“I miss Miss Lindy.” Jerry held his fishing pole and frowned at the bobber that had refused to go under since they’d sat beneath this willow tree an hour ago. He’d made the statement at least three times every day Ethan had seen him for the past four weeks. And, as usual, Jerry followed it with words that really gave Ethan a punch to the gut. “I miss my mommy.”
“I know, buddy,” he said, willing a fish to bite their line, or something else to happen to break the tension that had only seemed to escalate since the court had proclaimed this precious boy as Ethan’s son two weeks ago.
Lindy hadn’t even shown up in court, nor had she sent any correspondence to be shared at the hearing. According to her attorney, when she’d learned that the assigned judge was known for situational rulings, she’d given up.
Given up. On raising the little boy Ethan knew she loved more than life itself.
Given up…because of Ethan.
“Someone’s here,” Jerry said, pointing toward the back deck of the store, where a man waved.
“Right. Well, let’s go see what he needs. Sound good?”
Jerry nodded but then said, for probably the tenth time today, “Miss Lindy is supposed to do the store. She’s really good at it.”
“I know, bud. I know.” Ethan led him toward the fellow, David Presley, the owner of the bookstore on the town square.
David frowned as they neared. “Still no sign of her?”
The entire town, particularly those at church, knew how Lindy had left, and how Ethan had offered to stay and work at the fishing hole until he had to go back to teach. One reason was that he didn’t want Mr. and Mrs. Bowers to be in a bind because of his stupidity. And another was that this was the only place he could think of for Lindy to return to.
And he needed to see her again. Desperately.
“Still no sign of her,” he said, while Jerry huffed out a breath beside him.
“I miss Mommy.”
David shook his head, and so did Ethan. Jerry’s references to her alternated between Miss Lindy and Mommy, and Ethan didn’t correct him on either count. One day he’d figure it out, that Miss Lindy actually was his real mommy.
And if that day came without Ethan finding her and making things right, he feared how much his son would blame him for taking the woman they both loved out of his world.
Because in the month that had transpired since he’d told her she would never have her son, Ethan had plenty of time to realize just how horribly he’d messed up. And he’d tried to find out where she’d gone. But no one knew. And she wouldn’t answer her phone.
So he was left with a sad little boy, a new but temporary job at the fishing hole…and a boatload of guilt.
“I’ll be praying for you to find her,” David said, handing Ethan money for the bucket of minnows he had in hand.
“I appreciate that,” Ethan said while David started toward the pond and Jerry walked toward the rear entrance of the store.
“Can I get a Popsicle, Daddy?”
Ethan’s heart still thudded hard in his chest every time he called him that, and it ached because he knew how much it’d meant to Lindy when he’d called her mommy. “Sure. Get whatever flavor you want, but wash your hands first, okay?”
“Yes, sir.” He disappeared into the store while Ethan looked at the flowers that needed watering and remembered the day he’d walked up to see the most beautiful woman in the world watering those flowers…and claiming his heart.
He’d told her that her past didn’t matter to him. Assured her that it wasn’t a prison. But it was. It literally had been a prison for Lindy, for a crime she hadn’t committed. And Ethan hadn’t done any better than the jury that had put an innocent woman behind bars. He’d accused and condemned her without considering that she could be telling him the truth. Unlike Ethan’s mother, Lindy had done her best to protect her little boy, and Ethan had been so angry—and so immersed in the pain of his own past—that he hadn’t believed her.
He needed to beg her forgiveness. And he needed to get his little man’s mommy back in his life. But he couldn’t find her. Mrs. Bowers said she hadn’t revealed where she was going.
He kept thinking about how her life had changed over the past month because of him. She no longer had her job at the fishing hole, and since she’d been living above the sporting goods store, she also didn’t have a place to live.
Guilt knifed through him. What if, because of him, she was now homeless?
God, please help me find her. And please, Lord, let her forgive me when I do.
His phone rang, and he saw Candace’s number displayed on the screen. Frowning, Ethan answered. “Hey, Candace. Any news?”
