“Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.”
—Harriet Tubman
Transformation is about changing potential into reality. It is about shifting the condition, nature, or function of our lives. Like the butterfly, in transformation, we change from a tiny cocoon into a glorious, colorful, flying creature that is independent and free to fulfill its destiny. We all want some part of our lives to be better. In the course of this book, we have looked at eleven secrets of successful women, and you have heard their stories and some of mine, too. If you have been doing the Challenges all along in your journal, you have lots of new self-awareness and many ideas for how to increase your happiness, make more money, grow your business, be in positive relationships, tune into your heart, and live your life purpose. Yet none of that matters unless you filter though the material, design a dream plan for yourself, and set it into motion. You have to decide that you want transformation with your whole being. Then you make a Treasure Map, write down precisely what you want, visualize it, meditate on it, say affirmations daily about it with feelings that touch your heart, rewire the old beliefs you have about not being able to have it, and associate with people who believe in you. Then you choose and write down specific daily action steps and execute them to create the change that you want to manifest.
There are lots of inner saboteurs such as fear, insecurity, ambivalence, lack of experience, not being fully committed to what you want or not willing to do what it takes, etcetera, lurking on this path of action toward having what we want and expressing our true self in the world. There are many demons in your mind and in the world-at-large. There are lots of people who will undermine and trample you as you grow bigger and more visible. So to be successful and manifest your personal, heartfelt kind of success, you must initiate your own choice points. It will be helpful to have books, mentors, coaches, peers, masterminds, trainings, support groups, and all of those wonderful catalysts to guide you along your path. But ultimately, you must light the match for the fire that burns in your belly that will warm you and comfort you, as you take this journey to what you have claimed as yours.
Transformation is about changing potential into reality. It is about shifting the condition, nature, or function of our lives.
First of all, let me give you an opportunity to tune into exactly what you want to change in order make your life fit your definition of success. You already have some ideas, but let's make a graphic of where you are now. The Life Success Circle Test looks at fourteen areas of your life so that you can rate them. You want to rate them on a scale from 1-10 points, with 10 meaning that you feel very successful in that area of your life and with 1 meaning that you feel very unsuccessful in that area of your life. If you rate an area as a 5, for example, you feel partly successful and partly unsuccessful. Be honest—this is your own private test or this can be a great exercise to do with a trusted, like-minded friend, your coach, or a mentor. Write your chosen rating number outside each slice of the circle. Think about your responses and take the test.
First, congratulate yourself for the areas where you scored an 8 or above. Write down what would make those areas zoom up to a 10. Then, identify the areas where you have the three lowest scores. These are your transformation targets. Jot down what would need to happen to make these areas evolve into a 10. Review the areas of the circle that you scored in the middle, and note if there is any one thing that you would like to do to boost that score a bit for now, and make a note of those ideas. Put a test date on the circle and then redo it again every six months to review your progress and note down any changes in your goals. We are constantly evolving into new self-awareness and priorities. Now, using the Personal Success Contract in Secret 5, pick your top five goals for the year, complete the form, and follow all of the instructions, including getting the right support systems in place. If you already filled out the Personal Success Contract earlier in the book, you must decide which five goals you value the most right now. All of the women in this book, myself included, are lifelong learners and are always seeking new role models, more knowledge, and bigger risks to take to expand our personal power and serenity, and to make our special contribution to the world. So select the goals that best reflect your intentions and desires. I know this exercise takes some time and some thought, but it will be worth it. We must stop being so busy that we don't create a solid plan about where we are going and what we are trying to create in our lives.
