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THE REST OF THE WEEK was nice. Better than nice. Leah kept herself busy during the days, mostly with reading. No matter how boring the book was, she made herself finish it. Textbooks and history books were unsurprisingly dry. But finishing them, marking them off, gave her a purpose. No one could say she was being lazy.
And the mornings and nights were stellar. They may not be on a honeymoon, but she and Marcus sure acted like it. When they shared those quiet moments of pillow talk each night, and the smile-filled mornings alone, not a single part of Leah doubted if she loved Marcus, or if he loved her.
As they neared the weekend, however, she was a bundle of nerves. They ate breakfast at the table one morning. “You, uh, haven’t started packing...” she said, spearing a piece of asparagus in her hash.
“I can’t carry much through a rift...” He raised an eyebrow, taking a sip of orange juice.
“I thought you were catching a train.”
He grinned. “I figured I’d spend an extra day with you, and I’ll just buy new stuff up there.”
She frowned. Sure, he had money, but she didn’t like being a financial burden.
“Ouch,” he said playfully. “I thought you’d enjoy spending more time with me, but here you are trying to get rid of me.”
She rolled her eyes. “I’ll tie you up, and not let you go at all.”
He chuckled. “You can tie me up with your vines any day.”
Her cheeks warmed. “I’m happy to have you here, but I feel bad that you’re going to have to make unnecessary purchases.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll have my stipend and a steady paycheck.”
Nodding, she tried to allow herself to not take on that guilt.
“I’m going to swing by my parents’ place tonight after work, though, so you can have more money here for anything you need during the week.”
You’re using him. He’s just a tool. This baby is only a tool.
Leah closed her eyes, forcing the lies out of her head. “I don’t need your money.”
Marcus’s mouth hung open for a moment, and she imagined his protest. She’d told him that back in high school, that she didn’t want him to pay for dates when she and her mom had run into hard times financially. Or maybe he was thinking that if she’d finally agree to marry him, it would be their money, and not his.
“I just,” she shrugged, “don’t have any need for money if I’m not going to the market, right? No escort. I’ll be fine.”
He pushed around the food on his plate. “You’re going to tend to the garden, then?”
Yeah, she’d said she was going to. When he was home, she spent all of her time with him. During daylight, she’d been spending it napping away her maternal sickness or reading. “Yes. I’m going to clean up the garden.”
“Then I’ll make sure the pantry’s well-stocked before I go.” He rocked his head back and forth. “But I’m still going to leave you with money, for emergencies.”
She grudgingly accepted.
***
The day before Marcus started his internship, he was pure nervous energy. He kept checking that Leah had everything she needed, and tidied up his things, helping her fold up the freshly line-dried laundry. While he saved a lot of time by not taking the train, he’d still have to walk or ride to the local rifting cave, and then once he got to the other side, he’d need to buy new things, and make his way to the rural town he’d be living in.
The time was passing too quickly, and he was stressed. Her heart was going away for the week, and she wanted to leave them both with a reminder of how much they’d enjoyed their time together, and what they had to look forward to the next weekend.
She pulled him into the bedroom, kissing him hard. Backing herself onto the bed, she tangled her fingers in his hair, and extended vines to tug his shirt up.
He pulled away. “You’re killing me. I don’t have time.”
She frowned. “Yes you do. It’s not like there’s a train schedule you need to abide by.”
He raised an eyebrow. “My parents.”
She internally groaned. His parents were not what she wanted to hear about while in bed and trying to get hot and bothered. “What about them?”
“They’re seeing me off at the cave. I don’t want to be late.”
She leaned back on the bed, propping herself up on her elbows and retracting her vines. “When did you plan that?”
“I told you.” He furrowed his brow.
“No. You didn’t.”
“I’m sure I did.”
She huffed. No, he hadn’t. “They’ll survive if you’re late.”
He straightened his shirt. “And they’ll probably guess what we were doing to make me late.”
Leah pointed to her stomach. “Your child in there. They know. We’ve been staying here together. I think they know.”
Tucking his hands into his pockets, he frowned. “C’mon. This internship is a big deal for me. My parents were already planning to see me off at the train station before I changed my plans to stay longer with you.”
Why did she have to compete for his attention? Why couldn’t he be an orphan like her, with no family to come between them?
