CHAPTER 37

FEBRUARY 10, 1920

The snow had not stopped for the past five days, leaving the city blanketed in a thick, fluffy quilt that appeared as soft as cotton. But after shoveling Mrs. Middleton’s property continuously for days, Quinn knew the truth. The snow packed a significant weight. The strain in his shoulders, arms, and back attested to that reality.

Not that he was complaining. In fact, he welcomed the physical work. Welcomed the proof that he had accomplished something worthwhile. Even though he’d have to repeat the process again in a few hours if the snow continued to fall.

Quinn straightened and stretched his back, then leaned on the handle of the shovel to survey his handiwork. Once more, the walkway was clear all the way to the road, flanked with waist-high banks of snow. In truth, the landscape around him was beautiful—pristine and pure. The air crisp and invigorating. But it still didn’t help to shake the restlessness that had plagued him of late, nor the guilt for even acknowledging such feelings.

How could he be so ungrateful after all the gifts God had bestowed on him? He should be filled with joy, yet deep in his spirit, he felt . . . empty, unfulfilled. Mrs. Middleton had been more than generous, allowing him, Julia, and the baby to stay with her these past two and a half months, especially since Julia had only recently resumed her duties as the widow’s assistant.

Yet with little to occupy his time, Quinn couldn’t help but feel like a kept man. Ridiculous, he knew. Still, his thoughts continually drifted to England and the farm that awaited him there. Spring would soon be nearing, and his brothers would be planning to till the soil in preparation for the crops. Quinn should be there to help them. Not spending his days idle, doing nothing but odd jobs for Mrs. Middleton or some of Rev. Burke’s parishioners who required his aid.

Of course, he helped Julia with wee Evelyn. Watching that sweet baby grow was a source of constant joy. But also one that reminded him of the other unfulfilled longing in his life.

His relationship with Julia.

Quinn set the shovel against the house, then clomped up onto the porch, knocking the snow from his boots. Instead of going inside, however, he leaned against one of the porch columns and looked out over the snow-covered street.

Ever since Julia and the baby had come home from the hospital, she’d taken up residence in the room adjoining his, keeping the door closed at night. To avoid disturbing him with the baby’s cries, she’d said. Yet night after night of staring at that closed door felt like a silent form of rejection.

The proverbial and literal wall between them.

Did Julia ever lie awake in her bed next door and think of him with the same longing he felt for her? Or was she perfectly content to continue with their marriage in name only?

When Quinn had offered Julia the protection of his name, he’d thought he could accept such an outcome. However, the more they bonded as a family, the stronger his feelings for Julia had grown, and every night that he slept alone in the huge four-poster bed, the lonelier he became. But the shame of his selfishness would not allow him to broach the subject with Julia. Instead, he plied the heavens with earnest prayers for the Lord to work on Julia’s heart and, if it be His will, allow her feelings to grow to match Quinn’s. Maybe if he had some sliver of hope of that ever happening, he could live with the frustration awhile longer.

Behind him, the front door opened, and someone stepped onto the porch.

“What are you doing standing out here in the cold?” Julia’s scolding tone was mixed with teasing. “You’ll soon have icicles forming on your brows.”

He tried to manage a smile but failed. “Just admiring the scenery.”

“And brooding, it looks like.” She came up beside him and laid a hand on his arm. “Is something bothering you, Quinn?” she asked softly. “You’ve not been yourself lately.”

So, she had sensed his discontent too. He exhaled, his breath hanging in the frigid air like a wispy cloud. Perhaps it was time to confess some of his angst. “I’ll admit I’ve been feeling restless. Living here with no real purpose. Not able to work to provide for my family. It goes against everything I’ve been raised to believe.”

She frowned, her mouth turned down, and he silently berated himself. He should never have burdened her with this. She had enough to contend with, being a new mother and all.

“I had no idea you felt this way,” she said. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

He shook his head. “I didn’t want to bother you. I thought it would pass, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.”

She shivered, pulling her cloak closer around her.

“You should go inside,” he said. “You don’t want to catch cold.”

“Not unless you come with me. Let’s continue this conversation indoors where it’s warm.”

“I’d rather forget it altogether.” Now that he’d voiced his grievance, it sounded petty and selfish.

“No, Quinn. I won’t forget it. It’s time we had a serious talk about the future.”

He blew out another breath. “You’re right. But it will have to wait until later. I promised Mrs. C. I’d help her with some repair work today.”

“Fair enough,” she said with a pointed look. “I’ll see you at dinner and we can discuss it then.” She turned toward the door. “Give Mrs. C. my love.”

Quinn’s heart sank as Julia disappeared into the house. She seemed disappointed in him. What if she’d come to the conclusion that their marriage had been a mistake after all? Could he face leaving her and the baby behind, this time for good?

Later that afternoon at the boardinghouse, Quinn banged the last nail into the bannister, then shook the rail to make sure he’d secured it tight enough. Satisfied it would pass Mrs. C.’s inspection, he picked up the container of nails and headed down to the hallway below.

“If a whole barrel of monkeys were swinging on that rail, I doubt it would move.” Mrs. C.’s voice came from behind him.

He turned to face her. “It should be a lot safer now.” He placed the hammer in the landlady’s toolbox, a feeling of accomplishment spreading through his torso. He hadn’t felt this useful in a long time. “Any more repairs needed today?”

“Not right now. Though I’m sure I’ll have more projects to do before the property goes up for sale.”

He wiped his hands on a rag. “I’m still surprised you’re selling this place, Mrs. C. You seem like part of the woodwork here.”

A wistful expression crossed her face. “It was time. Besides, I’m starting a whole new life as a pastor’s wife. I’ll have no time to be a landlady.”