“I’m sorry, Ethan. I’ve tried to find out, but we have no idea where Lindy is. I even tried to send a message through her attorney that you want to talk to her, but he said he won’t divulge information about his former client.”
“I have to find her.”
“I agree you should,” Candace said, “but I’m not sure how to go about it.”
Jerry exited the store and took a seat at the same wrought iron table where Ethan had watched Lindy enjoy that apple puff pastry.
Ethan stepped to the other end of the deck and lowered his voice. “I’ve got to go, Candace. I’ll keep you posted on whether I find her.”
“Okay, and, Ethan?”
“Yeah?”
“I know it’s bittersweet now, with everything that ended up happening, but I realized that I never congratulated you on your adoption. Jerry is yours now—whether you find Lindy or not, you do have your son.”
He glanced at the little boy he loved, thinking about how sad he’d been since Lindy had left town. “I’ve wanted that for so long…” He let the word hang, and Candace knew where his mind had gone.
“But you want her to be a part of his life, too.”
“Yeah,” he admitted. And mine.
A car horn sounded, and Jerry glanced to the parking lot. “There’s Miss Savvy and Dylan. Is it time for the devo?”
“Must be,” Ethan said. He hadn’t realized it was that late in the afternoon.
Savvy got out of the car and waved. “You want me to bring him to the B and B after the devo is over?” Since Ethan worked at the fishing hole until five o’clock, Savvy had offered to take Jerry to and from the afternoon devotions at Willow’s Haven each day, not only so he could have time learning about God each day, but also so the transition of leaving the new friends he’d made at the children’s home would be a little smoother. Candace thought that was important, and Ethan agreed.
“That’d be great,” he said while Jerry tossed his Popsicle stick in a trash can and then moved toward Ethan.
“Love you, Daddy,” he said, reaching for Ethan.
Ethan leaned toward his son and wrapped his arms around him to receive the much-needed hug. He loved this kid so much. “I love you, too.”
Jerry gave him a little smile before starting to run toward Savvy’s car, but paused a short distance away. “Daddy?” he called.
“Yeah, Jerry?” Ethan answered.
“Will you try and find Mommy? I really do miss her.”
“I will,” he said, unsure how he would keep that promise. Then he silently added, I miss her, too.
He watched Jerry climb in the car and waved until Savvy backed up to drive away, while Mrs. Bowers’s car came into view in the distance.
Ethan waited on the deck while she parked and held up a hand as she got out of the car and walked directly toward him.
“Catch anything?” she asked, her tone much less friendly toward him than it’d been a month ago. And Mrs. Tingle had actually served him cold cereal every day for the past two weeks. And cold bagels the two weeks before. Clearly the two were not happy with him, and he didn’t blame them.
He wasn’t very happy with himself.
“We didn’t catch a thing,” he admitted, spying a used quilt in one of the rocking chairs and moving it to the bin for used ones.
“Pity,” she said, “for Jerry.” She picked up the watering can and wasted no time filling it with water, then started on the plants, eyeing him as though he should have already done the chore.
No doubt she was still mad. Ethan hadn’t attempted to explain his behavior, because nothing warranted the way he’d treated Lindy, and he didn’t try now. However, he did tell her the truth. “I’ve done my best to try to find her and apologize, but she isn’t answering her phone, and no one seems to know where she went.”
She stopped watering the current plant, propped a hand on her hip and asked, “You keep telling me that you’re trying to find her, but you haven’t once told me why. Why are you trying to find her, Ethan?”
“Like I said, to apologize.”
“Mmm-hmm.” One side of her mouth tilted down, and she gave him one of those slow nods that implied skepticism.
“I’m telling the truth, Mrs. Bowers.”
She huffed out a breath and then placed the watering can on the nearest table. “And is that the only reason you need to find her? To apologize?”
What did she want him to say?
And then he knew.
“No. No, ma’am, it isn’t.”