“Fine,” she said weakly.
He rubbed her knees. “I want you to be proud of me, happy for me.”
“I am. You love what you do. You’re a hard worker. You’ll do great things.”
“You can come to the cave to see me off, too...”
And leave with his parents after he walked through? No thank you. “That’s okay. I’ll stay here.”
He pursed his lips. “If that’s what you want.”
She simply smiled. Marcus held out his hands, and she accepted. He pulled her to standing again, hugging her tight.
Then he gave her a solid kiss. Once their lips parted, he crouched down, lifting her shirt. He pressed his lips to her stomach. “You be nice to her,” he lectured Leah’s stomach.
Tears instantly pooled in her eyes, her heart melting.
When he stood tall again, his smile was warm and bright. “What?”
“I don’t want you to go,” she whispered. Ever.
He tucked her hair behind her ears. “It’s only a week. We’ve been apart way more than we’ve been together.” He stole another kiss. “And I will make it up to you, spending every free second together next weekend.” He leaned forward, nibbling her ear. “Maybe I’ll even bring back new half-priced clothing for you.”
Okay, that brought a genuine smile to her face. “Go on. Don’t be late.”
He winked, and she walked him to the door. They exchanged ‘I love yous,’ and then he walked away.
He was her home, happiness, and hope. It was hard to see all of that walk away. He looked back once and waved before turning the corner. She forced a smile and waved back. And then he was gone.
And she was alone. Utterly alone.
Other than crickets singing in the early evening, it was quiet. To distract herself, Leah picked up another book, this time from the fiction options. Valeska and the Wandering Soldier. It was a bit of a slow-paced read, but she started to get into it. After she’d devoured a dozen chapters, her candle was burning low. It was time to call it a night. What she wouldn’t do to get a text from him like when they’d dated in high school. ‘Got here safe. Sweet dreams.’
She lay awake in bed half the night. After she finally fell asleep, a loud thump woke her. Her heart racing, Leah stayed in bed, silent and still. Another thump, and a slow screech.
Was someone trying to break in? Scare her? Now she kind of wished she’d taken Marcus up on the offer to have an escort. Sneaking out of bed with vines at the ready, Leah tiptoed to the front door and peeked out the window. Then rolled her eyes.
A storm, knocking a tree branch against the window.
She ruffled her hair, yawned, and went back to bed.
Owing to her rough night, Leah slept in much later than usual. It was closer to lunchtime when she dragged herself out of bed, but it wasn’t like she had a set schedule anymore. She tried not to frown at that.
She was fine. How many people dreamed of this kind of life? No responsibilities.
As her stomach protested the lack of food, she slid a hand to it. No responsibilities yet.
Leah peeled a banana, deciding what else to eat, and was halfway through it when she glanced into the backyard.
Most of the garden resided in planter boxes. Rachel leaned over one, a pile of weeds beside her.
Rachel dug into the soil with a trowel, dropped a seed in, and covered it up. With a watering can, she moistened the soil, then she placed her hands over the seed. Her hands glowed with Seeder energy, and soon enough, a sprout emerged. Seeder powers were pretty amazing. The first time Leah had seen Marcus’s mom actually fly, she was floored.
Rachel repeated the process with another seed. While it was nice to get help in sorting out the garden, it also rubbed Leah the wrong way. It was like the dirty dishes the other day. She could do it herself, and she didn’t need Rachel stepping in to take care of it. It just made her feel guilty and inadequate. Had Marcus asked his mom to come over because he’d resented that Leah hadn’t been working on the garden?
Leah huffed, taking another bite of her banana and setting it down. She got dressed for the day, refusing to let Rachel see her in ‘lounging clothes,’ and joined her in the backyard.
“Hey, there,” she said on her approach.
Rachel looked up with a bright smile. “Hi, stranger. Didn’t want to disturb you.”
“Thanks.” Leah fidgeted with her hands. “I appreciate the help, but I really can take care of this myself. It was at the top of my to-do list today.”
“I don’t mind. I don’t have any plans until this evening.” She continued working.
Leah flexed her hands. Fine. We’ll do it your way. She bent and picked up the pile of weeds, taking them to the composting area. Then she set to work on weeding the box next to Rachel.
“Did you want to fertilize these so they’ll grow faster?” Rachel asked.
