CHAPTER THIRTEEN

AN HOUR and thirty-seven minutes, that was how long she’d been waiting for Luke. Technically, it was her night off tonight, although the lines between personal and professional were getting so blurry these days it was hard to tell the difference. But she’d planned an evening of pampering and relaxation.

A nice hot bath, then eyebrow plucking and a face pack. Okay, getting the tweezers out was not going to be relaxing exactly, but the results would be worth it. No pain, no gain, after all.

Luke and the pizza he’d promised Heather as a treat for tea were nowhere to be seen. Heather had got grumpier as her stomach got emptier and in the end Gaby had given up and whipped up a simple pasta supper.

The empty bowl and fork were still sitting on the table. She glanced at the clock. An hour and thirty-eight minutes.

It was not that she minded getting Heather a quick supper, she thought as she automatically picked up the dirty dish. It was the fact that Luke hadn’t rung, hadn’t bothered to let her know he was running late.

She looked at her reflection in the window as she stood up from placing the pasta bowl in the dishwasher. Her eyebrows really weren’t that bad. Not the finely arched brows she had in mind, but they were hardly big and bushy. She ran a finger along one. Perhaps she’d leave them after all. Luke probably wouldn’t notice anyway.

She was starting to think he wouldn’t notice if she had a limb removed. These days he was in his own little universe. He spent a lot of time in his study with the door closed. Catching up with the latest research, he called it. More like avoiding Gaby because you’ve suddenly realised she isn’t the love of your life and you don’t know how to tell her, she thought.

She was kidding herself, she knew. Despite all her efforts to be the best Gaby she could be for Luke, things were getting worse. He could hardly look her in the eyes these days. They both knew something was terribly wrong, but neither of them were brave enough to come out and say it.

She’d almost confronted him a couple of times, but if he said what she feared he’d say, that he’d made a mistake and they really didn’t have a future after all, she’d have to leave. And, stupid as staying here when he only saw her as an also-ran to his dead wife was, it was better than never seeing him again.

She wiped away a tear that bulged from her lower lashes. Damn! She’d promised herself she’d never be so pathetic over a man again. And here she was, cooking and cleaning and watching the clock.

Her eyes rested on the row of neatly stacked plates in the dishwasher and she gave the door a hefty shove and ground the dial round so the water started swooshing. For years now, ever since the honeymoon period of her marriage was well and truly over, she’d hated the sight of all those neat white plates sitting smartly in the dishwasher tray. It made her want to scream—which was ridiculous, they were only bits of china. But something about the whole image had reminded her of her life: ordered, functional…sterile.

And the really tragic thing was that, despite all her efforts to make her life go in a different direction, it was settling back into the same pattern. Only this time it was worse. She had never loved David the way she loved Luke. Now there was something worth screaming about.

She turned abruptly and headed for her room. It was her night off, Heather was watching TV, her homework done and checked by yours truly, despite the promise Luke had made to help her with her maths.

She was going to make the most of this time because she’d had enough. Enough of being taken for granted, enough of being left to cope and, most of all, enough of being invisible. All her life she’d felt that others only saw a ghostly version of her, never stopping to look inside to see how she might feel or ask what she might want.

Luke had been the one person she’d thought that saw her properly. The real Gaby and her heart had not been able to resist the thought, tumbling deeply in love with him. Only now, after a few short weeks, it seemed as if he had looked past the outer shell and discovered there wasn’t anything underneath. Either that or he didn’t like what he saw. Both options hurt like hell.

David had reached the same conclusion.

Well, she wasn’t going to let Luke treat her like David had! That part of her life was over. Tonight, when Luke got back, she was going out. She didn’t know where. She didn’t even care. Just somewhere other than the Old Boathouse.

She applied a fresh coat of lipstick and pouted at herself in the mirror. Then she grabbed the bottle of perfume she’d picked up at the department store a few days ago and sprayed liberally. She looked down at what she was wearing. Knee-length skirt, high-heeled boots, cute little jumper. That’d do for a night out in Dartmouth. It was hardly a raging hotspot.

She was in the hall checking her purse was in her handbag when she heard Luke’s key in the lock on the front door. The noise made all the hairs on her back stand on end.

Just that one noise.

All her life she’d pushed all the hurt and anger down inside herself, never daring to show it, and now it was coiled up tight inside her chest so she could hardly breathe.

She turned to face the door as it opened, her spine lengthening into a steel rod. Luke bustled into the hall, threw his coat on a chair rather than a hook, and marched right past her.

