|
Most likely there’s someone you care about deeply, but sometimes your idea of trying to show your devotion is misinterpreted. Maybe you’ve done something that you consider loving (such as giving flowers), but the other person has questioned your intentions or wondered about an ulterior motive. The Law of Caring provides some wonderful guidelines for giving and loving in ways that are difficult to misunderstand.
First, let’s start with a definition of caring: It’s the ability to honor another individual deeply enough to know what their principles are and convey your beliefs in terms of theirs. In other words, you’d be wise to communicate with regard for your loved one’s highest values—whatever is most important and valuable to them.
The following story illustrates this idea: A married man once sent his wife to me for a consultation because he felt that she needed to change her ways. In his mind, she was wrong in some of her views and manners. Although I normally prefer to work with the person who desires the change, in this case the husband wasn’t receptive or available. So I met with his wife, and we spent the day working on his objective. Yet I didn’t try to change her—instead, I spent the day teaching her how to communicate her needs and priorities in terms of his. I had her write down all his highest values, which included golf, business success, making money, looking good, driving fast cars, and spending time with friends. Then she listed hers: time with her children, seeing her family, looking good, fixing up the home, and so on. When she finished, I had her role-play her communications with him, and she practiced conveying what was most important to her in terms of what mattered to him.
When she returned home, their whole relationship shifted. In fact, I received a thank-you letter from the husband, saying, “Whatever you did with my wife, it truly made a difference!” What I really did was spend the whole day showing her how to get whatever she wanted from him—and he was thanking me.
She learned and reflected, and then honored him enough to know what his values were. She began to think out in advance (before she spoke) how to communicate her desires in terms of his priorities. For example, when she wanted to go overseas to visit her mom in Europe, she put it this way: “Honey, I believe that right now there’s a sale on in Europe, so if I went over there, the amount I could save getting discounts would cover the cost. It wouldn’t even cost us anything [his value of conserving money]. And I know that you have a very busy golf tournament coming up. This way you could be left alone and really have an enjoyable time with your buddies [his value of golf and spending time with his friends], and I could get the shopping done—and save at the same time.” She communicated in terms of his values so that she could fulfill her own.
Just as there’s an art of communication, there’s an art of caring, and when you follow it, you’ll receive more of what you want. You’ll get more out of your relationships and be able to experience the true love that you’ve desired. The Law of Caring works, so communicate your values in terms of those of the ones you cherish, and just watch what happens.
WORDS OF POWER
I care about the people I love, and discover what is important to them.
I honor others and myself by communicating my values in terms of theirs.
I love to care for others by seeing the congruity between our values.
I respect and serve others and myself by caring sincerely and honoring all our values.
I express what is important to me in terms that are important to them, and our mutual needs are thus fulfilled.
MY WORDS OF POWER
MY REFLECTIONS
How can I use the Law of Caring today to fulfill my life’s
purpose, dreams, and objectives?
