“YOU GOT A GREAT set of bazooms!” Minnie the Fat Lady said when Bella stepped into the suite. “Mine are big too. But it’s only because I’m the size of Kalamazoo.”
The sumptuous woman smelled like a lavender-wrapped summer peach. She was the largest human being Bella had ever seen. And the most beautiful. Even prettier than Concetta. She looked like a giant pinecone blooming. The folds of her magnificent skin waterfalled down her body like a rush of cascading rock formations spilling all the way to a pair of dainty little feet squeezed into an elegant pair of satin ballet slippers. And there were things Bella couldn’t see. Tucked safely under the woman’s heavy folds, nestled deep in her perfumed sweat, slept a brother’s insistent fingers, an uncle’s dirty lips, a father’s pushy penis. All those horrific memories eaten but never fully digested, over and over again. Minnie will later confess these gross assignations to Bella and, after a deep breath, Bella will tell Minnie about Manny slugging the tooth out of her skull, the constant beatings, her mamma’s knife zinging, and the sterilization after the birth of her kidnapped bastard baby. She will confess she had to wash her papa’s stinking feet. Every day. Sometimes twice a day. For years. “On my knees, praying he wouldn’t look at me.”
After this heartfelt exchange, the two young women will cry. Then they will kiss and hug each other to sleep.
“My name is Minervina Louisa Wichansky. But my friends all call me Minnie.”
“I’m Belladonna Marie.”
“Oh, that’s a pretty name. You new in town?”
“I’m one of Tweety’s Sweeties.”
“Oh, I know those girls. They’re a mean bunch of freaks.”
Bella had to agree.
“I used to dance too,” Minnie said. “I took fourteen years of ballet. I have trouble staying en pointe now, but I can still do a pretty good grand jeté.”
“What the hell’s a grand jeté?”
“A giant leap in the air. You wanna pet my snake?”
“Sure. Okay.”
The huge woman lifted one of the sweet-smelling folds under her breasts. The reptile in question, as thick as a fairy-tale vine and just as green, was wrapped around her torso. Minnie scratched its slick skin and it started to slither.
“How far does that thing reach?”
“Don’t worry. Hissy’s harmless. She might curl around your legs at night if I’m not here, maybe slide into your lap for a little canoodling. Go on. Give her a pat. She won’t bite.”
Bella placed a brave hand on the slinking thing. It was smooth and cold.
“Ain’t she something?”
When its head appeared and it flicked its tongue, Bella jumped back and screamed.
The suite was two fair-sized rooms slapped together with a couple of laundry lines hooked from one corner to the next, strung with unmentionables the size of army blankets. A rainbow of feather boas hung from the ceiling. A small sea of wigs covered the dresser.
“We have a genuine Victrola. We also got a chifforobe and two trunks. We can share them and you can have the sunny side of the room.”
To seal the deal, Minnie offered to share a clown too.
“Oui Oui the French Midget. He sleeps in the crawl space under the staircase. He’s a rude little thing. But he’s good with his tongue, if you know what I mean. He works at the blowhole over at Steeplechase. Lolly the Pinhead squats in the broom closet next to the bathroom. Hero the Strongman is usually in room five. He’s a handsome young hunk. The strong and silent type. He goes for days and days without speaking. Still waters run deep. Tons of mystery. He always wears a mask over his eyes. Just like the Lone Ranger. He never takes it off. He even wears it when he sleeps. No one’s ever seen his whole face, except maybe Oui Oui, who’s in love with him. The big lug comes and goes. Sometimes he’s gone for days. Sometimes for weeks and weeks. He disappeared again early this morning. The tiny clown’s been howling and crying like a lost puppy.”
Minnie’s giant speech was christened by a volcanic blast of what sounded like a gargantuan trumpet. It shook the house off its foundation and brought a chunk of plaster down from the ceiling.
“WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!” Bella screamed.