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“Tell me again why we are here?” Robert asked and unhappily eyed the spot at the window where he had been sitting for days, staring off into nothing or crying.
The country estate he had been banished to when Thomar had been kidnapped by demons was still beautiful, but his dark memories made it feel uncomfortable. That Thomar had insisted they take the same room Robert had stayed at during his banishment wasn't helping.
“Because,” Thomar replied utterly unimpressed by his unease, “I think it will be therapeutic for you to be here and replace the bad memories with good ones. And because after everything that has happened recently, we both deserve a weekend off. With each other. And because Alain deserves a reward for finding you. Here, he can run all over the place without bothering anyone.”
Robert sighed dramatically while Thomar put their travel bag onto the bed, opened it, and started rummaging inside. Robert gingerly stepped up to the window and looked outside. The sight of Alain racing towards the lake shore with a laughing T'lark running after him did cheer him up a little.
“And most importantly, because of this!” Thomar announced triumphantly from the bed.
When Robert turned around, he found Thomar extracting a bulky stack of four huge books from his bag. They were leather-bound and Robert immediately recognised the embossed emblem on the back.
“Oh ... is that...?” he asked, the gloomy past here almost forgotten as he made his way over to peer at the books hopefully.
“Yep, the new and improved 173rd edition of the Gardening Manuals, fresh off the press.” Thomar patted the books with a happy grin. “I got you the extra pretty special edition. And we will have all weekend to browse the new additions and try them out. Apart from winter gardening, obviously.”
Robert grinned at him cheekily. “Oh, I'll at least want to read it. Got to keep up to date after all.”
Thomar laughed and pulled him into his arms. “Anything you want, love,” he said softly, “absolutely anything you want.”
Relaxing into his embrace, Robert closed his eyes and allowed himself to fall into the wonderful feeling of being owned and cherished and protected. This was where he belonged. This was where he wanted to be for the rest of his life.
As terrible as his time with Lady Jelena had been, in hindsight, he was grateful for it. It had shown him beyond the shadow of a doubt that he belonged to Thomar and nothing would change that anymore. He would not let it.
That Thomar had moved heaven and earth to find him was an added bonus. He had skipped all moderate ways of finding his missing pet and gone straight to calling a Lotus Knight. Luckily, Sir Ekai had been available to help and, almost more important, to calm Thomar. Robert didn't want to imagine what state of mind Thomar must have been in. Using Alain to look for Robert had been Sir Ekai's suggestion and they had enlisted Lady Karr to get him out of the amulet and on the task. The idea of so many important people taking an interest in him and spending considerable time on finding him should have been scary, but after the encounter with the Emperor, they paled to insignificance.
That was the part of his whole ordeal that had him lying awake at night, reviewing again and again how inappropriate his manners had been. He hadn't thanked His Majesty for his unbelievable generosity. And kindness. And ... well ... everything. Though he very much hoped he would never have the opportunity to correct his mistakes. After all, that would mean a reason to meet the Emperor again and that couldn't possibly be a good thing. But if he did, he very much planned to show proper respect. At the very least some kissing of the imperial feet in gratitude was in order. Though, maybe His Majesty wouldn't approve of that. He hadn't exactly acted like a noble who enjoyed grovelling. Maybe it would be a good idea to invest some time into researching how to best please the Emperor. Just in case.
But that could wait. Now, he had a master who deserved his full attention. Of course, Thomar sensed his change in posture instantly.
“Do you want to take a look at the books now?” he asked, “Or shall we go down and have a snack? Supposedly the cook is very good and completely underutilised. The last visitor to the estate apparently refused to eat most of what she created for him.”
For a moment, Robert thought that such an ungrateful guest should be chastised, but then he realised that Thomar was probably talking about him. Eating hadn't been high on his agenda during his last stay. In fact, he couldn't remember a single meal. He had expected that this visit would be the same, with all his dark memories looming, but so far Thomar was doing a great job at distracting him and, knowing Thomar, he was only getting started and had a lot more up his sleeve.
“A snack sounds lovely.”
“Great. How about you unpack and I'll have something served on the lake-side terrace. Meet me down there in a few minutes?”
Robert nodded and turned to the bag on the bed. Anxious about the location of their weekend vacation, he hadn't paid much attention to the clothes he had packed, just thrown in what had been on top of the stacks of shirts and pants in the wardrobe. He should have packed something suited for the warmer climate here. The estate was sufficiently secluded so they could go swimming in the lake completely unobserved by strangers. Likely, that would bring out Thomar's playful mode. Robert wasn't surprised when he found the tiny shorts and equally tiny, belly-free t-shirts his master had been wearing on their pleasure cruise. Thomar was planning on enjoying this precious bit of alone-time with his pet to its fullest. Robert used the opportunity to change into a thinner shirt.
