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Dinner was boring and bloody. I mean, not bloody like a vampire massacre kind of bloody, but bloody in the fact that the prime rib was basically raw. Now, I like a good steak as much as the next girl, (Found that out my first night in Hell. Hunter is a damned good cook. Just give the boy a grill and some meat and dinner is served.) but when it’s still mooing, well, let’s just say it’s not my thing. I did learn that Vanessa is the youngest and only girl in the Valentine family. (Yeah, I thought their last name was kind of ironic too but when I snorted and asked, ‘Really?’, I was met with four glares that made me shut up and eat my salad.)
Apparently, she hadn’t gone through the change as they kept calling it and at this point, had no desire to give up her human status. The Masters—as they and their sister called themselves—Vincenzo and Vaughn (no Vlad since I scared him away) all went through the change on or around their thirty-fifth birthdays, hence the reason they looked like triplets but were, in fact, not. From what I could put together, Vlad was the oldest and somewhere around three hundred years old but they all acted like his true age was some deep dark secret, and since I was the reason he was absent from our little soiree, I decided to drop the subject. Vincenzo, the middle brother, made no attempt to tell me how old he was but Vaughn, the youngest and by far the one with the best sense of humor, let it fly that he’d just turned two-hundred-and-one.
I kept waiting for Vanessa to say her age but she never did and, to be honest, I couldn’t believe her hair was still in the same messed up bun or that her teeth were still covered with lipstick while she wore the most gorgeous aqua blue Dior gown that perfectly matched her eyes. I made a mental note to help her out with style tips even though I had plans to hitch a ride on the first train back to Hell as soon as possible.
Somewhere between bloody beef and tiramisu, I heard the tragic tale of how their parents had died fighting some deep dark evil. Vaughn also had no problem telling me that, although I looked like Katie, I was a helluva lot more fun and sexy as all get out. (His words, not mine, but you know I wholeheartedly agree.)
“Now, tell me how you came to live in Katie’s body?” the youngest of the Valentine vamps asked as he poured a glass of what I could tell was blood but chose to tell myself was wine for himself and a snifter of brandy for me.
Following him out to the terrace as Vincenzo and Vanessa discussed something about the family business, I explained. “Well, what I was told was that Katie was trying to do a spell and something backfired. She, well her soul and all its shiny bits, were blown out of her body straight to the Next Adventure.” I looked up at him and added, “That’s what Zelda, a super powerful witch and the Shifter Wanker, calls Heaven.” When he nodded, I went on, “So, it worked out perfectly when Heidi, the not-quite Hellhound I had been inhabiting for about thirty years decided it was time for a split and called Zelda for help. I needed a body. She had a body. So, it was out of a Hellhound and into a witch. Presto chango, Lola's gotta brand new groove!”
Laughing out loud, Vaughn patted my hand where I’d placed it on the iron railing and chuckled. “I can see why Vlad is so taken with you. When he went to collect Katie and found out about her demise, I think he was actually relieved.” He took a sip from his goblet. “Not that he would’ve admitted it. Oh no, my brothers are very big into family honor and the old ways. I have no doubt he would’ve married the little shrew and been miserable for all eternity while holding onto the belief that he’d done the right thing because he’d kept to the letter of the deal father made all those decades ago.”
“They didn’t get along?” I asked, deciding to get as much info as I could since I was stuck with these vamps for at least another night.
Shaking his head as he emptied his goblet, the youngest Valentine vamp snorted. “Hell, no. They didn’t even really know each other.” He looked out over the gardens. “It was agreed that he and Katie would marry exactly a month after her hundredth birthday. Which just happens to be the day you came to inhabit her skin, but that really has no bearing on the story.” Turning toward me, Vaughn leaned his hip on the railing and crossed his arms over his chest. It was pretty cool that his violet eyes were glowing. It added to the whole vampire mystique thing the brothers had going on. “Anyway, Vlad had made at least a hundred attempts over the years to get to know the little witch.” He spat the word like it burned his tongue and he really wanted it to start with a ‘b’. “But she always had some excuse or simply ignored him.”
With an unfocused, faraway look, Vaughn stared over my shoulder. “I know it killed Vlad to think of living an eternity in a loveless marriage with a spoiled little brat. After all, we grew up with loving parents who had the perfect marriage. I mean, they were so lovey-dovey that most of the time they embarrassed us with their public displays of affection.”
His laugh was melancholy as he went on, “But good ole Vlad was gonna take one for the team. Then those stupid sisters of Katie’s said she was dead and he didn’t believe them. Thought it was just a trick to get out of marrying him. I think the only reason he came to Hell was out of pride.” Vaughn looked at me and winked. “But then he got you. At first, he didn’t believe you weren’t Katie. Was sure she was playing another game.”
He took my arm and led me down the stairs as he continued, “But then Vanessa talked to you. Our little sister may not have gone through the change but she is more perceptive and intuitive than all three of us put together.”
