When men are working out, they tend to get lost in their own thoughts. More than once, I’ve waited for a circuit machine to free up, only to watch Mr. Oblivious finish with a set and just sit there, hogging the machine. He could easily have alternated sets with me—but he simply wasn’t aware of what was happening around him or he just didn’t care. In either case, he failed to realize the reality that in a public setting like a fitness center, you aren’t alone. You’re in a group setting that requires being aware at all times of how your actions affect others. Here are some of the most common fitness club flubs that men make:
Mr. Buff is really pushing his physical limits on an exercise bike. Finally the session ends, and he steps off the bike, still totally focused on his effort, and walks away. Behind him, the handles glisten with his manly perspiration, and the seat has a small pool of sweat on it, waiting for the next lucky exerciser to climb on—maybe even that certain someone he’s been trying to impress.
It’s not that Mr. Buff refused to clean the machine on purpose—he just didn’t think of it. His mind was far, far away, in an endorphin haze. Which brings us back to the central premise of fitness club etiquette: Be conscious of the people around you.
Imagine this scenario instead: When Mr. Buff steps off, he turns to the next person and says cheerfully, “Just a second—let me clean this off for you.” A handy bottle of cleanser and a towel are nearby. He squirts the towel and then wipes the bike down. This is called being considerate. It’s also a great way to make the right kind of impression on your fellow club member.
So Gross!
“They do not wipe down their machines and weights when they’re done. So gross!”
Over and over again women spoke loudly and clearly about the failure of men to wipe down the equipment after using it. It takes just a minute. Fitness centers keep spray bottles and wipe-down rags nearby. A quick spray and wipe will do more to ingratiate you with your fellow fitness buffs than any other thing you can do at the gym.
By the way, it’s not just women who are frustrated by this gross behavior. Twenty-nine percent of the respondents who brought up this issue were men and, by a wide margin, this was the biggest complaint about the fitness center in the 2011 Post Survey.
This one is a toughie. Those close-fitting sports bras and shorts don’t always leave much to the imagination. And then there’s all that uncovered skin—sometimes lots of it—not to mention the occasional tattoo.
Somehow I’ve always thought of a tattoo as an invitation to look: After all, why else is it there but to be noticed? The other day, for example, a woman on the yoga mat next to mine took off her jacket to reveal what looked like a large tattoo of Matisse’s painting Dance, one of the great works of modern art, on her back. I had to consciously work at not staring at her. I would have loved to really study that tattoo, but I limited myself to a few discreet looks when her back was turned toward me.
The point is there’s a difference between a look and a stare. Here’s the distinction: When you look around you as you work out, your gaze falls naturally on another person but your focus is on what you’re doing. When you stare, you focus on the object of your staring rather than on what you are doing.
The bottom line: Women know when you’re staring at them, especially when you’re staring at their breasts (“and I have normal-sized breasts,” fumed one respondent). They don’t like it.
Do you want to impress a woman? Then look, don’t stare. And look in her eyes, not at her breasts. You’ll impress her most by showing that you’re a man who knows how to respect a woman, tattooed, large-breasted, or otherwise.
“In through the nose, out through the mouth. Exhale!” Dana, my trainer, exhorts me. And then I realize I can hear myself. I wonder if other people are hearing me, too.
Now, there’s a difference between an exhale—whooooosh—and a decibel shattering grunt. When your whoosh becomes a grunt you have crossed a line, and when you do, men and women are equally irritated. You don’t have to grunt to exhale and when you do grunt, as one respondent put it so eloquently, “You’re just showing off.”
SURVEY SAYS
What Women Really Think About Macho Men
Here’s what the women in our surveys had to say about men who are fitness club show-offs:
“Acts like an idiot trying to impress attractive women.”
“Acts like Rambo when he’s really one of the Three Stooges.”
“Admires himself excessively in the surrounding mirrors.”
“Flexes constantly.”
“Grunts and groans excessively.”
“Lifts more weight than he can handle.”
“Shows off his form in a spandex suit when he’s overweight.”
THE “I’M MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU ARE” SYNDROME
I was on a cruise ship recently where the line of jogging machines all face out the top deck windows, providing a fabulous view of the ocean as you work out. The sign-up system for these machines was pretty strict, I was told, for a good reason: It seems a woman had overstayed her time limit on one of the machines a while back, and the guy waiting took a swing at her when she didn’t get off. Of course, she didn’t help matters by refusing to get off the machine when her time was up. Both transgressors were guilty of the all-too-prevalent “I’m more important than you are” syndrome, which seems to be a hazard of working out.