Find or buy a big beautiful basket for yourself. It can be open or have a lid. Then get yourself three packages of Post-It Notes in three different colors, preferably colors that you enjoy. Next, think of a place that feels special to you that is quiet, offers you some privacy, feels safe, and is comfortable. Make a time to go there this week. This is your life and there is no time to waste. Cancel something if you have to, but do it now. Bring your basket, your Post-It Notes, your Treasure Map, your journal, your Life Success Circle Test, your Personal Success Contract, and this book with you. You can go to a place outside of your home, like a library or a beach, or simply find a corner or a room in your own home that you don't usually frequent and set up there. Settle into this special place, close your eyes, and imagine that you have manifested the five goals on your Personal Success Contract already. How does it feel? If it feels good, move onto the next step. If not, go back and get rid of anything on your contract that doesn't intuitively feel wonderful and replace that item with something that you deeply know that you want. Take the time to make sure that you have the five goals that you want and that these are the best next steps for you. Okay, you may open your eyes.
Now take your Post-It notes and assign a color to each of these three concepts: Be, Do, or Have. Take as long as you need and write down on the Post-It Notes in the corresponding color, the things that you need to be, to do, and to have to accomplish your goals. For example, you may need to be more aligned with the mission of your business each day (to be), hire a bookkeeper for your finances (to do), and buy a Smartphone so that you can check your email and your messages from anywhere (to have). Think of all the ways that you want to express yourself in the world, actions that you need to take, and things you wish to acquire, which could be skills or knowledge as well as tangible things, in order to ensure that you meet your five goals. Put each item on a Post-It Note in the right Be, Do, or Have color and throw the Post-It Note in your basket. This is your action plan in a basket. You can carry it with you. Once you have completed a Post-It Note task, take the Note out of the basket and put it in a special file for that year or stick it on an accomplishment poster in your office. You want to be able to review and celebrate your achievements each year. Each time you think of a new change that you need to add to the basket, write it on a Post-It Note that says what you need to Be, Do, or Have, and drop it in the basket. When you have completed a goal, replace it with a new goal on your Personal Success Contract. If you are advancing in your life, this process will go on for years. It works. Once you have put all the Post-It Notes that you need to be working on right now into your basket this first time, you are complete for now. Pull out your Treasure Map at this point and see if it is in sync with these new goals. If not, make out a Post-It Note that reminds you of what you need to do to fix your Map and stick it on the Map. In closing, take a moment to close your eyes again and say to yourself, “I am initiated into my Transformation.” Open your eyes and go out and begin to gather or experience all the things that you need to do that are noted in your basket. Sit with all these materials for at least fifteen minutes each day and keep fine-tuning.
We have talked in this book about many success strategies. Keep using this book as a reference guide to inspire you on a daily basis. Just try opening to any page and see what pops up. Often we get the perfect lesson or idea out of the blue. One of the most common excuses that we use as a reason to not keep our promises and commitments to ourselves, our businesses, or our relationships is that we do not have the time. As we have discussed before, we are living in a relentless 24/7 culture with amorphous boundaries and endless opportunities to be connected and access the world through the Internet. I think that the time that it takes to keep all this technology backed up, running correctly, and updated is amazing. The number of hours that my husband and I and my team spend on the phone with technology companies and other customer service people is mind-blowing. So while we are saving time with our devices and gadgets, it takes time to keep them working for us.
Successful women know that time is at a premium and that they need to treat it like creative gold. We need to be in touch with our big vision for our life and our business, and simultaneously be crystal clear about what part of that vision we will work on today. It's the macro and the micro perspective being connected. For all of us who want success, or greater success, we simply have to become time management experts. We also have to practice vigorous “subtraction,” as I talked about earlier, of anything that is not valuable to us or is a non–goal-enhancing activity. Those activities that we need to subtract, like working with clients we don't like, or cooking for a big gathering when we hate cooking and are not good at it either, I call Junk Time, and it has empty calories like junk food. Stand up for yourself. Get new clients and change your entertaining model and either hire a caterer, have a potluck event, or go out to a restaurant. We don't have any time to waste. I have an old friend who is now a minister, and she loves to have people stay with her at her house. But she makes it very clear that she will not cook for them. They can use the kitchen and she will stock the refrigerator, but she will not make meals. People come to visit her all the time anyway.
