What in the hell had she been thinking?
Nic swung back and forth in the hammock, ruminating on her visit with Ben and his mother. She couldn’t get past what she’d done. Dr. Van Mont had agreed to make the call on her behalf. Nic’s problem had been solved and in less than ten minutes, she’d blown it. All because she’d been unable to keep her opinions to herself.
But was she supposed to sit there and remain quiet in the face of her disrespectful comments? Anyone listening in would think Ben was some spoiled dilettante who’d blown his trust fund on frivolous and superficial interests. Nothing could be further from the truth. He was hardworking, generous, smart, and caring. Quite simply, he was the best man she’d ever known.
I hope so. Because it’d be shame if you ruined your chances for the fellowship because of some basic dude.
Fuck. That.
She’d earned that fellowship fair and square. And if they aimed to take it away from her, they’d better have a damn good reason. One that would stand up to public opinion or a judicial challenge. It was time to come clean to her friends. She would talk to Ava about her legal rights and get ideas from Caila about framing her story for the public. She couldn’t allow this to stand. She wouldn’t!
It took several seconds for the vibration against her hip to penetrate her righteous indignation. Pulling her phone from her pocket, she checked the caller ID.
Duke Med School, Durham, NC.
Shit.
They were persistent. This was the third time they’d called since the incident with Whitaker. Probably to officially confirm they’d revoked her acceptance. She didn’t know because they never left a message. She wasn’t avoiding them, per se. She’d wanted to wait until after the Van Monts had spoken to them, a part of her hoping a return call from her wouldn’t be necessary. But since she’d fucked that up . . .
Bracing a hand behind her, she did her best to sit up. It wasn’t easy. Damn hammock.
She took a deep breath and answered the phone. “Hello?”
“Dr. Allen?” A crisp, male voice.
“Yes.”
“I’m glad to finally talk to you. This is Dr. Newman from Duke’s Sports Medicine Surgery Fellowship.”
Her hand gripped the device tightly. “Yes, sir.”
“I wanted to touch base with you regarding your spot. This isn’t something I wanted to leave on a voice mail. Which is why it was important to me that we actually speak.”
Her chest felt compressed, making it difficult to breathe. Her heart beat out of control against her flattened palm. Tears burned the back of her eyes, but she refused to let them form and fall. No matter what this man told her, it wasn’t over.
“I wanted to personally assure you that your spot in this program is secure.”
Nic couldn’t contain her gasp and she covered her mouth with her free hand.
Dr. Newman continued. “I received a call from a Vincent Whitaker a couple of weeks ago. The specifics aren’t necessary but I made it clear that while I know how other programs work, I don’t make decisions based on outside influences.”
Her fingers trembled against her cheek and she closed her eyes in relief, letting those tears seep from beneath her lashes. Was this really happening?
“Although I have to say, getting a call from Dr. Fallon Van Mont is quite the outside influence and an unusual occurrence.”
“Dr. Van Mont called you?”
“She did. About an hour ago. Told me you were bright and hardworking and would be an asset to our program.”
Shock at that declaration almost curbed the swell of exultation sweeping through her.
“But I already knew that. From the moment I first received your application, I was impressed with your impeccable credentials and your phenomenal work record. And my opinion hasn’t changed.”
Yes! Yes! Yes! Her enthusiastic triple fist pump disturbed her precarious balance, causing her to fall back in the hammock, but she didn’t care. She still had her fellowship.
“Thank you so much, Dr. Newman.”
“No, thank you, Dr. Allen. I’ve been head of this program for twenty years. It’s been a while since I’ve been this energized by a fellowship class. I can’t tell you how excited I am to work with you. I look forward to seeing you in six weeks.”
“Yes, sir. See you then.”
She ended the call and swung forward in the hammock. When her feet touched the ground, she took off running across the lawn, up to the back patio, and through the French doors into the house.
She found Bronwen sitting on Palmer’s lap in the living room, both watching the same iPad screen.
“Is everything okay, Nic?” Bronwen asked, straightening.
“Have you seen Ben?”
Bronwen frowned. “I thought he was with you?”
Nic hadn’t seen Ben since she’d left him standing on the sidewalk after their argument. She’d wandered around until she’d seen a local bus. She hadn’t realized the Vineyard had public transportation. The bus didn’t drop her off in front of Palmer’s house, but it was close enough that she could walk the rest of the way.
“Not now,” Palmer whispered to Bronwen. He looked at Nic and jerked his thumb over his shoulder. “He went up to your room to pack.”
“Thanks. And everything’s wonderful,” she said, hurrying up the stairs.
She burst into their room and Ben looked up from where he was placing a stack of clothes into his opened suitcase.