Putting everything away in the gargantuan wardrobe didn't even fill two shelves. The suite was designed for people to actually live there – noble people with lots and lots of clothes. It was the kind of wardrobe Robert would have loved to have at home in the ducal suite, where he was struggling to find another nook to cram in his ever-growing selection of stylish coats, shirts, and pants. Sharing a wardrobe with his master had been no problem when he had first arrived on Aylian and only owned a few pieces, but the more social duties he helped Thomar with, the more clothes he needed to fulfil the role.
He should talk to Thomar about it. Or maybe he could take care of it himself and not burden him with yet another thing to pay attention to. Robert shook his head with a little chuckle at himself. The ducal suite was still sparsely furnished, only the rooms they actually used looked cosy and lived in. There could be a walk-in closet Robert didn't know about because he had never bothered to look for it. And if there wasn't, the pet-room right next to their bedroom could easily be converted into one. As soon as they got back, he would investigate and talk to the head of staff about it. While at first she had sneered at having to deal with a pet, by now she was grateful every time Robert was dealing with some issue instead of the notoriously impatient Duke.
Feeling accomplished at his decision to take action, he made his way downstairs. He was surprised at how beautiful the hallway and staircase were, with lots of large windows letting in air and sunlight, light curtains stirring in the breeze, fresh flowers in large vases. Considering how much time he had spent here already, it was a shame that he hadn't appreciated it more. The more he looked around and took it all in, the more the memories seemed to evaporate to be replaced by the anticipation of a pleasant weekend.
Robert got a little lost on his way and got a good look at some of the beautiful rooms downstairs, including a big dining room with a floor-to-ceiling window front overlooking the meadows to the left of the main house and even a small ballroom with glass doors leading out to the terraces on the lake side. He took one of those and made his way along the sprawling terraces, looking for where the staff had set up the snacks. Everything was kept in excellent condition and before his mind's eye, it started filling with carefully selected guests, spending a nice evening of fine food and dancing in the pleasant climate. He could easily imagine the staff being equally delighted and flustered at such an opportunity to display their expertise. It would certainly be a lot prettier than the ducal fortress in the capital. Now, all he needed was an occasion to Thomar's liking and, as long as it involved dancing, that would be found easily enough.
He found his master already seated at a secluded small table under a pergola, overgrown with some big-leafed plant with tiny pink blossoms. Thomar was wearing his official uniform so the contrast of his stark figure with the romantic background was striking. Robert stopped for a moment to admire the picture as a whole and Thomar in particular.
In the three years he had been Thomar's pet, his master had grown up considerably. He was now a hand taller than Robert and beginning to fill out a little, turning from lanky young man to lean adult. He was still able to pull off his 'cute boy' look, but that was now largely due to his talent at wearing different masks. Robert had studied some pictures and videos of Thomar's father which had survived the demon invasion to maybe get an idea of what Thomar was growing into, but his father had been a heavy set, squat man, looking nothing like Thomar. He had, however, found old footage of Thomar's grandfather, who had been at the signing of the great treaties at the end of the Black-and-White War. While he had a permanent angry scowl that made him look like a mean killer, he had the same, lean build as Thomar. Thinking that this was what Robert would get to sleep next to for the rest of his life made Robert's mouth water.
Of course, he didn't get the chance to stand in the shadows and study his master without being noticed for long. It took Thomar only a moment to notice him and smile at him invitingly. Robert made his way over to him and settled in the chair opposite him.
Small, delicate pies were laid out on two separate plates. One kind smelled of bacon and cheese, the other of some sort of berries. Both varieties were steaming, apparently fresh out of the oven. The cook must have done some research into what Robert liked. The snacks were accompanied by what looked like cooled cider to Robert when Thomar poured him a glass. Tasting it, Robert found his guess correct and the quality excellent, just the right balance of sweet and refreshingly sour.
The pies were as good and Robert even managed not to scald his tongue. He would have to find the time to thank the cook – and apologise for his earlier ignorance, Robert mused as they ate in companionable silence. It was a bit too much food, but Robert was doing his best to at least finish the last of the bacon and cheese pies, they were too good to send them back. Thomar had leaned back in his chair, turning his glass in his hands and looking thoughtful.
“There is something I want to talk to you about,” he finally said, his serious tone catching Robert's attention, “Actually, it is something I wanted to do, but I know how much you hate surprises, so I want to talk to you about it first and hear your honest opinion before doing anything.”
That certainly was a nice change from charging headlong into mad adventure. It also made Robert very, very cautious. It had to be an extraordinarily mad adventure if Thomar stopped to think about it first.
“So. You know I love you. No more doubts about that, right?”
Robert nodded. It had taken him a long time to understand and even longer to believe it, but at this point he had no doubts remaining that Thomar loved him with all his heart. He wouldn't stop loving him because Robert made a mistake or because he grew bored of Robert or for any other reason. It was a basic fact that he had finally stopped worrying about, even though he marvelled at it often enough.
“And I know you love me, too.”
Also true and in the entirely inappropriate way of one man loving another, not as a pet should adore and be devoted to its master.
So far, none of what Thomar was saying sounded terrible, but he was obviously leading up to something he thought Robert would panic about.
