CHAPTER ELEVEN

FOR once her mother was speechless. Not that Gaby noticed. She was too busy staring at Luke and the goofy smile lighting up his face. Up until a few seconds ago, she’d have sworn that Luke Armstrong didn’t ‘do’ goofy smiles. Ever.

He even kept smiling as he kissed her again. She could feel his lips curling at the edges, as if he just couldn’t help himself. That had to be a good sign, surely? The kiss itself was definitely a good sign. It was slow and soft and sweet, and seemed to echo everything she was feeling.

Did he really feel the same way? Or was she reaching for the moon, only to fall flat on her face once again?

But then, if Luke had been horrified by her announcement, he’d have been running through the hotel gardens and jumping over bushes to get away by now.

He pulled away to look at her and it was only then that she was aware that, at some point in the last few minutes, her mother had clopped away again. She searched his face for any hint of the urge to run. He placed a tiny kiss, so delicate it was almost just a breath of air, on the tip of her nose.

‘You know I do too, don’t you?’

Her eyes widened and she nodded. Her brain might be short-circuiting on the idea that a man like him could love her, but she knew one thing: Luke Armstrong was not a liar. If he said he did, then he did. Only he hadn’t quite said it, had he?

She flicked the thought aside and let him pull her into the circle of his arms, her head against his shoulder. And they stood there, holding on to each other, as if they both were afraid to let go, not saying a word.

Luke wasn’t sure how many minutes had passed when he realised Gaby was shaking. Not big shivers, just a constant quivering. Whether it was the shock, or the cold, or the after-effects of an adrenaline surge, he didn’t know.

‘You’re cold.’

‘Don’t let go,’ she whispered, holding him even tighter.

He laughed softly in her ear. ‘I don’t think I can.’ And, even if he could, he didn’t think he’d ever want to.

And then she kissed him, tentative at first, but it wasn’t long before he was the one who was quivering. He’d dreamed of this, holding her in his arms, taking time to explore every inch of her face with his lips, brushing his hands down her back to feel the curve of her waist and the swell of her bottom. Reality was ten times better than the fantasy.

The chemistry between him and Lucy had been good, but after a few years of marriage he’d realised that was all it had been. Youthful hormones were not the foundation for a lasting marriage, or, if they could be, you had to build on them with something of more substance.

But it was more than neurons and pheromones with Gaby. He wanted to touch Gaby, feel her skin, breathe in her scent, not because of some growing need in his body—although the need was certainly there—but because he was speaking to her each time his fingers traced, each place his mouth caressed.

I love you.

And it wasn’t just her body he was captivated with. It was her mind, her heart, her strength, her very essence. Touching was just the way of expressing his love without words. Because what he felt went beyond words, and the realisation of it rocked him. It was almost too intense to bear.

Gaby sighed and rested her forehead against his. ‘Luke, we can’t stay out here all night canoodling like teenagers.’

He could hear the chuckle in his own voice as he answered her. ‘Are you suggesting you have your wicked way with me, after all? I thought that was just to shock the socks off your mother.’

She held her breath. Did that mean she had taken him seriously? All of a sudden, it seemed an awfully big thing to rush into. He wanted to know Gaby was ready, that it wasn’t just a knee-jerk reaction to everything that had gone on tonight. The last thing he wanted it to be was the ultimate rude gesture to Dear Old Mum.

As the silence stretched, he knew she was thinking the same thing. And then he felt her put the shutters down.

‘Don’t do that, Gaby.’

Her breath was still warm on his neck, but somehow all the glorious feelings of a moment ago were twisting themselves into an ugly knot in his stomach.

‘What?’

I don’t know…that thing you do, like you’re distancing yourself.’

‘I’m right here. I haven’t moved a muscle.’

‘You know what I mean.’

He knew she did. She knew that, mentally at least, she’d been backing away.

‘I was joking, you know. We don’t have to be wicked at all. We can be as angelic as you like.’ He’d spent five years in hell; he could wait a little longer for heaven. ‘Scrambling into bed with each other, delightful as it would be, is not the way to start what might be a complicated relationship.’

‘Complicated? How?’ She was still on the defensive, he could hear it in the thin pitch of her voice.

‘Well, there’s Heather to consider, for one thing.’

She looked up at him, eyes all large and panicky. ‘You think Heather won’t like the idea, is that what you’re saying? You think we’d better stop even before we start?’

‘No, that’s not what I’m saying!’

He took her face in his hands and made her look at him, just so she could see how completely serious and just plain crazy in love with her he was. ‘I’m not walking away from this, Gaby. We’ll make this work somehow. We’ll take things slowly, do whatever we must to make sure Heather isn’t unsettled by this. She loves you, you know.’

‘As a nanny, sure! I’m just not sure she’s going to be overjoyed that I’m in her life as Daddy’s…whatever I am. See? You’re right. Even that’s complicated!’

‘We’ll just have to work something out.’

She pulled back and walked away, only a few steps, but it felt as if a great cavern had opened between them.

‘Luke, you know how much I care about Heather. I couldn’t do anything to upset her. She’s been through too much already. If there’s any chance that she’ll react badly…’

‘Don’t say it, Gaby! We’re not going to give up! There’s got to be a way.’