Twenty-four hours per day is a given. The fact that you have control over that time is also a given. You are the creator of each day with far more leverage over your precious daily portion of twenty-four hours than you may acknowledge at this moment. In order to achieve your own personal success in life, you must activate your individual power to capture time.
Imagine standing on a lovely hillside with a gorgeous view, holding a simple butterfly net. As clouds of time go by, you capture them for yourself with your net. After you have captured your allotted twenty-four hours, then you head back home to craft your time clouds into your own art form. Every day is a gift, and you want to secure it so you can sculpt it to your liking. Every day contains major choice points. Are you going to squander your day with empty calorie TV, relationships that no longer serve you, or work you despise? Or are you going to delete all that and claim a higher standard and fill your day with creative choices that reflect your inner spirit, self-expression, and joyfulness? The choices that you make about how you spend your limited time and energy determine the quality of your life experience. Of course, there are lots of distractions, interruptions, mistakes, disappointing people and projects, chores, and necessary evils that steal your time. Learn to be a better warrior and steal it back. You can learn to steadfastly defend your position and fight those internal and external demons that undermine your intentions and your passions.
You are not defenseless or helpless, even though you may have moments where you feel that way. You are the driver of your own life and you choose the itinerary every day. The route you take changes the outcome, and if someone gives you bad directions or you get lost on your own, you can find the highway once again. Don't give up on yourself and your life. You can change your relationship with your daily twenty-four hours and learn mastery and self-defense. You can start to drill into your real goals and break them into manageable action steps and results. As we have talked about in this book, you can shift out of negative relationships into positive mutual ones. You can also implement filters—structures that keep out pollutants, stressors, and unwanted guck. You need to fight for your time and your life, as no one else will do it. If you dream of painting landscapes in the hills of Montana, want to make a documentary film about cancer survivors, or write a chapbook on ecological psychology, you are the one who is in charge of making it happen. It's not just having more money, a more understanding partner, or a more flexible job. It is about the strength of intention and a plan. It is about learning the dance of addition and subtraction and keeping your commitments to yourself. This is about time recovery and preservation. It is about taking responsibility for our daily quotient of creativity and our other priorities.
In our new twenty-first century work culture, time has a shifted meaning. There is a blur between work and play as well as a loss of important boundaries and limits on when, where, and how we can work. While technology has amazing benefits, it has also massacred many of our tried-and-true time management strategies. For each of us, renegotiating our individual relationship with time and fending off our work and lifestyle saboteurs are essential to our success. You don't need more gimmicks or clutter control suggestions, you need an overhaul of your thinking and your actions.
In a survey of my newsletter audience and in conversations with my clients, as well in the hundreds of emails that I get from the readers of all of my books, the issue of finding time to work on our creative, business, and life transformation is the number one critical issue for which people are seeking ideas and support. As a creative person, I, too, continually try new formulas that stimulate and facilitate my creative ideas and expression, get things done, and then send them out into the marketplace. Many creative people suffer from feeling scattered, trying to do too many projects at the same time, being stuck in right or left brain dominance, languishing without firm deadlines, and so on. Learning to be efficient in a way that supports our work style makes life so much easier.
You are the driver of your own life and you choose the itinerary every day.
So I decided to do some research on what systems were working for people. I posed the question to my LinkedIn contacts a couple of months ago, and my inbox was flooded with responses. The answers were all quite unique. About 75 percent of the respondents used a software tool AND a paper tool. Many people had lost data on their computers, so they wanted a paper copy of client appointments, important addresses, and dates.
The different tools that people were using are as follows:
I was struck by how people responded differently to all the systems out there and often adapted several systems to meet their needs, including incorporating paper into the whole. People talked about how much they enjoyed physically crossing a to-do off their list, which kept them in the paper camp. Many young people are really doing the “green thing” and keeping everything electronic, while we older folks still want to hold a book in our hands and have some kind of a paper planning book.
