While a man’s approach to the woman he likes is casual and unburdened with future responsibilities, a woman, perforce, has to be more choosy in the choice of her mate.
Two things differentiate humans from other creatures when it comes to love and mating. One, humans do not have mating seasons as animals, birds, and insects do. Humans can mate round the year, while other creatures have to wait for the right time of the year for their sexual desires to be roused and to become capable of being consummated. Two, humans are the only species which can communicate through speech. Other creatures have to communicate their physical desires through courtship dances, emitting smells, and making mating calls. Their approach to members of the other sex is explicit; among humans it is subtle.
Though speech gives humans many advantages over animals, they find it very difficult to express their emotions – it takes a lot for a man or a woman to utter the three simple words, ‘I love you’, to each other. We often envy animals and birds who do not have to say anything, but get on with the job. Yet, aspects of our animal ancestry still manifest themselves in our behaviour patterns which are human variations of animal courtship rites – not spoken, but communicative of desire. This is speechless flirtation by gestures. The most prevalent and primitive is winking an eye.
Studies in human behaviour show traces of animal-like behaviour in the approach towards the other sex. The first move is to attract attention. The male may do so by turning out smartly dressed, puffing out his chest as he strides past a group of women with macho steps. A woman will do so by wearing a dress which accentuates her physical assets, and walking with a seductive, hip-swaying gait.
After the ‘notice me’ act is over, the next step is to convey a message of availability. This is achieved through what Dr Givens, a specialist on the subject, says is a ‘I am harmless’ message. Charles Darwin called it ‘submissive displays’. Such behaviour is common among monkeys.
Patterns of flirtation were the subject of research of Dr Eibl-Eibesfeld of Germany’s Max Planck Institute. He went round the world, studying the approaches of couples towards each other, and taking photographs without their noticing him. He tabulated five gestures of submission: placing hands with upturned palms on the knees or a table, shrugging shoulders, tilting the head, behaving like a child, and, finally, yielding to each other.
It has been noticed that men are more drawn towards women who are plain to look at but convey the impression of availability, than towards beautiful women who play difficult to get. Differences between men’s and women’s approaches towards each other are also traceable to their animal past. It has less to do with love or romance and more with their biological functions.
For a man, it can be one act of copulation, at times repeated with different women; for a woman it may entail nine months of pregnancy, almost a year of breast-feeding, and perhaps another three or four years during which a child is more dependent on its mother than its father.
Consequently, while a man’s approach to the woman he likes is casual and unburdened with future responsibilities, a woman, perforce, has to be more choosy in the choice of her mate. If she senses that the man of her choice may ditch her, she will feign withdrawal. She expresses herself by being coy, coquettish, and difficult to get till her man is driven to frenzy and more willing to commit himself.
No words need be exchanged; gestures and behaviour are eloquent enough. Dogs, cats, donkeys, and deer behave in the same way. In short, though humans can put emotions in words, we prefer to express ourselves the same way as our ape ancestors: by speechless conduct.