The best way to deal with difficult people, and to avoid getting labeled as one yourself, is to respect the fitness center’s rules:
- Follow the schedules for all machines: Start on time and end on time.
- Don’t monopolize the machines. Don’t use them as spare seats, and don’t stand around them while talking with your buddies.
- If a conflict does arise, don’t take it upon yourself to be the club policeman. Instead, point out the problem to staff, and let them take care of it.
- In the event that you’re the culprit, admit your mistake forthrightly and make a conscious effort to change your habits.
HITTING ON WOMEN IN MIDWORKOUT
Do you ever read those relationship advice columns in men’s magazines? They’re full of guidance on how to meet women, and one of the places they often recommend is the fitness center. You’ve got to wonder if any of these writers has ever actually been to a fitness center. I admit the idea sounds great in theory: After all, it’s a place where a lot of fit, attractive people are gathered to pursue a common interest. So what exactly is the appropriate pickup line when the woman you are interested in is sweating on the Stairmaster or straining to complete one last set of curls?
There isn’t one.
Most women do not want some guy in their face, breaking their concentration while they’re working out. What they want is to be left alone so they can do their routine.
The bottom line: Back off. Do your workout and let her finish hers. On your way out of the club, after you’ve showered and dressed (and are looking and smelling great), you can try striking up a conversation if the opportunity presents itself. At that point, she may even be interested in talking to you.
YOUR PERSONAL TRAINER IS A PERSON
My brother called me the other day. “Where were you?” he asked. “You weren’t at your workout with Dana, and he was surprised because he said you always call or text him if you’re going to miss an appointment.”
I thought I had arranged with my wife that she would take my appointment and I would take hers, but we got our signals crossed and neither of us showed up. In five years of working with Dana, our personal trainer, I’ve heard over and over from him how frustrating it is to have an appointment not show up. He loses with the person who’s skipped and he has a hole in his schedule someone else could have used, so from Dana’s point of view he loses twice.
Personal trainers are like your best friend and confidant. So it’s natural to assume that when you happen to see him at the gym you can stop by for a chat. Unfortunately for him and the client he is working with, your interruption takes away from the client’s time with the trainer. While a quick “Hello” is totally acceptable, it’s better to save longer conversations for breaks between clients.
Conversing with your trainer is a fun part of your workout (sometimes the only fun part), but be careful about gossiping. Sure, he’s like a confidant, but don’t say anything to him you wouldn’t want posted on a bulletin board for anyone to read. Even if he’s the most discreet person in the world, others working out nearby can overhear your conversation.
You can get a great workout from taking one of the many classes fitness centers offer members. Just be careful not to overdo it, and respect the other class participants as well.
Cleanliness Matters
Yoga class had started when “Jane” waltzed in and set up right next to me. Unfortunately, I almost had to leave the class. The smell was overwhelming. I felt awkward moving to another location so I had to bear it. Just because you’re at a gym doesn’t mean hygiene takes a backseat. Do your fellow fitness buffs a courtesy: Wash your clothes, wash your body, and use a deodorant.
Know Your Limitations
Don’t try poses or push yourself beyond your body’s limits. I’ve seen too many people exit a class and not be able to come back for weeks just because they pushed the limits and ended up straining a muscle. If you do want to try a new position or exercise, check in with the instructor ahead of time and get his or her help in making sure you can do so safely. If you’re at a more advanced level than the class, it’s respectful to ask if you can execute a more advanced move, say, a handstand instead of a head-stand, before just going ahead and doing it.
Preexisting Conditions
Before you start a class, give the instructor a heads up about any injuries you may currently be dealing with. That way he knows the limitations you have and won’t inadvertently push you beyond your current capabilities.
Call If You Can’t Make a Class
Yoga and spinning classes are very popular at my fitness club, and there are often more people who want to attend them than there are open slots. These folks get very upset when someone blows off class without calling—with good reason. There are plenty of people on the waiting list who would have jumped at the chance to take that spot, even at six in the morning.
The bottom line: If you can’t make a class you’ve signed up for, call the club well in advance and let them know you won’t be there.