CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Spinning the Bottle
ELIJAH
And you’re sure you don’t want me to send over a stripper?
ME
I am 1000% sure I do not want a stripper and I’m also 1000% sure you don’t know where to find a stripper.
ELIJAH
I have Google.
ME
I am even more sure than ever I don’t want a googled-stripper.
ELIJAH
Well I wish I could be there. I want to see this.
ME
Maybe you could hide in my bedroom and peek out through the door.
ELIJAH
ME
Not like that.
ME
Stop it.
I looked up to see Hanson drifting into the kitchen.
“So, what happed to the VIP lounge?” I teased.
“I thought it might be more fun to come here.”
“Seriously?”
“No, the lead singer was suffering from ‘exhaustion,’ so they canceled the gig.”
“Oh. Why don’t they just say he’s in rehab?”
“Maintaining appearances, I guess.” He smiled, loping around the tiny kitchen and taking a look at things. “Important to maintain appearances.”
“It’s probably not what you’re used to,” I said. “I think Andrew is spraying himself with disinfectant every time I turn my back.”
“It’s quaint.”
“Quaint? That’s a word I haven’t heard used in relation to this place before.”
“It’s less boudoir-like than the living room. So that’s a bonus.”
“I believe the term you’re looking for is magical.”
He laughed. “Okay.”
“So what did you and your agent talk about?”
He shook his head. “I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.”
“Might be worth it.”
“All right,” he said, leaning over the little island and flexing his triceps. “I’m gonna do a couple of auditions as soon as speech season is over—Netflix has a new teen comedy and they’re looking for an actual teenager. It’s down to me and like three other guys.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. I don’t know if I’m gonna get it or not, but… I’m gonna get it.”
“Oh.”
“I always get what I want,” he said, a wolfish gleam entering his eyes.
“That’s good to know.” I gulped.
“Some people just have it, you know.”
“Like Milo,” I said.
It was like I threw cold water all over him. “Milo?”
“Oh yeah. You’ve seen his duo, right? Most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. To be honest, he’s probably the most talented person on the team.”
Then I headed back to the living room before Hanson could say anything.
Lakshmi was holding court brilliantly when I returned. “You know what we should do?” Everyone waited. Logan swayed ever so slightly. Lakshmi turned and yanked the red streamers off the pull-up bar over the kitchen door. “Let’s see which boy can do the most pull-ups.”
Logan and Anesh recoiled as one.
“Oh, hell no,” said Logan.
“What’s the matter?” asked Lakshmi.
“Dude. No.”
“I mean, if you don’t think you can do one, I’m not going to force you.”
He nearly swallowed his tongue. “I can do a pull-up.”
“Can you do more than Anesh or Milo?”
Milo got up from the couch. “First of all, this is childish and stupid. I’m not going to subscribe to some kind of medieval masculinity contest with these people, especially since if you look at Anesh and Logan, they’re clearly incapable of doing a single pull-up.”
I clapped hard. “Woo!” I said a little prayer of thanks that Milo was such an incredible douche. It made things so much easier.
Milo gripped the pull-up bar with both hands.
“Do it!” I yelled.
He did one. Then another one. Then he kicked his legs and fought his way over the bar for a third time.
“The number to beat is three!” called out Lakshmi.
I filled everyone’s drinks. “Whoever gets the most gets control of spin the bottle.”
“What?” said Andrew, but I was already moving on.
Hanson did eight. Logan and Anesh tied with two each, although Logan swore up and down that Anesh was cheating and that he hadn’t gone all the way down on his second pull-up, which meant he should have been disqualified. Anesh, for his part, was also convinced that Logan had cheated because he hadn’t straightened out his elbows. It was amazing. Andrew declined to participate because it was obviously beneath him.
“I bet Taryn can do more than three,” I said after the boys were done. She shook her head. “You weigh like eight pounds, I bet you can—I mean, seriously, if you can’t reach the bar, I bet Blaize can lift you up.”
“No thanks,” said Taryn, narrowing her eyes and spitting venom at me. A kind of malicious silence descended on everyone. That was pretty mean, Sydney. A wave of regret passed through me. Was I going too far? Was it time to call it a night?
Then I overheard Anesh whisper to Andrew as soon as Lakshmi turned her back, “I’m so gonna hit that.”
Game on, motherfuckers.
“I win, right?” said Hanson, winking at me. “Guess I always win.”
Lakshmi spit on her hands and did ten pull-ups.
“I do believe we have a winner,” I said, then added, “I know you weren’t really trying, Milo; it’s cool. How about we move on to the final game of the evening?”
“Ooh,” said Blaize.
Lakshmi snatched an empty bottle of wine off the kitchen island. “All right, then.”