Just remember, these time management tools are meant to enhance implementation. You need to be sure that you have a set of written personal and professional goals that are accurate and meaningful to you, first. Dream Manifesto can help you to “see” photographs of your goals as a reminder to keep the big picture in mind as you choose your daily focus. Mindjet can help you to brainstorm lots of ideas and put them into a manageable form—but then you must choose what to work on. We all know that life throws us challenges—our car breaks down, people get ill (including us), companies make billing errors that take days to clean up, and so on. Don't succumb to impotence in your life, but instead grasp tightly onto this guaranteed formula for success and regenerate your faith in yourself and the magic of intention. You may cringe from those formidable saboteurs—fear and self-doubt—but they can be resolved. Experimentation and self-awareness have the potential to transform your life and allow your goals and dreams to emerge and manifest. Open your body, mind, and spirit to the quest.
Now that you have gotten yourself, your business, your creativity, and your life on the creative success path of transformation, it's time to look at your team. If you are a leader in a company other than your own, you may have inherited a team. That can be a real problem if you are in an organization that has little accountability and does not give you full rein to select your own people, and then let them go if they are not working out. If you work in such an organization, watch out. These poor performers will undermine your ability to achieve the success you want. I have worked with a number of managers who have been brought down by an incompetent and/or devious employee. If this is your situation, see what you can do to rectify it or seriously begin to look elsewhere for another opportunity.
If you have your own business or work for a positive organization, then choosing and developing your team can be a joyful and powerful process. You want to choose people who are in alignment with your business and creative goals and who see their job as part of their own personal growth and professional development plan. Many years ago, I used to hire people who were students or in transition to another career. Inevitably, I would end up doing career coaching with them and guide them into another job, and then I would have to start over. You want to hire people who want to be doing what you are hiring them to do, not people who really want to be doing something else. In all the years that I taught my program, Positive Management Techniques, it became clear to me that motivation starts from within. You can be the best manager on the planet, but if the person you are managing is not motivated to do the job and to do it well, none of the proposed “magical” management techniques will work. People have to possess both the willingness and the ability to do the job, or things are not going to work out. You want to empower the right people to engage in the transformational process that you have just experienced for yourself by reading this book.
Obviously this topic of building a transformative and creative team could be a whole book in itself. But, as it is such an important success strategy, I feel the need to mention some key factors here as a guide.
Good hiring decisions are essential to the growth of your business, your peace of mind, and how supported you feel—and they also have legal consequences. Many of the women in this book hired contractors, and many of them were virtual. All the people who work with me—my virtual assistants, my web designer, my accountant, my graphic designer, my editor—are all virtual 1099 employees. Decide what model you want for your business. Write down what specific skill set you need in the person that you want to hire, and then write down what kinds of personal traits, like extreme trustworthiness, are essential to the job or project. Then go on Craigslist, elance.com, career websites, and other job ad sites and note down the details of the jobs advertised, rates paid, and any other aspects of the job description. Craft a job description and a job ad so that you are clear on exactly what you need. After that, take a moment to fantasize about an ideal person and the specific attributes that he or she would bring to the job to get you in touch with some of your unconscious desires for that person too. The first time I hired a virtual assistant, I interviewed excellent people all over the country, but in the end, I had to admit that I wanted someone in Boston who could come over to my office to pick things up and file for me. While she and I only met in person a dozen times, it was what I wanted at the time.
When you interview people, tell them about your goals for your company or department, and then talk to them at length about their best strengths, their aspirations, their willingness to learn new things, and their interest in your business. If they really want to be a vet and you are a consultant, then they really ought to go work for a vet. Sometimes we just need someone for a project and it may not matter. But ideally we want to have people in our inner circle who have both the knowledge that we need them to have and a real passion for learning about the industry, or even better, previous experience in the industry. Finally, listen to your gut and look for red flags. If there is something that you don't like about a person, even if it seems ridiculous, do not hire that person. Wait for the right person. We talked about how valuable your time is, and you don't want to have to train two people. Be patient—don't be desperate. In my years of running a business, I have learned that if my intuition is cautioning me in any way in the midst of a decision, it's a “No.”
