A lot of water has gone under the bridge since Essential Manners for Men was first published in October 2003. Then, metrosexual was the watchword and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy was a runaway success as one of the newest reality television series. All of a sudden the focus was on men and their self-improvement—and men were finally waking up.
This isn’t surprising to me. Since 2003 I’ve conducted seminars around the country for corporations, government entities, and universities. Without exception, every one of those seminars was filled with men who wanted to know what to do in their personal and professional lives to help them be as successful as possible.
These men engage me during the seminars, and they want to have their questions answered afterward as well. The questions always come back to one concept: “I want to look like I know what to do. I don’t want to be embarrassed.” Men crave that sense of confidence that comes from being sure of how to act—because once they’re sure, they can turn their focus to the people they are with and to building the relationship. When they are hesitant and unsure, they look lost, and they know it.
For me, the best part of having written this book is the opportunity I’ve had to change people’s lives. When the first edition was released, it was timed to be a great gift book—and it was. Parents repeatedly told me how they liked to observe which present caught their sons’ attention on Christmas morning. They were amazed to find their sons off in a corner, reading the book, page after page.
One young man wrote me. It seems his life was going down the tubes. His relationship with his wife was on the rocks, and he was despondent. He got hold of a copy of the book, read it, and then read it again. He saw himself in the situations and began to make some course corrections. He was writing to tell me that the changes he was making had markedly improved his relationship with his wife, and they were now planning a commitment ceremony to renew their wedding vows. Now, I’m not sure I planned on my book having quite such a dramatic effect on anyone’s life, but I’m awfully glad it helped him turn his marriage around.
Today, there is a growing response to the rudeness and incivility that so characterizes contemporary American life, and it has been expressed from the president on down. Etiquette provides us with a path to civility and positive relationships in all aspects of our lives. Like it did for that young man, etiquette allows each of us to recommit to building a better, more joyful life. And that’s not bad for three simple words: consideration, respect, and honesty.