Moments later, we had all gathered in a circle in the living room. The red light from the lava lamp and the colored lightbulb cast a hellish glow over our faces. I had brought out some candles and placed them strategically around the room, which unfortunately cast a slight cinnamon latte odor over the proceedings. Still, the flickering candlelight, the satanic heart lights, and the globular lava lamp were enough to turn my living room into a sordid nightmare. Some of the boys sat on the couch, but most of the girls were cross-legged on the ground. Charlie returned from the bedroom and lay in the center of us, panting happily and wanting to watch the darkness unfold.
“The game,” said Lakshmi, her dark eyes flashing in the red light, “is seven minutes in heaven.”
“Seven MINUTES?!” whined Logan from his perch on the arm of the couch. “It’s supposed to be like sixty seconds!”
“I can basically do my whole speech in seven minutes,” countered Andrew.
Hanson wasn’t having any of it. “Are we like ten years old? What is this?”
Lakshmi eyed him. “You seem scared.”
“I’m not scared, I’m just not into sleepovers anymore. Are we gonna get like a Ouija board out next?”
Damn, I wish I had thought of that.
“This’ll be fun,” said Lakshmi, turning her focus to the other boys in the room, her lips glistening ever so slightly. I watched as Logan, Anesh, and Andrew all seemed to quiver in anticipation.
“I’m game,” said Anesh. “And, Logan, if you only need sixty seconds, that’s okay. Some people don’t take very long.”
I couldn’t tell if he turned red from the burn or the light.
Milo moved from the couch to the floor, extricating himself from Taryn. “I’m in.”
“Sweet,” said Blaize, tapping him on the knee.
“Let’s do sixty seconds,” I said to Lakshmi. “I think that will be enough.”
She caught my eye and nodded. The air was thick with alcohol, volcanic hormones, and the heady scent of cinnamon-spiced latte. Perfect for terrible decisions.
“But here’s the rule,” said Lakshmi, putting a finger up. “I’m not here for heteronormative bullshit. That means, whoever the bottle points to, that’s who you go in the closet with.” A wave of discomfort and excitement passed through everyone. Most of the boys adjusted the way they were sitting. “I don’t care if it’s a boy, a girl, or Charlie.”
Charlie laid his jowls on the floor and looked up.
“Okay, not Charlie. And since I did more pull-ups than all of you motherfuckers, I’m running this show.” Lakshmi made eye contact with everyone in turn, and they all looked back, beaten.
We had them.
With a skilled spinner, it’s never random. Lakshmi, with her overdeveloped sense of touch from years of basketball, was the perfect person to direct the ensuing madness. Add that to the fact that most of the people in the room were drunk, and our chances of success were high. I had scrawled out a list on a scrap of paper and given it to her to moments before.
ME–ANDREW
BLAIZE–MILO
LOGAN–ANESH
TARYN–HANSON
If we made it to round two, I had some other options available.
Lakshmi spun the empty bottle of pinot noir on the dingy carpet, subtly guiding it to our first marks. “Andrew… and… Sydney!”
I leaped up. Andrew was less enthusiastic.
The coat closet was less of a closet and more of a tiny cramped space that could barely fit four coats, much less Minnesota-grade enormous puffy winter coats. Andrew had to duck his head to avoid the ceiling, and both of us squished in. Lakshmi shut the door with a slam and everything went to darkness. I could hear Blaize cheering from outside—I mentally made a note to thank the universe for delivering her into the conspiracy.
I turned my phone on, pointing it toward the floor to give us a little white light. He was very close to me; I could feel his breath on the top of my head.
“It’s okay,” I whispered, positioning myself near him. “I know you’re gay. It’s cool. I don’t want to do anything anyway.”
“Why do you think I’m gay?”
“I saw your piece.”
He chuckled. “Oh, shit, really? Dude. That’s fucking hilarious. No, I’m not gay. Jesus.”
“Why do you say you’re gay if you’re not actually gay?”
“Are you serious right now? ’Cause it helps me win. I can get up there and be like, ‘Oh, my dad wanted to send me to conversion camp, everybody cry for me!’ What, I’m gonna be like, ‘Yeah, I’m rich, and I’m tall, and I’m good-looking, and my parents are doctors. Tough life, right?’ Nobody’s gonna vote for me.”
“So you’re like lying with your piece?”
“Yeah, I make shit up. And the audience is so stupid they just fall for it.”
Lakshmi flung open the door. “All right, quit making out!”
“Milo and… Blaize.”
“Yes!” I pumped my fist and tried to make eye contact with Taryn. She wasn’t looking anywhere near me.
“Do we have to do this?” said Taryn. “I mean, I just think like… this is like so… childish and like hormonal and…”
“Don’t worry; maybe you’ll be next,” goaded Lakshmi.
Taryn huffed, but it was too late. Milo was already on his feet. Blaize stepped over her and both of them climbed into the closet. I moved closer to Taryn.