Outstanding interpersonal or people skills are essential for your effectiveness as a leader. Learning to listen, training, coaching, advising, and inspiring become essential communication skills for notable managers. Your management style expresses your genuineness and integrity as a person. If you are dishonest, you will not be trusted for long. Successful managers, above all, treat their employees with respect.
In my training sessions with managers, everyone can recall being the victim of a lousy manager. But not everyone has been fortunate enough to work under a positive one. If you have had a great manager, think back to why the person was likable and effective. For sure, this person made a personal connection with you. That's what you want to do with your employees; make them feel important to you and the company. If you don't have the experience of a constructive role model, look for admirable managers in other parts of your company or among your peers. Good managers demonstrate achievements in planning, recruiting, organizing, directing, training, and conflict resolution. Technical competence in your field is vital, but interpersonal excellence really counts.
Good leaders are not necessarily always nice. There's a good reason for that old expression “it's lonely at the top.” You can't gossip in the same way with your cronies or disclose “all you know.” One of the women who I interviewed for this book wept when she talked about how lonely it can be to for her as CEO of her company. We talked about how much she needs other CEOs as peers and a coach who she can be totally open with. So we're going to do some work together. Disciplining employees and enforcing policies and quality standards are all key ingredients of your job. You can be fair and professional, but you won't always be popular. If you are a solo manager in your company, find other managers at your level inside or outside the company and share expertise. If that's not possible, get a management coach or take advantage of the available books, videos, audiotapes, and training programs. Also, as a manager, you become a role model. If you're late every day, how can you complain when Sherry is too? You have a responsibility to the managers of the future to demonstrate the best management skills that you can. You are being watched.
Whatever your strengths and weaknesses, being a manager will put them to the test. If you are disorganized, watch out! Your employees may take advantage of the fact that you don't remember when a project is due. If you are insecure, your employees may try to manipulate you. If you're too laid back, people may take advantage of you. To become a positive manager, you must be very self-aware. Play on your strengths and experience and make a plan to manage your weaknesses. Karen was a superb manager, but she was weak in the budget department. She bounced checks, overspent on supplies, and once had paychecks delayed because the account was overdrawn. Her forgetfulness around money worried her employees and lowered her esteem in their eyes. She either needed to learn these financial management skills or delegate these responsibilities to a competent other. She chose to take classes and meet regularly with the comptroller of her company to earn back the respect she wanted. Admit to yourself what you need to work on and then do it.
In job satisfaction surveys of employees, the number one wish is for positive recognition for their work. People want authentic praise for their efforts. Make a point of acknowledging your employees regularly. A “thank you” or a congratulatory memo on a job well done work like a charm for morale and motivation. In addition, you need to analyze your work culture. Are you getting positive accolades from your boss or your employees? Are people in the organization upbeat or demoralized? Is the company growing or stagnant? Is management well organized and strategically on the mark? Is company communication clear or secretive? How is the company viewed by the community? Are people proud to be affiliated with this company? You are not managing in a vacuum. It's hard to be a great manager in a lousy company. You generally can't create a total oasis for yourself and your employees. If you're feeling unappreciated and resentful of a high percentage of management practices, then how can you be a cheerleader for that team? You are an advocate for your employees and while you can't expect to win every battle, you want to at least feel that you have a fighting chance.
Unhappy managers cannot inspire much except job turnover. So ask yourself the following questions:
If you feel like a fraud every time you implement a new policy, your employees will feel it too. It's best to work for a company in alignment with your goals and values so you can support its direction and mandates.
To be a positive manager, you need to deepen your knowledge of management communications in the areas of discipline, coaching for improved job performance, delegation, and coaching for career development. Start with a plan for your department. Then hire and train employees to perform specific job descriptions. By monitoring performance, you communicate regularly with employees, giving them both positive and negative feedback. Then you coach them with the goal of either improving their performance or enhancing their career growth. Annually, you review this cycle with a performance review. If you don't talk to your employees all year and then try to conduct a meaningful performance review, you've missed a year of building a relationship with each other.
