing.
“We’ve had two phone calls. Detective Carter to confirm he would be here at two, but the second one has kind of made that one moot. A Joseph Keswick has called insisting Seb is back at home this afternoon for his own protection. I did try to point out he would be far safer here, but he quoted a bunch of legalese at me, basically accusing me of kidnapping.”
Gray frowned. “What the fuck?”
“Seb is an enhanced minor according to my research. I have no legal way of keeping him here, and neither, I’m afraid, does he have the right to stay. He is to be returned to his father’s house by sixteen hundred hours this afternoon.”
Gray closed his eyes briefly. He hated being backed into a corner. “We’ll get dressed.”
Gray returned and looked at Seb, who was sitting up with a questioning look on his face. “Your dad is worried. Maybe you should text him. He says we have to take you back to your house, but I know Diesel and Pink would be happy to have you here. You’d certainly be safe.” In fact the more Gray thought about it, the more he thought it was a good idea.
“He’ll want me back there,” Seb replied.
“But you will be safer here. Surely he wants that for you?”
“It’s too far for the presurgery visits,” Seb pointed out almost thoughtfully.
“Fuck that,” Gray snapped. “You were almost kidnapped. You could have been hurt.” He picked up the phone. “This is completely ridiculous. Text your dad. Hell, ask him to come here if he’s so worried. He can meet Pink. There isn’t a person alive who could disagree with her.”
He handed the phone to Seb, and Seb looked hopeful for a second before he started rattling off texts. In a few minutes, it was obvious what the answer was. Seb flung the phone on the bed. “He’s completely freaking out. Insisting on me being there this afternoon. Won’t consider coming here.”
“Do you want me to try?”
Seb shook his head. “He says if I’m not back by four, he will have you and Diesel arrested for kidnapping.”
“You don’t need to worry about that,” Gray said immediately. “Neither Rawlings nor I give in to threats.”
Seb smiled. “I know, but I think it’s important I return for another reason this time. All my life I have accepted what I’ve been given. I’ve perpetuated the belief my dad has that I will accept and go along with whatever he thinks is best. I’ve never stood up for myself, not really, and I don’t think that has ever helped me being viewed as an adult or with respect.”
“An adult?” Gray was incredulous. “Fuck respect, how about love or even simple decency?”
Seb paled, and Gray knew he had gone too far, but it was too late now. “Your dad equates love with controlling you,” he said willing himself to be calm. He resisted the nearly overwhelming urge to pick Seb up and run away with him, but he had to find out what Seb wanted first. Seb had spent the last ten years having people inflict their will on him under the guise of doing it for his own good. Gray was sick of enabling other people to do it, but more importantly he couldn’t start doing it himself. “What do you want to do?”
“I’m going to have to go home.”
“No.” Gray took Seb’s hand. “What do you want to do?” It nearly killed him to say the words. “I will support whatever decision you make.”
“You’d do that?”
Three innocent words. One sentence and the disbelief behind it made Gray’s heart hurt in so many ways it should never do. That it had no business doing. “Yes,” he answered simply.
“But what if Rawlings had to—”
“Then I’ll resign.”
“You’d….” Seb shook his head. Not, Gray thought, because Seb disbelieved it or didn’t hear him, but that he was astonished someone—anyone—would back him. Seb blew a breath out and smiled shakily. “Then I’m going to see my dad.”
Gray blinked in astonishment. “But—”
Seb squeezed his hand to silence him. “And you’re coming with me.” Gray shut up. “I need to talk to him properly, as an adult.”
Gray didn’t like it. He didn’t like it at all, but not respecting what Seb wanted to do would make him as guilty as Quinn Armitage.