“They are so cute,” I whispered under my breath.
Lakshmi shut them in.
As usual, Anesh was my unwitting accomplice. “Dude, they are going so hard right now. So hard. He’s got his tongue down her throat—”
“Would you shut up?” Taryn glared.
“You’ve got it all wrong, Anesh. I think it’s more romantic,” I countered. “He’s probably just gracefully moving her hair out of her eyes, and they’re just like staring at each other soulfully.”
“In the dark?” said Anesh. “Nope. Hands are doing the talking.”
Lakshmi joined in. “It can be both. It can be romantic and sensual at the same time. That’s the best.”
“You’re so right,” I said. “The eyes are staring, but the hands—”
“It’s more like animal instinct,” said Anesh.
“Is the sixty seconds up yet?” asked Taryn.
“Oh, whoops, I forgot to start the timer,” said Lakshmi.
Two minutes and fourteen seconds later, Milo and Blaize came out of the closet, looking slightly flushed. Taryn was a tiny lump of pink-haired trembling anger by that point. I had cleared this particular combination with Blaize beforehand, and she was game (she wasn’t interested in Milo at all, and she wasn’t worried about him trying something).
“Nothing happened,” whispered Milo to Taryn afterward. “I’m not like that. We just talked.”
“About what?”
Blaize leaned over and touched Milo’s knee. “Thank you,” she said. “That was the most amazing… conversation of my life.” Damn she was good.
Taryn twitched and was about to say something, but by then Lakshmi had spun the bottle again. “Logan… and… Anesh!”
Blaize roared lustily. Soon everyone else was joining in.
“What the hell?” said Logan.
“The bottle does not lie, my friend,” said Lakshmi. “INTO THE CLOSET WITH YOU.”
Anesh shook his head. “This is fucked up. And I’m way out of his league anyway.”
Logan snorted. “In your dreams.”
“You both deserve each other,” snapped Lakshmi, yanking Logan to his feet and shoving him into the closet. Anesh turned to protest to the rest of the group.
Blaize pounded on the floor. “I want to see tongue!”
“You’re not seeing anything,” shrieked Anesh. “We’re in the closet!”
“I want to hear tongue, then!”
Lakshmi took his hand and shut him in with Logan. She leaned on the door afterward, making sure they couldn’t make a break for it. The rest of us were silent, trying to hear any noise from the inside.
Nothing. Lakshmi cautioned patience as we crept toward the door. I could hear Anesh faintly.
ANESH: Oh my God, your breathing is so annoying.
LOGAN: Oh, I’m sorry. I’ll stop, then.
ANESH: Thank you.
LOGAN: You smell like you took a shower in pig intestines.
ANESH: Jealous much?
LOGAN: Of what?
ANESH: Dude, you just touched my knee.
LOGAN: I didn’t touch your knee; there isn’t any room in here.
ANESH: You totally touched my knee. You like approached me and touched my knee.
LOGAN: Why would I touch your knee? Your knees are the least sexy part of you.
ANESH: Oh, so you’ve made a list, then. What’s number one?
LOGAN: I don’t have a list.
ANESH: It’s like a mental list, then? YOU DID IT AGAIN.
LOGAN: I didn’t fucking touch you.
ANESH: WHY IS YOUR KNEE FONDLING MY KNEE?
LOGAN: HOW CAN MY KNEE FONDLE ANYTHING?
Whump.
LOGAN: OW!
ANESH: THAT’S WHAT YOU GET. OW! FUCK YOU!
LOGAN: NO FUCK YOU!
Wham wham wham
Lakshmi looked at me, then flung open the door, allowing both of them to tumble out, red-faced and sweaty and spitting profanities. Anesh pulled his leg away from Logan and shoved him hard, knocking him into the wall. Hanson got up and rushed between them to prevent a fight.
“Whoa!” he said. “Guys, it’s just for fun, all right?”
“Looks like you’ve really got that homophobia under control,” said Lakshmi.
“I’m not homophobic,” complained Logan, nursing his shoulder. “He’s the one who’s homophobic.”
“Dude, whatever,” said Anesh. “I’m the least homophobic person alive.”
“My ass,” said Logan. “I barely touched you with my knee and you freaked out.”
“YOU WERE CARESSING ME WITH YOUR KNEE!”
“HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!”
“All right,” I said, stopping them by raising my hands. “There’s only one way to prove that you’re both not homophobic… and that’s by sending you back into the closet.”
Ninety seconds later they were both sitting on opposite sides of the living room, no longer able to speak. Both of them were subdued, looking down at their feet. Taryn was glaring at Blaize and Milo. Andrew still seemed blissfully aloof.
“Taryn…” called out Lakshmi, deftly stopping the bottle on her. “And… Hanson!”