It wasn’t that he was ignoring her. He just hadn’t seen her standing there. And that fact alone prompted the coil of bitter feelings to spring up like a cobra preparing to strike.

 

Luke reached the safety of his study and dropped into the chair behind the desk. He splayed his fingers on the polished wood in front of him. They were shaking.

It was over. More than six years since the night Lucy had been killed and it was finally over.

He’d found a voice mail message from the detective working on Lucy’s case just as he’d been leaving work. It had taken more than forty minutes to get hold of him when he’d tried to ring back. He’d stayed at the surgery in the little office, sure this was a call he didn’t want Heather to overhear.

They’d got him. Lucy’s killer.

It had been Alex, her boss, her lover. Not her husband, as the world had once thought. He’d been ruled out in the original inquiry because he had an alibi, and with what had looked like watertight forensic evidence on the husband, nobody had delved any further. Turned out the woman who’d given him his alibi had been his other girlfriend.

The details were sketchy, but it seemed Lucy had discovered the other woman’s existence and had flown into a rage. There’d been a fight and he’d shoved Lucy to stop her clawing his eyes out, so he’d said.

Luke grimaced. No one knew better than he how much of a hellcat Lucy could be when she lost it. The story had a ring of truth to it. He would almost have been able to feel sorry for the man if he hadn’t deprived Heather of her mother. And, not only that, but he’d kept her father away from her with his lies while he’d moved to another part of the country and took up with another married woman.

It made his blood boil. It was just as well the creep would be banged up in prison where he wouldn’t be able to get his hands on him and tear him limb from limb. He picked up the first thing to hand, a pencil pot, and hurled it over the other side of the room.

At the same time the door to the study flew open.

Gaby was standing there, eyes bright with fire. She’d left the ever-present mask of composure somewhere else at last. She looked so radiant he was very tempted to go and kiss her senseless, but the look on her face said he’d better not try it.

‘Where the heck do you think you’ve been for the past two hours?’

‘At the surgery. There’s something I need to—’

‘You know what, Luke? I don’t care!’

‘But I—’

‘Are you not listening to me as well as not seeing me? I said I didn’t care.’

He stood up and started to round the desk. She held him at bay with a raised hand.

‘I’m taking the night off.’

‘The night off? But—’

‘You remember the concept, don’t you? The one where I’m your employee, not your skivvy, and I get to do less than twenty-four hours a day?’

‘Yes—’

‘Good! I’m off, then.’ She spun on the heels of a pair of deadly-looking boots, her hair flying outwards as she whipped her head round. He started to follow.

‘But Heather—’

‘Is in the lounge watching TV. She’s been fed, which is just as well, unless you managed to fit a pepperoni special in your briefcase.’

He looked at the bag sitting just inside the door of his study, bewildered.

‘I thought not. Bye.’

And, before he knew it, she was clomping down the hallway. He ran after her.

‘Gaby! Where are you going? I think we need to talk.’

She stopped, turned and threw her head back and laughed. ‘Oh, I think I’m way past talking,’ she said when the sarcastic laugh ended abruptly. Her features set into a grim expression, then she started to walk away again.

‘Stop!’ He ran forward and reached for her wrist, easily circling it with his much bigger fingers. She went stock still.

‘Take your hands off me.’

‘I will. I just want you to…’ He sniffed the air around them. ‘What on earth have you drenched yourself in?’

‘None of your business!’

‘It is when my woman is going out for a night alone smelling like…!’ Like what? It was perfectly nice perfume. It was just that, after Lucy, that brand always reeked of infidelity to him.

‘“My woman”? Listen to yourself, Luke! You sound like a caveman. I don’t belong to anyone.’

‘But—’

‘But nothing! I’m going out and it’s got nothing to do with you.’

‘Like heck it hasn’t!’ He barged past her and blocked her exit through the back door. For a second he thought she was going to shred her way though him with those newly painted nails, but she folded her arms across her chest and glared at him.

‘You said we were going to spend a night in together!’ Now he sounded like a petulant schoolboy.

‘I changed my mind. I need a night off.’

‘From what? There was nothing to do tonight except open a bottle of wine and watch that DVD you wanted to see.’

She walked up close to him. ‘Now, let’s see.’ She counted off the reasons on her fingers. ‘I need a night off being barked at. A night off being ignored while you moulder in your study. A night off from being the unpaid babysitter and general dogsbody—’

‘You know I don’t expect you to—’

She raised her voice and continued her list at shouting volume. ‘And most of all, I need a night off from you!’