Managers often hesitate to discipline an employee. Yet if you don't, the rest of the team resents your cowardice. For example, Becky continuously took overly long lunches. As a customer service representative, this meant that Becky was not handling her fair share of customer calls. Her coworkers kept waiting for her manager to intervene. It is your job to make sure that work is distributed fairly. Becky's manager, an empathic woman, knew that Becky was using her lunch break to run errands for her elderly mother. Yet, Becky's personal dilemma was compromising the morale and coverage for the entire department. Disciplinary action was in order. To help you feel more confident, follow these six steps:
Discipline, unlike coaching, is meant to be swift and precise. Certainly, you can sympathize with Becky's personal need to help her mother with errands. Your job as manager is to ensure that the company's customers can reach a customer service representative quickly. If Becky's at the drugstore, your customers are not getting the service they deserve, and her coworkers are being swamped with calls. You may want to take this opportunity to talk with Becky about alternatives. But it's Becky's job to manage her personal affairs. Always remember that if you make an exception for one person, other employees will want the privilege. So you are not free to tell Becky that she can have longer lunches unless you adjust her entire schedule. Then you can expect that her coworkers will be knocking on your door for the same flexibility. Keep in mind what's best for the department as a whole.
A coach is a guide as well as a teacher and a motivator. Your job is to help your employees do the best job they can for the company and themselves. Balancing those two sets of needs can sometimes be tricky. A good coach converses regularly with her team. You must do the same. With a disciplinary intervention, hopefully one discussion is enough. Coaching is a longer process. Coaching can either be for improving an employee's job performance for an ongoing problem or it can help an employee reach a new goal or learn an advanced skill.
Let's first begin by identifying the steps to coaching employees for poor performance. Before you meet with the employee, fill out this pre-coaching questionnaire:
Assumption: This employee understands and agrees that there is a job performance problem to be resolved.
If you communicated clearly and listened carefully to your employee's comments, you should have learned something.
Delegation is not dumping. Be careful not to delegate a component of your management role. Delegation can be a career opportunity for the recipient to learn new skills and diversify their career portfolio. Beware, though, that if your employees are already overloaded or on the verge of burnout, their response may be less than enthusiastic. Also, be careful not to delegate all the choice assignments to one employee. Spread out the challenges and try to match tasks with skill sets. Be honest with your employees about whether or not this is a job assignment which they have a choice about. Also, when you delegate, be prepared to spend the time with the employee to insure that the task is completed to your expectations. Delegation often requires a period of training to educate the employee about all the components.
Follow this framework to help the process to go more smoothly:
Delegation is often an opportunity for you and your employee to assess talents and areas for growth. In addition, meet regularly with your employees to discuss career goals. Don't assume that you know what your employees want; ask them. A positive manager asks key development questions such as the following:
If you have established yourself as a manager your employees can trust, you can benefit greatly from this discussion. If the two of you agree on a set of goals, meet regularly to implement them.
In addition, the following suggestions will help you to create a career enhancing environment in your department:
If you work for yourself, do not hesitate to have your team read this book and do the Challenges for themselves, including the Transformation Initiation exercises in this chapter. Let them know that you are invested in their success and are available to assist them, if you enjoy that role. If not, you can send them to workshops, coaching, industry conferences, including Creative Success Circles, to help to foster their professional growth and loyalty to the company. If you work for someone else, you will need to judge what kind of professional development guidance and advice is acceptable in your work culture. But you can always direct them to other mentors, if you are not able to fulfill that role.
So there you have it: all 12 secrets of highly successful women. The path has been laid out for you. What you as an individual creative woman make of your life impacts everyone around you. Claim your unique gifts and your personal power, use them for the common good, prosper, and be generous with others. The next generation of women is counting on you. Show them the possibilities for personal, heartfelt success, and then share with them these secrets, so that they can seek out their own fulfillment.