Looking up, Leah hesitated. “Well, I... I could try, but I can’t guarantee I wouldn’t kill them.”
Rachel chuckled. “You won’t kill them. That’s a basic Ivy power. You mastered that forever ago.”
That was true. But Ivy women’s powers were mostly chemical, and so were Leah’s hormones. She’d learned after coming to the Green Lands that Ivy women’s powers could be a bit unpredictable when they were pregnant. “Yes, but I haven’t tried it on a plant since I got pregnant.”
“Right...” Rachel replied in an awkward tone, as though she should have thought of that herself. “But we can test it. If it dies, it dies, and then we replant.”
Yeah, that was exactly what Leah needed—for Rachel to nurture life, and Leah to destroy it in front of her. For Leah to cause these new sprouts to wilt and wither. For her to poison instead of fertilize, and taint the soil. “I’d rather read up on how to do it first, thanks.”
There were books out there on how to master your chemical arts during pregnancy. Queen Catrina no doubt had one on her nightstand right now. Then again, Mrs. Perfect probably had that mastered with her first pregnancy, and wouldn’t need tips for her third.
“Okay.” Rachel covered another seed with soil.
Leah shook her head, yanking on a stubborn invasive vine. Rachel had to be imagining Leah a coward for not being willing to try, to not perform in front of her. And Leah almost gave in, but her pride kept her back, and she envisioned Rachel taking Leah’s destruction of new life as evidence of what a horrible girlfriend she was, what a horrible wife and mother she would be. She was already destroying the life of Rachel’s baby boy.
Leah’s side of the family only knew how to destroy. Marcus’s knew how to build.
But Leah kept pulling up weeds in silence. Why was Rachel doing this? She’d always been kind and welcoming and forgiving, not overbearing.
“Do you want me to pick up a book on Ivy powers during pregnancy?” Rachel offered.
No. You’re already doing too much. “I’m fine. I planned to stop by the library to get one.”
“I’d love to accompany you, especially since you don’t have your escort. You know—girl time.”
Leah steadied her breathing, plunging a trowel into the soil to dig up a deep root. “I’ll let you know.”
More silence passed, and Leah eventually took her weeds to the compost pile. Rachel had moved over and started working in the newly cleared bed.
“What are you planting?” Leah asked. She’d be the one eating most of the produce while Marcus was away during the weeks, becoming a big shot. It was a little presumptuous that Rachel hadn’t even asked Leah what she wanted planted.
“A little of this and that. The first box has a couple types of squashes. I’m planning for tomatoes in this box.” She smiled. “And some moon melons, because I know how much you and Marcus like them.”
Okay, fine. So you remember what foods I like.
“And lots of radishes if we have enough space, since Tobias and Camry love them.”
Right. This is their house, not mine. Why was every action, every word, like a Seeder dart to Leah’s heart? Why did the simple fact she’d gotten pregnant now make her emotions paper-thin?
People loved Marcus. They tolerated Leah.
With her mind turning to her mom, Leah sniffled. Even the few who truly loved her didn’t always want her, weren’t really proud of her.
“You alright?” Rachel asked.
“Yeah. Just hungry, should have had more to eat.”
“Go grab something. I can handle this myself.”
Leah accepted. She did need to eat and pee, but she was mostly ready to be alone again.
After fixing a lettuce wrap, Leah watched Rachel from the window. Rachel was laser-focused on the work at hand. Leah was lost in thought in her own world as well.
Why was no one trying to convince Leah to give up the baby? Rachel surely hadn’t wanted to become a grandmother so young. And she wanted her son to become an important person like her husband. It had to be incredibly painful for Rachel to even be around Leah after the torture Leah’s dad had inflicted on her.
But Marcus had forgiven Leah, and cared for her. And that was it, right? Marcus was simply respecting Leah’s wishes to keep the baby, and everyone was respecting Marcus’s choice. It wasn’t about liking Leah or caring about her opinions. It was about Marcus.
After polishing off her last bite, Leah decided she was done with gardening for the day, and with having uninvited company. She walked outside, tucking her hands into her pockets. Rachel gave her yet another smile. “Just about finished with this section.”
“I, uh, I’m pretty tired, actually.” Leah rocked on the balls of her feet. “I was going to take a nap. You know, tired from the baby and all that.”