She pushed past him, walked down the path and got into her car, almost yanking the door off. He stayed watching through the open door as, without looking back, she revved the engine and squealed away up the lane.

 

Dartmouth was busy enough to be interesting, even though it was not yet in the full swing of the tourist season. Gaby chose the bar of the Royal Dart Hotel, hoping she’d avoid the younger crowds and leering singles.

She sat in an upholstered chair near the window and watched the rowing boats bob up and down in what the locals called the ‘boat float’, a small square of water lined with high stone walls and a little entrance tunnel where the dinghies could access the river proper. Nothing was still. The water reflected every light and bounced it around.

If she’d been looking for rest, this was the wrong place to find it. The bar was too noisy and smoky and, since she was driving, she was sitting here with her sad little lemonade watching couples greet each other and have an intimate drink before heading off to the hotel restaurant.

What was she doing here? Really?

She wasn’t enjoying herself. She was miserable. And she felt guilty. True, Luke’s behaviour had left much to be desired in the last couple of weeks, but screeching at him was not the way to handle it.

So much for perfection. The perfect moment she’d wished for had been just that—a moment. Now the real Luke and Gaby were getting down to starting a relationship, it seemed they weren’t as compatible as the fairy tale couple in her head. Big surprise!

But what was she going to do about it? She couldn’t hide out here all night. She was going to have to go back and face him some time. And yet, she wasn’t entirely sorry she’d said what she’d said, just the way she’d said it.

For years she’d been taking all kinds of rubbish from her nearest and dearest. No one seemed to think she had a brain of her own. It was as if she was made of Play-Doh. Everyone had a squish here and a squish there until she fitted the shape they thought she should be. Luke was just the last in a long line.

She took another sip of her lemonade. There had been something wonderfully liberating in her outburst this evening. Of course, she realised now she’d been shouting at the wrong man. The things she’d said were unspoken retorts to years of David’s heckling, bottled up under too much pressure. It was just a pity she hadn’t ever had the satisfaction of releasing them on their rightful owner. Luke might be a little difficult at times, but it was a crime to tar him with the same brush as David.

She’d better go back and apologise.

She picked up her handbag and realised she could hear a faint ringing from inside. Luke? She scrabbled to find her mobile phone amidst the pens, receipts and packets of tissues. At least, inside her handbag, life was going on as normal.

She finally tugged it free and almost forgot to answer it when she saw who it was on the caller ID.

‘Mum?’

‘Gabrielle.’

Gaby quickly pushed past a couple of people milling around the hotel entrance and stepped out on to the street. It was quieter out here and she’d be able to hear her mother better, although why she was phoning was a mystery. They hadn’t talked since Justin’s party.

Even to her own ears her voice sounded wary. ‘What can I do for you, Mum?’

Her mother hesitated. This call was getting stranger and stranger. Her mother never normally wasted time when she had an opening to lecture.

‘I wanted to call to see how you were.’

Ah-ha! Checking up on her.

‘And to apologise.’

Gaby dropped the phone, but managed to catch it between her hand and her knee. ‘I’m sorry, Mum. What was that?’

Her mother sighed. ‘Justin and I had a chat the other day. He was very angry with me after his party, you know.’

No, she didn’t know. She hadn’t heard from Justin either. She’d just assumed she’d been branded the black sheep of the family and left to her own devices.

‘I haven’t talked to Justin recently.’

‘Oh. Well…your big brother decided to tell me a few home truths.’

Justin? Mr Nice Guy? No way!

‘I don’t know what to say, Mum…Thank you, I suppose. I appreciate the apology.’

‘I’ve never meant to hurt your feelings, Gabrielle.’

‘I know, Mum.’ She just couldn’t help herself.

‘I just want what’s best for you and sometimes…sometimes you seem so directionless. I didn’t want you to waste your life when you have so much potential.’

Her mother thought she had potential? That was news!

‘I’m a big girl now. I can make my own decisions.’

‘That’s what your brother said. He said I need to realise you’re not like me, that you want different things out of life.’

‘He’s right, Mum. I do.’ Only the thing she wanted most was slipping through her fingers.

‘I might not agree with your choices always, dear, but I’ll try hard to respect them. You’ll just have to tell me to keep my nose out.’

Gaby giggled. ‘Thanks, Mum. I’ll bear that in mind.’

‘Good. Well…just don’t let that David ruin the rest of your life. You should never let a man tell you who to be.’

Or your mother, Gaby added silently. Although those days might be over, with any luck.

‘That nice doctor you were with at the party seemed very keen on you.’