“I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Have you by my side like you have been more and more in the last few months. I love to see you take matters into your own hands more now. How you stand up to people. We still need to work on the standing up to me part, but I think we are making progress there, too.”
It was the first time Thomar was spelling out so clearly that this was what he wanted. Everything he did had hinted at it to Robert, but to hear him say it made it simultaneously more real and scarier. He was doing what his master wanted, but decades of training clamoured that it was not proper pet behaviour. He'd get over that, though. For Thomar, he could. After all, he wanted to be Thomar's perfect pet, not anyone else's.
His master drew a deep breath. He almost looked like he was gathering his courage, which was a ridiculous notion – Thomar was never afraid of anything.
“So, since we agree on all that, I want to ask you something. But I'm not going to. I'm asking you right now whether I am allowed to ask you. So if you don't want me to, you can say no to that and well ... I'm rambling.”
Robert watched in equal amounts of amazement and dread how his master drained the last of his cider and was obviously wishing for something stronger. Whatever made him this nervous had to be momentous. Before he could say something reassuring, Thomar raised his hand to stop him.
“So here is the question: Am I allowed to ask you to marry me?”
The words echoed in Robert's head like a large gong being struck right next to his ear. They penetrated his brain and he couldn't even try to pretend he hadn't understood. After all, they were the obvious extension of everything Thomar had said before.
They also horrified him to his core.
And it made him feel terrible. How could he be so ungrateful? This right here was what every pet nurtured in their most secret dreams, wasn't it? The magic question. The jackpot. And what a jackpot it was. Not just freedom and love, but a duke offering all of that. Short of the Emperor, the highest rank the Virasana Empire had. How could he hesitate? Sit here, frozen in a panicked shock that had nothing to do with the great honour and everything to do with the fact that he didn't want it. Didn't want it from the bottom of his heart.
He twitched when Thomar suddenly took his hand, now next to him instead of in his chair, where he had been sitting a moment ago.
“Hey, ssh, don't panic,” he told him gently, stroking his hand, “I'm here. I won't ever force you to do anything you don't want. I'm not asking you to marry me. I'm asking whether I can ask. And from the look on your face, I think I know the answer.”
How could Thomar be like this? How could he be so wonderful and so understanding. If he loved him any bit more, his heart would explode. How could he say no to someone so considerate and kind? Someone who cared about him so much? Why couldn't he swoon and gratefully agree?
Because he would be lying. And he had carefully unlearned how to lie to Thomar.
“Robert? Robert, look at me.”
That, he could manage. Thomar was crouching next to his chair, not crowding him, but clearly there for him like he always was when Robert needed him. He looked caring, but not overly worried.
“I'm not going to ask you. Okay?”
Robert shook his head. No, it was not okay. He so much wanted to please Thomar. To give him everything he deserved for being his wonderful self.
“Right.” Thomar studied him. “I would ask you what you want me to do, but I don't think you know. So ... uh ... maybe it will help if I explain some more. I was thinking that you would make a splendid duchess. You care about people. You have an eye for details that I simply can't spend the time and effort to care about. And I want you to be safe. As my duchess, you would have so much more power to defend yourself.”
That. Right that was a big part of why he so violently didn't want to be anything but Thomar's pet. “But I wouldn't be as safe as I am now,” Robert blurted out, “I may be only a slave, but I have this.” He touched the earring the Emperor had given him. “No one would dare touch me. And no one would gain anything by attacking me. As duchess, I would be an obstacle that needs removing to get to you and being Quetzal ... they would even have the right to try and murder me.”
Thomar clearly considered his words for a long moment. He slowly nodded. “I concede that is true.”
“And all the things a real duchess would do, I can do now,” Robert continued, letting the words spill out, hoping that they would make sense. “I can do it, if you want me to. I love you more than I can understand, but I love you most as my master. You are everything I ever wanted, ever dreamed about. I love belonging to you. I love that in the end you make all the decisions. I love that I don't have to worry about ... I... I know it's terribly selfish, but I don't want to be responsible. I want to be your pet.”
“I will be honoured and grateful to be your master as long as you will have me.” Thomar gently kissed the back of his hand. Then he added with a cheeky smile, “But should you ever change your mind, you let me know and we get married a minute later.”
Robert had severe doubts that would ever happen, but he had learned that he was capable of the strangest changes where his master was concerned. He searched Thomar's face but didn't find any hint of disappointment.
“Thank you,” he said softly, “Thank you for everything.”
Thomar smiled back at him. “Of course. Nothing is more important to me than your happiness. I would see the whole Empire burn before I let anything happen to you.”
Robert's chuckle was a little choked. Leave it to Thomar so state something so dramatic and actually mean it. “I'll try my best to make sure that never becomes necessary.” He leaned down and kissed his master's lips. And kissed him some more.
Now seemed like an excellent time to go back upstairs and take a look at the new edition of the Gardening Manual.
The End
Bonus
Short Stories