Rachel set down the watering can. “Right. Don’t worry about it.” She grinned. “I’ve got my Seeder energy fueling me. I can take care of this.”
Leah pursed her lips. “I’d feel guilty if I wasn’t helping.”
Only then did it seem to click with Rachel. She gave an understanding nod. “It wouldn’t hurt to give myself a little extra time to get cleaned up and ready for my function tonight.”
Swinging her arms with nervous energy, Leah nodded in return. “Thanks for coming over, though. I’ve got lots of food in the house to last me a while.”
“Sounds good.” Rachel gathered the gardening tools. “You know where to find me or Guillen if you need anything. Healing ... someone to shop with ... or to pick up books for you ... or anything, alright?”
I’m an adult. I can take care of myself. “Thanks. I’ll let you know.”
After heading inside, Leah read instead of napping. It was nice to get lost in a fictional world where no one knew her name. Where she didn’t exist. Where other people were the main characters, and it was their problems that had to be overcome.
As Leah crawled into bed, she tried to shut off her brain. She hadn’t been very ‘gracious’ with Rachel, or so Catrina would have said.
Leah was ungrateful. But was she? She acknowledged how lucky she was to have been taken in at the palace. How fortunate she was to be alive in the first place.
She rolled over in bed. How many people could relate to that? How many knew what it felt like to have your right to live deliberated over by dignitaries, by your own family members? Knew what it meant to betray those you loved, and be betrayed by them?
Leah was a tool. No, her mom hadn’t trained her to be an assassin, to attack Kaylah as Kaylah had originally thought, but Leah was still a tool. She created chaos in peace. And had once created peace in chaos, but no one knew about that truth, not even Marcus, because that triumph was drowned in pain. In pain and a promise.
She was lucky to be allowed to live. Honestly, she’d be lucky to be allowed to keep her own child. Soren’s heir, Soren’s legacy.
Scoffing, Leah pondered that one. Maybe she should consent to marrying Marcus. At this point, it would be easier to make everyone else happier. And that was probably what they were waiting on... If Leah and Marcus didn’t work out, who would everyone side with? Would Leah even get to keep the baby?
But if I marry him now, isn’t that just proving the point that I’m using him, manipulating him? That—like her dad, like her parents—she treated people like tools?
Even after she finally fell asleep, Leah’s nightmare of a life haunted her. Her mind gave her a front-row seat to the day she’d learned the truth about her parents. The day she’d lost her mind and almost become a murderer.
Leah, Queen Kaylah, and Leah’s mom, Beata, sat together in the manor after the botched wedding luncheon. Leah’s eyes were puffy from crying, her throat sore from screaming. The truth was sinking in. And she was sinking too.
Despite everything she’d learned about her mom, Leah couldn’t turn her back on her. “I love you too,” she said, then faced Kaylah. “What’s going to happen to us?”
Kaylah glanced between the two. “It hasn’t been decided yet.”
Leah had nothing left. No parents. No family. No friends. No Marcus. No trust. No self. Her heart and hope were gone. “If you kill her, you should kill me too.”
“No!” Beata screamed.
Kaylah furrowed her brow. “Why would you say that?”
Leah exhaled. “Because I never would have been born if you’d caught my mom when you did my dad. Why should it be any different now?”
Kaylah spun. “Is that what you told her?! No wonder she tried to kill me!”
Beata returned her anger. “You would have put me right next to Soren. Don’t deny it!”
Kaylah balled her fists. “I would like to think I’d have given you the benefit of the doubt, to confirm whether you were pregnant first!”
“So, what? I’d give birth. You’d take her straight away and make her an orphan then? That’s better, right?”
Kaylah narrowed her eyes. “Did you get knocked up hoping for a pardon?”
“No!”
Leah trembled, the last ounce of her identity crumbling before her. “Can I please go?” she begged.
Over two years later, that scene still tore through her mind, awake or sleeping. But now, Leah had more information. Her mom hadn’t gotten pregnant hoping for a pardon. Her parents hadn’t planned to get pregnant either. Nor was Leah an accident.
The truth of Leah’s conception, if the realm knew it, would bring thunderous applause. And in so doing, would shatter her more than she already was.
Somewhere between rest and restlessness, her mom’s words whispered to her: You and me, we’re the same.