‘I know. I’m just not sure—’

‘Well, don’t hang about, Gabrielle. At your age—’

‘Mum!’

‘Okay. Point taken. Nose out.’

Gaby felt a rush of love for her mother. It had taken guts to make this call. She knew how much Mum hated to be wrong. It was practically a phobia.

‘I love you, Mum.’

Did she detect a slight sniff? ‘I love you too, dear. Now, I’d better go. Your father’s misplaced his reading glasses and he’ll be hell to live with if he can’t do his crossword.’

 

Luke sat in the dark, straining for the sound of Gaby’s car. Heather was in bed and the house was completely silent. Except he could almost hear the echoes of Gaby’s accusations whispering in the darkened corners.

She was right, of course. He was a caveman.

No good at understanding women. Boring. Too stuffy. Too controlling.

And then he realised it wasn’t Gaby’s shouts he could hear, but Lucy’s. All those things she’d screamed at him in the final weeks of their marriage. He remembered each and every syllable. They’d stung, and he’d had plenty of thinking time in the years that had followed to mull them over.

‘You’re no fun any more, Luke,’ she’d complained. And, if that had been true then, how much more so now? He wasn’t even the same man he’d been back then. He was damaged, and they way he’d been reacting in the last few weeks—and especially tonight—just proved how much.

Gaby didn’t need a man like him. She’d had to deal with enough of that kind of stuff in her first marriage. Listen to him! First marriage? As if there were going to be a second.

Of course, there might be another marriage in Gaby’s future. Just not to him. He’d had the sense he was losing her for weeks now, hadn’t he? Well, things had changed. He’d known from the way she’d looked at him tonight that he’d already lost her. It was just a matter of time before she handed in her notice and disappeared from his life for good.

He would miss her terribly. Not the prim and proper Gaby of recent times with her nail varnish and flat hair, but the warm and giving Gaby who had been happiest walking along the beach her hair in a mess and the most dazzling smile he’d ever seen on her blusher-free cheeks.

Perhaps it was better this way. She wasn’t the woman he’d thought she was. And, if he was right about that, he would mourn the idea of Gaby rather than her living counterpart, who was doing her best to be every bit as shallow as his adoring dead wife.

 

Gaby dropped her bag and her hand flew to her chest. Her heart was thumping like a drum.

‘Luke! You gave me a fright! What are you doing, sitting here in the dark?’

‘Waiting for you.’

‘Oh.’

She sat down on the edge of one of the armchairs, bottom only just making contact, knees together. She rested her hands on top of her knees and waited. Neither of them thought to switch a light on.

‘I have some news.’

This is it! He’s going to fire me, as both nanny and girlfriend. ‘Okay.’

‘I had a call from the police this afternoon.’ His voice was completely emotionless. ‘They’ve arrested someone for Lucy’s murder.’

Her eyes widened and she gripped her knees hard. For all her verbal freedom earlier on, she couldn’t think of a thing to say. And then the penny dropped.

‘Oh! So this is why you were late and…’

Her eyes were becoming accustomed to the dark and she could see him nodding.

All those things she’d said! She’d behaved atrociously, hadn’t even given him a chance to explain. And all because he had been a little late home. It had seemed so important at the time, but now, in contrast to Luke’s news, it all seemed so petty.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘It wasn’t your fault. Don’t apologise.’

Gaby’s heart squeezed inside her chest. He sounded so distant, horribly calm. This wasn’t Luke! Where was the shouting and simmering? The news of Lucy’s killer must have hit him hard. He must be grieving all over again.

‘How are you feeling?’

He let out a short, barking laugh. ‘I’ll survive.’

Gaby looked at her hands. Even in the dark she couldn’t look him in the eyes. ‘Luke? I’m sorry about what I said too…’

‘You didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.’

She was on her feet instantly. ‘Oh, no! I was angry, but it wasn’t really you I was angry with. Oh, I don’t know how to explain it all…I hardly understand it myself. It’s just it had been a long time coming and I finally snapped.’

Luke was standing too. ‘Like I said, I’ll survive.’

He went to walk past her. She grabbed his arm. ‘Luke? Please!’

He turned to look at her, his face hidden as the light seeping under the lounge door made him a tall, dark silhouette. She suddenly realised she didn’t have anything to say, she just didn’t want them to part like this. It felt as if they were standing on opposite sides of the river with a great torrent rushing between them.

And, as if he understood, Luke leaned forward and pressed the barest of kisses on to her cheek. She shivered. His lips felt unbearably cold.