Her eyebrows lifted. “Okay then, why else do you need to find her?”
“To tell her how I feel.”
“Which is?”
“I…think I’d rather say it to her first,” he answered.
Mrs. Bowers clapped her hands together. “Well, all right then. I suppose I might be able to help you out, if that’s the case.”
Ethan moved toward her. “You can help me out? Do you know where she went? All this time, the past four weeks, I’ve been asking, and you—Do you know where she is?”
“See, that’s the thing. You haven’t asked the correct question, and I promised I wouldn’t tell you anything on my own. But if you asked the correct question, I might be able to give you the correct answer.” She lifted a shoulder. “That’s the way life is at times. You can’t find the answers you need if you aren’t asking the right questions.”
But she’d lost Ethan. “What? Mrs. Bowers, I’ve asked you several times over the past week if you knew where she went, and you said you didn’t know.”
“Well, it wasn’t exactly that I didn’t know. It was that she didn’t go.” She leaned against the deck rail and waited for him to put the pieces together.
And it finally clicked. “She didn’t go? You mean she never left? Is she still staying above the sporting goods store?”
“That child came here with hardly any money, no job and no place to live. Where was she going to go? I told her that just because you had ended up being foolish and dim-witted, she didn’t need to leave. She should stay with people who cared about her and who wanted to help her. She needed a place to live, and we gave her one. She still has her job, too, as far as I’m concerned, even if she won’t come here because she doesn’t want to watch you bonding with her little boy. So she’s been working the back room of the store, keeping things stocked, placing orders and all of that. And, I guess, waiting for you to leave town before she comes out in public again.”
“Lindy has been here? This whole time?”
A single nod gave him the answer he wanted.
“Well?” she asked.
“Well, what?” he said, thinking of everything he needed to say to the woman who held his heart.
“Well, what are you waiting for?”
* * *
Lindy prayed that Mr. and Mrs. Bowers would understand when they found her note. She simply couldn’t stay in Claremont. Every time she’d go to the fishing hole, she’d remember her time with Jerry and Ethan. She’d think about hearing her son call her Mommy and Ethan Daddy. Ethan would hear that again, often, but she’d never hear her boy say anything again, much less the name she loved.
Mommy.
Ethan was right. She hadn’t protected him. She didn’t deserve him and couldn’t give him the kind of life he needed, the way Ethan could.
Ethan.
She’d hurt him, lied to him, deceived him. She hadn’t closed her eyes a single night since that last day without seeing his face, so angry, and hearing his voice, filled with rage.
You’ll never have him.
And he was right. She wouldn’t. She was glad that Mr. and Mrs. Bowers had offered to let her stay, but it was torturing her very soul to stay where she’d finally made new memories with Jerry. And with Ethan. Staying here only reminded her of the pain. And the loss.
God, I have no idea where I’m going or what I’ll do when I get there. Guide me, please. And heal my heart, Lord. Heal me from the pain of losing Jerry. And heal me from the pain of losing Ethan.
She knew God had led her to Claremont to find Jerry. Now she needed Him to lead her to whatever her life should be without her son—though she couldn’t imagine her life without her two guys… Jerry and Ethan.
Cotton fields lined both sides of the road between Claremont and Stockville, white tufts as bright as snow. So very white, and so very void of color. Except for one bunch of brilliant yellow up ahead, and as she neared, she recognized the stunning daffodils…just like the one Jerry had picked for her their last day together at the fishing hole.
She slammed on the brakes. Turned the car around. She’d taped the flower together after it had broken and had been drying it. She’d placed it between the pages of the Bible Jolaine had loaned her, and it was still in her room. That Bible held her last gift, last memory, of her son.
She had to go back.
It took twenty minutes to return to the store. She’d left without Mr. Bowers, who was working up front, noticing. Hopefully she could enter and leave again without him seeing and asking her questions that she didn’t want to answer.
Where was she going? She didn’t know.
Why was she leaving? Because it hurt too much to stay.
Why wasn’t she fighting for her son? Because the battle was over, and she’d lost.