We stepped onto the soft grass and began walking through the maze of flowers, their petals glistening in the moonlight. “When she confirmed that you were in no way Katie but truly another soul in the same body, I seriously thought Vlad was going to jump for joy.”
Walking in silence, I digested what Vaughn had just said and had to ask, “Why didn’t he just marry one of the teenage witches? Wouldn’t that have kept the deal intact and made everybody, living and dead, happy.”
“Yeah, but it wasn’t necessary. I mean we terrorized them for a bit. Threatened to make one of them marry him, but in the end, it was all just a bit of fun. With Katie gone, they keep their land and we are thankfully done dealing with them.” He stopped, picked a rose, and handed it to me. “And just so you know, those three are not teenagers. They happen to be about a hundred and fifty years old and mean as snakes. Something about the kind of witches they are makes them look young no matter how old they are.”
“No shit?” I snorted, smelling the flower he’d handed me. “Damn. Then how old am I? I mean how old is this body?”
“Two-hundred and twelve,” he declared like being that old was something to be proud of. I was going to have to remember to ask Zelda how long witches lived because, if I’m on a time limit, I need to get to getting on my bucket list.
“Well, damn, I was kinda hoping for a newer model. But beggars can’t be choosers.” I sighed as we continued to walk.
Reaching a swing hanging from a vine covered trellis, Vaughn motioned for me to sit a minute before a butler appeared out of nowhere with another brandy for me and more wine for the vamp. Watching Vaughn take a drink, the suspense was just about to kill me, so I asked, “I guess you know that Vlad kissed me...and then left?”
Nodding as he took another sip, Vaughn let out a breath. “I figured it was something like that. He didn’t give any details but said he had been called away and would be back in a few days.” He looked at me with a wicked grin. “I knew I hadn’t heard the phone and I’m pretty sure I didn’t hear his car leave either.”
It took me a minute, maybe it was all the brandy coupled with all the crazy thoughts running through my brain, but when I finally got what he was saying, I sighed, “So, he’s just hiding out until I’m gone? Wow, first guy I actually get to kiss and he runs for cover. Doesn’t say much for my skill, huh?”
Vaughn’s fingers gently slid under my chin as he lifted my head until we were eye-to-eye and said, “It had nothing to do with you, pretty lady, and everything to do with Fate and what you make Vlad feel.”
Trying to figure out what he was saying without saying it, I leaned back and downed my brandy then got to my feet and said, “What the hell does that mean? I swear y’all are some messed up folks.” I started to pace. “First, your brother kidnaps me from Hell. Then he kisses me breathless. Then runs off like his hair’s on fire. Now, you’re talking about Fate and shit like I have a freaking clue which end is up – which by the way, I. DO. NOT.” I threw my hands in the air. “Hell, all I wanted was a body and to have some fun. Is that too much to ask?”
I stopped in front of Vaughn, slammed my fists to my hips, and stomped my foot. “I mean come on people, girls just wanna have fun. For all that’s evil in the world, it’s even a frikkin’ song.” Once again pacing, I railed on. “I was supposed to crash frat parties, make out with strangers and do the walk of shame...repeatedly. Hell, I even wanted to have a coyote ugly experience at least once. I mean, I wouldn’t have chewed my arm up but I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I thought having a witch’s body was gonna be fun.”
I yelled, “For Satan’s sake, I was gonna be magical.” I stomped my foot again and threw my hands up in the air. “But no, you people and those damned witches had to ruin my fun. The Baba Yaga is holding my magic. I was stuck on lockdown in Hell and now, I think I’m falling in love with a damned vampire who has commitment issues.”
I was once again standing in front of Vaughn, who was now standing with one hand in his pocket and a shit-eating grin on his face. Reaching out, I grabbed his upper arms and shook him as I yelled, “WHAT. THE. HELL! This is so not fair!”
Seething, I tried to catch my breath and not smack Vaughn as he simply stood and chuckled. Finally, unable to keep quiet, I growled through gritted teeth, “What the fuck do you think is so funny?”
Motioning over my shoulder with his chin, he snickered. “Turn around, hothead.”
Rolling my eyes, I took a deep breath, spun around, and nearly landed on my ass as all the air was forced from my lungs at the mouthwateringly exquisite sight of Vlad. Unwilling to let go of my anger, still feeling a bit raw from what I saw as his rejection, I narrowed my eyes, put my hands on my hips, and with barely contained violence, bellowed, “Oh great, now you choose to make an appearance? Well, too little too late, Fang-Face.”
Doing an about face, I stomped through the garden, up the stairs, through the house and straight to my room, where I slammed the door before throwing myself face first on the bed and bursting into tears.
Me? Crying? Somebody’s gonna pay and there will be blood. By Satan’s hand I swear, there will be blood.