He managed a true smile. “I’m sure you’ll be very happy in your new role.”

A knock sounded on the front door.

“Oh good.” Mrs. C. headed to answer it. “You’ll get to see Grace and that adorable nephew of hers.”

She opened the door and Grace entered, carrying a small boy. The cold air and a flurry of snow snuck in with her. Grace hugged Mrs. C., who promptly scooped the child from her arms. He was snugly wrapped in a thick yellow blanket, with only his eyes and two red cheeks peeking out.

“Look how big this young man is getting.” Mrs. C. pulled more of the blanket away from his face. “He must be walking by now.”

“Running is more like it.” Grace laughed, then looked past Mrs. C. as she shrugged out of her overcoat. “Quinn? What are you doing here?” She rushed over to give him a hug.

“Grace. It’s good to see you.” He’d often thought about his friends from the voyage over, still amazed at how quickly they had all bonded. Emma and Jonathan, who had recently announced their engagement, were now living back in England. But he had no excuse not to see Grace. She and her new husband lived here in the city. “I’m helping Mrs. C. with a couple of repair jobs. How are you?”

Grace took a step back and smoothed a hand over her dark hair, her brown eyes sparkling. “I feel wonderful.”

“Marriage certainly seems to agree with you.” He couldn’t help the tiny twinge of envy as he thought of his own uncertain relationship.

“It does indeed. In more ways than one.” Her exuberant laugh filled the hall.

“No!” said Mrs. C., her eyes wide.

“Yes!”

“Oh, my dear, that’s wonderful.”

Quinn looked at the giddy women and scratched his head. “I’m missing something. What are we talking about?”

Color spread into Grace’s cheeks, but nothing dimmed her smile. “Andrew and I are expecting a baby.”

Mrs. C. hugged her, squeezing the little boy between them. “Your husband must be over the moon.”

“He is. We’re both thrilled Christian will have a sibling to share his childhood.”

Quinn studied the boy who looked so much like Grace and marveled how she hadn’t hesitated to raise her late sister’s child. Originally, he hadn’t quite understood her determination, but now with baby Evelyn in his life, Quinn could appreciate the depth of Grace’s commitment. “Congratulations, Grace. You deserve this happiness after all you’ve been through.”

“Thank you, Quinn. And so do you.”

“Come into the parlor and sit down,” Mrs. C. said. “No need to stand in the hall all day.” She carried the boy into the room and sat him on her knee while she began to remove the blanket from around him.

Quinn hovered in the doorway for a moment, not sure how to bow out of what would surely be woman talk. But he hadn’t seen Grace in ages, and it would be rude not to visit for a few minutes at least.

“Tell me, how is that precious baby girl of yours?” Grace asked as he took a seat on the sofa. “Mrs. C. told me all about her, but I want to hear it from you.”

A smile came easily to his lips. “She’s growing every day. And finally sleeping through the night.”

“That’s always helpful. Especially for her parents.” Grace winked at him.

His neck heated at her implication, his gaze sliding to the patterned carpet. With Grace’s marriage so blissful, she wouldn’t begin to understand his complicated situation.

When he glanced up, he saw that Grace was busy removing little Christian’s sweater and hat and thankfully appeared oblivious to his discomfort.

“How is Andrew?” Mrs. C. asked. “Still busy with his father’s hotel?”

“Always. Though it will be better once the Valentine’s Day Gala is over.”

Mrs. C. bounced the boy on her knee. “I hope he manages to make time for you, dear. After all, you’re still newlyweds. And it’s important to keep the romance alive.”

“Andrew always makes time for us.” Grace smiled. “Last night he cooked dinner for me and had his mother mind the baby. It was wonderful.” She sighed, a dreamy look coming over her face.

“He cooks for you?” Quinn’s brows rose. He’d love to see such an expression on Julia’s face, but by the time he ever learned to cook, Evelyn would be starting school.

“Andrew is always doing things to make me feel special. And of course, I’m happy to reward his efforts.”

The two women laughed out loud.

Quinn rubbed his hands on his thighs, his thoughts suddenly swirling. Since he’d been back, there’d been no romance at all between him and Julia, mainly because of the baby. But maybe that was the problem. He’d been focused on helping Julia with Evelyn whenever he could and keeping the firewood stocked. Practical things to prove his devotion. But maybe a romantic gesture was needed to show Julia how he truly felt about her. “What sort of things does Andrew do?” he asked cautiously.

Grace pursed her lips. “Well, he often brings me flowers from the greenhouse. Or takes Christian for the afternoon to give me time to myself. Or arranges a night out for the two of us. He’s quite creative actually.”

“You’re a lucky woman,” Mrs. C. said. “Some men never learn how to keep the spark alive in a marriage. I was fortunate that my Miles was romantic as well.”

Quinn’s thoughts flew back to the intimate meal he’d shared with Julia at the inn in Peterborough. The prelude to their first kiss. Perhaps he could re-create that evening and remind Julia of the spark that once existed between them.

Or perhaps even ignite a new spark. His pulse sprinted to life. He would woo his wife as if they weren’t already married, and hopefully it would help them determine the direction their future would take.

It was certainly worth a try.

The clock in the hall began to chime the hour.

Quinn blinked. If he was going to plan something special, he’d better get moving. He stood up. “I really should be going. Julia will start to worry.” He bent to kiss Grace’s cheek. “It was lovely to see you again, Grace.” He looked over at Mrs. C. “Don’t forget, I’m available for any other jobs you need doing. Just not tonight.”

“Good-bye, Quinn.” Grace laughed. “And give Julia our best.”