But thankfully, Mr. and Mrs. Bowers were nowhere to be seen when she returned. She quietly headed up the stairs, found the Bible and gently removed the precious flower from inside. She cradled it in her palm as she went back down the stairs, turned toward the back door…and saw the man she loved standing in the doorway.
Her heart flipped over in her chest. He looked as beautiful as she remembered—dark hair drawing attention to even darker eyes, a strong jaw, full lips, and a muscled build that said he could protect everyone he cared about. And she knew he would. He would take care of Jerry…forever.
It took a moment to push words past the thick, heavy lump in her throat. “Ethan. I’m…leaving.” She struggled to think through why he could be here. “Were you here to see Mr. Bowers? I think he’s in the front.”
“I thought you’d already left,” he said.
“I…did.” She lifted her palm, where the tender golden petals rested against her skin. “But I forgot Jerry’s flower and—” she swallowed “—I couldn’t stand the thought of not having it.”
“Lindy, I’m sure he’ll pick you more flowers. Lots of them.” He spoke the words softly as he moved toward her.
“He’ll…” Her hand quivered, and she feared she would drop the precious flower. “How—how would he pick me more?”
Dare she hope? Would Ethan actually let her see her son every now and then?
Please, God.
“I would have come and found you sooner, but I didn’t know you were here,” he said, still moving closer. Until she could barely breathe. He looked so intent on…something.
What was he going to do? He wasn’t like Gil. She was certain of that. Ethan Green would never hit her. He’d never hurt anyone.
But what was he here for now?
“Ethan?”
“I tried to make it a prison,” he said, so close now that she could feel his warmth nearing, “but it should be a classroom. It is a classroom.”
Her mind tripped over his words, but she wasn’t following. “I…don’t understand.”
“It’s like you said. Fear says the past is a prison, but God says it’s a classroom.” He swallowed, the thick cords of his neck pulsing with the action. “When I learned who you were, I didn’t treat you the way God would’ve wanted you treated. I placed you in a prison because of your past, instead of realizing that it was your classroom.” He shook his head. “You’ve been through prison, literally, and every day that you were there was another day you missed out on the joy you deserved. Another day you missed out on being with your son. On being with Jerry.”
“Ethan? What are you saying?”
“I’m saying you should have never been away from Jerry. I know you tried to protect him. I believe you, and I should have believed you when you told me before.”
She shook her head. “Why should you have believed me? I’d been withholding the truth from you since the day we met. You should hate me. You shouldn’t even want to—”
“I love you.”
His words halted her midsentence, and she couldn’t remember what she’d planned to say. “I—You…love me?”
“I love you, and I’m pretty sure I have for quite some time. And I believe you should raise your son, but…”
“But?”
“But I am hoping—praying—that you’ll not only want to be a part of his life—” he placed a finger beneath her chin “—but also a part of mine.”
“You…” It was as if she’d forgotten how to communicate. The emotions were too overwhelming.
“I love you, Lindy.”
“I love you, too,” she whispered.
He smiled. “I was kind of hoping you did.” He tilted her chin, brought his mouth to hers and gave her a kiss she’d never forget.
“Mommy and Daddy are kissing!”
They broke the kiss and turned to see Jerry, his blue eyes wide and his hand slapping his mouth against a big grin. Savvy stood behind him shrugging.
“I took him to the B and B, and Mrs. Tingle told me to bring him here, so I did. I didn’t realize…”
“It’s fine,” Ethan said, laughing. Then he turned to Jerry. “Do you think you could get used to Mommy and Daddy kissing every now and then?”
Jerry ran across the room and hurled himself into Ethan’s arms, and then he reached for Lindy so that they formed a perfect little circle. He kissed his mommy’s cheek, and then his daddy’s. “Daddy loves Mommy,” he said.
“And Mommy loves Daddy,” Lindy confirmed. And then, just for good measure, she kissed him again, while their little boy giggled and while the world seemed absolutely right.