She threw her arms wide. “I still have it!”
He made a face. “No one ever said you lacked confidence.”
She rolled her eyes. “Now’s not the time for witty wordplay. I’m talking about my fellowship! I. Still. Have it!”
She launched herself into his arms and he caught her and swung her around. She clutched his shoulders and threw her head back and laughed. The relief, the spinning, the euphoria, all combined to make her giddy . . . and dizzy.
“That’s wonderful! When did you find out?” he asked, setting her down.
She held on to his forearms, attempting to regain her balance. “Just now. Dr. Newman called.”
“I’m so happy for you,” he said, trailing a finger down her cheek.
“Guess what?” She was practically bouncing on her toes, she was so excited.
“Dr. Newman admitted you’re so awesome you don’t even need to complete the fellowship? He’ll give you the accreditation anyway?”
“No!” She popped his chest with the back of her fingers. “Your mother still called him, like she said she would, only it wasn’t necessary.”
He frowned. “What do you mean?”
“He said it’s what he wanted to tell me when he called last week. He said my spot in the program had never been in jeopardy. He had no intention of revoking my fellowship.”
He squeezed his eyes shut and the bottom dropped out of her stomach.
Was he annoyed with her? He’d gone to his parents for help and had endured a difficult encounter with his mother and a tongue-lashing—not the fun kind!—from her and none of it would’ve been necessary if she’d just taken Newman’s earlier calls.
But then Ben shook his head and when his lashes lifted, he smiled. “Turns out, you didn’t need my help. You saved yourself.” He cupped her cheek. “Like you always do.”
She gazed into his dark soulful—yes, she could finally admit they were soulful!—eyes and her heart fluttered before tumbling over and over, like it was falling down a flight of stairs.
She stepped into his personal space and brought her lips close to his. “You are a good man, Benjamin Reed Van Mont.”
Then she kissed him.
Desire spiraled in her belly as he pressed his hot, hard body against hers. She didn’t think she’d ever tire of his kisses. Strange but true. She reached for the hem of his shirt and pulled it off, exposing his yummy, tanned chest. She kissed the exposed skin, and began moving forward, pushing him backward until he fell back onto the bed. Staring down at him, with his flushed cheeks, his erection straining against his shorts, she realized the one negative in all of this was losing Ben.
And she didn’t want to. Couldn’t imagine him not being in her life.
She straddled his thighs. “You know, once I start my fellowship, I’ll be pretty busy.”
His hands slid beneath her shirt and up to cup her breasts. “I know.”
She arched into him. “But my schedule will be much better than it has been the past few years.”
His fingers pulled on her taut nipples just the way she liked. “Really?”
“Hmmmm,” she murmured, unbuttoning his shorts. “I might be able to manage monthly trips to Baltimore.”
“Could you now?”
“Then we wouldn’t have to stop doing this.” She slid her hand into his shorts and sighed when her palm met his hard length. She stroked him.
“Please, don’t stop doing that.”
She bent over him and kissed the pulse in his neck.
He moaned. “If you’re willing to do all of that, I guess I could also make monthly trips down to Durham.”
“Hmmm, then we could see each other every couple of weeks?”
His low chuckle stirred heat between her thighs. He grabbed her hips and pressed her against his hardness. “That would change the rules.”
“I know. I just don’t want this to end.”
“Me neither.” His eyes glittered, the flecks of amber glowing.
“Too long to drive, but it’s what? Probably an hour flight?”
“That’s doable.”
She smiled. “So are you.” She glanced over and spied his open suitcase on the bed. Yeah, that was going over the side. “I hate to mess up your neat packing, but what I want to do to you requires a lot of room. I promise I’ll redo it for you before we leave tomorrow.”
He exhaled. “Yeah, about that. Unfortunately, I have to fly to New York tonight for a couple of days. But don’t worry, you’re still confirmed for your flight home.”
She jerked her head up from where she’d been running her tongue along the side of his neck. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, yeah. Of course. It’s nothing for you to worry about. Although, I guess I should tell you since you’ll find out sooner or later.” He took a deep breath. “I’ve accepted the offer to head up the new Van Mont Industries charitable foundation.”
Stunned, she sat back, and the motion caused her to fall off him and tumble to the mattress. “What?”
He shrugged. “It’s not a big deal. I’m taking the position. I’ll be able to help a lot of people. Make a difference.”
What was he saying?
“A few days ago you were adamant about not doing this. Why would you suddenly change your mind?” It came to her in a flash and she gasped. “Is that why your mother called Dr. Newman? Because you agreed to go back to Van Mont Industries?”