I kept my eyes glued to Milo. His veneer cracked ever so slightly.
“Woo!” I yelled. “Hell yes!”
“I still think this is immature and ridiculous,” said Hanson.
“And yet we’re still doing it,” I said.
Afterward, it was pretty clear that Taryn and Hanson were the only couple who actually kissed during their time in the closet. When she came out, she had a shy smile on her face and pulled her blond-and-pink hair behind her ears. Hanson grinned goofily and rubbed the back of his neck. Milo fluffed his hair and stared out the window, deliberately avoiding looking at either of them. Taryn rubbed her mouth slightly, then settled into the couch, for the first time sitting somewhere that wasn’t Milo’s lap.
“I think we should keep playing,” said Milo finally.
“Are you sure about that?” asked Taryn.
“Lakshmi hasn’t even gone yet.”
“The bottle hasn’t pointed to me yet. I have no control over that.”
“I thought you were a gentleman,” said Taryn acidly. “Nothing happened when you were in the closet, right?”
“Nothing happened before. But maybe something will happen now.”
But I wasn’t about to risk additional combinations, or chance a spin that would pair Taryn and Milo together so they could kiss and make up. Best to let everyone sit with this for a while. The level of poison in the air was just right.
From there, the party continued to disintegrate until Ubers were called. One by one everyone filed out, barely able to look at, much less speak to, one another.
Mission accomplished.
Hanson lingered in the kitchen, filling his cup with the last of the sangria mutation. “I have to admit,” he said as I cleaned up, “this was a pretty cool party. I had my doubts.”
“Never doubt me,” I said with a smile. “I’m good at planning.”
Lakshmi was in the living room, patting Charlie on the head.
“You and Taryn,” I wheedled. “That’s pretty hot.”
He smirked. “She’s repulsive.”
“And you still kissed her?”
“My lips are sealed. They weren’t sealed in the closet, but they are sealed now.”
“Oh, I see how it is. Do you kiss a lot of girls you find repulsive?”
“Depends.”
“I guess I don’t understand that.”
“Just blowing off steam,” he said, hopping onto the island and letting his long legs dangle over the side. He drained the dregs of the sangria from his cup. “If you can’t act irresponsible every once in a while, what’s the point of being a teenager?”
“I see. Can I ask you a question?” I said. “What do you think of Sparks?”
It threw him. He leaned back and looked at the ceiling. “Fuuuuck.”
“No, seriously.”
“I think he’s a genius. I mean, all right, some people—they can’t handle him. They aren’t able to deal with that level of expectation. But like… he’s an emperor of a tiny kingdom, right? Like, he is a very big fish in a very little pond right now. But the real world? That’s how you succeed. You don’t succeed by making friends or being nice to people. You succeed by being the best, letting everyone know you’re the best.
“Let me let you in on a little secret. The key to winning… is not just trying harder than everyone else, it’s believing—in your bones—like in your core—that you are better than the other people. You deserve to win because you’re the greatest. People lose because they deserve to lose. He let me see that.”
I looked at the floor. His words stung. “And if people get hurt along the way?” I asked “Like… Blaize?”
“If you’re not a hundred percent, get the fuck out.”
“Right.”
He slid down off the island. “I’ve watched you in practice. And I heard what you did in that tournament. You could be really great at this, Sydney. You’re a natural. And you’re more than a natural, you’re a killer.”
He was close to me now, his blue eyes looking down at me. The fluorescent light above him lit the back of his head like a halo. He looked like an evil, smug angel.
“I could help you. If you want to be a winner.”
I held my breath. “I don’t know.…”
“Think about it. Going to Nats with me. Competing. I got an agent because I won last year—they saw the livestream. You could do the same thing. Get everything you want in life.”
“I’m not sure I know what I want in life,” I said, and that was the truth.
“I do.” His hand was on my hip. My skin felt tingly all over.
Kiss him, Sydney. Use his hormones against him. It will allow you to break him later.
But I couldn’t do it. That was the entirely ruthless part of my brain, the kind that didn’t mind sacrificing everything for a goal, but that wasn’t all of me, was it? I backed away, trying to laugh off the clear intent in Hanson’s eyes.
“I’m pretty sure I won’t make it to Nats, but I’ll be happy cheering you guys on.”
He straightened. “Sparks only takes the qualifiers to Nats. Everyone else stays home and watches the livestream with the rest of the school.”
A cold shiver went through me. Everyone else stays home?
“What are you talking about? The whole team doesn’t go?”
“Nah. Only the qualifiers. Fewer distractions. Sparks wants to make sure that only the best go—a perk for varsity, and people who don’t succeed, they have to watch with everyone else. It also helps make sure nothing goes wrong. You know, if there’s like jealousy or something.”
“Oh.”
And suddenly the path to the victory got a hell of a lot longer.