She leaned back against the edge of the balustrade and closed her eyes. ‘Well, we can’t just pop up arm in arm tomorrow and make a big announcement, can we?’

‘No, you’re right. We can’t do that. We’ll just have to—’

‘I’m not lying to her, Luke!’

He shook his head and marched over to stand in front of her. ‘For goodness’ sake, let a man finish, will you? No one said anything about lying. What kind of father do you think I am?’

Five minutes ago he’d been kissing her neck, now he felt like wringing it.

Then, to his surprise, she let out a low chuckle, walked over to him and planted a big, fat kiss on his lips. ‘I can’t resist it when you’re grumpy,’ she said, with a smile in her eye.

‘Just as well.’ The corners of his mouth turned up without his permission.

He took her hand and led her back along the terrace. ‘What I’m suggesting is that we take things slowly, for all our sakes—yours, mine, Heather’s. None of us are well equipped for things to crash and burn.’

She said nothing, but squeezed his fingers with hers.

‘And, besides, we missed out on so much.’

‘Such as?’

‘All the dating stuff. You know, first dates, candlelit dinners, walks on the beach, that kind of thing.’

She stopped and looked at him, a cheeky smile on her face. ‘Mr Armstrong, I do declare you have a romantic side lurking in there somewhere.’

He looked at the floor and scuffed a bit of grass growing between the paving stones with his foot. She tucked herself under his arm and they started walking again.

‘It’s okay, you know. I won’t tell. You can be as grotty as you like on the surface, I know you’re soft as marshmallow underneath.’

He grunted and Gaby laughed.

‘Now, there’s the Luke Armstrong we all know and love.’

 

Her heart was pounding in the back of her throat as she waited for Luke’s car to pull up the hotel drive the next afternoon. They had talked into the small hours of the night, trying to work out how best to handle the situation without freaking Heather out and had come up with some ground rules.

It was going to be complicated since they were both living in the same house, but they had decided to take the relationship one step at a time. Luke was right, neither he, Gaby, or even Heather, were ready for the fallout if they jumped into something they both later regretted.

So there was going to be no sneaking around, no lying to Heather and definitely no bedroom-swapping in the middle of the night. She thought back to the night Luke had had the bad dream and sighed.

It was such a pity, she had felt so safe and warm snuggled up next to him, but just sleeping in the same bed was never going to work. It would be like lighting a match and telling it not to burn. And then there would still be the awkward questions in the morning if Heather found out. That girl wasn’t stupid.

Last night, as they’d sat in the deserted hotel bar and plotted and planned, it had all seemed real, possible even. But now, in the clear spring sunshine, Gaby was starting to wonder if it hadn’t all been a dream. Something she’d wanted so much, she’d imagined it was real. She was half expecting Luke to pull up and act like he always had.

She saw the familiar shape of the Range Rover’s headlights and grille emerge from the rhododendron bushes that lined the drive and her heart turned over.

This was it. The moment when she’d find out if she’d really turned back into a pumpkin after all.

Heather was waving madly, but Luke was concentrating on parking the car.

‘Go on, Heather,’ she heard him say through the half-open window.

‘Da-ad! I’m not three any more.’

‘I know that, Heather, but it’s a long journey and you’ve drunk that can of fizzy stuff Granny gave you already.’

‘Honestly!’ Heather flounced from the car. ‘Hi, Gaby.’

‘Hi, Heather. Do you want me to show you the way?’

‘Don’t you start as well. I’m almost a teenager. I can find the way to the loo on my own, you know.’

‘Good.’ She smiled. Heather might not know it, but she was already streets ahead in the moody teenager stakes. Heaven help them when she actually turned thirteen.

She heard the creak of the car door and watched Luke get out. Their eyes met over the roof of the car. Suddenly, she felt all shy and didn’t know what to do with herself. It was as if she were the one who’d just turned thirteen.

She couldn’t read his expression at all. He mumbled something, then circled the car to fetch her bags and loaded them in the boot. When he had finished he came and took her hand, brushing it lightly with his thumb. Even this tender gesture had her toes on fire. Only then did he look her straight in the eye.

Her heart melted. He was all messy-headed, his jaw taut and his eyes searching and all of a sudden, he reminded her of a little boy, unsure of how to act and toughing it out. She reached out and touched the stubble on his cheek. It was back with a vengeance.

He leaned towards her and kissed her lightly, his chin grazing her cheek, but she didn’t mind the roughness—it was something exquisitely Luke—then he leaned in again and this time the kiss was longer. His lips dragged against hers and she laid her hand on his chest to steady herself.

‘Morning, gorgeous.’

The smile he gave her made her heart skip. But she was hardly looking gorgeous this morning. She was wearing her comfiest jeans and a long-sleeved T-shirt that had been washed so many times it was fabulously soft. Pity the shape had been sacrificed to get it that way. No, he must still be looking at her through the filter of the night before, when she’d been as close to gorgeous as she was ever going to get—and even then you’d have to hail a cab to take you on the last leg of the journey.

‘Morning,’ she almost whispered back.