He couldn’t do this. He loved his job and he was good at it. More importantly, it gave him independence from his parents and allowed him to have the type of life he wanted. If he went back to the company, he’d be miserable. Why would he give up the business he’d created, his peace of mind, his future family . . . for her?
“Ben? Why would you do that?”
He flipped her until she was lying beneath him, his hips cradled by her thighs. A loose smile tilted the corners of his lips. “Because you sacrifice what you have to for the people you love.”
Pain sliced through her. “No.”
“Yes. I love you.”
She shook her head wildly. “No.”
He laughed. “You’re not in charge of the whole world, Nic. You can’t tell me how I feel.”
Though she usually loved the weight of him on top of her, he was suddenly too heavy, taking up her space, making it hard for her to breathe. She pushed against his chest but he didn’t budge. Damn, was he made of stone?
“How many times did I tell you? I’m not interested in that. Especially not in the way you mean it.”
His expression darkened. “What does that mean?”
“Call your mother and tell her the deal is off.”
He frowned and rolled off her. “No.”
She scrambled off the bed and pointed her finger at him. “Yes! And if you don’t, I will. You can’t do this to me. I’m not going to be one of those women who gives up everything they’ve worked to achieve for a man.”
“I don’t remember asking you to do that.”
“But it’s coming, right?”
Of course it was. He hadn’t made this grand gesture for nothing. He said he loved her and wanted to be with her. She knew what he required from the woman he loved.
He rose up on his elbows. “You’re smart, driven, and want your own life. That’s one of the things I love about you.”
“Stop saying that!”
“Why? It’s true.”
“Because I don’t want to hear it. And since when did you want a woman who wanted her own life? You think Jennifer-the-elementary-school-teacher or Gabby-the-Pilates-instructor were going to continue teaching and Pilate-ing after they married you?”
“I don’t know. But it doesn’t matter. I didn’t want to be with them. I want to be with you. And I’ll do whatever it takes to make that work.”
She waved a dismissive hand. “That’s your cock talking. You hate doctors. You don’t want to be involved with one.”
And after meeting his mother, she could see the oedipal cave that had crawled from.
“Nic! People make a lot of grand pronouncements when they think they know something. I was an idiot. I thought I knew all the traits the woman I would love needed to have. What I didn’t know, couldn’t understand, is the woman is all that matters. You’re who I want. I can adjust to everything else.”
“No.” She covered her ears with her hands. She knew it was childish, but she didn’t care. His words were ripping her apart.
He stood and approached her, grabbing her wrists and pulling them down. “I support you. I would never ask you to give up your fellowship. And it’s only a year. We were just talking about visiting each other during that time. Then, when it’s over, we can decide—”
“There you go. ‘We can decide.’ We don’t decide. I decide.”
He held his hands up. “Of course. But I don’t see the harm in trying to find a job in Baltimore. Hell, between Baltimore and DC, you’d have access to all the opportunities you’d ever want. World-class hospitals, colleges with competitive sports teams, professional teams for every sport imaginable.”
He sounded so reasonable and his argument was so cogent. Is that how men did it? How they convinced women to give up everything? Until it was too late and they were left with nothing?
Is that what her father had done to her mother?
“Maybe I don’t want a job in Baltimore. Maybe I’ll find a better job elsewhere.”
“I’m just asking you to look.” Ben frowned and shook his head. “But you’re not even willing to do that, are you? To meet me halfway? Like I did for you?”
“Ahhh . . . here it comes.” She wasn’t going along on his guilt trip. Not when she didn’t ask him to talk to his parents; he’d offered. And she never would’ve agreed with him taking that position with Van Mont Industries.
What about his own company? All of his clients? She refused to be held responsible for him giving up his dreams. Especially when she would never give up hers.
“I’m not limiting my options.”
“Who’s trying to limit you? If anything, I’m expanding your options. You could end up anywhere, Arizona, Colorado, Texas. I’m just adding Baltimore to the mix.”
She shook her head.
His features hardened. “So, you can make compromises when it comes to fucking me, but if I want more, you can’t be bothered?”
She winced. She hated the way that sounded but she had to do what was right for her. She had to protect her future.
“I’m not asking you to change your life. I’m just asking you, begging you, to consider making room in it for me.”
She squeezed her eyes shut to block out his tortured expression.
She wanted to. Wanted to throw caution to the wind and be carried away on a tide of emotion and trust. But wasn’t that true for every woman who found themselves in this situation? And when it eventually fell apart, wouldn’t they all want the chance to go back and make the correct decision? The decision before her right now?
“I’m not your father,” he said sadly. “And you’re not your mother.”
Her breath caught in the back of her throat. How dare he bring that up? Anger swept away any lingering threads of doubt.
“I know. Because I won’t make the same mistake she did.”