He was going for another kiss, but she stopped him with the flat of her palm.

‘Heather,’ she whispered.

She’d just spotted Heather’s green T-shirt in the lobby before she came out into the afternoon sunshine. It gave them just enough time to put a bit more distance between them before she could see them clearly. Her blood was pounding in her veins. She felt as if she’d been caught out. The guilty feeling swelled as Heather loped towards them, eyebrows raised.

Gaby looked at Luke, who was standing ramrod straight, and almost giggled. He was trying so hard to look ‘normal’ it was obvious things were anything but.

‘I was just opening the door for Gaby.’ He pulled the door open a little too fast and Gaby got inside. Heather’s eyebrows inched higher, but she skipped round to the rear door, climbed inside, jammed her earphones in and that was that.

Luke coughed, slammed Gaby’s door and went round to get in the driver’s side. He kept his eyes on the road ahead for a good twenty minutes before he dared glance at her. She gave him a wink and noticed him visibly relax.

Once they were on the motorway and Heather had nodded off, he became a little bolder. They talked in hushed tones—on neutral subjects, just in case. And when Heather woke up they continued in silence, both smiling as they stared at the road ahead.

Gaby breathed a sigh of relief once they were back in Devon and speeding through the country lanes. Home almost.

Then she jumped. Luke changed gear and his knuckles brushed against her thigh. Her skin was buzzing underneath her jeans. She turned to look at him, but he was staring ahead, seemingly oblivious.

Then he did it again.

She turned just her head to look at him and gave him a you did that on purpose look. Luke took his eyes off the road momentarily and grinned across at her. I know, the grin said. And Gaby wasn’t sure if she wanted to kiss him or hit him. Just as well they were driving and she couldn’t do either.

She looked over her shoulder at Heather, who was fiddling with her MP3 player and bobbing her head as usual. Then she relaxed back into her seat and closed her eyes.

What she didn’t know was that the battery on the MP3 player had died a few minutes earlier. Once Gaby was looking in the other direction, Heather jammed it into her rucksack and turned to stare out of the window and, as she watched the fields and hedgerows whip past, she smiled like the Cheshire cat.

 

‘Heather!’

Luke shot past Gaby and out the kitchen door so fast she hardly had time to turn round. Gut instinct made her drop the dish cloth and run after him. She followed him down the stairs to the little jetty next to the house. Heather was inside the dinghy moored there, fiddling with the rope. At the sight of Luke she froze.

‘Heather! What on earth do you think you’re doing?’

She looked at him as if it should be glaringly obvious. ‘I wanted to go and explore the riverbank. It’s a really nice day.’

‘Do you not remember anything I’ve told you?’

Heather shrugged. Her behaviour was certainly better than it had been when Gaby had first arrived, but that didn’t do anything to alter her contrary personality. No, things like this were pure Heather and nothing was going to change that.

‘I don’t know how many times I’ve told you not to go off in the dinghy—especially not on your own. Now get out.’

Heather let out a disgruntled noise, but she did as she was told, nevertheless. Gaby watched her as she climbed the steps and headed back into the house. Luke shook his head.

‘Got an independent streak a mile wide, that one.’

‘I’d noticed.’ And she knew exactly who she got it from too. ‘It’s not such a bad idea though, is it?’

‘What, being a little madam? Not planning to take lessons from her, are you? I don’t think I could take two women like that in my life.’

She rubbed his arm. ‘No, I meant about taking the boat out and exploring the river. I could make up a picnic and we could make a day of it.’

He looked skywards and creased his forehead. ‘Maybe.’

‘Go on, it’ll do the three of us good to get out of the house and spend some time together.’

‘Okay, then. Let’s do it.’

She returned to the kitchen and started hunting for a cool bag.

They’d been out on a few ‘dates’ since they’d been back from London. And Luke had been true to his word, they hadn’t lied to Heather. The first time she’d been invited out bowling with some school friends and he had calmly told her that he and Gaby were taking the night off too and going out for something to eat. She hadn’t batted an eyelid.

Step one was to get her used to the idea of them being alone together, doing social, non-nanny-and-employer things together. And she supposed the logical progression was doing things like the river trip today, spending time as a family, sort of.

They needed to be patient and lay a foundation, so that when they told Heather they wanted to be together, it wasn’t too much of a shock. If a long term relationship was going to work, Heather had to be happy with the idea of her living here, not as the nanny, but as…what? Luke’s wife?

She went over and picked up the tea towel she’d been holding before she’d rushed outside and scrubbed a mug so dry she almost took the glaze off.

Neither of them had mentioned marriage, but surely that was where this was leading? He hadn’t actually come out and said the words, I love you or Please, marry me? but it was implied in every conversation they had that this was no fling; they were both in it for the long haul.

Getting married to Luke.

Just the thought of it made her terrified and dizzy with excitement at the same time. She only half-noticed that she’d dropped the dry mug back into the dirty washing-up water.

That night at Justin’s party, she had silently prayed for one moment of perfection and it had stretched into almost a month. What if it all got stretched to breaking point, like an elastic band, and it all came pinging back to slap her in the face?